Guest Writer: Stacey

To start off and just get it all out there, I’m a Democratic Mormon, Pro Gay marriage, I don’t think that religion or the government should be involved in a person’s choice to have an abortion, I see R rated movies and I drink tea. So what, some of you may say! It’s a big deal in the LDS church and there are few and few and far between of us that feel this same way and that are active in the church. I didn’t start out this way and my parents and I do not agree on everything I said above. One brother and I feel and believe the same things and my other brother and I couldn’t be more opposite than we are. I grew up in Logan, Utah and I lived there until I was 21 and then moved to Provo, Utah. I was married in the Logan Temple to a return missionary, which for a long time I didn’t think I would ever do. I think my parents and a lot of people that knew me wondered the same. I have friends that are not LDS and also friends who have left the church, who ask me every so often why I’m still part of the church or why I believe in it when I support gay marriage and abortion. I really don’t have a perfect answer for them and I’m sure it’s one that never makes sense to them either. I have issues at times with people in the church but I believe the gospel. That might be a lame reasoning (to some) but it’s who I am and how I feel. It works for me and for my family. I don’t feel that I’m hurting anyone by being a member of the LDS church, I’m accepting of everyone and hope they are the same of me. That’s all I ask. I have to separate the issues I have with the church from how I feel when I’m at church and with my church friends. I don’t put the two together. I can’t explain it any other way. I believe that if my LDS friends and my non- LDS friends were to get together, we would all get along. I choose friends that treat others with kindness and acceptance and that are just all around good people.

Like I said above, I grew up in Logan, Utah. My parents were never completely active. If there were something else to go do on Sunday, that’s what we went in did. That included movies, parties with family or going out to dinner. Things that some Mormon’s would say are big no-no’s on Sunday. I felt close to the church though and I felt something special about it. I didn’t feel like I fit in with the people in my “ward”. I never really got along with the other girls in my church and that lasted from elementary up to High School. When I was in 4th grade my parents decided to move me from the elementary school in my neighborhood up to the elementary school on USU campus. I am forever grateful for that decision. I made some of my best friends there and friends I’m still in contact with. I made friends with kids that were from Korea, Spain and India. They were all different religions as well, Buddhist, Muslim and Catholic. I loved it; my new world was exciting, bright and fun. I tried new foods, listened to new music and it was eye opening to me. I think it was going to school there that really shaped how I look at people now. I finally realized that there is this whole other world outside of the Mormon culture and life and that it’s good and that I could learn from it.

When I was in the end of Middle School I found drugs and alcohol and it was fun. It was another eye opener. Unfortunately because of it I looked at school as being only social and I didn’t pay as much attention to it as I should have. I do regret it now to a degree. There are things I wouldn’t change about that time but also I think I could have made more of myself if I had paid less attention to when the next party was and a little bit more on getting good grades and being more involved. I still went to church on Sunday even though I had been out partying the night before but then so did a lot of other kids in my ward. I have a good friend that I’ve known since we were Brownies. She is a great person and as far as I know has never had a drop of alcohol in her life. She is a friend that has been supportive of me from day one, even when I was being an idiot in High School.

I barely graduated but thanks to a nice vice principal and an amazing English teacher I made it. I went on a study abroad through Logan High School to Germany and after that the travel bug was born. It was another chance to see life outside of Utah and to meet some wonderful people. During this whole time I had stopped going to church and I felt some freedom for the first time. After coming home I went back east to Rhode Island to be a nanny for a family in Providence. It was supposed to be for a year and I quit after 5 months. Families back east love to have Mormon girls for Nannies. Almost every nanny I met was from Utah and a Mormon. I didn’t have a great experience with my family but I loved being on the east coast. To cut a long story short, the father of the family I worked for made a pass at me during their celebration of Rosh Hashanah at their home and in front of family. The next day I quit. Living on the east coast and traveling around was the only good thing about that experience.

After getting back from the East Coast I returned to USU and for the first time I was happy to be back in Utah. The same friend I mentioned above that I had known for a long time introduced me to some friends that were going to Taiwan to teach English. This was in April of 1988. I had no idea where Taiwan was at the time and I didn’t even have money to buy a ticket. When I mentioned it to my parents they thought it was a bad idea and I should just stay in school and stay at home and earn money. I can still remember a couple weeks after that they asked me one night if I was still interested in going to Taiwan and if so they would help me buy a one way ticket. I would have to earn my return ticket from teaching English. A few weeks after that I had my passport and ticket and a group of about 10 of us boarded a plane for Taiwan. None of us spoke Mandarin or even knew anyone to contact when we got there. It was exhilarating. I know I’m going off topic here, this is supposed to be about Utah. I’ll get back there, I promise. I thought going to Taiwan would be this great summer of being able to go into bars and order drinks and not have to feel pressured to go to church. The funny thing is that by the time I was ready to go back to Utah I had stopped drinking completely and I had started going to church again. I think being able to go to church on my own and not feel pushed to do so made a big difference. I also stated writing my friend (a guy friend who was on a mission) more seriously and our letters changed from being just casual day to day stuff, to wondering what the other would be doing long term.

One thing I’m sad about is that during this change in myself I didn’t know how to balance friends that were active, those that weren’t and those that weren’t LDS. Caring about the church, finding out how I felt about all of it and who I was a lot to figure out at a young age. I feel like I pushed some friends away. That’s a regret of mine luckily with time; we are now back in touch again. Yeah for FB. When I got back to Utah the letters to my friend kept getting more and more serious. He got home from his mission in December; we were engaged in February and married in June. Fast, I know. I like to remind people that we were good friend for 5 yrs before that. He was my best friend for a long time before getting married.

Now 21 yrs later a lot has changed. We had one biological daughter and adopted two kids, a boy and a girl. We lived in Provo for a few years, then to Northern California and now in Washington State. I’ve become stronger in my beliefs living outside of Utah. We’ve been lucky to live in areas where there are other LDS people that are open in their beliefs like we are. I’ve met some pretty amazing non-LDS people and amazing LDS people while living in California and in Washington. Not to say there aren’t amazing people in Utah, because there are. I have great friends in Utah and I miss them dearly. I’ve met people through FB, like Heather and I hope to meet her in person one day. I don’t know if this made any sense. I’m grateful for what my life has been like so far and all the people I’ve met through it and I look forward to whatever is coming my way. I miss Utah, the scenery and my family. I thought I would end this jumbled blog by listing some things I love about Utah by their seasons and the things I miss the most about Utah.

Fall-Driving back from Salt Lake and going through Sardine Canyon. Apple Cider from Zollingers in October. People burning leaves in their yards. Seeing some snow on the peaks of the Wellsville mountains but not ready for it yet.

Winter-Waking up to snow and hearing the heat kick on before getting out of bed. Even though it’s cold, the crunching sound when walking on frozen grass. Fires and having hot cocoa. Christmas Eve in Logan.

Spring-Snow on Easter. Rolling eggs down old Main when there isn’t snow on Easter. Tulips coming up at my parents house. The promise of summer in Logan and all over Utah.

Summer-Thunder storms. The smell of rain on hot cement. Cool summer nights. Camping all over Utah. Logan Canyon, need I say more? Bear Lake and Raspberry shakes.