Parental Influence

The other night my very lovely friends and I went out to dinner and then followed up our yummy meal with thought-provoking (at least for me) conversation. At one point we were talking about wanting our children to make the choice to follow the religion in which they were being raised - ok, my friends want that, I have not raised Sophie in one religious community and it's been something I've thought a lot about.

My own upbringing consisted of being baptized as an infant (so I do not remember it), Sunday School, learning specific prayers and songs, Vacation Bible School every summer, receiving my own Holy Bible at the age of 8 and eventually teaching Sunday School and Vacation Bible School - all before I left home at 18. Also, every Christmas season my family would read the story of the birth of Jesus as we celebrated advent. These are experiences I recall fondly, though as a child I was more excited about the food at Vacation Bible School than the actual lessons and my hope to be the one to light the candle during advent may have kept me from listening as the story from the Bible was being read.

At the age of 18 I came out to Utah and chose to foster my rebellious nature by claiming to be an atheist, or at least agnostic. This satisfied me for a few years, until I decided I wanted to go back to the church in which I was raised. When I returned physically to the church, I realized that mentally I did not believe what was being preached.

As strong as my parents are in their religious convictions, I feel my siblings and I were always taught to question, to think for ourselves and fortunately we knew people with varying beliefs. I'm putting words in my parents' mouths, but I feel they never wanted children who blindly followed along and although I think they hoped we'd all choose Christianity's path, they also knew that at 18 we'd be going out into a world much larger than the cocoon in which they'd raised us and I always got the message that this was expected of us - to experience new things, explore new horizons and learn from new people.

Now I'm the parent and Soph's religious upbringing has been more of the buffet variety than the 4 course meal. When I was pregnant we attended services at a couple protestant churches in Michigan, but decided not to have Sophie baptized into any specific denomination. We celebrate Christmas, we talk about biblical stories and may have mentioned that Easter is more than just chocolate bunnies and colorful eggs. In Texas we took Sophie to a children's class in Buddhism and I loved the focus on meditation and stories of great persons of all religions. Sophie seemed to embrace the idea of reincarnation and think about the idea of teachers coming in all forms and not needing to be worshipped. One of my favorite Sophie questions is: "Mom, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus were all important people, right?" My response: "Right." Sophie: "Then why do people only worship Jesus?"

I realize that just as my parents influenced me and raised me under their belief umbrella, Steve and I are doing the same with Sophie. Often times this means we tell Sophie that we just don't know. I loved thinking as a child that death meant going to a place that is peaceful and happy and seeing my loved ones. We tell Sophie that we hope it is that way, but we just don't know. Am I depriving my child of a hopeful eternal existence? Possibly.

Since returning to Utah we have attended Prince of Peace Lutheran Church and First Presbyterian Church. The pastors at each church have been important to Sophie, and I feel she is listening to the sermons even as she reads through the Garfield books she brings along. We do not take Sophie to Sunday School - we have asked her if she wants to go, and she says no. Steve and I are very open with Sophie that we do not believe Jesus Christ is the savior, but we find peace at church and we appreciate thinking about the words that are being spoken.

Sophie knows I lean a lot toward Buddhist beliefs, that I enjoy reading books by Buddhist authors and that for awhile I attended a sangha in Logan. I also love talking about religion with a variety of people and feel it is important to explore and learn about various religions, including attending their services.

I am curious where Sophie's religious compass will point when she is 18 and then 25 and then 40 - as mine has changed as I've grown older. Will she choose to become a Christian? Will she study religions to which we have not exposed her? Will she feel sad that we were not more permanent members of one religious community?

To Sophie I say this, at this point in my life - Believe in yourself. Believe that if there is a god, that god loves you more than humans can comprehend, that that god is someone you may speak to openly, without inhibitions and without fear of judgment. Know that most religions teach of compassion, understanding and love for all of humanity and those are really, really good things. Know that your father and I believe we have been blessed by your presence in our lives and because of our love for you, we can understand the idea of a god who loves all god's children without conditions. Never stop questioning, never stop learning and although passing judgment is normal, be the open-minded, open-hearted person you are right at this moment.