Guest Writer: Melanie Hockmuth DeJoode

Heather, I love that you question religion so much! I still do so, also, although I’m pretty comfortable with my beliefs, as undefined as they may be. I was raised as a Christian, but didn’t attend church regularly, as my parents were divorced and I lived with my mom, who didn’t attend church. My dad took me regularly until I was in high school and I decided I didn’t like where we attended (he belongs to a pretty fundamentalist church). At that time, I switched to a Methodist church that one of my friends attended, mainly so that my dad didn’t insist that I go with him. After high school, I quit going altogether.

My mom may be the main source of my skepticism about religion (thank you, Mom!), even though she never really criticized the church too much. She had also been raised a Christian, but left the church when I was in elementary school, under circumstances that I won’t go into here. Having been raised the way I was, I felt a lot of guilt over not going to church, but it just didn’t feel right. I liked the sense of community, but I didn’t agree with some of the teachings of the church or of the feeling that I was being watched by others to see if I was living up to their (the church’s) standards. What I do should be between me and god alone.

While in college in my early 20s, I found the Baha’i Faith. It seemed to fit better with my thoughts in many ways. Baha’is believe in progressive revelation – that we all worship the same god, but that god sent different manifestations at different times to bring his message to the people of the world. Baha’is believe the most recent of those manifestations is a man named Baha’u’llah, who was born in Persia in 1817. In 1863, he announced himself as a divine messenger of god (as were Krishna, Moses, Buddha, Jesus, and Mohammad) and brought new teachings for our time. He sent letters to the kings and rulers of the world proclaiming the coming unification of humanity and urged them to work toward the establishment of a world community and universal peace. Baha’u’llah was exiled throughout most of his life, and lived out his final days in what is now Israel, where the world headquarters of the Baha’i Faith can be found.

The Baha’i Faith espouses the equality of men and women, harmony of science and religion, elimination of prejudice, unity of humankind, and the importance of striving for world peace. In addition, each person is encouraged to undergo an independent investigation of truth, instead of blindly believing and following a minister or other religious head. I became a Baha’i and practiced those beliefs for quite a few years. For the most part, I loved the feelings within the Baha’i community. For a variety of reasons, I stopped attending Baha’i activities.

My credo (which admittedly comes somewhat from the Baha’i Faith) was that “heaven” is nearness to god, while “hell” is distance from god. Meaning that, regardless of whether or not there is a real heaven or hell (I’m still not sure about this, but I’m ok with not knowing), what we do here on earth is what’s important. It means knowing that what we’re doing is right or wrong, and striving to do right for ourselves and all those around us. When I saw the quote you have on your blog, it completely summed up my beliefs and went along with my concept of heaven and hell. "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion."

I don’t see myself as a religious person, but I definitely see myself as spiritual. I believe that we are all connected. I don’t know how to explain it, but I believe it’s there, that there is some “spirit” in the universe that ties us all together and is bigger than we can possibly imagine. I also believe that by calling on that spirit or connection we can make things happen. It’s similar to prayer, but I’m not really praying to a specific person or to god, as much as to the spirit that surrounds and connects us all. And I don’t see that spirit granting my prayer, so much as that by put it out there I am bringing it into reality, whether I’m seeking assistance, guidance, or clarity.

Here’s the part that goes along with your thoughts about god being sexless. I feel this spirit to be female. I see it as a feminine, loving, compassionate, mother-like entity. This is most likely due to my upbringing and cultural experiences of the mother being the loving, caring one. But the funny thing is, when I “pray” I often picture my prayer being addressed to a male figure. This, I suppose, goes along with my religious upbringing in a male-dominated church, where I always prayed to a male god. I have tried over time, with some small amount of success, to picture that prayer going to a female or gender-neutral figure instead of a male figure. At some point, I decided it didn’t really matter who I pictured when I pray, since I know in my heart what that spirit means to me and know that it’s going to the right place, no matter what image I hold in my head.

As for various religions believing that men should hold certain types of positions that women can’t hold, well, I don’t understand that, other than to say the I think it probably came about due to a belief that men are superior to women. It has held on over time for some reason, maybe tradition or a need for men to feel superior, but should be abolished. I must say that was one thing I really liked about the Baha’i Faith. Men and women are, generally, seen as equal and can all hold any position within the Faith. The one exception (that I’ve seen) to that rule in the Baha’i Faith involves education. Because women have traditionally been the ones to raise and educate the children in a family, it is believed that if a choice needs to be made on who receives a better education then it should be the female, as she will be responsible for training future generations. While I don’t totally agree (I think that ideally men and women should both take part in educating the kids), I am thrilled that for once women are given an advantage over men!

I also want to vent my frustration on one other aspect of many religions: that god is to be feared and retribution will follow for wrongdoings (either from god himself, or in the form of the devil). I have never seen god in this way. I see god (if he/she indeed exists) as a loving being. I don’t believe that god guides our actions on a daily basis, so I don’t give credit to god for the good things in my life. Likewise, I don’t blame the devil for tempting me to do bad. I take responsibility for my own actions, good or bad, and believe that god or spirit or whatever is watching from somewhere out there, cheering us on, hoping that we’ll make good choices, and laughing until his/her sides ache at some of the things we humans get into.

So, all that said, I don’t personally believe that any formal religious beliefs are necessary. I agree with much of what I see, but there are things I don't agree with and can't go along with based solely on the fact that the religion/church/etc. tells me I should. I know a lot of people say that that is what faith is about, but I just don't see it that way. I can believe in something that I can't see or prove, but I can't go along with something that seems wrong to me. It took me a long time and I went through a lot of guilt before arriving at the place I am now, but for the first time, I truly feel comfortable with my beliefs. I know that what I am doing and what I believe are right for me.

While I may not agree with the doctrines of all religious beliefs, if others choose to believe in a specific religion, that is up to them and I’m in no position to judge them for doing so. Different things work for different people, and no one way is inherently superior to another. I know that religion serves many purposes, both spiritual and social, and that people choose to believe what they believe for a variety of reasons. I’m cool with that, since, hopefully, whatever path we choose will bring each of us closer to being who we truly should be.