Guest Writer: Conversion to the LDS Church

This post was written by a woman who has taught me a lot about acceptance while maintaining strong beliefs. I know the author lives her religion and I also know she stood by me when I faced some mild discrimination. To me she exemplifies what a religion should be about: living your life the way you feel you should while accepting others even when their beliefs cause them to live in a different way. Thank you.

First off, I just want to say how much I appreciate what Heather is doing. It has opened my eyes SO MUCH to how others are thinking and feeling. It makes me examine what I’ve been doing and think on things I’ve said. I really hope I’ve not offended anyone in the past, or made them feel I look down on them – because it’s never been my intention to. It makes me a better person to know how my actions are affecting others. I also love it because it helps me to examine what I really believe. I have VERY strong feelings about my religion, but I think sometimes I get stuck in a rut and do what I’ve always done. This helps me to look at what I truly believe, question myself, and try to answer all the questions others have. It’s great!

Here’s my story… I’ll try not to be too long winded, but there is something about “coming out” (to be totally cliché) like this that makes it hard to be brief. So I apologize in advance if this is long and I thank you for reading it. Thank you also Heather for posting this anonymously.

I have lived in Utah all of my life. So I can’t say I know what it is like to live anywhere else, but I can imagine that it is unlike any other place. Growing up though I was not a member of the LDS church – it wasn’t until I was 15 that I was baptized and joined the LDS church. I wanted to add the perspective of someone who had grown up here not a member of the church but then later converted. Additionally we are also going to add a twist in here.

My father and mother were both raised in a fundamentalist polygamist group known as the AUB or “the Allreds.” They married young and divorced before my dad had a chance to take a second wife. My dad married an LDS lady and later converted to the LDS church. My mother on the other hand stuck with the AUB and “married” (in the loosest sense here since they weren’t married by law) my step father – a man who already had a wife and 6 children. She was married to him for 10 years. It was when I was 14 years old that my mother and step father “divorced” (no legal action was necessary) and my mother decided to take the missionary discussions – my brother, sister, mother, and I then joined the LDS church. I’ve now been a member of the LDS church for many years.

Sometimes I tend to forget about my past – it’s not something I generally talk about ever or think about often. I sometimes feel like I’ve always grown up in the LDS church, although that isn’t true.

So what was it like growing up in Utah as a member of a polygamist family? The group I was a member of was a bit different than some others. I can grantee that you would never have guessed I was a member of a polygamist group – we dressed like everyone else as children. Our particular sect didn’t wear long dresses and braids J (classic stereotypes, right?) so the kids blended in with normal society. You could only spot our parents in the summer when they wore long sleeves and long pants in 100 degree weather since their garments were long underwear. But in the winter you’d be hard pressed to point out a member of the AUB in public. But even within the AUB our family was a bit of an oddity. My mother worked full time as a nurse, and I can tell you that isn’t common in fundamentalist groups. In addition to that, my step father’s wives lived in different houses, and even in different cities (many of them lived in the same house or in houses that were next door). I also attended public school. All those things set us apart a little bit as members of the AUB. But it also added a few different elements to my life. I was always living a life of secrecy. Since polygamy is frankly illegal we were always forced to lie. My step father came to our house every other night and his first wife’s house on the other night. So we told our friends that our step father traveled a lot for work. When someone asked me what religion I was I always said “Mormon” although that wasn’t true. I felt I had to lie to protect my family. Since I knew about the Book of Mormon, it was easier to pretend that I was simply one of them.

So all growing up my friends assumed I was LDS – I pretended like I knew what they meant when they said “ward” or “mutual” and as a freshmen in High School I even joined seminary to keep up the charade. It was that same year though – as a freshman that I joined the LDS church and the lies finally stopped. Imagine my friend’s amazement at discovering that I was not LDS. I think they were partly shocked, but mostly excited to see one of their friends joining the church. We had three other kids in our “group” that were not LDS and we were very good friends with them. I don’t know if they ever felt like they weren’t accepted – I loved them the same as my other friends, but I feel certain that they must have felt apart at times. It was sad that I felt I couldn’t be honest with all my friends about my religion, but in truth I think that had more to do with keeping up appearances than me feeling like I needed to fit in. But there is still that element – I did want to fit in so I chose to pretend to be LDS instead of just claiming that I was “Christian”. I know what many of these ladies are saying when they talk about not feeling the same as everyone – I couldn’t have been more different than my friends in many ways.

My motivation for joining the LDS church had little to do with fitting in. In fact, I was quite resistant to the change at first. You see, in fundamentalist groups you are taught that ALL others are wrong. If you think that LDS people are hard noised about being right, then you’d be shocked at the doctrine fundamentalist groups teach. Even the LDS faith is “wrong” and only those of the AUB and other polygamist groups will be saved. It’s pretty sad actually. I know that for many people the LDS church seems to exclude others, but for me, it was a breath of fresh air. I feel that many more people are accepted by members of the LDS church then were in the AUB. Joining the LDS church also gave me a beautiful chance for truth. I never again have to lie about what I believe. I can shout it from the housetops if I so desire. I can also be open and honest with others about what they believe. You don’t have to agree with me and I don’t have to agree with you, but I can still be your friend and accept you. We can still talk about it. I love that.

I think I am generally accepting of other’s beliefs – but I don’t think we always understand each other. There are so many misconceptions out there on BOTH SIDES. Heather’s blog makes me want to try harder to be even more open – so thanks again Heather. Thank you for reminding me of my past and what it felt like to be apart.

So there you go – the perspective of a polygamist child living in Utah.

And this doesn’t even go into how much I LOVE the beauty and the feel of community in Utah, but I think everyone has touched on that sufficiently. I love living here and I think I will be sad to leave when my husband finishes his schooling. We will most likely be off to some other state and I am truly excited for the opportunity to live outside of Utah. But I will miss it here so much!