I have been asked to refer to the LDS writing, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" and I can definitely see where my interpretation is going to lead me to make very different assumptions than those who were raised in the LDS religion.
First, I definitely agree that making families strong is an important component in making strong individuals, which will in turn make strong communities. I quote, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." I agree that forgiveness, respect, love, work and mutual recreational activities breed healthy relationships between persons in a family. I think having similar ideas about spirituality may make it easier for a couple to relate to one another, but I also know couples with very different religious beliefs who have strong families.
This line, "We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God," makes sense to me, although I'm sure my understanding of family responsibilities may differ slightly from those intended by the authors of this proclamation, because of what is written elsewhere:
"marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." My definition of marriage entails love and respect by two consenting adults (preferably over the age of 25)who decide, bravely, to embark on a journey together that involves accepting the changes that will inevitably occur between the individuals, but if understood will strengthen the commitment. I do not think the adults need to be of the opposite sex, nor do I think bearing children needs to occur, in fact, given the overpopulation of our society, I would think God was smart enough to realize that non-child bearing adults marrying is part of a divine plan.
This is the portion that I presume makes my previous observations of sexism within the LDS religion difficult to understand by those who practice the religion: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." I would say that one of the necessities of life includes nurturing the children and that both parents are responsible for providing the necessities of life, regardless of sex. On a personal note, I tend to think it's great when in a 2-parent household one parent prefers to provide the financial resources necessary for meeting a family's tangible needs and one parent prefers to attend to the daily caregiving of children, but again, I don't think choosing those roles should be based on the person's sex - and if in a homosexual marriage, obviously sex doesn't matter.
This proclamation actually makes me sad, because I see it as limiting persons within confines that negates the commitment and love so many people want to share with the world and with children. I ache when I think of my friends who have partners of the same sex, but are told by society their commitment to one another is somehow wrong. I think of God as embracing all persons, wanting there to be love expressed in our communities that is not limited by a person's sex and the allowance for people to be who they are, without the shame that comes from the judgment of cultural norms created by humans.
Last night I had another wonderful conversation with neighbors of ours, who I adore, and we imagined a world in which all persons had civil unions that were recognized by society and those who wanted a religious ceremony could have that, but one must have a civil union to be recognized as married in our world (I hope I got that right and am not twisting their words!).
I definitely appreciate the commitment to families in Utah - nowhere else has the presence of children been so accepted at community functions, parents are expected and encouraged to be involved in their child's educational endeavors, and many families work together to insure their household is run smoothly with each person responsible for certain tasks. I love those things! I also see many women working outside the home, achieving multiple degrees in education and involved with community organizations, so I really wonder if this proclamation reflects current practices or if it has been adjusted to allow women to feel they can be better nurturers of the children in their care by nurturing themselves, which I think is so important.
I'm excited to read the responses to this, because as always, I know my interpretation comes from my own experiences, my biases and my hopes for myself and my family. When I read the responses of others that may differ from mine, I hope I will remember that they come from the same place in others: a place of wanting what is best for oneself and those one loves.
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Heather, as you know, I deeply admire and respect you and your views and commitment, although I don't always agree with you. I do want to point out a couple of sentences that follow the ones about fathers' and mothers' responsibilities -- "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed."
I think the point is that there is an ideal (a thought with which I know you disagree) but that in the end we have to do our best with what we have (with which, I'm guessing, you do agree).
I think it all comes down to differing beliefs about where we come from, why we are are and where we are going.
Lovingly and Respectfully,
Camille
It's funny you wrote about this because I was just thinking the other day that we don't have the proclamation up in our house anywhere. I have a few copies somewhere in the house but I haven't had the desire to frame one and put it up. There are many things that I agree with but then there are things that I don't. As I stated in my post about being LDS, I don't believe that marriage is only between a man and a woman. That's one of my BIGGEST issues and one that I just don't understand at all. Because of that I can't put up a statement on my wall saying that it's between only a man and a woman. I also don't feel that I have to decorate my home with a nice looking frame with maybe flowers in it and the proclamation. I know what I believe, my kids do as well. I do have a painting of Christ on my wall,a big Buddha bust on the fireplace and a feminine figure holding a child up in the air (it's black and she's naked,oh my!)on a bookshelf in the front room. Actually all three of those things are in the front room. Heather, have you ever read the book "feminine face of God"? It's good. I read that awhile back when I was in a big questioning time of my life with feminism and the church. I also went to all the sunstone meetings and those were amazing. Sorry that last bit was a bit off topic. I'm glad you wrote about this though. It's interesting to read someone else's thoughts that is not LDS.
Heather,
I hope I can comment as a friend and not as your daughter's teacher. I hope you know that I would never press my beliefs on my students.
I did, however, want to explain something else that seems to be a hang up about the LDS religion for a lot of people. The idea of commandments, rules, and requirements. Let me preface it by sharing a story. A family member stopped by our house today and we had a chance to visit. She was telling me about her son. He has made some terrible choices in his life that are leading him down a dangerous path. And yet, she expressed her unconditional love for him. She even went so far as to say that even if he was a serial killer, she would be there every week behind the glass. I would like to compare that to God. We are all God's children. He loves each and every one of us, despite our choices and lifestyles. That is unconditional.
The thing is, God has commandments. These are not meant as restrictions and punishments, but rather, as protections and ways for which to bless us. Just like as a parent, you have rules and guidelines for your darling daughter. Some commandments are like rules such as "don't touch the hot stove". We don't teach our children to avoid that because we want to punish them, or to make them miserable. We know what will happen if they touch it. Likewise, some of God's commandments are like that. He knows what will happen if we do certain things, like cheat on our spouses, for example. It will cause heartache and ultimately destory our families. So in order to spare us the pain, He gives us commandments to be chaste and virtuous. Likewise, commandments about drinks/drugs we should avoid. It is a code of health, if you will. By avoiding certain substances, we keep ourselves from addictions and things that enslave our bodies.
Some commandments are a way to bless us. I would like to compare that to homework (I'm a teacher, after all). Is the child going to have pain and suffering for not doing their homework? (well, I might yell and scream, but that's not what I mean.) But as their teacher, I know the benefits and blessings they will receive for doing their homework... they will receive good study habits, they will increase their education, solidify the concepts they learned, and ultimately become better students. Some commandments are like this. God has promised us that if we follow His commandments, He will bless us. At the risk of opening another can of worms, I give the example of tithing. There is a blessing promised in Malachi that says that if you pay your tithing, God will "open the windows of heaven and pour out blessings upon you".
Okay, so the point of this, (I'm starting to forget the point...), oh yes, your suggestion that God can't discriminate or hate those in same sex marriages...
You're right. He doesn't hate them. In fact, He loves them. Just as any mother or father loves their children, unconditionally. But He does give commandments, as outlined in the Bible, the Book of
Mormon, through modern day prophets (yes, they still exist!), and even the Proclamation to the Family. Commandments which are given to protect and bless us.
I strongly believe this, and have felt the blessings of following the commandments in my own life.
Fortunately, it is NOT my job to judge others and their choices, so I hope that I am not coming across as a "better than anyone else" type of person. I, too, am so often found on the "less than perfect" side of things. I just merely wanted to explain that God does love all His children, though not all actions are acceptable in His eyes. We are still accountable for what we do.
(Your topics sure are... shall we say touchy? controversial? sensitive? But I do appreciate being able to openly express my beliefs!)
Camille - I definitely agree with you, we have to do the best with what we have and I also think there is an ideal: unconditional love for all sentient beings and the attempt to understand without judgment!
Stacey - We practice a lot of Buddhism in our home, but I do not treat the mala (prayer beads) as I was taught: never touch the floor, place in a special area, etc., because that's just too weird for me. I take what I want from the teachings I've heard and just toss the rest!
Kellie - yep, controversial topics, because I LOVE knowing what people think about these things! Thank you for posting and I know you do not teach your religious beliefs to your students and I know that my daughter has learned a lot of wonderful things from you. I love the idea of a god who is all-loving, no matter what and I definitely understand the parental analogy. I guess I just don't think humans need to decipher God's ideas/plans, because it's just commonsense: take care of yourself, take care of your neighbors and take care of your community. Taking care of yourself definitely means many things in moderation and abstinence of some things and as the Buddhists teach - mindful living! Being mindful in all things we do, I believe, leads to a life of passion, love, understanding and good choices.
I consider myself agnostic when it comes to belief in a God, but I definitely pray to a God, I smile at the thought of God's arms wrapped around me and I know God is beyond my comprehension, so no need for me to worry so much about the details, although I can see how the details lead to a better life for oneself. Oh, now my mind is going round and round again - which is why I love this kind of stuff, always something to think about in a new way!!
Heather, I just meant we disagreed on what the "ideal" was. I also believe "unconditional love for all sentient beings and the attempt to understand without judgment" is a wonderful ideal regarding how we should treat each other and something to which each of us as human beings should aspire. The ideal to which I was referring was the make up of the family unit about which, I think, we do have differing views.
I, too appreciate the way you make us all think and define and grow when considering your controversial topics. You've definitely made me ponder and more firmly establish what I believe -- which is wonderful!
Heather, I guess what it all comes down to is whether or not you believe someone can be called of God to receive revelation from God, and I do believe the Proclamation is inspired of God.
I know that you said you aren't this way, but for me, I can accept anything from the leaders of the LDS church without any question, because I know that God will not allow them to lead us wrong. I don't think it's wrong to have questions or doubts even, since that can lead us to having firm convictions, even in the things we once doubted. The reason my faith is so strong is because I've had countless experiences in my own life that confirm my faith over and over again. I think it started as I heard it taught me by my parents and other leaders in the church, but it really became my own once I started doing things on my own (reading the scriptures, praying, and keeping the commandments). It was really simple, a lot of small, seemingly insignificant things, but it added up to where now I can't deny that this way of life is what makes me happiest. So, when questions like this come up, I appreciate the opportunity to see it from someone else's eyes and to try to figure out where the differences in our perspectives come from. Thanks for being so willing to read the Proclamation and then to share your thoughts!!
Lindsay -
I am ALWAYS happy to share my thoughts, much to many people's dismay :)
I am impressed that you are willing to take the words of the leaders of the LDS church without question - every Sunday I sit in the church we attend (First Presbyterian in Logan) and I question nearly every word that comes out of his mouth! I also realize he is human and his experiences are going to lend to that which he preaches, just as my experiences are interpreting that which he says. Fortunately, I can email him with my questions and we have had some great theological discussions.
So my question is, how do you feel about the words of other prophets or leaders of other religions: the Pope, the bishop of the Episcopal Church, the Dalai Lama, etc.? Do you feel that only the leaders of the LDS Church speak the truth? I'm asking because this has been an obstacle for me as I've known people of other religions. I cannot imagine telling them they are wrong, because they were raised to believe the words spoken by these persons is the truth. Does that make sense?
Thanks Lindsay! On another note - I cannot wait to hear of your adventures in teaching!
Oh Heather, thank you so much for asking this question! (And thanks for sending me an e-mail, because I don't get notifications... I just randomly check when I think about it).
I believe that the President of the LDS Church is called of God to be a prophet, seer and revelator for the entire world (not just the LDS faith). He is the only person on earth with certain priesthood keys and authority to speak for God to the world. That doesn't mean, however, that there aren't inspired people all over the world from all times AND faiths. In addition to revealed truth from the prophet, we can also receive personal revelation for our own unique circumstances. General Authorities (leaders over the entire church, who speak to the Church as a whole during General Conference twice a year) give general advice. We need to apply it, in a very personal way, through use of our own personal revelation, making sure it still jives with the basic principles of the gospel. Now, getting back to your question, I feel that there are many good things, and truths taught by the Pope, the Dalai Lama, Leo Buscaglia (love him!), and when what they say resonates with my spirit and "feel right" to me, I embrace it. However, I've never felt that with anything that goes contrary with the teachings of the prophets in the LDS faith. I've also never found anything outside the LDS faith that completely resonates with me 100% all the time. Basically, if it jives with LDS doctrine, yes, I accept it. Or, if it's just plain good advice, YES! I hope this answers your question, even if you don't agree with this way of interpreting other leaders outside the LDS faith.
And I am so excited to begin teaching... and nervous!! I LOVE the books you gave me... THANK YOU again!!!!
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