My absolute favorite place in Logan is my very own home and one reason I love it so much is because of our neighborhood.
When we decided to buy a house nearly 4 years ago we really didn't look very much. We were limited in how much we could spend and that made for slim pickings. I think our house was only the second we looked at and I'm not sure we loved it at first, but it was solid, had hardwood floors and fit within our price range.
I didn't know much about the neighborhood at first, though I loved that our house was on a named street, rather than most streets in Logan which are numbered. Within the first few days of moving in we had so many neighbors come to our house, introduce themselves and bring bread or other goodies. I felt so welcomed!
As time went on I just fell in love with our little spot in Logan. The neighborhood is very diverse - probably half of the people are LDS and half are not (in Logan, this is a big deal!). We have older couples, single parents, young families, couples without children and lots of dog lovers - and Subaru drivers, which makes us stand out with our Volvos. We have a few parks within walking distance, the university is 5 minutes away and the mountains are just a mile down the road. We really lucked out.
As I looked for houses in Michigan I wanted to duplicate what we've got going right here. I have a good feeling about the neighborhood in which we're moving into, but we'll just have to see. It'll be tough to compete with what we found in Logan.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
9
Ooops, missed yesterday.
Friday night we were guests of a lovely dinner hosted by the Multicultural Center of Cache Valley. I was fortunate to be asked to be on the board of this great non-profit within 2 months of our return to Logan in 2006. It was one of the things that gave me hope for a successful return for our family, that I would be able to be involved with something I felt passionate about - helping people!
The Multicultural Center has not always been an easy organization to support, there have been bumps in the road, but I am so excited with the direction it is currently headed and the expansion of programs offered to the community. I am proud to have been part of its journey.
While here I was also involved with Somebody's Attic - first as a returning employee (I volunteered and later was employed by S.A. when I lived in Logan before) and later as a board member. It was actually really tough to work at S.A. when we came back to Logan, because I felt like I'd pressed the rewind button on my life, but it ended up bringing a lot of good: meeting some wonderful people, bringing Sophie to work with me and showing her the importance of community organizations and making connections for other organizations.
There were other ways I was able to be involved in Logan and I loved it! Logan is the kind of town in which you feel you can bring people together and do something to give back. There are so many wonderful non-profit groups in the area and so many ways in which people can volunteer. It's a great place for getting involved in the community.
Friday night we were guests of a lovely dinner hosted by the Multicultural Center of Cache Valley. I was fortunate to be asked to be on the board of this great non-profit within 2 months of our return to Logan in 2006. It was one of the things that gave me hope for a successful return for our family, that I would be able to be involved with something I felt passionate about - helping people!
The Multicultural Center has not always been an easy organization to support, there have been bumps in the road, but I am so excited with the direction it is currently headed and the expansion of programs offered to the community. I am proud to have been part of its journey.
While here I was also involved with Somebody's Attic - first as a returning employee (I volunteered and later was employed by S.A. when I lived in Logan before) and later as a board member. It was actually really tough to work at S.A. when we came back to Logan, because I felt like I'd pressed the rewind button on my life, but it ended up bringing a lot of good: meeting some wonderful people, bringing Sophie to work with me and showing her the importance of community organizations and making connections for other organizations.
There were other ways I was able to be involved in Logan and I loved it! Logan is the kind of town in which you feel you can bring people together and do something to give back. There are so many wonderful non-profit groups in the area and so many ways in which people can volunteer. It's a great place for getting involved in the community.
Friday, August 6, 2010
11
"For one moment our lives met, our souls touched." Oscar Wilde
Oscar Wilde is one of my favorite authors - The Picture of Dorian Gray, my favorite book and The Selfish Giant, my favorite story.
This quote came up on something I saw today and it is perfect for today's post about something so important to me in Logan, the part making it so hard to leave: friends.
Moving back to Logan was so hard for me, because I didn't want to go back, I wanted to go forward! I was very fortunate to find a job at Sophie's school right away and during the training another employee came in with a cup from Starbucks, which was a sign (I LOVE Starbucks and in Utah, it's not as common to find fellow coffee drinkers as it is elsewhere). Long story less long, Lisa and I became good friends fast. I say she saved me that first year when I was adjusting to living in Utah once again. The crazy thing was, Lisa's husband got a job at another university and they moved away nearly a year after I met her. I was heartbroken, but fortunately, I'd gotten involved in Logan and things were going well, so I shed a lot of tears, but was able to move on!
Since Lisa's departure I've been fortunate to have really good friends, some I see more frequently than others, but all who've touched my life. I am fearful of listing them lest I leave anyone out and as the quote states, they have all touched my soul.
The really cool thing for me is the friendships I've formed with some wonderful women who just happen to be LDS. I had quite a chip on my shoulder before about the LDS Church and although I still don't agree with some of the teachings of the religion, I love my friends who are LDS so much that I know there is much good coming out of that religion, because my friends live their beliefs. I think there is a uniqueness when a religion is dominant and you get to be the outsider, but you are embraced and exchanges about your beliefs can be done with respect and nurtured curiosity. I have enjoyed learning more about what it is that drives my friends in their daily lives and in the decisions they make for themselves and their families. I also respect my friends who branched out and hung out with someone who at times wanted to challenge those very things with which they use as a compass in their lives.
I'm very sad about leaving the people I love in Logan. I have to believe there are friendships just waiting to be formed in Jackson and I am fortunate to have friends with whom I get to see again outside of Jackson, but good-byes are so tough - and now, as the tears start to shed I will take a deep breath, just one of many, and be so thankful for all those lives who touched my soul.
Oscar Wilde is one of my favorite authors - The Picture of Dorian Gray, my favorite book and The Selfish Giant, my favorite story.
This quote came up on something I saw today and it is perfect for today's post about something so important to me in Logan, the part making it so hard to leave: friends.
Moving back to Logan was so hard for me, because I didn't want to go back, I wanted to go forward! I was very fortunate to find a job at Sophie's school right away and during the training another employee came in with a cup from Starbucks, which was a sign (I LOVE Starbucks and in Utah, it's not as common to find fellow coffee drinkers as it is elsewhere). Long story less long, Lisa and I became good friends fast. I say she saved me that first year when I was adjusting to living in Utah once again. The crazy thing was, Lisa's husband got a job at another university and they moved away nearly a year after I met her. I was heartbroken, but fortunately, I'd gotten involved in Logan and things were going well, so I shed a lot of tears, but was able to move on!
Since Lisa's departure I've been fortunate to have really good friends, some I see more frequently than others, but all who've touched my life. I am fearful of listing them lest I leave anyone out and as the quote states, they have all touched my soul.
The really cool thing for me is the friendships I've formed with some wonderful women who just happen to be LDS. I had quite a chip on my shoulder before about the LDS Church and although I still don't agree with some of the teachings of the religion, I love my friends who are LDS so much that I know there is much good coming out of that religion, because my friends live their beliefs. I think there is a uniqueness when a religion is dominant and you get to be the outsider, but you are embraced and exchanges about your beliefs can be done with respect and nurtured curiosity. I have enjoyed learning more about what it is that drives my friends in their daily lives and in the decisions they make for themselves and their families. I also respect my friends who branched out and hung out with someone who at times wanted to challenge those very things with which they use as a compass in their lives.
I'm very sad about leaving the people I love in Logan. I have to believe there are friendships just waiting to be formed in Jackson and I am fortunate to have friends with whom I get to see again outside of Jackson, but good-byes are so tough - and now, as the tears start to shed I will take a deep breath, just one of many, and be so thankful for all those lives who touched my soul.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
13
This morning my friend, Natalie, and I hiked the Crimson Trail and the beauty surrounding us was breathtaking and almost too real to fathom. Of course, I didn't have a camera, not even my phone, which is a bummer, because if you have not witnessed the beauty of Utah, you really should.
I have only hiked a few trails in the area, I tend to do the same ones over and over, but each time I do them there is something new at which to marvel. Today it was seeing 2 owls in flight, incredible. Their wingspan and beauty was such a sight, very powerful.
It is one of my favorite things about living in Logan, to escape to the beauty of the mountains with just a 5-minute drive. One feels so small, so at peace and realizes that if our world can contain something so incredible, it is a good place to be.
I have only hiked a few trails in the area, I tend to do the same ones over and over, but each time I do them there is something new at which to marvel. Today it was seeing 2 owls in flight, incredible. Their wingspan and beauty was such a sight, very powerful.
It is one of my favorite things about living in Logan, to escape to the beauty of the mountains with just a 5-minute drive. One feels so small, so at peace and realizes that if our world can contain something so incredible, it is a good place to be.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
14
As I was driving along 600 East today, going to Sophie's piano teacher's house, I realized how much I'm going to miss the routines we have in Logan. Every Tuesday afternoon, Soph goes to piano. I drop her off, go for a walk or run an errand during her 30 minute lesson, chat with her teacher and Soph and I chat on the way home. It's predictable.
I love going to the same grocery stores, walking our dogs along the same routes, visiting the USU campus, all the things we take comfort in because they are familiar.
I worry about the unpredictability of another move, although we are going back to a state in which we've all lived. I ache for Sophie having to be the new kid and not seeing the faces of classmates she's known for 4 years. I feel sad because we won't recognize the cashiers at the local markets and even though we may never exchange more than a few words, seeing them brings that feeling of all is right in the world. I love walking around town and having someone honk because they recognize me and as I see their car going by I can place a person with the vehicle.
Having moved a few times, I know when we first get to Michigan I'll see a familiar car and think, "Oh, there's so and so," only to sadly realize, it's not. Viewing a person from the back, I might think it's a friend, only to remember my friends are many miles away. It's a feeling that causes a deep ache and no matter how many times I move, it creeps up on me.
So today I appreciate our routines in Logan, the familiar, the predictable and the ordinary way we spend each of our days. I know it's good to shake things up once in awhile and pretty soon all will settle and we'll find ourselves chatting with the cashier at the grocery store, whose line we chose because we know he or she is the friendliest.
I love going to the same grocery stores, walking our dogs along the same routes, visiting the USU campus, all the things we take comfort in because they are familiar.
I worry about the unpredictability of another move, although we are going back to a state in which we've all lived. I ache for Sophie having to be the new kid and not seeing the faces of classmates she's known for 4 years. I feel sad because we won't recognize the cashiers at the local markets and even though we may never exchange more than a few words, seeing them brings that feeling of all is right in the world. I love walking around town and having someone honk because they recognize me and as I see their car going by I can place a person with the vehicle.
Having moved a few times, I know when we first get to Michigan I'll see a familiar car and think, "Oh, there's so and so," only to sadly realize, it's not. Viewing a person from the back, I might think it's a friend, only to remember my friends are many miles away. It's a feeling that causes a deep ache and no matter how many times I move, it creeps up on me.
So today I appreciate our routines in Logan, the familiar, the predictable and the ordinary way we spend each of our days. I know it's good to shake things up once in awhile and pretty soon all will settle and we'll find ourselves chatting with the cashier at the grocery store, whose line we chose because we know he or she is the friendliest.
Monday, August 2, 2010
A bit of a deviation
I'm going to take a break from my Best of Logan Countdown to address something I've been thinking about for awhile.
In my discussions about religion I often hear people say they just knew, they felt it was right or they heard a voice telling them the religion they follow is true. As a skeptic, I've often felt (heard a voice, just knew, hahaha) that it was a self-fulfilling prophecy situation. A person wants to believe in something, so they set the conditions for it to be so. The problem was/is, I have felt a comfort when praying or in a religious setting and I like that comfort! Then this happened...
When I was preparing to fly to Michigan a few weeks ago, I kept getting signals that I shouldn't go. Nearly every time I looked at the clock, it was 9:11 (to me that was a sign because of 9/11) and a few days before I was to leave, I stopped behind a car and the license plate read 911. I prayed about it and heard a clear voice telling me not to go. Not good. The reality was, I hate flying, I am certain each flight I take is "the one", but I usually get a feeling that it's all going to be ok. Not so this time.
When I got to the SLC airport, I tried to give up my seat for a later flight, feeling like it was that first leg that was doomed. They didn't need people to give up their seats, so I found a person more afraid of flying than I was and we chatted in the gate, sat next to each other on the plane and I ended up having one of the most enjoyable flights ever.
So what does this all mean? Who knows, but, for me it showed me that when we want to believe something, we can find all the proof we need (not that I wanted to believe I was going to die in an airplane crash, but my fear of flying is very real). I still believe in listening to that little voice inside all of us - and giving it the credit it deserves, while realizing we are the ones in control of that voice. I just don't think that praying for an answer to whether or not a certain religion is true is the most trustworthy path to take, because through the act of praying you are already giving validity to the religion you believe.
I write this also believing that if a person finds comfort within a religion, within a belief system, within a faith in a higher power, they have found a truth FOR THEM. The truth is that the religion, the belief, the faith brings meaning to their life, gives them joy, etc. It still does not mean the religion or the higher power is true, but maybe that's not important - but I would feel better if people acknowledged it.
In my discussions about religion I often hear people say they just knew, they felt it was right or they heard a voice telling them the religion they follow is true. As a skeptic, I've often felt (heard a voice, just knew, hahaha) that it was a self-fulfilling prophecy situation. A person wants to believe in something, so they set the conditions for it to be so. The problem was/is, I have felt a comfort when praying or in a religious setting and I like that comfort! Then this happened...
When I was preparing to fly to Michigan a few weeks ago, I kept getting signals that I shouldn't go. Nearly every time I looked at the clock, it was 9:11 (to me that was a sign because of 9/11) and a few days before I was to leave, I stopped behind a car and the license plate read 911. I prayed about it and heard a clear voice telling me not to go. Not good. The reality was, I hate flying, I am certain each flight I take is "the one", but I usually get a feeling that it's all going to be ok. Not so this time.
When I got to the SLC airport, I tried to give up my seat for a later flight, feeling like it was that first leg that was doomed. They didn't need people to give up their seats, so I found a person more afraid of flying than I was and we chatted in the gate, sat next to each other on the plane and I ended up having one of the most enjoyable flights ever.
So what does this all mean? Who knows, but, for me it showed me that when we want to believe something, we can find all the proof we need (not that I wanted to believe I was going to die in an airplane crash, but my fear of flying is very real). I still believe in listening to that little voice inside all of us - and giving it the credit it deserves, while realizing we are the ones in control of that voice. I just don't think that praying for an answer to whether or not a certain religion is true is the most trustworthy path to take, because through the act of praying you are already giving validity to the religion you believe.
I write this also believing that if a person finds comfort within a religion, within a belief system, within a faith in a higher power, they have found a truth FOR THEM. The truth is that the religion, the belief, the faith brings meaning to their life, gives them joy, etc. It still does not mean the religion or the higher power is true, but maybe that's not important - but I would feel better if people acknowledged it.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
16
The newspaper here, The Herald Journal, is sort of one of my favorite things for these reasons: I like checking what movies arrived at the "cheap" theater on Fridays, I like reading the opinions of local readers (sometimes), and right now I'm using it to wrap the stuff that's breakable for our move.
Logan is a small town, so one can usually find a couple names they recognize in the newspaper. It does a good job of covering events in the area and even putting in uplifting news instead of just really depressing, horrible stuff.
On Sundays I like to scan the wedding announcements and count how many people are getting married in the LDS Temple. It's rare to find an announcement of a couple marrying who is not getting married in the Temple - which means that wow, there are a lot of people of the LDS religion here or people getting married at other venues are not advertising their event. Interesting.
I just hope I don't forget to cancel our subscription before we leave...maybe I should do it now, just in case.
Logan is a small town, so one can usually find a couple names they recognize in the newspaper. It does a good job of covering events in the area and even putting in uplifting news instead of just really depressing, horrible stuff.
On Sundays I like to scan the wedding announcements and count how many people are getting married in the LDS Temple. It's rare to find an announcement of a couple marrying who is not getting married in the Temple - which means that wow, there are a lot of people of the LDS religion here or people getting married at other venues are not advertising their event. Interesting.
I just hope I don't forget to cancel our subscription before we leave...maybe I should do it now, just in case.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
17
Perhaps I should save this for #1, but I just can't wait since it came up today...one of my favorite things about living in Utah is the ability to talk about religion because it is often the big, ole elephant in the room!
I definitely think religion is a personal matter - but also one that should be discussed. I am still learning the art of discussing it without offending anyone and learning without judgment.
Utah has a very dominant religious presence and to those not from here, it can be baffling. I did not understand the enormity of it when I moved to Utah in 1999 and when we returned in 2006, I came with a HUGE chip on my shoulder. Fortunately, I learned to question and listen and invite others to learn about various religions along with me. I feel much better about my most recent Utah experience and hope to continue learning about people's beliefs wherever I go.
Today I posted something on Facebook about my friend's status that referenced her receiving eternal consequences for having her name taken off the LDS Church records. I was worried about Mormon bashing occurring, because I really did want to hear what the consequences were - though truth be told, I also wanted to open up a dialogue about religious beliefs. It sort of did.
I have heard that it's hard to be Mormon living in Utah, a lot of pressure to live a certain way, keep up with the neighbors, etc. and I can see that. It's been fun being a minority here and also learning a bit more about the Mormon culture. I'm still an agnostic, still want to learn about as many religions as I can and still baffled how often the LDS Church ends up in the local newspaper - what will I talk about in Michigan!!?
I definitely think religion is a personal matter - but also one that should be discussed. I am still learning the art of discussing it without offending anyone and learning without judgment.
Utah has a very dominant religious presence and to those not from here, it can be baffling. I did not understand the enormity of it when I moved to Utah in 1999 and when we returned in 2006, I came with a HUGE chip on my shoulder. Fortunately, I learned to question and listen and invite others to learn about various religions along with me. I feel much better about my most recent Utah experience and hope to continue learning about people's beliefs wherever I go.
Today I posted something on Facebook about my friend's status that referenced her receiving eternal consequences for having her name taken off the LDS Church records. I was worried about Mormon bashing occurring, because I really did want to hear what the consequences were - though truth be told, I also wanted to open up a dialogue about religious beliefs. It sort of did.
I have heard that it's hard to be Mormon living in Utah, a lot of pressure to live a certain way, keep up with the neighbors, etc. and I can see that. It's been fun being a minority here and also learning a bit more about the Mormon culture. I'm still an agnostic, still want to learn about as many religions as I can and still baffled how often the LDS Church ends up in the local newspaper - what will I talk about in Michigan!!?
Friday, July 30, 2010
18
The parks in Logan, those in the city, are wonderful! (We of course have the mountains, but that's another post...)
Today I took Sophie and her friend to the Willow Park Zoo and for $2 we were able to walk around, see the animals and feed the ducks. We then headed to two different play areas and I thought about how amazing parks are compared to when I was a kid. In those days we had to play at the school playgrounds, with all the equipment over cement. It was absolutely fun, but the equipment nowadays is so much nicer and the surfaces so much softer!
We have a great variety of parks in Logan and we enjoy visiting those in our own neighborhood, but we also like to go to those outside of our neck of the woods. Sometimes we'll head out to North Logan or the play structure in River Heights for a change of pace.
One of my favorite play structures is at The Whittier Center, Logan's community center. The play structure was built by volunteers and Steve and I even got to be a part of the building process. It's a great place for kids to play and adults to sit back and read, chat or just enjoy watching. It's amazing to see what a community can put together with their own hands! It was done after Ryan's Place, in River Heights, which uses the same format of volunteers - Ryan's Place was dedicated to a young boy who lost his life. That park is great and again, realizing what a community can do is astounding.
I'm excited to find great parks in Jackson - we had plenty of them in Ann Arbor, but I get the feeling that Jackson is quite different from Ann Arbor, which makes me very, very excited!
Today I took Sophie and her friend to the Willow Park Zoo and for $2 we were able to walk around, see the animals and feed the ducks. We then headed to two different play areas and I thought about how amazing parks are compared to when I was a kid. In those days we had to play at the school playgrounds, with all the equipment over cement. It was absolutely fun, but the equipment nowadays is so much nicer and the surfaces so much softer!
We have a great variety of parks in Logan and we enjoy visiting those in our own neighborhood, but we also like to go to those outside of our neck of the woods. Sometimes we'll head out to North Logan or the play structure in River Heights for a change of pace.
One of my favorite play structures is at The Whittier Center, Logan's community center. The play structure was built by volunteers and Steve and I even got to be a part of the building process. It's a great place for kids to play and adults to sit back and read, chat or just enjoy watching. It's amazing to see what a community can put together with their own hands! It was done after Ryan's Place, in River Heights, which uses the same format of volunteers - Ryan's Place was dedicated to a young boy who lost his life. That park is great and again, realizing what a community can do is astounding.
I'm excited to find great parks in Jackson - we had plenty of them in Ann Arbor, but I get the feeling that Jackson is quite different from Ann Arbor, which makes me very, very excited!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
19
It is completely ironic that my favorite bookstore in Logan is Borders, because the headquarters is in Ann Arbor, but I do, I love Borders. I love the cafe, the browsing of books, the comfy chairs where I can sit and make an impressive dent in a book without actually purchasing it, the amount of time Sophie can spend looking around as I carry a book with me and read snippets.
The Ann Arbor Borders gets amazing authors (we got a book signed by Tom Robbins) fabulous performers (They Might Be Giants took a pic with Sophie) and even some discoing celebrity (yes, John Travolta was signing Battlefield Earth, which we purchased and still have, but only because he signed it). In Ann Arbor I actually preferred going to Barnes & Noble, it just seemed cleaner, but would visit Borders when a big name was there.
The Logan Borders has had some authors, we visited one who signed a book about dragons for Sophie and there was the interesting Harry Potter Party when the 7th book came out, but it's not because of its events that we frequent the store - it's familiarity and ease. Yes, at the "big, bad chain store" (You've Got Mail!) we save money on discounted books and take proceeds away from independent stores...but, here's the thing...
Logan does not have a decent independent book store! They did - A Book Store - which was here in the 90s, but now, nothing. Used bookstores, yes, but I find them to be overpriced. Ok, I'm wracking my brain and the reality is, I think, that Borders is THE only bookstore in Logan (except for the religious bookstores).
So, one of my favorite places in Logan is a place we had in Ann Arbor and San Antonio and they have the exact same carpet in the children's section here as they had there. Borders is not unique to Logan - HOWEVER! - I do think the LDS section may be unique to Utah.
The Ann Arbor Borders gets amazing authors (we got a book signed by Tom Robbins) fabulous performers (They Might Be Giants took a pic with Sophie) and even some discoing celebrity (yes, John Travolta was signing Battlefield Earth, which we purchased and still have, but only because he signed it). In Ann Arbor I actually preferred going to Barnes & Noble, it just seemed cleaner, but would visit Borders when a big name was there.
The Logan Borders has had some authors, we visited one who signed a book about dragons for Sophie and there was the interesting Harry Potter Party when the 7th book came out, but it's not because of its events that we frequent the store - it's familiarity and ease. Yes, at the "big, bad chain store" (You've Got Mail!) we save money on discounted books and take proceeds away from independent stores...but, here's the thing...
Logan does not have a decent independent book store! They did - A Book Store - which was here in the 90s, but now, nothing. Used bookstores, yes, but I find them to be overpriced. Ok, I'm wracking my brain and the reality is, I think, that Borders is THE only bookstore in Logan (except for the religious bookstores).
So, one of my favorite places in Logan is a place we had in Ann Arbor and San Antonio and they have the exact same carpet in the children's section here as they had there. Borders is not unique to Logan - HOWEVER! - I do think the LDS section may be unique to Utah.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
20
The libraries of Logan and North Logan are fabulous!! When we first moved back to UT, we were renting in North Logan and frequented their library. Yesterday I visited again, while waiting for Soph to have her piano lesson, and oh, that library lets you check out magazines, which I love! Plus it's so new and clean, so bright and friendly!
The Logan Library has a greater selection than the N. Logan Library, but it's always seemed just a bit too dark to me. They did recently expand the children's area, which is excellent and their staff is super helpful!
One of the first things I do when I move to a new place is get my library card - and it looks like Jackson has a bunch of branches, just like San Antonio - yay!
The Logan Library has a greater selection than the N. Logan Library, but it's always seemed just a bit too dark to me. They did recently expand the children's area, which is excellent and their staff is super helpful!
One of the first things I do when I move to a new place is get my library card - and it looks like Jackson has a bunch of branches, just like San Antonio - yay!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
21
Utah State University is what brought me out to Logan, UT in 1991 and I started as an education student, but ended up with a degree in philosophy. I enjoyed the variety of classes I took at USU as well as the experience of being a student at a somewhat non-traditional university. It was odd to me that so many students were married at USU, until I learned about the LDS culture - and later I became grateful for the experience of attending a college with so many non-traditional students. I think it helped Steve and I realize the importance of education at all and any stage of life!
The campus of USU is absolutely stunning! The mountains are nearby, there are a lot of open spaces and the older buildings have a lot of character. I love walking around the campus and today I headed up to the amphitheater to get some exercise walking up and down the stairs.
I love living near a university and being a part of a culture that draws many international students, programs in the arts and events for families. I will miss being able to just walk up the hill to a university.
Soph has talked about going to USU some day and maybe that vision will be blurred once we are away from Logan, but if not, I will be all too happy to visit her in Logan!
The campus of USU is absolutely stunning! The mountains are nearby, there are a lot of open spaces and the older buildings have a lot of character. I love walking around the campus and today I headed up to the amphitheater to get some exercise walking up and down the stairs.
I love living near a university and being a part of a culture that draws many international students, programs in the arts and events for families. I will miss being able to just walk up the hill to a university.
Soph has talked about going to USU some day and maybe that vision will be blurred once we are away from Logan, but if not, I will be all too happy to visit her in Logan!
Monday, July 26, 2010
22 Days
So begins the countdown until we leave - August 17. Of course we are not absolutely certain about the house in Michigan, but assuming all goes well, August 17 is the pull out date.
I decided to spend each of these last few days writing about a place, person or something in Logan that has been part of my journey. Today - the Logan Cemetery.
I love cemeteries. I grew up playing in the one by my parents' house in Wisconsin, yes, even dancing on the headstones (sorry..not good form, but being a kid). My friend and I loved the water pump and made a whole world out of the graves in our vicinity. I know different cultures have different beliefs about cemeteries, but I've always felt they were comparable to a city park. In a folklore class in college we were told that to find out about an area's history and culture, visit a cemetery. So true.
When I came to USU for college in 1991, one of the first spots friends took me to was the Weeping Widow statue in the Logan Cemetery. We snuck over the fence at night, with our flashlights, located the statue of the widow, shined our light on her eyes and when we turned off the light, sure enough, it looked like tears had formed. My introduction into the folklore of Logan, UT.
Now I visit the cemetery when I go running. Today I ran for 40 minutes in the shade of the trees where it was relatively quiet, except for those attending a service, some other people exercising and the crew of Logan City tending to the grounds. I ended my routine with a trip to see my friend's grave - Timmy passed away May 10 and as he was a runner, I feel it's appropriate to run near his grave. A pinwheel was spinning by his grave, but it paused as I took a moment to greet my friend.
I love the size of the Logan cemetery - large, but not overbearing. I love to see the headstones that depict the local LDS culture - with images of the LDS Temple, sayings about families being eternal or yes, I believe there are some in which a man is buried with his multiple wives, to whom he was married at the same time. I like seeing the graves that represent other cultures - some in different languages, some with crosses (the cross is a symbol not used in the LDS religion) and some with images of the surrounding mountains.
I like that the cemetery is located on the Utah State University campus, near my first place of employment, The Children's House. I remember taking preschool students to the cemetery to do crayon rubbings of the grave and the little student who told me her uncle died in the cemetery. I have walked my dogs in the cemetery, strolled with my family in the cemetery and walked through the cemetery as I mended my broken heart (years and years and years ago!).
It will be interesting to visit a cemetery in Michigan and see how different the headstones are - what aspects of the local culture are represented. I hope to find one nearby where I can continue running in the shade of beautiful, large trees.
I decided to spend each of these last few days writing about a place, person or something in Logan that has been part of my journey. Today - the Logan Cemetery.
I love cemeteries. I grew up playing in the one by my parents' house in Wisconsin, yes, even dancing on the headstones (sorry..not good form, but being a kid). My friend and I loved the water pump and made a whole world out of the graves in our vicinity. I know different cultures have different beliefs about cemeteries, but I've always felt they were comparable to a city park. In a folklore class in college we were told that to find out about an area's history and culture, visit a cemetery. So true.
When I came to USU for college in 1991, one of the first spots friends took me to was the Weeping Widow statue in the Logan Cemetery. We snuck over the fence at night, with our flashlights, located the statue of the widow, shined our light on her eyes and when we turned off the light, sure enough, it looked like tears had formed. My introduction into the folklore of Logan, UT.
Now I visit the cemetery when I go running. Today I ran for 40 minutes in the shade of the trees where it was relatively quiet, except for those attending a service, some other people exercising and the crew of Logan City tending to the grounds. I ended my routine with a trip to see my friend's grave - Timmy passed away May 10 and as he was a runner, I feel it's appropriate to run near his grave. A pinwheel was spinning by his grave, but it paused as I took a moment to greet my friend.
I love the size of the Logan cemetery - large, but not overbearing. I love to see the headstones that depict the local LDS culture - with images of the LDS Temple, sayings about families being eternal or yes, I believe there are some in which a man is buried with his multiple wives, to whom he was married at the same time. I like seeing the graves that represent other cultures - some in different languages, some with crosses (the cross is a symbol not used in the LDS religion) and some with images of the surrounding mountains.
I like that the cemetery is located on the Utah State University campus, near my first place of employment, The Children's House. I remember taking preschool students to the cemetery to do crayon rubbings of the grave and the little student who told me her uncle died in the cemetery. I have walked my dogs in the cemetery, strolled with my family in the cemetery and walked through the cemetery as I mended my broken heart (years and years and years ago!).
It will be interesting to visit a cemetery in Michigan and see how different the headstones are - what aspects of the local culture are represented. I hope to find one nearby where I can continue running in the shade of beautiful, large trees.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
I Did It!
I made it a goal awhile ago to run the 3-mile Fun Run on Pioneer Day, and as the title of this post states, I did it!
For those who don't know, I started a running program about 3 months ago, a great program that really eases you into running from walking. The program is 8 weeks and at the end I was able to run for 30 minutes without stopping - a huge feat for me. I've been keeping up with running, well, 3 or 4 days a week, and yet as Pioneer Day approached, I felt myself wanting to slack off.
I ran the day before for 26 minutes and felt ok about it, not great, but I did run later than I normally do, meaning it was hotter than it normally is and me and heat just don't mesh.
I set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and even though our dogs woke me at 4:00 (I let them out, fed them and went back to bed for an hour) I got up when the alarm went off, had my cereal, coffee and water and headed out the door. I was very nervous! At one point I couldn't find a way to enter the area holding the events for Pioneer Day and thought about just bagging it and running on my own, but I persisted. I was the first one there to sign-up...yep, 10 minutes before registration even began and then wandered around. As the crowd grew so did my nerves, as well as my excitement.
I lined up in the small crowd and when it was time to take off, I felt relieved that we were so crowded together, because I would could only run at a slow pace, a good way for me to start. During the run I followed a family of kids and found them quite inspiring, one was even pushing a stroller! I passed a few people, but later found those people ahead of me. I really had to learn that it was about my own rhythm, not beating someone else's.
At one point when I was struggling I reminded myself that the goal was to run the whole distance, no matter what that running looked like - even a very slow pace. That helped a lot. Toward the end of the race I focused on another runner's dark ponytail, yep, whatever focus one needs and as her ponytail got closer to the finish line, so did I!
I ended with a time of 30:07 which for me felt huge! I figured I ran about a 12 min. mile, so to run about a 10 min. mile was a great thing.
It really does feel good to set a goal for oneself, to work at it and to achieve it. As an adult, we often have to create these opportunities - especially if one does not work outside their home, as I'm not doing at the moment. Nobody else did it for me, though plenty were encouraging along the way, so thank you.
It feels really, really great to be able to say and know, I did it!
For those who don't know, I started a running program about 3 months ago, a great program that really eases you into running from walking. The program is 8 weeks and at the end I was able to run for 30 minutes without stopping - a huge feat for me. I've been keeping up with running, well, 3 or 4 days a week, and yet as Pioneer Day approached, I felt myself wanting to slack off.
I ran the day before for 26 minutes and felt ok about it, not great, but I did run later than I normally do, meaning it was hotter than it normally is and me and heat just don't mesh.
I set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and even though our dogs woke me at 4:00 (I let them out, fed them and went back to bed for an hour) I got up when the alarm went off, had my cereal, coffee and water and headed out the door. I was very nervous! At one point I couldn't find a way to enter the area holding the events for Pioneer Day and thought about just bagging it and running on my own, but I persisted. I was the first one there to sign-up...yep, 10 minutes before registration even began and then wandered around. As the crowd grew so did my nerves, as well as my excitement.
I lined up in the small crowd and when it was time to take off, I felt relieved that we were so crowded together, because I would could only run at a slow pace, a good way for me to start. During the run I followed a family of kids and found them quite inspiring, one was even pushing a stroller! I passed a few people, but later found those people ahead of me. I really had to learn that it was about my own rhythm, not beating someone else's.
At one point when I was struggling I reminded myself that the goal was to run the whole distance, no matter what that running looked like - even a very slow pace. That helped a lot. Toward the end of the race I focused on another runner's dark ponytail, yep, whatever focus one needs and as her ponytail got closer to the finish line, so did I!
I ended with a time of 30:07 which for me felt huge! I figured I ran about a 12 min. mile, so to run about a 10 min. mile was a great thing.
It really does feel good to set a goal for oneself, to work at it and to achieve it. As an adult, we often have to create these opportunities - especially if one does not work outside their home, as I'm not doing at the moment. Nobody else did it for me, though plenty were encouraging along the way, so thank you.
It feels really, really great to be able to say and know, I did it!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Not Good or Bad, Just Is
The pic was taken at Porcupine Dam last night, it was the first time I saw this amazing place! We went to Paradise, UT to check out the gardeners' market, but ended up visiting the dam instead. Such incredible beauty.
I read a story recently that really resonated with me:
There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.
"I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know my horse ran away," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.
"I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know I have 4 horses," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know my son broke his leg," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know the military officials did not take my son," said the farmer.
As my family prepares to move to Michigan, there are many circumstances that initially appear good or bad, but I am learning that what may first appear one way may later appear another. My hope is that this move is a good one for our family and yet, I realize so much of that is up to us. The fact is, we are moving, there is much to be done and how it will all turn out is not within my grasp of knowledge, but what I do know is that I play a huge part in determining how this move is perceived.Right now I still have a few weeks to enjoy the beauty and splendor of Utah!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Onward
Tomorrow I leave for Michigan - to hopefully find our new house! I decided that now is the time to start a new blog, but I still cannot think of a name!! Maybe something will come to me while I'm visiting the town in which we use to live, Ann Arbor, and checking out our possible new locations: Chelsea and Jackson.
I do like my friend's suggestion of Different States of Mind - and am leaning toward that. Having lived in Wisconsin (10 years), Pennsylvania (6 years), Michigan (6 years), Utah (12 years total) and Texas (1 year), I feel like each has offered something unique and valuable. I'd still like to try living in the northwest and the southeast, but not for awhile.
So I'm wrapping up my time in Utah, which has been fabulous and thank goodness for a second chance - I was spreading some not nice rumors about Utah after my last stint here and now I can tell people that Utah is full of wonderful people, incredible beauty and unique experiences - most of them good :)
I do like my friend's suggestion of Different States of Mind - and am leaning toward that. Having lived in Wisconsin (10 years), Pennsylvania (6 years), Michigan (6 years), Utah (12 years total) and Texas (1 year), I feel like each has offered something unique and valuable. I'd still like to try living in the northwest and the southeast, but not for awhile.
So I'm wrapping up my time in Utah, which has been fabulous and thank goodness for a second chance - I was spreading some not nice rumors about Utah after my last stint here and now I can tell people that Utah is full of wonderful people, incredible beauty and unique experiences - most of them good :)
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Parental Influence
The other night my very lovely friends and I went out to dinner and then followed up our yummy meal with thought-provoking (at least for me) conversation. At one point we were talking about wanting our children to make the choice to follow the religion in which they were being raised - ok, my friends want that, I have not raised Sophie in one religious community and it's been something I've thought a lot about.
My own upbringing consisted of being baptized as an infant (so I do not remember it), Sunday School, learning specific prayers and songs, Vacation Bible School every summer, receiving my own Holy Bible at the age of 8 and eventually teaching Sunday School and Vacation Bible School - all before I left home at 18. Also, every Christmas season my family would read the story of the birth of Jesus as we celebrated advent. These are experiences I recall fondly, though as a child I was more excited about the food at Vacation Bible School than the actual lessons and my hope to be the one to light the candle during advent may have kept me from listening as the story from the Bible was being read.
At the age of 18 I came out to Utah and chose to foster my rebellious nature by claiming to be an atheist, or at least agnostic. This satisfied me for a few years, until I decided I wanted to go back to the church in which I was raised. When I returned physically to the church, I realized that mentally I did not believe what was being preached.
As strong as my parents are in their religious convictions, I feel my siblings and I were always taught to question, to think for ourselves and fortunately we knew people with varying beliefs. I'm putting words in my parents' mouths, but I feel they never wanted children who blindly followed along and although I think they hoped we'd all choose Christianity's path, they also knew that at 18 we'd be going out into a world much larger than the cocoon in which they'd raised us and I always got the message that this was expected of us - to experience new things, explore new horizons and learn from new people.
Now I'm the parent and Soph's religious upbringing has been more of the buffet variety than the 4 course meal. When I was pregnant we attended services at a couple protestant churches in Michigan, but decided not to have Sophie baptized into any specific denomination. We celebrate Christmas, we talk about biblical stories and may have mentioned that Easter is more than just chocolate bunnies and colorful eggs. In Texas we took Sophie to a children's class in Buddhism and I loved the focus on meditation and stories of great persons of all religions. Sophie seemed to embrace the idea of reincarnation and think about the idea of teachers coming in all forms and not needing to be worshipped. One of my favorite Sophie questions is: "Mom, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus were all important people, right?" My response: "Right." Sophie: "Then why do people only worship Jesus?"
I realize that just as my parents influenced me and raised me under their belief umbrella, Steve and I are doing the same with Sophie. Often times this means we tell Sophie that we just don't know. I loved thinking as a child that death meant going to a place that is peaceful and happy and seeing my loved ones. We tell Sophie that we hope it is that way, but we just don't know. Am I depriving my child of a hopeful eternal existence? Possibly.
Since returning to Utah we have attended Prince of Peace Lutheran Church and First Presbyterian Church. The pastors at each church have been important to Sophie, and I feel she is listening to the sermons even as she reads through the Garfield books she brings along. We do not take Sophie to Sunday School - we have asked her if she wants to go, and she says no. Steve and I are very open with Sophie that we do not believe Jesus Christ is the savior, but we find peace at church and we appreciate thinking about the words that are being spoken.
Sophie knows I lean a lot toward Buddhist beliefs, that I enjoy reading books by Buddhist authors and that for awhile I attended a sangha in Logan. I also love talking about religion with a variety of people and feel it is important to explore and learn about various religions, including attending their services.
I am curious where Sophie's religious compass will point when she is 18 and then 25 and then 40 - as mine has changed as I've grown older. Will she choose to become a Christian? Will she study religions to which we have not exposed her? Will she feel sad that we were not more permanent members of one religious community?
To Sophie I say this, at this point in my life - Believe in yourself. Believe that if there is a god, that god loves you more than humans can comprehend, that that god is someone you may speak to openly, without inhibitions and without fear of judgment. Know that most religions teach of compassion, understanding and love for all of humanity and those are really, really good things. Know that your father and I believe we have been blessed by your presence in our lives and because of our love for you, we can understand the idea of a god who loves all god's children without conditions. Never stop questioning, never stop learning and although passing judgment is normal, be the open-minded, open-hearted person you are right at this moment.
My own upbringing consisted of being baptized as an infant (so I do not remember it), Sunday School, learning specific prayers and songs, Vacation Bible School every summer, receiving my own Holy Bible at the age of 8 and eventually teaching Sunday School and Vacation Bible School - all before I left home at 18. Also, every Christmas season my family would read the story of the birth of Jesus as we celebrated advent. These are experiences I recall fondly, though as a child I was more excited about the food at Vacation Bible School than the actual lessons and my hope to be the one to light the candle during advent may have kept me from listening as the story from the Bible was being read.
At the age of 18 I came out to Utah and chose to foster my rebellious nature by claiming to be an atheist, or at least agnostic. This satisfied me for a few years, until I decided I wanted to go back to the church in which I was raised. When I returned physically to the church, I realized that mentally I did not believe what was being preached.
As strong as my parents are in their religious convictions, I feel my siblings and I were always taught to question, to think for ourselves and fortunately we knew people with varying beliefs. I'm putting words in my parents' mouths, but I feel they never wanted children who blindly followed along and although I think they hoped we'd all choose Christianity's path, they also knew that at 18 we'd be going out into a world much larger than the cocoon in which they'd raised us and I always got the message that this was expected of us - to experience new things, explore new horizons and learn from new people.
Now I'm the parent and Soph's religious upbringing has been more of the buffet variety than the 4 course meal. When I was pregnant we attended services at a couple protestant churches in Michigan, but decided not to have Sophie baptized into any specific denomination. We celebrate Christmas, we talk about biblical stories and may have mentioned that Easter is more than just chocolate bunnies and colorful eggs. In Texas we took Sophie to a children's class in Buddhism and I loved the focus on meditation and stories of great persons of all religions. Sophie seemed to embrace the idea of reincarnation and think about the idea of teachers coming in all forms and not needing to be worshipped. One of my favorite Sophie questions is: "Mom, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus were all important people, right?" My response: "Right." Sophie: "Then why do people only worship Jesus?"
I realize that just as my parents influenced me and raised me under their belief umbrella, Steve and I are doing the same with Sophie. Often times this means we tell Sophie that we just don't know. I loved thinking as a child that death meant going to a place that is peaceful and happy and seeing my loved ones. We tell Sophie that we hope it is that way, but we just don't know. Am I depriving my child of a hopeful eternal existence? Possibly.
Since returning to Utah we have attended Prince of Peace Lutheran Church and First Presbyterian Church. The pastors at each church have been important to Sophie, and I feel she is listening to the sermons even as she reads through the Garfield books she brings along. We do not take Sophie to Sunday School - we have asked her if she wants to go, and she says no. Steve and I are very open with Sophie that we do not believe Jesus Christ is the savior, but we find peace at church and we appreciate thinking about the words that are being spoken.
Sophie knows I lean a lot toward Buddhist beliefs, that I enjoy reading books by Buddhist authors and that for awhile I attended a sangha in Logan. I also love talking about religion with a variety of people and feel it is important to explore and learn about various religions, including attending their services.
I am curious where Sophie's religious compass will point when she is 18 and then 25 and then 40 - as mine has changed as I've grown older. Will she choose to become a Christian? Will she study religions to which we have not exposed her? Will she feel sad that we were not more permanent members of one religious community?
To Sophie I say this, at this point in my life - Believe in yourself. Believe that if there is a god, that god loves you more than humans can comprehend, that that god is someone you may speak to openly, without inhibitions and without fear of judgment. Know that most religions teach of compassion, understanding and love for all of humanity and those are really, really good things. Know that your father and I believe we have been blessed by your presence in our lives and because of our love for you, we can understand the idea of a god who loves all god's children without conditions. Never stop questioning, never stop learning and although passing judgment is normal, be the open-minded, open-hearted person you are right at this moment.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Buddhism vs. Mormonism
The book on the right, The Simeon Solution, was given to me by a friend in response to my questions about sexism within the Mormon Church. The author is a convert to the LDS religion, having been raised Methodist, but searching for something else and finding Mormonism after being impressed with the examples set by two men who are LDS.
I enjoyed the book, reading about others' experiences with religion usually fascinates me, and I was struck by Anne Osborn Poelman's thoroughness in research and studies of the Mormon Church. Regarding the issue with only men being allowed to hold the priesthood and give blessings, she puts it on her back burner and does not find it a significant problem. She points out the flaws of the people within the Mormon Church, the members, and I appreciate her candidness in relaying her experiences.
The thing that irked me throughout the book was the statement, "I know the Church is true." To me a church is an establishment created by humans. I understand the idea that the Church (meaning the LDS Church) was established by a man people believe was a prophet who received direct revelations from God, but it does not make sense that certain things have changed through the years in the Mormon religion and yet the Church has remained true. The big one, that is quite popular, is the issue regarding persons who are not caucasian being members of the Mormon Church. I don't want to harp on this issue, because it is widely discussed in many circles, but I will copy from the blacklds.org web site which states that in "1978: Revelation on Priesthood gives the priesthood to all worthy men regardless of color." This would mean that what was previously practiced was deemed, well, wrong and therefore, not true.
After The Simeon Solution I started reading the book on the left in the photo, Joyful Wisdom. In it, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche writes, "Unlike many of his contemporaries, however, the Buddha didn't try to convince people that the method through which he found release from suffering was the only true method." This quote has been attributed to the Buddha, "Don't believe anything I say because I say so. Try it out for yourselves." I had a "Yes!" moment when reading that.
I am very skeptical of any person or group who states to know the answers for all persons. In the religion which I was raised I heard, "The only way to salvation is through Jesus Christ" and yet I had friends whose families were not Christian and they were wonderful people, doing amazing things for others. It didn't make sense to me, and still doesn't that those people would not be saved, because they had not accepted Jesus as their savior, especially when I saw Christians doing horrific things.
I spent some time while living in San Antonio studying Buddhism and one of the things that really struck me was the Bodhisattva Vow, which is stated on the intrex.net web site as "The Bodhisattva vows, out of compassion, not to enter nirvana until all beings have entered nirvana. This means the Bodhisattva practices not for her or his enlightenment alone, but for the enlightenment of all beings. The Bodhisattva vows to remain in this world of ignorance and confusion, vows to be willing to experience whatever living beings experience, until all beings are liberated." There was a man at a workshop I attended who had taken this vow and I was in complete awe and what I remember is that for lunch he ate a ham and cheese sandwich. Wait, I thought, he's eating meat! I thought Buddhists weren't allowed to eat meat! Nobody said anything and I then decided this person was living his life the way he felt it was important at that time. My god, he was willing to come back to life as we know it over and over again, under any circumstances, until all people reached enlightenment. I've never heard before or since of anything so selfless.
I believe the members of the Mormon Church have their own version of this vow, through missionary work and their testimonies, they are trying to help others reach enlightenment. What I see as the major difference is that in Buddhism we are taught guidelines: meditation, mindfulness, compassion - these are ways to reach enlightment, but they are very broad and are not specified in how they are carried out. In Mormonism I see humans judging other humans on very specific acts: tithing, abstaining from sexual relations and alcohol, and not using illegal drugs (which I completely agree with, though I do not think a person who does use illegal drugs is not worthy in the eyes of an omnibenevolent god).
Perhaps the Buddha would say that those following the Mormon Church are just following their own path toward enlightenment, assuming they are compassionate toward others. If that is the case, then I need to just stop worrying about what the Mormons are doing and try to follow my own path (this path of mine seems full of detours, obstacles and misguided directions!). The thing is, conversion within the Mormon Church is such a major component, that I feel offended, because I see it as a statement that it is only through following the teachings of the Mormon Church that one can reach enlightenment. This would mean that all those other religions are wrong, all those other people living seemingly good lives are not going to reach enlightenment because they are not following a certain church. I just don't get it (and I don't limit these remarks to Mormonism, it has been my experience with Christianity and my very, very brief exploration into the Islamic religion).
I am certainly not a Buddhist - I do not know enough about Buddhism to be a Buddhist, but when I read that being kind and mindful are the tenets, I want to get onboard. When I read that it is up to each individual to find their own truth, I feel a strength within myself, a need to trust my own endeavors. Another thing I remember from a class Sophie took in Buddhism was when a child stated something about Jesus being an important man and the teacher said, "Yes, he was." He never implied that only Buddha held the key to the door of salvation. I feel with Buddhism there are many teachers and many paths - all are to be embraced and valued. I just don't see this with Mormonism (and again, other religions), which may value the teachings of others, but state there is only one path toward salvation with only one leader.
***As always, these are my interpretations of philosophies/religions. I hope if someone reads this and thinks I am WAY off (or even just a little off) they will write of their experience and understanding and I thank you for doing so!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Week 8
I started week 8 of the running program I've been following: http://running.about.com/od/getstartedwithrunning/ht/getstarted.htm
Last week was tough, 11 minutes of running with 1 minute intervals of walking, 3 times. I actually did it yesterday in high winds, sometimes felt like I was standing in place, but I did it. Today's run, 22 minutes non-stop, was wonderful!! It was raining, not hard, and that did not deter me. I ran along Canyon Road to Center Street (even up that little hill from the island to town), past the Presbyterian Church and back toward Main Street. I stopped at 22 minutes so I can ease into 30 minutes, hopefully, by the end of the week.
I'm feeling really good about making it through this program, as I am not one to stick with things. I'm feeling really, really good about finding something that pushes me and gives me something to focus on, away from all the hassles of moving and pressures of life in general. I don't listen to music when I run, just focus on my breathing and how I'm feeling, something I'm learning about in a great book, ChiRunning, by Danny Dreyer: http://www.amazon.com/ChiRunning-Revolutionary-Approach-Effortless-Injury-Free/dp/1416549447/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276440366&sr=8-1
Last week was tough, 11 minutes of running with 1 minute intervals of walking, 3 times. I actually did it yesterday in high winds, sometimes felt like I was standing in place, but I did it. Today's run, 22 minutes non-stop, was wonderful!! It was raining, not hard, and that did not deter me. I ran along Canyon Road to Center Street (even up that little hill from the island to town), past the Presbyterian Church and back toward Main Street. I stopped at 22 minutes so I can ease into 30 minutes, hopefully, by the end of the week.
I'm feeling really good about making it through this program, as I am not one to stick with things. I'm feeling really, really good about finding something that pushes me and gives me something to focus on, away from all the hassles of moving and pressures of life in general. I don't listen to music when I run, just focus on my breathing and how I'm feeling, something I'm learning about in a great book, ChiRunning, by Danny Dreyer: http://www.amazon.com/ChiRunning-Revolutionary-Approach-Effortless-Injury-Free/dp/1416549447/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276440366&sr=8-1
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Childhood Rite of Passage
We survived another sleepover at our house - whew! I had no idea how tiring they were for the parents, and to think my parents had 5 children, though I don't think we ever had sleepovers at the same time.
Soph had her first sleepover when she was 5 years old, in Family Housing at the University of Michigan. Her friend spent the night at our home, then Soph went over there. We lived in townhouses and the home was literally one townhouse away, so yep, at 10:00 p.m. I did a little walk by! Right at that moment, my phone rang, it was the mom and I thought I was busted, but no, she just wanted to know if I could bring Soph's favorite cereal over. It seems the sleeping part was about the same at the friend's house as at ours, because when Soph came home the next day she said, "Eun's mom said we can't have sleepovers anymore." I admit, I wasn't too disappointed.
Since then Soph's had quite a few sleepovers and we've not yet had to pick her up in the middle of the night nor drive a friend home in the middle of the night (as happened with me!).
In Utah sleepovers are not the thing and I think I know why, but if someone can respond to this and tell me for sure, I'd appreciate it! Late nights are big out here, which I kind of like, because we all get some sleep. A late night entails a friend coming over, sometimes in their pajamas, and staying until about 10:00 p.m. They then return home and we all head to bed, versus the up until 1:00 a.m. bit that happens at sleepovers.
The only thing is, I so fondly remember sleepovers I had as a kid, at my house and at my friends' homes. I was never molested or did anything that I shouldn't have (or that I wouldn't have done at another time of day) - and yes, I know these things can happen at sleepovers and it would break my heart. I also know the parents of the children with whom Soph plays and I feel very confident that the only thing we need fear is their sleep-deprived frustration the next day as our child can stay up LATE!!!
Now, having written this, I think I did a post once touting the great things about late nights, and they are great, but as always, my mind changes on topics...sometimes from minute to minute. Utah is the only place that I've heard of such a ban on sleepovers, or am I just not aware of this occurrence elsewhere?
What do you all think?
Soph had her first sleepover when she was 5 years old, in Family Housing at the University of Michigan. Her friend spent the night at our home, then Soph went over there. We lived in townhouses and the home was literally one townhouse away, so yep, at 10:00 p.m. I did a little walk by! Right at that moment, my phone rang, it was the mom and I thought I was busted, but no, she just wanted to know if I could bring Soph's favorite cereal over. It seems the sleeping part was about the same at the friend's house as at ours, because when Soph came home the next day she said, "Eun's mom said we can't have sleepovers anymore." I admit, I wasn't too disappointed.
Since then Soph's had quite a few sleepovers and we've not yet had to pick her up in the middle of the night nor drive a friend home in the middle of the night (as happened with me!).
In Utah sleepovers are not the thing and I think I know why, but if someone can respond to this and tell me for sure, I'd appreciate it! Late nights are big out here, which I kind of like, because we all get some sleep. A late night entails a friend coming over, sometimes in their pajamas, and staying until about 10:00 p.m. They then return home and we all head to bed, versus the up until 1:00 a.m. bit that happens at sleepovers.
The only thing is, I so fondly remember sleepovers I had as a kid, at my house and at my friends' homes. I was never molested or did anything that I shouldn't have (or that I wouldn't have done at another time of day) - and yes, I know these things can happen at sleepovers and it would break my heart. I also know the parents of the children with whom Soph plays and I feel very confident that the only thing we need fear is their sleep-deprived frustration the next day as our child can stay up LATE!!!
Now, having written this, I think I did a post once touting the great things about late nights, and they are great, but as always, my mind changes on topics...sometimes from minute to minute. Utah is the only place that I've heard of such a ban on sleepovers, or am I just not aware of this occurrence elsewhere?
What do you all think?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Looking Ahead
I finished my 3rd day of week 7 of the running program I am following - just 1 more day of this week. Next week I get to start out running for 20 minutes nonstop and work up to 30 minutes. For the following weeks I want to attempt this schedule to build up to a 5K:
The 5K I want to do is July 24, so I might have to push this a bit, but I think I can do it! Anyone who runs, please tell me what exactly "rest" means...complete rest? May I take my dogs for walks up the big hills: Old Main, the Temple, etc.?
| Week | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | Saturday | Sunday |
| 1 | Rest | 1.5 mi run | CT or Rest | 1.5 mi run | Rest | 1.5 mi run | 20-30 min EZ |
| 2 | Rest | 1.75 mi run | CT or Rest | 1.5 mi run | Rest | 1.75 mi run | 20-30 min EZ |
| 3 | Rest | 2 mi run | CT or Rest | 1.5 mi run | Rest | 2 mi run | 20-30 min EZ |
| 4 | Rest | 2.25 mi run | CT or Rest | 1.5 mi run | Rest | 2.25 mi run | 25-35 min EZ |
| 5 | Rest | 2.5 mi run | CT or Rest | 2 mi run | Rest | 2.5 mi run | 25-35 min EZ |
| 6 | Rest | 2.75 mi run | CT | 2 mi run | Rest | 2.75 mi run | 35-40 min EZ |
| 7 | Rest | 3 mi run | CT | 2 mi run | Rest | 3 mi run | 40 min EZ |
| 8 | Rest | 3 mi run | CT or Rest | 2 mi run | Rest | Rest | 5K Race! |
The 5K I want to do is July 24, so I might have to push this a bit, but I think I can do it! Anyone who runs, please tell me what exactly "rest" means...complete rest? May I take my dogs for walks up the big hills: Old Main, the Temple, etc.?
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Brotherly Love
It took 3 separate vet appointments to get all of our animals their check-ups, but we're done, whew! Lucy was first, she did great, except the persistent barking in the waiting room. Jada was next and since she was confined to a kennel, it was quite easy on my part, though not so much for the techs who had to hold her while the shots were administered.
We saved the best (ha) for last - the boys. Winston was his usually happy, go-lucky self, wagging his tail, licking everyone and not making a peep. Percy was his usual nervous self, whining and trying to hide. They were both weighed, checked out and then for the finale, the shots. Percy was first and when he was put on the table and started to really squirm and cry, that's when Winston's nervous behavior kicked in. It struck me as very endearing that Winston did not worry so much about what was done to him, as much as he was worried about his brother. He was trying to get to Percy and was whining, something we do not normally hear from him. He is truly a protector of his brother.
It was a good life lesson for me, seeing Winston's concern for his brother, realizing that the pain of others' is all of our concern and whatever we can do to ease it helps not just the recipient, but the giver as well. Maybe that is why Winston is so happy, because he is needed. In my reading of self-help books last week, I came across a story that relayed the same message. I also know that when faced with my own turmoil, my best remedy for happiness is to focus on another person's turmoil. As I feel sad about our upcoming move, that is what I should be doing. Thanks Winston, for reminding me what relationships and life are all about!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Running Away From My Problems
I am at the stage of our big transition in which I am second guessing our choice to move to Michigan. What was I thinking? We're leaving the mountains, Sophie's great school, Steve's fabulous work schedule, our wonderful neighborhood...for the relatively unknown. We know Michigan, some of it, but we don't know if we'll be happy!
I'm glad I started exercising and eating better before the idea of moving was even conceived. I am now on week 7 of the 8 week running program I started and it's getting intense, which is what I need. When I'm running I'm just thinking about how I'm moving, keeping correct form and wondering if I can tackle the slight incline ahead. I'm not at that stage in which I think through problems, daydream of meditate. I hope to get there, but this phase is good for right now.
Running is something I can do anywhere and that gives me a lot of comfort right now. I can't wait to explore the terrain in Michigan with my two feet and the extra oxygen is going to be a bonus!
My mind is going about a million miles a minute these days, sometimes I'm extremely excited, sometimes I feel really horrible. Change is not easy, but necessary and whether or not one faces a situation, it's going to arrive. I'm just glad that I have something consistent right now, something that is good for me and something that challenges me. It's exciting to know I can keep on running and will never reach my destination, but I can enjoy the pit stops along the way.
I'm glad I started exercising and eating better before the idea of moving was even conceived. I am now on week 7 of the 8 week running program I started and it's getting intense, which is what I need. When I'm running I'm just thinking about how I'm moving, keeping correct form and wondering if I can tackle the slight incline ahead. I'm not at that stage in which I think through problems, daydream of meditate. I hope to get there, but this phase is good for right now.
Running is something I can do anywhere and that gives me a lot of comfort right now. I can't wait to explore the terrain in Michigan with my two feet and the extra oxygen is going to be a bonus!
My mind is going about a million miles a minute these days, sometimes I'm extremely excited, sometimes I feel really horrible. Change is not easy, but necessary and whether or not one faces a situation, it's going to arrive. I'm just glad that I have something consistent right now, something that is good for me and something that challenges me. It's exciting to know I can keep on running and will never reach my destination, but I can enjoy the pit stops along the way.
Friday, June 4, 2010
School's Almost Out for Summer
Today is Sophie's last day of 4th grade and her last day at Adams Elementary. We are very, very sad. Sophie has been at Adams since starting 1st grade and I feel like Adams is the elementary school of my youth - it literally is the elementary school of Steve's youth, as he attended Adams for a few years way back when.
Adams has the socioeconomic diversity we love, programs for students of all abilities, activities after school, a dynamic and caring staff and the principal is willing to listen to parents' suggestions and I believe he is there to really make sure each student and their family succeeds.
I have been fortunate to work at Adams during Sophie's time there and I highly recommend working at your child's school. I loved seeing her throughout the day, knowing what was going on and working with other children, which put my ideas for what to expect from Sophie in perspective.
I'm not planning on going into the school today, I am not at all good with good-byes and right now I'm tearing up and since this is about Sophie today, I just want to be her mom and to comfort her as needed. Whatever school we choose in Michigan will have high standards to live up to, and I don't doubt it will, but Sophie will always be an Adams Owl!
Adams has the socioeconomic diversity we love, programs for students of all abilities, activities after school, a dynamic and caring staff and the principal is willing to listen to parents' suggestions and I believe he is there to really make sure each student and their family succeeds.
I have been fortunate to work at Adams during Sophie's time there and I highly recommend working at your child's school. I loved seeing her throughout the day, knowing what was going on and working with other children, which put my ideas for what to expect from Sophie in perspective.
I'm not planning on going into the school today, I am not at all good with good-byes and right now I'm tearing up and since this is about Sophie today, I just want to be her mom and to comfort her as needed. Whatever school we choose in Michigan will have high standards to live up to, and I don't doubt it will, but Sophie will always be an Adams Owl!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
You Are What You Read!
On Monday Sophie, her grandma and I strolled along Main Street and stopped in The Book Table for some browsing. Sophie wanted to show her grandma some things in the children's area upstairs, so I curled up in the self-help section, which I feel is a great place to spend a few moments, soaking up the warm fuzzy words which are suppose to improve your life.
I instantly grabbed The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and after perusing each section, determined my love language is physical touch - with some words of affirmation. I could not find Steve's love language, nothing mentioned fungi, but I realized that all those times I'm hugging him and invading his personal space is because of my needs, not his.
After Chapman I turned to one of my favorites, Leo Buscaglia. I was introduced to Leo's book, Living, Loving and Learning when it was required reading for an education class in college. Leo is to me what Jesus is to millions. I take his words as divined by God. He speaks of living life fully, grasping the moment and as a bonus, he promotes the hugging of all - the man speaks my love language! Leo passed away is 1998 and yep, sometimes I send my prayers his way.
There was also a book divulging the secrets of happy persons. I don't remember what I read, probably something about finding one's passion in life - great advice!
I would love to buy all these books and more in the self-help section, but I am pretty discriminating when it comes to purchasing books. I recently bought, The Tibetan Book of the Dead because I felt it is something I would be proud to display in my personal library and it's a book that requires great thought when reading. Now, after buying this book, I found Howie Mandel's autobiography at the library and I inhaled it while still on the first page of The Tibetan Book of the Dead. I laughed out loud at the antics described by Mandel and empathized as he relayed his struggles of dealing with OCD. Loved the book. When I finished the book, I found myself rather half-heartedly returning to my more intellectual read.
I do believe you are what you read and I do believe that as in all things, one should sample from the great menus offered. Read books that feed your mind, expand your horizons and make your emotions surge. Sample from menus of which you would not normally imbibe. Visit the dessert section, taste from the appetizers and go ahead, sip the wine. It's all good and the lasting effect - instead of a wider girth, a broader view of the world.
I instantly grabbed The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and after perusing each section, determined my love language is physical touch - with some words of affirmation. I could not find Steve's love language, nothing mentioned fungi, but I realized that all those times I'm hugging him and invading his personal space is because of my needs, not his.
After Chapman I turned to one of my favorites, Leo Buscaglia. I was introduced to Leo's book, Living, Loving and Learning when it was required reading for an education class in college. Leo is to me what Jesus is to millions. I take his words as divined by God. He speaks of living life fully, grasping the moment and as a bonus, he promotes the hugging of all - the man speaks my love language! Leo passed away is 1998 and yep, sometimes I send my prayers his way.
There was also a book divulging the secrets of happy persons. I don't remember what I read, probably something about finding one's passion in life - great advice!
I would love to buy all these books and more in the self-help section, but I am pretty discriminating when it comes to purchasing books. I recently bought, The Tibetan Book of the Dead because I felt it is something I would be proud to display in my personal library and it's a book that requires great thought when reading. Now, after buying this book, I found Howie Mandel's autobiography at the library and I inhaled it while still on the first page of The Tibetan Book of the Dead. I laughed out loud at the antics described by Mandel and empathized as he relayed his struggles of dealing with OCD. Loved the book. When I finished the book, I found myself rather half-heartedly returning to my more intellectual read.
I do believe you are what you read and I do believe that as in all things, one should sample from the great menus offered. Read books that feed your mind, expand your horizons and make your emotions surge. Sample from menus of which you would not normally imbibe. Visit the dessert section, taste from the appetizers and go ahead, sip the wine. It's all good and the lasting effect - instead of a wider girth, a broader view of the world.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
My Interpretation
I have been asked to refer to the LDS writing, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" and I can definitely see where my interpretation is going to lead me to make very different assumptions than those who were raised in the LDS religion.
First, I definitely agree that making families strong is an important component in making strong individuals, which will in turn make strong communities. I quote, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." I agree that forgiveness, respect, love, work and mutual recreational activities breed healthy relationships between persons in a family. I think having similar ideas about spirituality may make it easier for a couple to relate to one another, but I also know couples with very different religious beliefs who have strong families.
This line, "We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God," makes sense to me, although I'm sure my understanding of family responsibilities may differ slightly from those intended by the authors of this proclamation, because of what is written elsewhere:
"marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." My definition of marriage entails love and respect by two consenting adults (preferably over the age of 25)who decide, bravely, to embark on a journey together that involves accepting the changes that will inevitably occur between the individuals, but if understood will strengthen the commitment. I do not think the adults need to be of the opposite sex, nor do I think bearing children needs to occur, in fact, given the overpopulation of our society, I would think God was smart enough to realize that non-child bearing adults marrying is part of a divine plan.
This is the portion that I presume makes my previous observations of sexism within the LDS religion difficult to understand by those who practice the religion: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." I would say that one of the necessities of life includes nurturing the children and that both parents are responsible for providing the necessities of life, regardless of sex. On a personal note, I tend to think it's great when in a 2-parent household one parent prefers to provide the financial resources necessary for meeting a family's tangible needs and one parent prefers to attend to the daily caregiving of children, but again, I don't think choosing those roles should be based on the person's sex - and if in a homosexual marriage, obviously sex doesn't matter.
This proclamation actually makes me sad, because I see it as limiting persons within confines that negates the commitment and love so many people want to share with the world and with children. I ache when I think of my friends who have partners of the same sex, but are told by society their commitment to one another is somehow wrong. I think of God as embracing all persons, wanting there to be love expressed in our communities that is not limited by a person's sex and the allowance for people to be who they are, without the shame that comes from the judgment of cultural norms created by humans.
Last night I had another wonderful conversation with neighbors of ours, who I adore, and we imagined a world in which all persons had civil unions that were recognized by society and those who wanted a religious ceremony could have that, but one must have a civil union to be recognized as married in our world (I hope I got that right and am not twisting their words!).
I definitely appreciate the commitment to families in Utah - nowhere else has the presence of children been so accepted at community functions, parents are expected and encouraged to be involved in their child's educational endeavors, and many families work together to insure their household is run smoothly with each person responsible for certain tasks. I love those things! I also see many women working outside the home, achieving multiple degrees in education and involved with community organizations, so I really wonder if this proclamation reflects current practices or if it has been adjusted to allow women to feel they can be better nurturers of the children in their care by nurturing themselves, which I think is so important.
I'm excited to read the responses to this, because as always, I know my interpretation comes from my own experiences, my biases and my hopes for myself and my family. When I read the responses of others that may differ from mine, I hope I will remember that they come from the same place in others: a place of wanting what is best for oneself and those one loves.
First, I definitely agree that making families strong is an important component in making strong individuals, which will in turn make strong communities. I quote, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." I agree that forgiveness, respect, love, work and mutual recreational activities breed healthy relationships between persons in a family. I think having similar ideas about spirituality may make it easier for a couple to relate to one another, but I also know couples with very different religious beliefs who have strong families.
This line, "We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God," makes sense to me, although I'm sure my understanding of family responsibilities may differ slightly from those intended by the authors of this proclamation, because of what is written elsewhere:
"marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." My definition of marriage entails love and respect by two consenting adults (preferably over the age of 25)who decide, bravely, to embark on a journey together that involves accepting the changes that will inevitably occur between the individuals, but if understood will strengthen the commitment. I do not think the adults need to be of the opposite sex, nor do I think bearing children needs to occur, in fact, given the overpopulation of our society, I would think God was smart enough to realize that non-child bearing adults marrying is part of a divine plan.
This is the portion that I presume makes my previous observations of sexism within the LDS religion difficult to understand by those who practice the religion: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." I would say that one of the necessities of life includes nurturing the children and that both parents are responsible for providing the necessities of life, regardless of sex. On a personal note, I tend to think it's great when in a 2-parent household one parent prefers to provide the financial resources necessary for meeting a family's tangible needs and one parent prefers to attend to the daily caregiving of children, but again, I don't think choosing those roles should be based on the person's sex - and if in a homosexual marriage, obviously sex doesn't matter.
This proclamation actually makes me sad, because I see it as limiting persons within confines that negates the commitment and love so many people want to share with the world and with children. I ache when I think of my friends who have partners of the same sex, but are told by society their commitment to one another is somehow wrong. I think of God as embracing all persons, wanting there to be love expressed in our communities that is not limited by a person's sex and the allowance for people to be who they are, without the shame that comes from the judgment of cultural norms created by humans.
Last night I had another wonderful conversation with neighbors of ours, who I adore, and we imagined a world in which all persons had civil unions that were recognized by society and those who wanted a religious ceremony could have that, but one must have a civil union to be recognized as married in our world (I hope I got that right and am not twisting their words!).
I definitely appreciate the commitment to families in Utah - nowhere else has the presence of children been so accepted at community functions, parents are expected and encouraged to be involved in their child's educational endeavors, and many families work together to insure their household is run smoothly with each person responsible for certain tasks. I love those things! I also see many women working outside the home, achieving multiple degrees in education and involved with community organizations, so I really wonder if this proclamation reflects current practices or if it has been adjusted to allow women to feel they can be better nurturers of the children in their care by nurturing themselves, which I think is so important.
I'm excited to read the responses to this, because as always, I know my interpretation comes from my own experiences, my biases and my hopes for myself and my family. When I read the responses of others that may differ from mine, I hope I will remember that they come from the same place in others: a place of wanting what is best for oneself and those one loves.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Observations in Wyoming
I did not have my camera readily available, but if I had, these are the pics I would've taken while stopping in Rock Springs, Wyoming:
1) The store Hide and Fur. The great thing about this siting was that I kept wondering why the words hide (thinking it meant like hide-and-seek) and fur were together and my 10-year old daughter had to explain it to me: hide, as in animal hide. Ohhhh! I am definitely not a typical westerner (yep, I am stereotyping here, but it's my blog, so I can do that).
2) The Loaf 'n Jug, which can also be found in Colorado, and maybe other states, I don't know. Can you imagine saying to your significant other, "Hey hon, will you pick up a loaf...oh, and a jug?" Nice.
3) The shirt worn by the woman at the Wal-Mart (we stopped there to get Subway sandwiches): You don't hunt - so I don't see you (or something, I didn't have my camera to capture the exact words). Wow, she really likes hunting!
I know it is not right to make fun of a state for my biased observations and really, I spent the first two years of my life in New Jersey for pete's sake, but it is such a different world to me and what do we do when faced with something out of the ordinary? We make fun of it. Not nice, not at all politically correct, but we do it.
Here's the religious bit: I believe in reincarnation as taught by the Buddhism philosophy - that if you don't get it right you have to keep coming back, so when I make fun of Wyoming I totally imagine that I will come back living in Wyoming. Yep. I will frequent the Hide and Fur, the Loaf 'n Jug and I will sport t-shirts such as that worn by the woman at Wal-mart. I think belief in this type of karma keeps us on the straight and narrow, most of the time.
I also realize that Wyoming is an amazingly beautiful state - so breathtaking that it made me wonder why we are leaving this part of the country! The people in Wyoming are like people everywhere, and I am a complete jerk for judging them based on my idiotic preconceived ideas of what culture entails. I know this. It's just that the above observations seem so, ya know...Wyoming!
On another note: I had to call the city of Chelsea (where we're hoping to move in Michigan) and ask, "How many dogs may we have?" I realized later I should have added, "We're moving out there from Utah, how many wives can my husband have?" Yep, stereotyping again, 'cause that's what I do. (By the way, you can only have 2 dogs in the city of Chelsea, so it appears we will not be living in the "city" - population is about 5000 - does that qualify as a city?)
1) The store Hide and Fur. The great thing about this siting was that I kept wondering why the words hide (thinking it meant like hide-and-seek) and fur were together and my 10-year old daughter had to explain it to me: hide, as in animal hide. Ohhhh! I am definitely not a typical westerner (yep, I am stereotyping here, but it's my blog, so I can do that).
2) The Loaf 'n Jug, which can also be found in Colorado, and maybe other states, I don't know. Can you imagine saying to your significant other, "Hey hon, will you pick up a loaf...oh, and a jug?" Nice.
3) The shirt worn by the woman at the Wal-Mart (we stopped there to get Subway sandwiches): You don't hunt - so I don't see you (or something, I didn't have my camera to capture the exact words). Wow, she really likes hunting!
I know it is not right to make fun of a state for my biased observations and really, I spent the first two years of my life in New Jersey for pete's sake, but it is such a different world to me and what do we do when faced with something out of the ordinary? We make fun of it. Not nice, not at all politically correct, but we do it.
Here's the religious bit: I believe in reincarnation as taught by the Buddhism philosophy - that if you don't get it right you have to keep coming back, so when I make fun of Wyoming I totally imagine that I will come back living in Wyoming. Yep. I will frequent the Hide and Fur, the Loaf 'n Jug and I will sport t-shirts such as that worn by the woman at Wal-mart. I think belief in this type of karma keeps us on the straight and narrow, most of the time.
I also realize that Wyoming is an amazingly beautiful state - so breathtaking that it made me wonder why we are leaving this part of the country! The people in Wyoming are like people everywhere, and I am a complete jerk for judging them based on my idiotic preconceived ideas of what culture entails. I know this. It's just that the above observations seem so, ya know...Wyoming!
On another note: I had to call the city of Chelsea (where we're hoping to move in Michigan) and ask, "How many dogs may we have?" I realized later I should have added, "We're moving out there from Utah, how many wives can my husband have?" Yep, stereotyping again, 'cause that's what I do. (By the way, you can only have 2 dogs in the city of Chelsea, so it appears we will not be living in the "city" - population is about 5000 - does that qualify as a city?)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Guest Writer: Melanie Hockmuth DeJoode
Heather, I love that you question religion so much! I still do so, also, although I’m pretty comfortable with my beliefs, as undefined as they may be. I was raised as a Christian, but didn’t attend church regularly, as my parents were divorced and I lived with my mom, who didn’t attend church. My dad took me regularly until I was in high school and I decided I didn’t like where we attended (he belongs to a pretty fundamentalist church). At that time, I switched to a Methodist church that one of my friends attended, mainly so that my dad didn’t insist that I go with him. After high school, I quit going altogether.
My mom may be the main source of my skepticism about religion (thank you, Mom!), even though she never really criticized the church too much. She had also been raised a Christian, but left the church when I was in elementary school, under circumstances that I won’t go into here. Having been raised the way I was, I felt a lot of guilt over not going to church, but it just didn’t feel right. I liked the sense of community, but I didn’t agree with some of the teachings of the church or of the feeling that I was being watched by others to see if I was living up to their (the church’s) standards. What I do should be between me and god alone.
While in college in my early 20s, I found the Baha’i Faith. It seemed to fit better with my thoughts in many ways. Baha’is believe in progressive revelation – that we all worship the same god, but that god sent different manifestations at different times to bring his message to the people of the world. Baha’is believe the most recent of those manifestations is a man named Baha’u’llah, who was born in Persia in 1817. In 1863, he announced himself as a divine messenger of god (as were Krishna, Moses, Buddha, Jesus, and Mohammad) and brought new teachings for our time. He sent letters to the kings and rulers of the world proclaiming the coming unification of humanity and urged them to work toward the establishment of a world community and universal peace. Baha’u’llah was exiled throughout most of his life, and lived out his final days in what is now Israel, where the world headquarters of the Baha’i Faith can be found.
The Baha’i Faith espouses the equality of men and women, harmony of science and religion, elimination of prejudice, unity of humankind, and the importance of striving for world peace. In addition, each person is encouraged to undergo an independent investigation of truth, instead of blindly believing and following a minister or other religious head. I became a Baha’i and practiced those beliefs for quite a few years. For the most part, I loved the feelings within the Baha’i community. For a variety of reasons, I stopped attending Baha’i activities.
My credo (which admittedly comes somewhat from the Baha’i Faith) was that “heaven” is nearness to god, while “hell” is distance from god. Meaning that, regardless of whether or not there is a real heaven or hell (I’m still not sure about this, but I’m ok with not knowing), what we do here on earth is what’s important. It means knowing that what we’re doing is right or wrong, and striving to do right for ourselves and all those around us. When I saw the quote you have on your blog, it completely summed up my beliefs and went along with my concept of heaven and hell. "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion."
I don’t see myself as a religious person, but I definitely see myself as spiritual. I believe that we are all connected. I don’t know how to explain it, but I believe it’s there, that there is some “spirit” in the universe that ties us all together and is bigger than we can possibly imagine. I also believe that by calling on that spirit or connection we can make things happen. It’s similar to prayer, but I’m not really praying to a specific person or to god, as much as to the spirit that surrounds and connects us all. And I don’t see that spirit granting my prayer, so much as that by put it out there I am bringing it into reality, whether I’m seeking assistance, guidance, or clarity.
Here’s the part that goes along with your thoughts about god being sexless. I feel this spirit to be female. I see it as a feminine, loving, compassionate, mother-like entity. This is most likely due to my upbringing and cultural experiences of the mother being the loving, caring one. But the funny thing is, when I “pray” I often picture my prayer being addressed to a male figure. This, I suppose, goes along with my religious upbringing in a male-dominated church, where I always prayed to a male god. I have tried over time, with some small amount of success, to picture that prayer going to a female or gender-neutral figure instead of a male figure. At some point, I decided it didn’t really matter who I pictured when I pray, since I know in my heart what that spirit means to me and know that it’s going to the right place, no matter what image I hold in my head.
As for various religions believing that men should hold certain types of positions that women can’t hold, well, I don’t understand that, other than to say the I think it probably came about due to a belief that men are superior to women. It has held on over time for some reason, maybe tradition or a need for men to feel superior, but should be abolished. I must say that was one thing I really liked about the Baha’i Faith. Men and women are, generally, seen as equal and can all hold any position within the Faith. The one exception (that I’ve seen) to that rule in the Baha’i Faith involves education. Because women have traditionally been the ones to raise and educate the children in a family, it is believed that if a choice needs to be made on who receives a better education then it should be the female, as she will be responsible for training future generations. While I don’t totally agree (I think that ideally men and women should both take part in educating the kids), I am thrilled that for once women are given an advantage over men!
I also want to vent my frustration on one other aspect of many religions: that god is to be feared and retribution will follow for wrongdoings (either from god himself, or in the form of the devil). I have never seen god in this way. I see god (if he/she indeed exists) as a loving being. I don’t believe that god guides our actions on a daily basis, so I don’t give credit to god for the good things in my life. Likewise, I don’t blame the devil for tempting me to do bad. I take responsibility for my own actions, good or bad, and believe that god or spirit or whatever is watching from somewhere out there, cheering us on, hoping that we’ll make good choices, and laughing until his/her sides ache at some of the things we humans get into.
So, all that said, I don’t personally believe that any formal religious beliefs are necessary. I agree with much of what I see, but there are things I don't agree with and can't go along with based solely on the fact that the religion/church/etc. tells me I should. I know a lot of people say that that is what faith is about, but I just don't see it that way. I can believe in something that I can't see or prove, but I can't go along with something that seems wrong to me. It took me a long time and I went through a lot of guilt before arriving at the place I am now, but for the first time, I truly feel comfortable with my beliefs. I know that what I am doing and what I believe are right for me.
While I may not agree with the doctrines of all religious beliefs, if others choose to believe in a specific religion, that is up to them and I’m in no position to judge them for doing so. Different things work for different people, and no one way is inherently superior to another. I know that religion serves many purposes, both spiritual and social, and that people choose to believe what they believe for a variety of reasons. I’m cool with that, since, hopefully, whatever path we choose will bring each of us closer to being who we truly should be.
My mom may be the main source of my skepticism about religion (thank you, Mom!), even though she never really criticized the church too much. She had also been raised a Christian, but left the church when I was in elementary school, under circumstances that I won’t go into here. Having been raised the way I was, I felt a lot of guilt over not going to church, but it just didn’t feel right. I liked the sense of community, but I didn’t agree with some of the teachings of the church or of the feeling that I was being watched by others to see if I was living up to their (the church’s) standards. What I do should be between me and god alone.
While in college in my early 20s, I found the Baha’i Faith. It seemed to fit better with my thoughts in many ways. Baha’is believe in progressive revelation – that we all worship the same god, but that god sent different manifestations at different times to bring his message to the people of the world. Baha’is believe the most recent of those manifestations is a man named Baha’u’llah, who was born in Persia in 1817. In 1863, he announced himself as a divine messenger of god (as were Krishna, Moses, Buddha, Jesus, and Mohammad) and brought new teachings for our time. He sent letters to the kings and rulers of the world proclaiming the coming unification of humanity and urged them to work toward the establishment of a world community and universal peace. Baha’u’llah was exiled throughout most of his life, and lived out his final days in what is now Israel, where the world headquarters of the Baha’i Faith can be found.
The Baha’i Faith espouses the equality of men and women, harmony of science and religion, elimination of prejudice, unity of humankind, and the importance of striving for world peace. In addition, each person is encouraged to undergo an independent investigation of truth, instead of blindly believing and following a minister or other religious head. I became a Baha’i and practiced those beliefs for quite a few years. For the most part, I loved the feelings within the Baha’i community. For a variety of reasons, I stopped attending Baha’i activities.
My credo (which admittedly comes somewhat from the Baha’i Faith) was that “heaven” is nearness to god, while “hell” is distance from god. Meaning that, regardless of whether or not there is a real heaven or hell (I’m still not sure about this, but I’m ok with not knowing), what we do here on earth is what’s important. It means knowing that what we’re doing is right or wrong, and striving to do right for ourselves and all those around us. When I saw the quote you have on your blog, it completely summed up my beliefs and went along with my concept of heaven and hell. "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion."
I don’t see myself as a religious person, but I definitely see myself as spiritual. I believe that we are all connected. I don’t know how to explain it, but I believe it’s there, that there is some “spirit” in the universe that ties us all together and is bigger than we can possibly imagine. I also believe that by calling on that spirit or connection we can make things happen. It’s similar to prayer, but I’m not really praying to a specific person or to god, as much as to the spirit that surrounds and connects us all. And I don’t see that spirit granting my prayer, so much as that by put it out there I am bringing it into reality, whether I’m seeking assistance, guidance, or clarity.
Here’s the part that goes along with your thoughts about god being sexless. I feel this spirit to be female. I see it as a feminine, loving, compassionate, mother-like entity. This is most likely due to my upbringing and cultural experiences of the mother being the loving, caring one. But the funny thing is, when I “pray” I often picture my prayer being addressed to a male figure. This, I suppose, goes along with my religious upbringing in a male-dominated church, where I always prayed to a male god. I have tried over time, with some small amount of success, to picture that prayer going to a female or gender-neutral figure instead of a male figure. At some point, I decided it didn’t really matter who I pictured when I pray, since I know in my heart what that spirit means to me and know that it’s going to the right place, no matter what image I hold in my head.
As for various religions believing that men should hold certain types of positions that women can’t hold, well, I don’t understand that, other than to say the I think it probably came about due to a belief that men are superior to women. It has held on over time for some reason, maybe tradition or a need for men to feel superior, but should be abolished. I must say that was one thing I really liked about the Baha’i Faith. Men and women are, generally, seen as equal and can all hold any position within the Faith. The one exception (that I’ve seen) to that rule in the Baha’i Faith involves education. Because women have traditionally been the ones to raise and educate the children in a family, it is believed that if a choice needs to be made on who receives a better education then it should be the female, as she will be responsible for training future generations. While I don’t totally agree (I think that ideally men and women should both take part in educating the kids), I am thrilled that for once women are given an advantage over men!
I also want to vent my frustration on one other aspect of many religions: that god is to be feared and retribution will follow for wrongdoings (either from god himself, or in the form of the devil). I have never seen god in this way. I see god (if he/she indeed exists) as a loving being. I don’t believe that god guides our actions on a daily basis, so I don’t give credit to god for the good things in my life. Likewise, I don’t blame the devil for tempting me to do bad. I take responsibility for my own actions, good or bad, and believe that god or spirit or whatever is watching from somewhere out there, cheering us on, hoping that we’ll make good choices, and laughing until his/her sides ache at some of the things we humans get into.
So, all that said, I don’t personally believe that any formal religious beliefs are necessary. I agree with much of what I see, but there are things I don't agree with and can't go along with based solely on the fact that the religion/church/etc. tells me I should. I know a lot of people say that that is what faith is about, but I just don't see it that way. I can believe in something that I can't see or prove, but I can't go along with something that seems wrong to me. It took me a long time and I went through a lot of guilt before arriving at the place I am now, but for the first time, I truly feel comfortable with my beliefs. I know that what I am doing and what I believe are right for me.
While I may not agree with the doctrines of all religious beliefs, if others choose to believe in a specific religion, that is up to them and I’m in no position to judge them for doing so. Different things work for different people, and no one way is inherently superior to another. I know that religion serves many purposes, both spiritual and social, and that people choose to believe what they believe for a variety of reasons. I’m cool with that, since, hopefully, whatever path we choose will bring each of us closer to being who we truly should be.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
More Questions about Religion
I have been reading Sue Monk Kidd's book, "The Dance of the Dissident Daughter" and came across a passage today that really struck me:
A woman in Deep Sleep in one who goes about in an unconscious state. She seems unaware or unfazed by the truth of her own female life, the truth about women in general, the way women and the feminine have been wounded, devalued, and limited within culture, churches, and families. She cannot see the wound or feel the pain. She has never acknowledged, much less confronted, sexism within the church, biblical interpretations, or Christian doctrine. Okay, so women have been largely missing from positions of church power, we've been silenced and relegated to positions of subordination by biblical interpretations and doctrine, and God has been represented to us as exclusively male. So what? The woman in Deep Sleep is oblivious to the psychological and spiritual impact this has had on her. Or maybe she has some awareness of it all but keeps it sequestered nicely in her head, rarely allowing it to move down into her heart or into the politics of her spirituality.
Kidd was raised in a home that practiced the Baptist religion and I do not know much about that particular religion. I am happy to say that the church we currently attend is actively trying to eliminate sexism and the pastor refers to God as she and he. I actually find myself feeling somewhat uncomfortable when the pastor refers to God as she, but I equate that discomfort to years of hearing God referred to as a he. I do not know much about the hierarchy of Presbyterianism, but I do know pastors can be male or female and other positions held within the church are not delegated based on one's sex.
I am going to write now about the LDS religion, based on my perception and as always, I hope if you are reading this and you have a different perception you will voice it.
The LDS religion seems to separate roles based on sex a lot. Only men can serve in the highest positions of the church: President, The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the Bisohp and the Bishopric. Women do have roles that oversee areas, but they seem to be related only to the women and children and not governing church doctrine. When children are baptized they are baptized by men and the mother remains in her seat. When babies are blessed men bless them and again, the mother stays in her seat. These last two examples especially baffle me, because the mother birthed the child, which to me should not be taken lightly.
I am fully aware that the LDS Church is not the only one that does not allow women to hold positions of authority - I think most people are aware that the Catholic Church only has male popes. I also attended a Muslim service and men and women are physically separated during prayers, so separation of persons based on sex is not exclusive to the Mormon religion (during a 3-hour LDS Service both sexes attend a sacrament meeting together, then Sunday School, but the final hour is spent with persons of the same sex).
I actually think it is good to gather together with only other women and when I attended a Relief Society Meeting, I enjoyed the experience. I was also crazy curious to know what was going on in the men's meeting. Also, the church we attend right now has a men's group that meets once a week and I have not seen a women's group. Again, I so want to attend the men's group to see if the separation of persons based on their sex is of value.
What I don't understand is being a part of something that states you cannot hold a position of authority because you are not a man. What do men have that women don't? I write this fully knowing that Steve and I, in many ways, live in a somewhat traditional marriage: he furthered his education more than mine, he works full-time and brings home the bulk of our income, while I am the one who makes doctor's appointments for Sophie and arranges get-togethers with her friends. As far as housework goes, neither of us does a whole lot of that, but when we do, I think it is fairly equal.
So I write this hoping for responses that will tell me what I am missing. Or, that women will write and admit they see there is an unfair stance of positions of power, but there is so much more in the religion that keeps them loyal and maybe they even see a change down the road.
I know it has been so ingrained in me to view God as a male figure, that even though I know God is beyond our ideas of sex, I instantly conjure up an image of a male when I think of God. My hope is to learn from others who see God as sexless and to get to that point myself. I also know that I was raised within a religion whose savior is a male: Jesus Christ. I actually think Mary was the one we should be looking to (another book by Kidd, "Traveling with Pomegranates" explores this topic) for strength and understanding. I also think we don't need to worship anything or anyone, but find what it is within ourselves and others that represents omnibenevolence, omniscience and omnipotence.
A woman in Deep Sleep in one who goes about in an unconscious state. She seems unaware or unfazed by the truth of her own female life, the truth about women in general, the way women and the feminine have been wounded, devalued, and limited within culture, churches, and families. She cannot see the wound or feel the pain. She has never acknowledged, much less confronted, sexism within the church, biblical interpretations, or Christian doctrine. Okay, so women have been largely missing from positions of church power, we've been silenced and relegated to positions of subordination by biblical interpretations and doctrine, and God has been represented to us as exclusively male. So what? The woman in Deep Sleep is oblivious to the psychological and spiritual impact this has had on her. Or maybe she has some awareness of it all but keeps it sequestered nicely in her head, rarely allowing it to move down into her heart or into the politics of her spirituality.
Kidd was raised in a home that practiced the Baptist religion and I do not know much about that particular religion. I am happy to say that the church we currently attend is actively trying to eliminate sexism and the pastor refers to God as she and he. I actually find myself feeling somewhat uncomfortable when the pastor refers to God as she, but I equate that discomfort to years of hearing God referred to as a he. I do not know much about the hierarchy of Presbyterianism, but I do know pastors can be male or female and other positions held within the church are not delegated based on one's sex.
I am going to write now about the LDS religion, based on my perception and as always, I hope if you are reading this and you have a different perception you will voice it.
The LDS religion seems to separate roles based on sex a lot. Only men can serve in the highest positions of the church: President, The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the Bisohp and the Bishopric. Women do have roles that oversee areas, but they seem to be related only to the women and children and not governing church doctrine. When children are baptized they are baptized by men and the mother remains in her seat. When babies are blessed men bless them and again, the mother stays in her seat. These last two examples especially baffle me, because the mother birthed the child, which to me should not be taken lightly.
I am fully aware that the LDS Church is not the only one that does not allow women to hold positions of authority - I think most people are aware that the Catholic Church only has male popes. I also attended a Muslim service and men and women are physically separated during prayers, so separation of persons based on sex is not exclusive to the Mormon religion (during a 3-hour LDS Service both sexes attend a sacrament meeting together, then Sunday School, but the final hour is spent with persons of the same sex).
I actually think it is good to gather together with only other women and when I attended a Relief Society Meeting, I enjoyed the experience. I was also crazy curious to know what was going on in the men's meeting. Also, the church we attend right now has a men's group that meets once a week and I have not seen a women's group. Again, I so want to attend the men's group to see if the separation of persons based on their sex is of value.
What I don't understand is being a part of something that states you cannot hold a position of authority because you are not a man. What do men have that women don't? I write this fully knowing that Steve and I, in many ways, live in a somewhat traditional marriage: he furthered his education more than mine, he works full-time and brings home the bulk of our income, while I am the one who makes doctor's appointments for Sophie and arranges get-togethers with her friends. As far as housework goes, neither of us does a whole lot of that, but when we do, I think it is fairly equal.
So I write this hoping for responses that will tell me what I am missing. Or, that women will write and admit they see there is an unfair stance of positions of power, but there is so much more in the religion that keeps them loyal and maybe they even see a change down the road.
I know it has been so ingrained in me to view God as a male figure, that even though I know God is beyond our ideas of sex, I instantly conjure up an image of a male when I think of God. My hope is to learn from others who see God as sexless and to get to that point myself. I also know that I was raised within a religion whose savior is a male: Jesus Christ. I actually think Mary was the one we should be looking to (another book by Kidd, "Traveling with Pomegranates" explores this topic) for strength and understanding. I also think we don't need to worship anything or anyone, but find what it is within ourselves and others that represents omnibenevolence, omniscience and omnipotence.
Before
I wanted to write before I start week 5 of my running program, because I'm nervous! I'm suppose to do 8 minutes running with 2 minutes walking 3 times. It's an excited kind of nervous though, knowing I've been working to get to this point, still got more to do, but it's a journey.
We're also in Colorado, so at a higher elevation, but a beautiful setting, which I'm hoping will aid in my motivation.
Here I go...
We're also in Colorado, so at a higher elevation, but a beautiful setting, which I'm hoping will aid in my motivation.
Here I go...
Saturday, May 22, 2010
A Word I'll Never Forget
I don't blog about parenting a lot, because I worry about stepping over the boundaries of Soph's privacy and do not want Sophie to feel exposed, but I think and hope it's ok to blog about her fabulous go at the Adams Spelling Bee yesterday.
She did great - made it to the final 5 and then got the word aggressively. It was one she struggled with during our practices, so I worried. She missed it and oh, I could tell she was going to be very, very sad. She came right to me, sat on my lap and wept (she was not the only one crying at the spelling bee...so hard on these kiddos, but it's a hard that is ok I think).
I felt just awful, wondering how I could have helped her more, wondering why I didn't focus on that word more, etc. The reality is, she did great and she lost. Losing stinks, but it's ok. I did tell her to congratulate the winner, because even though I was aching too, I want my child, above all, to be a gracious player.
Competition is tough and it doesn't get much easier as we get older. I'm not involved in many formal competitions anymore, but there is the daily competition as we constantly measure ourselves against others. I told a friend of mine yesterday that there are times I'm jealous of her - she's so beautiful and put together and has many, many friends! It's been hard for me to find those things as strengths in our relationship rather than abandoning it because I'll never measure up to her. Jealousy is perhaps the worst feeling in the world, because it encompasses so many other yucky feelings: hurt, anger, sadness, unfulfilled desire...and yet I want to be a gracious player by not letting my jealousy keep me from knowing wonderful people!
I am proud of my daughter for getting involved in a competition, putting herself out there and congratulating the one who did better than she did - having done those things definitely makes her a winner.
She did great - made it to the final 5 and then got the word aggressively. It was one she struggled with during our practices, so I worried. She missed it and oh, I could tell she was going to be very, very sad. She came right to me, sat on my lap and wept (she was not the only one crying at the spelling bee...so hard on these kiddos, but it's a hard that is ok I think).
I felt just awful, wondering how I could have helped her more, wondering why I didn't focus on that word more, etc. The reality is, she did great and she lost. Losing stinks, but it's ok. I did tell her to congratulate the winner, because even though I was aching too, I want my child, above all, to be a gracious player.
Competition is tough and it doesn't get much easier as we get older. I'm not involved in many formal competitions anymore, but there is the daily competition as we constantly measure ourselves against others. I told a friend of mine yesterday that there are times I'm jealous of her - she's so beautiful and put together and has many, many friends! It's been hard for me to find those things as strengths in our relationship rather than abandoning it because I'll never measure up to her. Jealousy is perhaps the worst feeling in the world, because it encompasses so many other yucky feelings: hurt, anger, sadness, unfulfilled desire...and yet I want to be a gracious player by not letting my jealousy keep me from knowing wonderful people!
I am proud of my daughter for getting involved in a competition, putting herself out there and congratulating the one who did better than she did - having done those things definitely makes her a winner.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Seeking
I've decided that when we move to Michigan - when we actually get there - I want to start this blog over, so I really, really want other people to write about their experiences living in Utah - or living outside of Utah in comparison to living in Utah.
Please write something, even if it is only a paragraph, offering your perspective. It can be done anonymously or even under a fake name and how fun is it to create a new name for yourself?!
I'm excited to read other people's offerings, because it broadens my spectrum of understanding...and lord knows (there's my religious reference for today's post), I need my understanding broadened!
Please write something, even if it is only a paragraph, offering your perspective. It can be done anonymously or even under a fake name and how fun is it to create a new name for yourself?!
I'm excited to read other people's offerings, because it broadens my spectrum of understanding...and lord knows (there's my religious reference for today's post), I need my understanding broadened!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Me at 37
I love my birthday! I love having a day to be excited about myself - yep, I'm egotistical and most of the time I love myself and sometimes I even like myself! Crazy, but if you don't like or love yourself, well, I see that as a complete disservice to your mother who went to all that trouble to bring you into this world, as mine did 37 years ago today!
I often think that reincarnation makes so much sense, that if you don't get it right this time, then you have to come back - let your punishment serve your crime! I am always worried I'll come back as something other than I am, because even though I am perfectly aware of all of my flaws, I like having those flaws and not other flaws. I like that I was taught to question, to rebel and to be vocal. I also know I should be a better listener, not question every single thing in the whole world and rebelling silently is often more effective than being obvious - but I really love that I have the chance to work on those things!
I like myself. I like myself at 37. I like that I've learned from some mistakes and others I just keep making over and over. I like that there are people I admire and wish I could be more like (including my own child) and that I am realizing not every single person will like me, some accurately think I'm a, um, rhymes with witch, and through my interactions with them, they are right! I like that I have brown eyes and can wiggle my ears and have coarse hair with some strands of gray.
I like that we have a day to celebrate ourselves and to share that celebration with others! So happy birthday to me!
I often think that reincarnation makes so much sense, that if you don't get it right this time, then you have to come back - let your punishment serve your crime! I am always worried I'll come back as something other than I am, because even though I am perfectly aware of all of my flaws, I like having those flaws and not other flaws. I like that I was taught to question, to rebel and to be vocal. I also know I should be a better listener, not question every single thing in the whole world and rebelling silently is often more effective than being obvious - but I really love that I have the chance to work on those things!
I like myself. I like myself at 37. I like that I've learned from some mistakes and others I just keep making over and over. I like that there are people I admire and wish I could be more like (including my own child) and that I am realizing not every single person will like me, some accurately think I'm a, um, rhymes with witch, and through my interactions with them, they are right! I like that I have brown eyes and can wiggle my ears and have coarse hair with some strands of gray.
I like that we have a day to celebrate ourselves and to share that celebration with others! So happy birthday to me!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Yay for Logan
Yesterday an ordinance passed in Logan that bans discrimination based on sexual orientation. This ordinance is suppose to address employment and housing specifically, but I hope it will further its reaches by educating all persons about differences and our need for acceptance and understanding.
I wrote an email to the city council after the ordinance was initially voted against. I relayed my experience of being discriminated against right here in Logan, UT. Back in the 90s, I went to a job interview and was asked point blank if I was LDS. When I said I was not, I was told I would not fit into the work environment. I remember and can still feel the shame I felt when I left that interview, as if I were a dirty person, and it stung like nothing else had. Nobody should feel that way because of personal choices that do not impact their ability to do a job or pay the rent.
We all - myself included - need to surround ourselves with persons of differing backgrounds, educational levels, cultures, religious preferences and lifestyle choices. I believe when we broaden our own community we stop seeing so many differences and start realizing how similar all persons are: we all want to love and be loved, we all want to succeed and we all want to feel safe and valued. If people in our community are not feeling those things, change is needed and I applaud Logan for taking a step toward that change.
I wrote an email to the city council after the ordinance was initially voted against. I relayed my experience of being discriminated against right here in Logan, UT. Back in the 90s, I went to a job interview and was asked point blank if I was LDS. When I said I was not, I was told I would not fit into the work environment. I remember and can still feel the shame I felt when I left that interview, as if I were a dirty person, and it stung like nothing else had. Nobody should feel that way because of personal choices that do not impact their ability to do a job or pay the rent.
We all - myself included - need to surround ourselves with persons of differing backgrounds, educational levels, cultures, religious preferences and lifestyle choices. I believe when we broaden our own community we stop seeing so many differences and start realizing how similar all persons are: we all want to love and be loved, we all want to succeed and we all want to feel safe and valued. If people in our community are not feeling those things, change is needed and I applaud Logan for taking a step toward that change.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Signs
When we left church Sunday I saw this amazing rainbow in the clouds and it took me a moment to grasp that it was not my brain playing tricks on me. Crazy. I have never seen anything like it and although I was told that this has been happening quite a bit in Utah, I still take it as a sign from my friend Timmy - that all is good and he's in a more beautiful place than one can imagine.
My logical thinking realizes that the rainbow was made by an explainable occurrence, but my needful heart insists it is something beyond that. I needed something, was feeling so sad about Timmy, and I grasped onto this rainbow.
It could be that my rainbow has nothing at all to do with Tim, but because of my relationship with him the rainbow resonated with me, it had meaning. This is how I see religion and Jesus and any other entity one chooses to embrace with faith. It could all be malarkey, but maybe it's not the entity that matters as much as what we do with our faith. If believing in something beyond our experiences adds a quality to our lives that makes it more beautiful, then it would seem that we would be happier people and happier people do nice things. I am all for people doing nice things! Of course religion also has components of punishment, destruction and obedience, which I believe create fear and fear makes people do horrible things. So let's get rid of those components!
This is why the rainbow meant a lot to me. Tim did not follow the rules as people say we are suppose to in order to get to heaven - he was a good person, he genuinely cared about others and he made mistakes. When he died, I believe he was embraced for all aspects of who he is, and what others may have judged as sinful were part of Timmy and were not bad, just part of him. That rainbow symbolized to me that a lot of what we judge others for on earth is ridiculous and means nothing to an entity worth looking up to...because to me, any entity worth embracing would in turn embrace all of us...ALL of us.
Words I just read by Walt Whitman: Not till the sun excludes you, do I exclude you; Not till the waters refuse to glisten for you, and the leaves to rustle for you, do my words refuse to glisten and rustle for you.
Monday, May 17, 2010
31.5 by my 37th
My birthday is looming - ok, looming makes it sound scary and I absolutely LOVE my birthday! My birthday is 3 days away, how's that? I sort of set a goal to lose 30 pounds by my 37th birthday (this has been a recurring goal each year) and I did it - as of today I've lost 31.5 pounds!
I kicked up the running, started the 4th week of the 8 week program yesterday, which entails running for 5 minutes, walking for 2, 4 times. I love it! I definitely think the running has increased the rate at which I lost weight - and I still eat what I want, just sittin' down at the table when I eat it.
One of my new favorite snacks is apple slices with Laughing Cow Creamy Swiss - oh my, just typing about it makes me weak in the knees. Mind you, I also get a bit weak when I think of the big ole slice of rocky road pie I had last night, with whipped cream!
My new goal is to run a 5K, hopefully one that raises money and awareness for a great cause. There is a 5K in June for the Pride Center in Salt Lake, but I'm not sure I'll be ready by then. I'm keepin' my eye out though and hope I can run a 5K in Utah before we move.
So here's a toast to being a bit healthier as I prepare to enter my 37th year and to being a lot more mindful. Life is good!
I kicked up the running, started the 4th week of the 8 week program yesterday, which entails running for 5 minutes, walking for 2, 4 times. I love it! I definitely think the running has increased the rate at which I lost weight - and I still eat what I want, just sittin' down at the table when I eat it.
One of my new favorite snacks is apple slices with Laughing Cow Creamy Swiss - oh my, just typing about it makes me weak in the knees. Mind you, I also get a bit weak when I think of the big ole slice of rocky road pie I had last night, with whipped cream!
My new goal is to run a 5K, hopefully one that raises money and awareness for a great cause. There is a 5K in June for the Pride Center in Salt Lake, but I'm not sure I'll be ready by then. I'm keepin' my eye out though and hope I can run a 5K in Utah before we move.
So here's a toast to being a bit healthier as I prepare to enter my 37th year and to being a lot more mindful. Life is good!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Good-bye
Yesterday was Timmy's funeral and what a testament to the person he was: there was such an eclectic group of people there, demonstrating Tim's love for all persons and his genuine interest in getting to know them.
I attended the viewing before the funeral and saw Tim, but of course, it wasn't Tim. There lay his beautiful physical form, but he had gone on. It is amazing how striking it can be to see what is left of a person when they die, just their shell. Their spirit cannot be captured in a body any longer.
The funeral had a very strong LDS tone to it, which I understand, because Tim's family is LDS. The last time I spoke with Tim he was practicing Zen and although the service was beautiful, I wanted to stand up and say, "This doesn't represent Tim!" Then again, I don't know what truly would have represented him as much as the beautiful words spoken by those who loved him, the tears flowing because we will all miss him so, so much and the laughter as stories of Tim's antics were relayed time and again.
Saying good-bye to the ability to see a person again on earth, to hug them, to laugh with them, is heart-wrenching and at this point, still somewhat surreal. I also felt strongly that I will see Tim again, hear his laugh, witness his smile and feel his arms wrapped around me when it is my turn to leave this earth.
I quote Kahlil Gibran from The Prophet (a book I gave to Timmy years ago and there's a story behind it, but I don't need to tell it, just know it made us both laugh):
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
I attended the viewing before the funeral and saw Tim, but of course, it wasn't Tim. There lay his beautiful physical form, but he had gone on. It is amazing how striking it can be to see what is left of a person when they die, just their shell. Their spirit cannot be captured in a body any longer.
The funeral had a very strong LDS tone to it, which I understand, because Tim's family is LDS. The last time I spoke with Tim he was practicing Zen and although the service was beautiful, I wanted to stand up and say, "This doesn't represent Tim!" Then again, I don't know what truly would have represented him as much as the beautiful words spoken by those who loved him, the tears flowing because we will all miss him so, so much and the laughter as stories of Tim's antics were relayed time and again.
Saying good-bye to the ability to see a person again on earth, to hug them, to laugh with them, is heart-wrenching and at this point, still somewhat surreal. I also felt strongly that I will see Tim again, hear his laugh, witness his smile and feel his arms wrapped around me when it is my turn to leave this earth.
I quote Kahlil Gibran from The Prophet (a book I gave to Timmy years ago and there's a story behind it, but I don't need to tell it, just know it made us both laugh):
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Authority
I am not exactly sure when it started, but I have been leery of authority figures, or the suggestion that one is suppose to be an authority figure, for a very long time. I know this plays a huge part in my skepticism regarding religion.
I actually love attending church, I often find it soothing and comforting, but I abhor what I perceive as the blind following of a man/woman who is suppose to be the authority of the religion. This does not mean I abhor the man/woman (minister, priest, lama, bishop, etc.), especially if I feel they are able to admit that at the end of the day, they also just really don't know the answer to the big questions. I abhor what I see to be the turning off of one's brain and common sense and accepting another person's explanation of that which cannot be explained.
The pastor of the current church I attend knows my feelings about this: the regurgitation of certain prayers, the choral responses, the seemingly expressionless recitations of written words. I think I understand the part those things are suppose to play - they provide a meaningful ritual to followers. I applaud anyone who has truly listened to the words and can repeat them with full belief, but I often wonder how closely the words have been studied.
I also realize that I just like to question authority, even if I don't necessarily disagree with what is being said. I like to hear the reasons why people think or act the way they do. I like to know that they have thought about why they think and act the way they do. If I hear blanket responses, "Because I know it's true," then I turn off. I understand that what they may mean is they cannot define how they know, they just know, but that makes me think they have not truly investigated the reasons for their beliefs nor have they challenged their beliefs by exploring others.
I do think there are "authorities" of certain religions and those authorities are people who have studied the religion, know its history and are continuing to learn about the modern day implications around the religion. I think it is important to talk with these authorities, take their words and compare them against your own studies, which should include talking to people who are authorities of other religions. The bottom line is, question authority.
As a teenager I had a poster of Sid Vicious in my room and this quote (though I think it was written slightly differently) was on it:
“Undermine their pompous authority, reject their moral standards, make anarchy and disorder your trademarks. Cause as much chaos and disruption as possible but don’t let them take you ALIVE.”
Perhaps my viewing of those words day in and day out caused me to be brainwashed by them. Perhaps I blindly accept those words and oh, the philosophical ramifications are too much for me to ponder at this time, but I think the idea is to take the sentiment behind Sid's words and apply them to your life in a way that means you are living your life with your eyes wide open and your brain fully on.
I actually love attending church, I often find it soothing and comforting, but I abhor what I perceive as the blind following of a man/woman who is suppose to be the authority of the religion. This does not mean I abhor the man/woman (minister, priest, lama, bishop, etc.), especially if I feel they are able to admit that at the end of the day, they also just really don't know the answer to the big questions. I abhor what I see to be the turning off of one's brain and common sense and accepting another person's explanation of that which cannot be explained.
The pastor of the current church I attend knows my feelings about this: the regurgitation of certain prayers, the choral responses, the seemingly expressionless recitations of written words. I think I understand the part those things are suppose to play - they provide a meaningful ritual to followers. I applaud anyone who has truly listened to the words and can repeat them with full belief, but I often wonder how closely the words have been studied.
I also realize that I just like to question authority, even if I don't necessarily disagree with what is being said. I like to hear the reasons why people think or act the way they do. I like to know that they have thought about why they think and act the way they do. If I hear blanket responses, "Because I know it's true," then I turn off. I understand that what they may mean is they cannot define how they know, they just know, but that makes me think they have not truly investigated the reasons for their beliefs nor have they challenged their beliefs by exploring others.
I do think there are "authorities" of certain religions and those authorities are people who have studied the religion, know its history and are continuing to learn about the modern day implications around the religion. I think it is important to talk with these authorities, take their words and compare them against your own studies, which should include talking to people who are authorities of other religions. The bottom line is, question authority.
As a teenager I had a poster of Sid Vicious in my room and this quote (though I think it was written slightly differently) was on it:
“Undermine their pompous authority, reject their moral standards, make anarchy and disorder your trademarks. Cause as much chaos and disruption as possible but don’t let them take you ALIVE.”
Perhaps my viewing of those words day in and day out caused me to be brainwashed by them. Perhaps I blindly accept those words and oh, the philosophical ramifications are too much for me to ponder at this time, but I think the idea is to take the sentiment behind Sid's words and apply them to your life in a way that means you are living your life with your eyes wide open and your brain fully on.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Timmy
Living in Utah a second time meant I got to reconnect with people I knew from my first stint here in the 90's and one of those people was Timmy (yes, that was his name as stated on his birth certificate).
I actually first saw Tim back in 1991, I just moved to Utah from Pennsylvania and he was a cashier at Smith's. I had a bit of a crush on him, with his longer blond hair, blue eyes and completely engaging smile. We eventually met due to mutual friends and from 1995 - 1998 I got to hang out with Tim quite a bit.
When we returned to Logan Tim was one of the first people I sought out. We got together and it was like never missing a beat - started talking philosophy and religion and all other deep matters. Get-togethers at Starbucks and Einstein Brothers followed, including one time when I brought Soph so Tim could tell her tales of being a caretaker of The Nunnery - a former convent in Logan Canyon. Soph loved being around Tim.
I still do not know the specifics of what caused Tim's too early passing. I do know I ache. I tried to text him a couple months ago, didn't get a response and just shelved it, thinking I'd see him before we moved.
I cannot even say I know Tim is in a better place - I don't know what happens when we leave this life. Tim was practicing Zen when I last saw him and to me he embodied the attentiveness and mindfulness of a Zen Master. My hope for him is that he is in a place in which he can continue learning, continue smiling and continue being his fabulous self, without all the grief that a life on Earth entails.
I actually first saw Tim back in 1991, I just moved to Utah from Pennsylvania and he was a cashier at Smith's. I had a bit of a crush on him, with his longer blond hair, blue eyes and completely engaging smile. We eventually met due to mutual friends and from 1995 - 1998 I got to hang out with Tim quite a bit.
When we returned to Logan Tim was one of the first people I sought out. We got together and it was like never missing a beat - started talking philosophy and religion and all other deep matters. Get-togethers at Starbucks and Einstein Brothers followed, including one time when I brought Soph so Tim could tell her tales of being a caretaker of The Nunnery - a former convent in Logan Canyon. Soph loved being around Tim.
I still do not know the specifics of what caused Tim's too early passing. I do know I ache. I tried to text him a couple months ago, didn't get a response and just shelved it, thinking I'd see him before we moved.
I cannot even say I know Tim is in a better place - I don't know what happens when we leave this life. Tim was practicing Zen when I last saw him and to me he embodied the attentiveness and mindfulness of a Zen Master. My hope for him is that he is in a place in which he can continue learning, continue smiling and continue being his fabulous self, without all the grief that a life on Earth entails.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Guest Writer: Conversion to the LDS Church
This post was written by a woman who has taught me a lot about acceptance while maintaining strong beliefs. I know the author lives her religion and I also know she stood by me when I faced some mild discrimination. To me she exemplifies what a religion should be about: living your life the way you feel you should while accepting others even when their beliefs cause them to live in a different way. Thank you.
First off, I just want to say how much I appreciate what Heather is doing. It has opened my eyes SO MUCH to how others are thinking and feeling. It makes me examine what I’ve been doing and think on things I’ve said. I really hope I’ve not offended anyone in the past, or made them feel I look down on them – because it’s never been my intention to. It makes me a better person to know how my actions are affecting others. I also love it because it helps me to examine what I really believe. I have VERY strong feelings about my religion, but I think sometimes I get stuck in a rut and do what I’ve always done. This helps me to look at what I truly believe, question myself, and try to answer all the questions others have. It’s great!
Here’s my story… I’ll try not to be too long winded, but there is something about “coming out” (to be totally cliché) like this that makes it hard to be brief. So I apologize in advance if this is long and I thank you for reading it. Thank you also Heather for posting this anonymously.
I have lived in Utah all of my life. So I can’t say I know what it is like to live anywhere else, but I can imagine that it is unlike any other place. Growing up though I was not a member of the LDS church – it wasn’t until I was 15 that I was baptized and joined the LDS church. I wanted to add the perspective of someone who had grown up here not a member of the church but then later converted. Additionally we are also going to add a twist in here.
My father and mother were both raised in a fundamentalist polygamist group known as the AUB or “the Allreds.” They married young and divorced before my dad had a chance to take a second wife. My dad married an LDS lady and later converted to the LDS church. My mother on the other hand stuck with the AUB and “married” (in the loosest sense here since they weren’t married by law) my step father – a man who already had a wife and 6 children. She was married to him for 10 years. It was when I was 14 years old that my mother and step father “divorced” (no legal action was necessary) and my mother decided to take the missionary discussions – my brother, sister, mother, and I then joined the LDS church. I’ve now been a member of the LDS church for many years.
Sometimes I tend to forget about my past – it’s not something I generally talk about ever or think about often. I sometimes feel like I’ve always grown up in the LDS church, although that isn’t true.
So what was it like growing up in Utah as a member of a polygamist family? The group I was a member of was a bit different than some others. I can grantee that you would never have guessed I was a member of a polygamist group – we dressed like everyone else as children. Our particular sect didn’t wear long dresses and braids J (classic stereotypes, right?) so the kids blended in with normal society. You could only spot our parents in the summer when they wore long sleeves and long pants in 100 degree weather since their garments were long underwear. But in the winter you’d be hard pressed to point out a member of the AUB in public. But even within the AUB our family was a bit of an oddity. My mother worked full time as a nurse, and I can tell you that isn’t common in fundamentalist groups. In addition to that, my step father’s wives lived in different houses, and even in different cities (many of them lived in the same house or in houses that were next door). I also attended public school. All those things set us apart a little bit as members of the AUB. But it also added a few different elements to my life. I was always living a life of secrecy. Since polygamy is frankly illegal we were always forced to lie. My step father came to our house every other night and his first wife’s house on the other night. So we told our friends that our step father traveled a lot for work. When someone asked me what religion I was I always said “Mormon” although that wasn’t true. I felt I had to lie to protect my family. Since I knew about the Book of Mormon, it was easier to pretend that I was simply one of them.
So all growing up my friends assumed I was LDS – I pretended like I knew what they meant when they said “ward” or “mutual” and as a freshmen in High School I even joined seminary to keep up the charade. It was that same year though – as a freshman that I joined the LDS church and the lies finally stopped. Imagine my friend’s amazement at discovering that I was not LDS. I think they were partly shocked, but mostly excited to see one of their friends joining the church. We had three other kids in our “group” that were not LDS and we were very good friends with them. I don’t know if they ever felt like they weren’t accepted – I loved them the same as my other friends, but I feel certain that they must have felt apart at times. It was sad that I felt I couldn’t be honest with all my friends about my religion, but in truth I think that had more to do with keeping up appearances than me feeling like I needed to fit in. But there is still that element – I did want to fit in so I chose to pretend to be LDS instead of just claiming that I was “Christian”. I know what many of these ladies are saying when they talk about not feeling the same as everyone – I couldn’t have been more different than my friends in many ways.
My motivation for joining the LDS church had little to do with fitting in. In fact, I was quite resistant to the change at first. You see, in fundamentalist groups you are taught that ALL others are wrong. If you think that LDS people are hard noised about being right, then you’d be shocked at the doctrine fundamentalist groups teach. Even the LDS faith is “wrong” and only those of the AUB and other polygamist groups will be saved. It’s pretty sad actually. I know that for many people the LDS church seems to exclude others, but for me, it was a breath of fresh air. I feel that many more people are accepted by members of the LDS church then were in the AUB. Joining the LDS church also gave me a beautiful chance for truth. I never again have to lie about what I believe. I can shout it from the housetops if I so desire. I can also be open and honest with others about what they believe. You don’t have to agree with me and I don’t have to agree with you, but I can still be your friend and accept you. We can still talk about it. I love that.
I think I am generally accepting of other’s beliefs – but I don’t think we always understand each other. There are so many misconceptions out there on BOTH SIDES. Heather’s blog makes me want to try harder to be even more open – so thanks again Heather. Thank you for reminding me of my past and what it felt like to be apart.
So there you go – the perspective of a polygamist child living in Utah.
And this doesn’t even go into how much I LOVE the beauty and the feel of community in Utah, but I think everyone has touched on that sufficiently. I love living here and I think I will be sad to leave when my husband finishes his schooling. We will most likely be off to some other state and I am truly excited for the opportunity to live outside of Utah. But I will miss it here so much!
First off, I just want to say how much I appreciate what Heather is doing. It has opened my eyes SO MUCH to how others are thinking and feeling. It makes me examine what I’ve been doing and think on things I’ve said. I really hope I’ve not offended anyone in the past, or made them feel I look down on them – because it’s never been my intention to. It makes me a better person to know how my actions are affecting others. I also love it because it helps me to examine what I really believe. I have VERY strong feelings about my religion, but I think sometimes I get stuck in a rut and do what I’ve always done. This helps me to look at what I truly believe, question myself, and try to answer all the questions others have. It’s great!
Here’s my story… I’ll try not to be too long winded, but there is something about “coming out” (to be totally cliché) like this that makes it hard to be brief. So I apologize in advance if this is long and I thank you for reading it. Thank you also Heather for posting this anonymously.
I have lived in Utah all of my life. So I can’t say I know what it is like to live anywhere else, but I can imagine that it is unlike any other place. Growing up though I was not a member of the LDS church – it wasn’t until I was 15 that I was baptized and joined the LDS church. I wanted to add the perspective of someone who had grown up here not a member of the church but then later converted. Additionally we are also going to add a twist in here.
My father and mother were both raised in a fundamentalist polygamist group known as the AUB or “the Allreds.” They married young and divorced before my dad had a chance to take a second wife. My dad married an LDS lady and later converted to the LDS church. My mother on the other hand stuck with the AUB and “married” (in the loosest sense here since they weren’t married by law) my step father – a man who already had a wife and 6 children. She was married to him for 10 years. It was when I was 14 years old that my mother and step father “divorced” (no legal action was necessary) and my mother decided to take the missionary discussions – my brother, sister, mother, and I then joined the LDS church. I’ve now been a member of the LDS church for many years.
Sometimes I tend to forget about my past – it’s not something I generally talk about ever or think about often. I sometimes feel like I’ve always grown up in the LDS church, although that isn’t true.
So what was it like growing up in Utah as a member of a polygamist family? The group I was a member of was a bit different than some others. I can grantee that you would never have guessed I was a member of a polygamist group – we dressed like everyone else as children. Our particular sect didn’t wear long dresses and braids J (classic stereotypes, right?) so the kids blended in with normal society. You could only spot our parents in the summer when they wore long sleeves and long pants in 100 degree weather since their garments were long underwear. But in the winter you’d be hard pressed to point out a member of the AUB in public. But even within the AUB our family was a bit of an oddity. My mother worked full time as a nurse, and I can tell you that isn’t common in fundamentalist groups. In addition to that, my step father’s wives lived in different houses, and even in different cities (many of them lived in the same house or in houses that were next door). I also attended public school. All those things set us apart a little bit as members of the AUB. But it also added a few different elements to my life. I was always living a life of secrecy. Since polygamy is frankly illegal we were always forced to lie. My step father came to our house every other night and his first wife’s house on the other night. So we told our friends that our step father traveled a lot for work. When someone asked me what religion I was I always said “Mormon” although that wasn’t true. I felt I had to lie to protect my family. Since I knew about the Book of Mormon, it was easier to pretend that I was simply one of them.
So all growing up my friends assumed I was LDS – I pretended like I knew what they meant when they said “ward” or “mutual” and as a freshmen in High School I even joined seminary to keep up the charade. It was that same year though – as a freshman that I joined the LDS church and the lies finally stopped. Imagine my friend’s amazement at discovering that I was not LDS. I think they were partly shocked, but mostly excited to see one of their friends joining the church. We had three other kids in our “group” that were not LDS and we were very good friends with them. I don’t know if they ever felt like they weren’t accepted – I loved them the same as my other friends, but I feel certain that they must have felt apart at times. It was sad that I felt I couldn’t be honest with all my friends about my religion, but in truth I think that had more to do with keeping up appearances than me feeling like I needed to fit in. But there is still that element – I did want to fit in so I chose to pretend to be LDS instead of just claiming that I was “Christian”. I know what many of these ladies are saying when they talk about not feeling the same as everyone – I couldn’t have been more different than my friends in many ways.
My motivation for joining the LDS church had little to do with fitting in. In fact, I was quite resistant to the change at first. You see, in fundamentalist groups you are taught that ALL others are wrong. If you think that LDS people are hard noised about being right, then you’d be shocked at the doctrine fundamentalist groups teach. Even the LDS faith is “wrong” and only those of the AUB and other polygamist groups will be saved. It’s pretty sad actually. I know that for many people the LDS church seems to exclude others, but for me, it was a breath of fresh air. I feel that many more people are accepted by members of the LDS church then were in the AUB. Joining the LDS church also gave me a beautiful chance for truth. I never again have to lie about what I believe. I can shout it from the housetops if I so desire. I can also be open and honest with others about what they believe. You don’t have to agree with me and I don’t have to agree with you, but I can still be your friend and accept you. We can still talk about it. I love that.
I think I am generally accepting of other’s beliefs – but I don’t think we always understand each other. There are so many misconceptions out there on BOTH SIDES. Heather’s blog makes me want to try harder to be even more open – so thanks again Heather. Thank you for reminding me of my past and what it felt like to be apart.
So there you go – the perspective of a polygamist child living in Utah.
And this doesn’t even go into how much I LOVE the beauty and the feel of community in Utah, but I think everyone has touched on that sufficiently. I love living here and I think I will be sad to leave when my husband finishes his schooling. We will most likely be off to some other state and I am truly excited for the opportunity to live outside of Utah. But I will miss it here so much!
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