I have been asked to refer to the LDS writing, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" and I can definitely see where my interpretation is going to lead me to make very different assumptions than those who were raised in the LDS religion.
First, I definitely agree that making families strong is an important component in making strong individuals, which will in turn make strong communities. I quote, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." I agree that forgiveness, respect, love, work and mutual recreational activities breed healthy relationships between persons in a family. I think having similar ideas about spirituality may make it easier for a couple to relate to one another, but I also know couples with very different religious beliefs who have strong families.
This line, "We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God," makes sense to me, although I'm sure my understanding of family responsibilities may differ slightly from those intended by the authors of this proclamation, because of what is written elsewhere:
"marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." My definition of marriage entails love and respect by two consenting adults (preferably over the age of 25)who decide, bravely, to embark on a journey together that involves accepting the changes that will inevitably occur between the individuals, but if understood will strengthen the commitment. I do not think the adults need to be of the opposite sex, nor do I think bearing children needs to occur, in fact, given the overpopulation of our society, I would think God was smart enough to realize that non-child bearing adults marrying is part of a divine plan.
This is the portion that I presume makes my previous observations of sexism within the LDS religion difficult to understand by those who practice the religion: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." I would say that one of the necessities of life includes nurturing the children and that both parents are responsible for providing the necessities of life, regardless of sex. On a personal note, I tend to think it's great when in a 2-parent household one parent prefers to provide the financial resources necessary for meeting a family's tangible needs and one parent prefers to attend to the daily caregiving of children, but again, I don't think choosing those roles should be based on the person's sex - and if in a homosexual marriage, obviously sex doesn't matter.
This proclamation actually makes me sad, because I see it as limiting persons within confines that negates the commitment and love so many people want to share with the world and with children. I ache when I think of my friends who have partners of the same sex, but are told by society their commitment to one another is somehow wrong. I think of God as embracing all persons, wanting there to be love expressed in our communities that is not limited by a person's sex and the allowance for people to be who they are, without the shame that comes from the judgment of cultural norms created by humans.
Last night I had another wonderful conversation with neighbors of ours, who I adore, and we imagined a world in which all persons had civil unions that were recognized by society and those who wanted a religious ceremony could have that, but one must have a civil union to be recognized as married in our world (I hope I got that right and am not twisting their words!).
I definitely appreciate the commitment to families in Utah - nowhere else has the presence of children been so accepted at community functions, parents are expected and encouraged to be involved in their child's educational endeavors, and many families work together to insure their household is run smoothly with each person responsible for certain tasks. I love those things! I also see many women working outside the home, achieving multiple degrees in education and involved with community organizations, so I really wonder if this proclamation reflects current practices or if it has been adjusted to allow women to feel they can be better nurturers of the children in their care by nurturing themselves, which I think is so important.
I'm excited to read the responses to this, because as always, I know my interpretation comes from my own experiences, my biases and my hopes for myself and my family. When I read the responses of others that may differ from mine, I hope I will remember that they come from the same place in others: a place of wanting what is best for oneself and those one loves.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Observations in Wyoming
I did not have my camera readily available, but if I had, these are the pics I would've taken while stopping in Rock Springs, Wyoming:
1) The store Hide and Fur. The great thing about this siting was that I kept wondering why the words hide (thinking it meant like hide-and-seek) and fur were together and my 10-year old daughter had to explain it to me: hide, as in animal hide. Ohhhh! I am definitely not a typical westerner (yep, I am stereotyping here, but it's my blog, so I can do that).
2) The Loaf 'n Jug, which can also be found in Colorado, and maybe other states, I don't know. Can you imagine saying to your significant other, "Hey hon, will you pick up a loaf...oh, and a jug?" Nice.
3) The shirt worn by the woman at the Wal-Mart (we stopped there to get Subway sandwiches): You don't hunt - so I don't see you (or something, I didn't have my camera to capture the exact words). Wow, she really likes hunting!
I know it is not right to make fun of a state for my biased observations and really, I spent the first two years of my life in New Jersey for pete's sake, but it is such a different world to me and what do we do when faced with something out of the ordinary? We make fun of it. Not nice, not at all politically correct, but we do it.
Here's the religious bit: I believe in reincarnation as taught by the Buddhism philosophy - that if you don't get it right you have to keep coming back, so when I make fun of Wyoming I totally imagine that I will come back living in Wyoming. Yep. I will frequent the Hide and Fur, the Loaf 'n Jug and I will sport t-shirts such as that worn by the woman at Wal-mart. I think belief in this type of karma keeps us on the straight and narrow, most of the time.
I also realize that Wyoming is an amazingly beautiful state - so breathtaking that it made me wonder why we are leaving this part of the country! The people in Wyoming are like people everywhere, and I am a complete jerk for judging them based on my idiotic preconceived ideas of what culture entails. I know this. It's just that the above observations seem so, ya know...Wyoming!
On another note: I had to call the city of Chelsea (where we're hoping to move in Michigan) and ask, "How many dogs may we have?" I realized later I should have added, "We're moving out there from Utah, how many wives can my husband have?" Yep, stereotyping again, 'cause that's what I do. (By the way, you can only have 2 dogs in the city of Chelsea, so it appears we will not be living in the "city" - population is about 5000 - does that qualify as a city?)
1) The store Hide and Fur. The great thing about this siting was that I kept wondering why the words hide (thinking it meant like hide-and-seek) and fur were together and my 10-year old daughter had to explain it to me: hide, as in animal hide. Ohhhh! I am definitely not a typical westerner (yep, I am stereotyping here, but it's my blog, so I can do that).
2) The Loaf 'n Jug, which can also be found in Colorado, and maybe other states, I don't know. Can you imagine saying to your significant other, "Hey hon, will you pick up a loaf...oh, and a jug?" Nice.
3) The shirt worn by the woman at the Wal-Mart (we stopped there to get Subway sandwiches): You don't hunt - so I don't see you (or something, I didn't have my camera to capture the exact words). Wow, she really likes hunting!
I know it is not right to make fun of a state for my biased observations and really, I spent the first two years of my life in New Jersey for pete's sake, but it is such a different world to me and what do we do when faced with something out of the ordinary? We make fun of it. Not nice, not at all politically correct, but we do it.
Here's the religious bit: I believe in reincarnation as taught by the Buddhism philosophy - that if you don't get it right you have to keep coming back, so when I make fun of Wyoming I totally imagine that I will come back living in Wyoming. Yep. I will frequent the Hide and Fur, the Loaf 'n Jug and I will sport t-shirts such as that worn by the woman at Wal-mart. I think belief in this type of karma keeps us on the straight and narrow, most of the time.
I also realize that Wyoming is an amazingly beautiful state - so breathtaking that it made me wonder why we are leaving this part of the country! The people in Wyoming are like people everywhere, and I am a complete jerk for judging them based on my idiotic preconceived ideas of what culture entails. I know this. It's just that the above observations seem so, ya know...Wyoming!
On another note: I had to call the city of Chelsea (where we're hoping to move in Michigan) and ask, "How many dogs may we have?" I realized later I should have added, "We're moving out there from Utah, how many wives can my husband have?" Yep, stereotyping again, 'cause that's what I do. (By the way, you can only have 2 dogs in the city of Chelsea, so it appears we will not be living in the "city" - population is about 5000 - does that qualify as a city?)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Guest Writer: Melanie Hockmuth DeJoode
Heather, I love that you question religion so much! I still do so, also, although I’m pretty comfortable with my beliefs, as undefined as they may be. I was raised as a Christian, but didn’t attend church regularly, as my parents were divorced and I lived with my mom, who didn’t attend church. My dad took me regularly until I was in high school and I decided I didn’t like where we attended (he belongs to a pretty fundamentalist church). At that time, I switched to a Methodist church that one of my friends attended, mainly so that my dad didn’t insist that I go with him. After high school, I quit going altogether.
My mom may be the main source of my skepticism about religion (thank you, Mom!), even though she never really criticized the church too much. She had also been raised a Christian, but left the church when I was in elementary school, under circumstances that I won’t go into here. Having been raised the way I was, I felt a lot of guilt over not going to church, but it just didn’t feel right. I liked the sense of community, but I didn’t agree with some of the teachings of the church or of the feeling that I was being watched by others to see if I was living up to their (the church’s) standards. What I do should be between me and god alone.
While in college in my early 20s, I found the Baha’i Faith. It seemed to fit better with my thoughts in many ways. Baha’is believe in progressive revelation – that we all worship the same god, but that god sent different manifestations at different times to bring his message to the people of the world. Baha’is believe the most recent of those manifestations is a man named Baha’u’llah, who was born in Persia in 1817. In 1863, he announced himself as a divine messenger of god (as were Krishna, Moses, Buddha, Jesus, and Mohammad) and brought new teachings for our time. He sent letters to the kings and rulers of the world proclaiming the coming unification of humanity and urged them to work toward the establishment of a world community and universal peace. Baha’u’llah was exiled throughout most of his life, and lived out his final days in what is now Israel, where the world headquarters of the Baha’i Faith can be found.
The Baha’i Faith espouses the equality of men and women, harmony of science and religion, elimination of prejudice, unity of humankind, and the importance of striving for world peace. In addition, each person is encouraged to undergo an independent investigation of truth, instead of blindly believing and following a minister or other religious head. I became a Baha’i and practiced those beliefs for quite a few years. For the most part, I loved the feelings within the Baha’i community. For a variety of reasons, I stopped attending Baha’i activities.
My credo (which admittedly comes somewhat from the Baha’i Faith) was that “heaven” is nearness to god, while “hell” is distance from god. Meaning that, regardless of whether or not there is a real heaven or hell (I’m still not sure about this, but I’m ok with not knowing), what we do here on earth is what’s important. It means knowing that what we’re doing is right or wrong, and striving to do right for ourselves and all those around us. When I saw the quote you have on your blog, it completely summed up my beliefs and went along with my concept of heaven and hell. "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion."
I don’t see myself as a religious person, but I definitely see myself as spiritual. I believe that we are all connected. I don’t know how to explain it, but I believe it’s there, that there is some “spirit” in the universe that ties us all together and is bigger than we can possibly imagine. I also believe that by calling on that spirit or connection we can make things happen. It’s similar to prayer, but I’m not really praying to a specific person or to god, as much as to the spirit that surrounds and connects us all. And I don’t see that spirit granting my prayer, so much as that by put it out there I am bringing it into reality, whether I’m seeking assistance, guidance, or clarity.
Here’s the part that goes along with your thoughts about god being sexless. I feel this spirit to be female. I see it as a feminine, loving, compassionate, mother-like entity. This is most likely due to my upbringing and cultural experiences of the mother being the loving, caring one. But the funny thing is, when I “pray” I often picture my prayer being addressed to a male figure. This, I suppose, goes along with my religious upbringing in a male-dominated church, where I always prayed to a male god. I have tried over time, with some small amount of success, to picture that prayer going to a female or gender-neutral figure instead of a male figure. At some point, I decided it didn’t really matter who I pictured when I pray, since I know in my heart what that spirit means to me and know that it’s going to the right place, no matter what image I hold in my head.
As for various religions believing that men should hold certain types of positions that women can’t hold, well, I don’t understand that, other than to say the I think it probably came about due to a belief that men are superior to women. It has held on over time for some reason, maybe tradition or a need for men to feel superior, but should be abolished. I must say that was one thing I really liked about the Baha’i Faith. Men and women are, generally, seen as equal and can all hold any position within the Faith. The one exception (that I’ve seen) to that rule in the Baha’i Faith involves education. Because women have traditionally been the ones to raise and educate the children in a family, it is believed that if a choice needs to be made on who receives a better education then it should be the female, as she will be responsible for training future generations. While I don’t totally agree (I think that ideally men and women should both take part in educating the kids), I am thrilled that for once women are given an advantage over men!
I also want to vent my frustration on one other aspect of many religions: that god is to be feared and retribution will follow for wrongdoings (either from god himself, or in the form of the devil). I have never seen god in this way. I see god (if he/she indeed exists) as a loving being. I don’t believe that god guides our actions on a daily basis, so I don’t give credit to god for the good things in my life. Likewise, I don’t blame the devil for tempting me to do bad. I take responsibility for my own actions, good or bad, and believe that god or spirit or whatever is watching from somewhere out there, cheering us on, hoping that we’ll make good choices, and laughing until his/her sides ache at some of the things we humans get into.
So, all that said, I don’t personally believe that any formal religious beliefs are necessary. I agree with much of what I see, but there are things I don't agree with and can't go along with based solely on the fact that the religion/church/etc. tells me I should. I know a lot of people say that that is what faith is about, but I just don't see it that way. I can believe in something that I can't see or prove, but I can't go along with something that seems wrong to me. It took me a long time and I went through a lot of guilt before arriving at the place I am now, but for the first time, I truly feel comfortable with my beliefs. I know that what I am doing and what I believe are right for me.
While I may not agree with the doctrines of all religious beliefs, if others choose to believe in a specific religion, that is up to them and I’m in no position to judge them for doing so. Different things work for different people, and no one way is inherently superior to another. I know that religion serves many purposes, both spiritual and social, and that people choose to believe what they believe for a variety of reasons. I’m cool with that, since, hopefully, whatever path we choose will bring each of us closer to being who we truly should be.
My mom may be the main source of my skepticism about religion (thank you, Mom!), even though she never really criticized the church too much. She had also been raised a Christian, but left the church when I was in elementary school, under circumstances that I won’t go into here. Having been raised the way I was, I felt a lot of guilt over not going to church, but it just didn’t feel right. I liked the sense of community, but I didn’t agree with some of the teachings of the church or of the feeling that I was being watched by others to see if I was living up to their (the church’s) standards. What I do should be between me and god alone.
While in college in my early 20s, I found the Baha’i Faith. It seemed to fit better with my thoughts in many ways. Baha’is believe in progressive revelation – that we all worship the same god, but that god sent different manifestations at different times to bring his message to the people of the world. Baha’is believe the most recent of those manifestations is a man named Baha’u’llah, who was born in Persia in 1817. In 1863, he announced himself as a divine messenger of god (as were Krishna, Moses, Buddha, Jesus, and Mohammad) and brought new teachings for our time. He sent letters to the kings and rulers of the world proclaiming the coming unification of humanity and urged them to work toward the establishment of a world community and universal peace. Baha’u’llah was exiled throughout most of his life, and lived out his final days in what is now Israel, where the world headquarters of the Baha’i Faith can be found.
The Baha’i Faith espouses the equality of men and women, harmony of science and religion, elimination of prejudice, unity of humankind, and the importance of striving for world peace. In addition, each person is encouraged to undergo an independent investigation of truth, instead of blindly believing and following a minister or other religious head. I became a Baha’i and practiced those beliefs for quite a few years. For the most part, I loved the feelings within the Baha’i community. For a variety of reasons, I stopped attending Baha’i activities.
My credo (which admittedly comes somewhat from the Baha’i Faith) was that “heaven” is nearness to god, while “hell” is distance from god. Meaning that, regardless of whether or not there is a real heaven or hell (I’m still not sure about this, but I’m ok with not knowing), what we do here on earth is what’s important. It means knowing that what we’re doing is right or wrong, and striving to do right for ourselves and all those around us. When I saw the quote you have on your blog, it completely summed up my beliefs and went along with my concept of heaven and hell. "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion."
I don’t see myself as a religious person, but I definitely see myself as spiritual. I believe that we are all connected. I don’t know how to explain it, but I believe it’s there, that there is some “spirit” in the universe that ties us all together and is bigger than we can possibly imagine. I also believe that by calling on that spirit or connection we can make things happen. It’s similar to prayer, but I’m not really praying to a specific person or to god, as much as to the spirit that surrounds and connects us all. And I don’t see that spirit granting my prayer, so much as that by put it out there I am bringing it into reality, whether I’m seeking assistance, guidance, or clarity.
Here’s the part that goes along with your thoughts about god being sexless. I feel this spirit to be female. I see it as a feminine, loving, compassionate, mother-like entity. This is most likely due to my upbringing and cultural experiences of the mother being the loving, caring one. But the funny thing is, when I “pray” I often picture my prayer being addressed to a male figure. This, I suppose, goes along with my religious upbringing in a male-dominated church, where I always prayed to a male god. I have tried over time, with some small amount of success, to picture that prayer going to a female or gender-neutral figure instead of a male figure. At some point, I decided it didn’t really matter who I pictured when I pray, since I know in my heart what that spirit means to me and know that it’s going to the right place, no matter what image I hold in my head.
As for various religions believing that men should hold certain types of positions that women can’t hold, well, I don’t understand that, other than to say the I think it probably came about due to a belief that men are superior to women. It has held on over time for some reason, maybe tradition or a need for men to feel superior, but should be abolished. I must say that was one thing I really liked about the Baha’i Faith. Men and women are, generally, seen as equal and can all hold any position within the Faith. The one exception (that I’ve seen) to that rule in the Baha’i Faith involves education. Because women have traditionally been the ones to raise and educate the children in a family, it is believed that if a choice needs to be made on who receives a better education then it should be the female, as she will be responsible for training future generations. While I don’t totally agree (I think that ideally men and women should both take part in educating the kids), I am thrilled that for once women are given an advantage over men!
I also want to vent my frustration on one other aspect of many religions: that god is to be feared and retribution will follow for wrongdoings (either from god himself, or in the form of the devil). I have never seen god in this way. I see god (if he/she indeed exists) as a loving being. I don’t believe that god guides our actions on a daily basis, so I don’t give credit to god for the good things in my life. Likewise, I don’t blame the devil for tempting me to do bad. I take responsibility for my own actions, good or bad, and believe that god or spirit or whatever is watching from somewhere out there, cheering us on, hoping that we’ll make good choices, and laughing until his/her sides ache at some of the things we humans get into.
So, all that said, I don’t personally believe that any formal religious beliefs are necessary. I agree with much of what I see, but there are things I don't agree with and can't go along with based solely on the fact that the religion/church/etc. tells me I should. I know a lot of people say that that is what faith is about, but I just don't see it that way. I can believe in something that I can't see or prove, but I can't go along with something that seems wrong to me. It took me a long time and I went through a lot of guilt before arriving at the place I am now, but for the first time, I truly feel comfortable with my beliefs. I know that what I am doing and what I believe are right for me.
While I may not agree with the doctrines of all religious beliefs, if others choose to believe in a specific religion, that is up to them and I’m in no position to judge them for doing so. Different things work for different people, and no one way is inherently superior to another. I know that religion serves many purposes, both spiritual and social, and that people choose to believe what they believe for a variety of reasons. I’m cool with that, since, hopefully, whatever path we choose will bring each of us closer to being who we truly should be.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
More Questions about Religion
I have been reading Sue Monk Kidd's book, "The Dance of the Dissident Daughter" and came across a passage today that really struck me:
A woman in Deep Sleep in one who goes about in an unconscious state. She seems unaware or unfazed by the truth of her own female life, the truth about women in general, the way women and the feminine have been wounded, devalued, and limited within culture, churches, and families. She cannot see the wound or feel the pain. She has never acknowledged, much less confronted, sexism within the church, biblical interpretations, or Christian doctrine. Okay, so women have been largely missing from positions of church power, we've been silenced and relegated to positions of subordination by biblical interpretations and doctrine, and God has been represented to us as exclusively male. So what? The woman in Deep Sleep is oblivious to the psychological and spiritual impact this has had on her. Or maybe she has some awareness of it all but keeps it sequestered nicely in her head, rarely allowing it to move down into her heart or into the politics of her spirituality.
Kidd was raised in a home that practiced the Baptist religion and I do not know much about that particular religion. I am happy to say that the church we currently attend is actively trying to eliminate sexism and the pastor refers to God as she and he. I actually find myself feeling somewhat uncomfortable when the pastor refers to God as she, but I equate that discomfort to years of hearing God referred to as a he. I do not know much about the hierarchy of Presbyterianism, but I do know pastors can be male or female and other positions held within the church are not delegated based on one's sex.
I am going to write now about the LDS religion, based on my perception and as always, I hope if you are reading this and you have a different perception you will voice it.
The LDS religion seems to separate roles based on sex a lot. Only men can serve in the highest positions of the church: President, The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the Bisohp and the Bishopric. Women do have roles that oversee areas, but they seem to be related only to the women and children and not governing church doctrine. When children are baptized they are baptized by men and the mother remains in her seat. When babies are blessed men bless them and again, the mother stays in her seat. These last two examples especially baffle me, because the mother birthed the child, which to me should not be taken lightly.
I am fully aware that the LDS Church is not the only one that does not allow women to hold positions of authority - I think most people are aware that the Catholic Church only has male popes. I also attended a Muslim service and men and women are physically separated during prayers, so separation of persons based on sex is not exclusive to the Mormon religion (during a 3-hour LDS Service both sexes attend a sacrament meeting together, then Sunday School, but the final hour is spent with persons of the same sex).
I actually think it is good to gather together with only other women and when I attended a Relief Society Meeting, I enjoyed the experience. I was also crazy curious to know what was going on in the men's meeting. Also, the church we attend right now has a men's group that meets once a week and I have not seen a women's group. Again, I so want to attend the men's group to see if the separation of persons based on their sex is of value.
What I don't understand is being a part of something that states you cannot hold a position of authority because you are not a man. What do men have that women don't? I write this fully knowing that Steve and I, in many ways, live in a somewhat traditional marriage: he furthered his education more than mine, he works full-time and brings home the bulk of our income, while I am the one who makes doctor's appointments for Sophie and arranges get-togethers with her friends. As far as housework goes, neither of us does a whole lot of that, but when we do, I think it is fairly equal.
So I write this hoping for responses that will tell me what I am missing. Or, that women will write and admit they see there is an unfair stance of positions of power, but there is so much more in the religion that keeps them loyal and maybe they even see a change down the road.
I know it has been so ingrained in me to view God as a male figure, that even though I know God is beyond our ideas of sex, I instantly conjure up an image of a male when I think of God. My hope is to learn from others who see God as sexless and to get to that point myself. I also know that I was raised within a religion whose savior is a male: Jesus Christ. I actually think Mary was the one we should be looking to (another book by Kidd, "Traveling with Pomegranates" explores this topic) for strength and understanding. I also think we don't need to worship anything or anyone, but find what it is within ourselves and others that represents omnibenevolence, omniscience and omnipotence.
A woman in Deep Sleep in one who goes about in an unconscious state. She seems unaware or unfazed by the truth of her own female life, the truth about women in general, the way women and the feminine have been wounded, devalued, and limited within culture, churches, and families. She cannot see the wound or feel the pain. She has never acknowledged, much less confronted, sexism within the church, biblical interpretations, or Christian doctrine. Okay, so women have been largely missing from positions of church power, we've been silenced and relegated to positions of subordination by biblical interpretations and doctrine, and God has been represented to us as exclusively male. So what? The woman in Deep Sleep is oblivious to the psychological and spiritual impact this has had on her. Or maybe she has some awareness of it all but keeps it sequestered nicely in her head, rarely allowing it to move down into her heart or into the politics of her spirituality.
Kidd was raised in a home that practiced the Baptist religion and I do not know much about that particular religion. I am happy to say that the church we currently attend is actively trying to eliminate sexism and the pastor refers to God as she and he. I actually find myself feeling somewhat uncomfortable when the pastor refers to God as she, but I equate that discomfort to years of hearing God referred to as a he. I do not know much about the hierarchy of Presbyterianism, but I do know pastors can be male or female and other positions held within the church are not delegated based on one's sex.
I am going to write now about the LDS religion, based on my perception and as always, I hope if you are reading this and you have a different perception you will voice it.
The LDS religion seems to separate roles based on sex a lot. Only men can serve in the highest positions of the church: President, The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the Bisohp and the Bishopric. Women do have roles that oversee areas, but they seem to be related only to the women and children and not governing church doctrine. When children are baptized they are baptized by men and the mother remains in her seat. When babies are blessed men bless them and again, the mother stays in her seat. These last two examples especially baffle me, because the mother birthed the child, which to me should not be taken lightly.
I am fully aware that the LDS Church is not the only one that does not allow women to hold positions of authority - I think most people are aware that the Catholic Church only has male popes. I also attended a Muslim service and men and women are physically separated during prayers, so separation of persons based on sex is not exclusive to the Mormon religion (during a 3-hour LDS Service both sexes attend a sacrament meeting together, then Sunday School, but the final hour is spent with persons of the same sex).
I actually think it is good to gather together with only other women and when I attended a Relief Society Meeting, I enjoyed the experience. I was also crazy curious to know what was going on in the men's meeting. Also, the church we attend right now has a men's group that meets once a week and I have not seen a women's group. Again, I so want to attend the men's group to see if the separation of persons based on their sex is of value.
What I don't understand is being a part of something that states you cannot hold a position of authority because you are not a man. What do men have that women don't? I write this fully knowing that Steve and I, in many ways, live in a somewhat traditional marriage: he furthered his education more than mine, he works full-time and brings home the bulk of our income, while I am the one who makes doctor's appointments for Sophie and arranges get-togethers with her friends. As far as housework goes, neither of us does a whole lot of that, but when we do, I think it is fairly equal.
So I write this hoping for responses that will tell me what I am missing. Or, that women will write and admit they see there is an unfair stance of positions of power, but there is so much more in the religion that keeps them loyal and maybe they even see a change down the road.
I know it has been so ingrained in me to view God as a male figure, that even though I know God is beyond our ideas of sex, I instantly conjure up an image of a male when I think of God. My hope is to learn from others who see God as sexless and to get to that point myself. I also know that I was raised within a religion whose savior is a male: Jesus Christ. I actually think Mary was the one we should be looking to (another book by Kidd, "Traveling with Pomegranates" explores this topic) for strength and understanding. I also think we don't need to worship anything or anyone, but find what it is within ourselves and others that represents omnibenevolence, omniscience and omnipotence.
Before
I wanted to write before I start week 5 of my running program, because I'm nervous! I'm suppose to do 8 minutes running with 2 minutes walking 3 times. It's an excited kind of nervous though, knowing I've been working to get to this point, still got more to do, but it's a journey.
We're also in Colorado, so at a higher elevation, but a beautiful setting, which I'm hoping will aid in my motivation.
Here I go...
We're also in Colorado, so at a higher elevation, but a beautiful setting, which I'm hoping will aid in my motivation.
Here I go...
Saturday, May 22, 2010
A Word I'll Never Forget
I don't blog about parenting a lot, because I worry about stepping over the boundaries of Soph's privacy and do not want Sophie to feel exposed, but I think and hope it's ok to blog about her fabulous go at the Adams Spelling Bee yesterday.
She did great - made it to the final 5 and then got the word aggressively. It was one she struggled with during our practices, so I worried. She missed it and oh, I could tell she was going to be very, very sad. She came right to me, sat on my lap and wept (she was not the only one crying at the spelling bee...so hard on these kiddos, but it's a hard that is ok I think).
I felt just awful, wondering how I could have helped her more, wondering why I didn't focus on that word more, etc. The reality is, she did great and she lost. Losing stinks, but it's ok. I did tell her to congratulate the winner, because even though I was aching too, I want my child, above all, to be a gracious player.
Competition is tough and it doesn't get much easier as we get older. I'm not involved in many formal competitions anymore, but there is the daily competition as we constantly measure ourselves against others. I told a friend of mine yesterday that there are times I'm jealous of her - she's so beautiful and put together and has many, many friends! It's been hard for me to find those things as strengths in our relationship rather than abandoning it because I'll never measure up to her. Jealousy is perhaps the worst feeling in the world, because it encompasses so many other yucky feelings: hurt, anger, sadness, unfulfilled desire...and yet I want to be a gracious player by not letting my jealousy keep me from knowing wonderful people!
I am proud of my daughter for getting involved in a competition, putting herself out there and congratulating the one who did better than she did - having done those things definitely makes her a winner.
She did great - made it to the final 5 and then got the word aggressively. It was one she struggled with during our practices, so I worried. She missed it and oh, I could tell she was going to be very, very sad. She came right to me, sat on my lap and wept (she was not the only one crying at the spelling bee...so hard on these kiddos, but it's a hard that is ok I think).
I felt just awful, wondering how I could have helped her more, wondering why I didn't focus on that word more, etc. The reality is, she did great and she lost. Losing stinks, but it's ok. I did tell her to congratulate the winner, because even though I was aching too, I want my child, above all, to be a gracious player.
Competition is tough and it doesn't get much easier as we get older. I'm not involved in many formal competitions anymore, but there is the daily competition as we constantly measure ourselves against others. I told a friend of mine yesterday that there are times I'm jealous of her - she's so beautiful and put together and has many, many friends! It's been hard for me to find those things as strengths in our relationship rather than abandoning it because I'll never measure up to her. Jealousy is perhaps the worst feeling in the world, because it encompasses so many other yucky feelings: hurt, anger, sadness, unfulfilled desire...and yet I want to be a gracious player by not letting my jealousy keep me from knowing wonderful people!
I am proud of my daughter for getting involved in a competition, putting herself out there and congratulating the one who did better than she did - having done those things definitely makes her a winner.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Seeking
I've decided that when we move to Michigan - when we actually get there - I want to start this blog over, so I really, really want other people to write about their experiences living in Utah - or living outside of Utah in comparison to living in Utah.
Please write something, even if it is only a paragraph, offering your perspective. It can be done anonymously or even under a fake name and how fun is it to create a new name for yourself?!
I'm excited to read other people's offerings, because it broadens my spectrum of understanding...and lord knows (there's my religious reference for today's post), I need my understanding broadened!
Please write something, even if it is only a paragraph, offering your perspective. It can be done anonymously or even under a fake name and how fun is it to create a new name for yourself?!
I'm excited to read other people's offerings, because it broadens my spectrum of understanding...and lord knows (there's my religious reference for today's post), I need my understanding broadened!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Me at 37
I love my birthday! I love having a day to be excited about myself - yep, I'm egotistical and most of the time I love myself and sometimes I even like myself! Crazy, but if you don't like or love yourself, well, I see that as a complete disservice to your mother who went to all that trouble to bring you into this world, as mine did 37 years ago today!
I often think that reincarnation makes so much sense, that if you don't get it right this time, then you have to come back - let your punishment serve your crime! I am always worried I'll come back as something other than I am, because even though I am perfectly aware of all of my flaws, I like having those flaws and not other flaws. I like that I was taught to question, to rebel and to be vocal. I also know I should be a better listener, not question every single thing in the whole world and rebelling silently is often more effective than being obvious - but I really love that I have the chance to work on those things!
I like myself. I like myself at 37. I like that I've learned from some mistakes and others I just keep making over and over. I like that there are people I admire and wish I could be more like (including my own child) and that I am realizing not every single person will like me, some accurately think I'm a, um, rhymes with witch, and through my interactions with them, they are right! I like that I have brown eyes and can wiggle my ears and have coarse hair with some strands of gray.
I like that we have a day to celebrate ourselves and to share that celebration with others! So happy birthday to me!
I often think that reincarnation makes so much sense, that if you don't get it right this time, then you have to come back - let your punishment serve your crime! I am always worried I'll come back as something other than I am, because even though I am perfectly aware of all of my flaws, I like having those flaws and not other flaws. I like that I was taught to question, to rebel and to be vocal. I also know I should be a better listener, not question every single thing in the whole world and rebelling silently is often more effective than being obvious - but I really love that I have the chance to work on those things!
I like myself. I like myself at 37. I like that I've learned from some mistakes and others I just keep making over and over. I like that there are people I admire and wish I could be more like (including my own child) and that I am realizing not every single person will like me, some accurately think I'm a, um, rhymes with witch, and through my interactions with them, they are right! I like that I have brown eyes and can wiggle my ears and have coarse hair with some strands of gray.
I like that we have a day to celebrate ourselves and to share that celebration with others! So happy birthday to me!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Yay for Logan
Yesterday an ordinance passed in Logan that bans discrimination based on sexual orientation. This ordinance is suppose to address employment and housing specifically, but I hope it will further its reaches by educating all persons about differences and our need for acceptance and understanding.
I wrote an email to the city council after the ordinance was initially voted against. I relayed my experience of being discriminated against right here in Logan, UT. Back in the 90s, I went to a job interview and was asked point blank if I was LDS. When I said I was not, I was told I would not fit into the work environment. I remember and can still feel the shame I felt when I left that interview, as if I were a dirty person, and it stung like nothing else had. Nobody should feel that way because of personal choices that do not impact their ability to do a job or pay the rent.
We all - myself included - need to surround ourselves with persons of differing backgrounds, educational levels, cultures, religious preferences and lifestyle choices. I believe when we broaden our own community we stop seeing so many differences and start realizing how similar all persons are: we all want to love and be loved, we all want to succeed and we all want to feel safe and valued. If people in our community are not feeling those things, change is needed and I applaud Logan for taking a step toward that change.
I wrote an email to the city council after the ordinance was initially voted against. I relayed my experience of being discriminated against right here in Logan, UT. Back in the 90s, I went to a job interview and was asked point blank if I was LDS. When I said I was not, I was told I would not fit into the work environment. I remember and can still feel the shame I felt when I left that interview, as if I were a dirty person, and it stung like nothing else had. Nobody should feel that way because of personal choices that do not impact their ability to do a job or pay the rent.
We all - myself included - need to surround ourselves with persons of differing backgrounds, educational levels, cultures, religious preferences and lifestyle choices. I believe when we broaden our own community we stop seeing so many differences and start realizing how similar all persons are: we all want to love and be loved, we all want to succeed and we all want to feel safe and valued. If people in our community are not feeling those things, change is needed and I applaud Logan for taking a step toward that change.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Signs
When we left church Sunday I saw this amazing rainbow in the clouds and it took me a moment to grasp that it was not my brain playing tricks on me. Crazy. I have never seen anything like it and although I was told that this has been happening quite a bit in Utah, I still take it as a sign from my friend Timmy - that all is good and he's in a more beautiful place than one can imagine.
My logical thinking realizes that the rainbow was made by an explainable occurrence, but my needful heart insists it is something beyond that. I needed something, was feeling so sad about Timmy, and I grasped onto this rainbow.
It could be that my rainbow has nothing at all to do with Tim, but because of my relationship with him the rainbow resonated with me, it had meaning. This is how I see religion and Jesus and any other entity one chooses to embrace with faith. It could all be malarkey, but maybe it's not the entity that matters as much as what we do with our faith. If believing in something beyond our experiences adds a quality to our lives that makes it more beautiful, then it would seem that we would be happier people and happier people do nice things. I am all for people doing nice things! Of course religion also has components of punishment, destruction and obedience, which I believe create fear and fear makes people do horrible things. So let's get rid of those components!
This is why the rainbow meant a lot to me. Tim did not follow the rules as people say we are suppose to in order to get to heaven - he was a good person, he genuinely cared about others and he made mistakes. When he died, I believe he was embraced for all aspects of who he is, and what others may have judged as sinful were part of Timmy and were not bad, just part of him. That rainbow symbolized to me that a lot of what we judge others for on earth is ridiculous and means nothing to an entity worth looking up to...because to me, any entity worth embracing would in turn embrace all of us...ALL of us.
Words I just read by Walt Whitman: Not till the sun excludes you, do I exclude you; Not till the waters refuse to glisten for you, and the leaves to rustle for you, do my words refuse to glisten and rustle for you.
Monday, May 17, 2010
31.5 by my 37th
My birthday is looming - ok, looming makes it sound scary and I absolutely LOVE my birthday! My birthday is 3 days away, how's that? I sort of set a goal to lose 30 pounds by my 37th birthday (this has been a recurring goal each year) and I did it - as of today I've lost 31.5 pounds!
I kicked up the running, started the 4th week of the 8 week program yesterday, which entails running for 5 minutes, walking for 2, 4 times. I love it! I definitely think the running has increased the rate at which I lost weight - and I still eat what I want, just sittin' down at the table when I eat it.
One of my new favorite snacks is apple slices with Laughing Cow Creamy Swiss - oh my, just typing about it makes me weak in the knees. Mind you, I also get a bit weak when I think of the big ole slice of rocky road pie I had last night, with whipped cream!
My new goal is to run a 5K, hopefully one that raises money and awareness for a great cause. There is a 5K in June for the Pride Center in Salt Lake, but I'm not sure I'll be ready by then. I'm keepin' my eye out though and hope I can run a 5K in Utah before we move.
So here's a toast to being a bit healthier as I prepare to enter my 37th year and to being a lot more mindful. Life is good!
I kicked up the running, started the 4th week of the 8 week program yesterday, which entails running for 5 minutes, walking for 2, 4 times. I love it! I definitely think the running has increased the rate at which I lost weight - and I still eat what I want, just sittin' down at the table when I eat it.
One of my new favorite snacks is apple slices with Laughing Cow Creamy Swiss - oh my, just typing about it makes me weak in the knees. Mind you, I also get a bit weak when I think of the big ole slice of rocky road pie I had last night, with whipped cream!
My new goal is to run a 5K, hopefully one that raises money and awareness for a great cause. There is a 5K in June for the Pride Center in Salt Lake, but I'm not sure I'll be ready by then. I'm keepin' my eye out though and hope I can run a 5K in Utah before we move.
So here's a toast to being a bit healthier as I prepare to enter my 37th year and to being a lot more mindful. Life is good!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Good-bye
Yesterday was Timmy's funeral and what a testament to the person he was: there was such an eclectic group of people there, demonstrating Tim's love for all persons and his genuine interest in getting to know them.
I attended the viewing before the funeral and saw Tim, but of course, it wasn't Tim. There lay his beautiful physical form, but he had gone on. It is amazing how striking it can be to see what is left of a person when they die, just their shell. Their spirit cannot be captured in a body any longer.
The funeral had a very strong LDS tone to it, which I understand, because Tim's family is LDS. The last time I spoke with Tim he was practicing Zen and although the service was beautiful, I wanted to stand up and say, "This doesn't represent Tim!" Then again, I don't know what truly would have represented him as much as the beautiful words spoken by those who loved him, the tears flowing because we will all miss him so, so much and the laughter as stories of Tim's antics were relayed time and again.
Saying good-bye to the ability to see a person again on earth, to hug them, to laugh with them, is heart-wrenching and at this point, still somewhat surreal. I also felt strongly that I will see Tim again, hear his laugh, witness his smile and feel his arms wrapped around me when it is my turn to leave this earth.
I quote Kahlil Gibran from The Prophet (a book I gave to Timmy years ago and there's a story behind it, but I don't need to tell it, just know it made us both laugh):
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
I attended the viewing before the funeral and saw Tim, but of course, it wasn't Tim. There lay his beautiful physical form, but he had gone on. It is amazing how striking it can be to see what is left of a person when they die, just their shell. Their spirit cannot be captured in a body any longer.
The funeral had a very strong LDS tone to it, which I understand, because Tim's family is LDS. The last time I spoke with Tim he was practicing Zen and although the service was beautiful, I wanted to stand up and say, "This doesn't represent Tim!" Then again, I don't know what truly would have represented him as much as the beautiful words spoken by those who loved him, the tears flowing because we will all miss him so, so much and the laughter as stories of Tim's antics were relayed time and again.
Saying good-bye to the ability to see a person again on earth, to hug them, to laugh with them, is heart-wrenching and at this point, still somewhat surreal. I also felt strongly that I will see Tim again, hear his laugh, witness his smile and feel his arms wrapped around me when it is my turn to leave this earth.
I quote Kahlil Gibran from The Prophet (a book I gave to Timmy years ago and there's a story behind it, but I don't need to tell it, just know it made us both laugh):
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Authority
I am not exactly sure when it started, but I have been leery of authority figures, or the suggestion that one is suppose to be an authority figure, for a very long time. I know this plays a huge part in my skepticism regarding religion.
I actually love attending church, I often find it soothing and comforting, but I abhor what I perceive as the blind following of a man/woman who is suppose to be the authority of the religion. This does not mean I abhor the man/woman (minister, priest, lama, bishop, etc.), especially if I feel they are able to admit that at the end of the day, they also just really don't know the answer to the big questions. I abhor what I see to be the turning off of one's brain and common sense and accepting another person's explanation of that which cannot be explained.
The pastor of the current church I attend knows my feelings about this: the regurgitation of certain prayers, the choral responses, the seemingly expressionless recitations of written words. I think I understand the part those things are suppose to play - they provide a meaningful ritual to followers. I applaud anyone who has truly listened to the words and can repeat them with full belief, but I often wonder how closely the words have been studied.
I also realize that I just like to question authority, even if I don't necessarily disagree with what is being said. I like to hear the reasons why people think or act the way they do. I like to know that they have thought about why they think and act the way they do. If I hear blanket responses, "Because I know it's true," then I turn off. I understand that what they may mean is they cannot define how they know, they just know, but that makes me think they have not truly investigated the reasons for their beliefs nor have they challenged their beliefs by exploring others.
I do think there are "authorities" of certain religions and those authorities are people who have studied the religion, know its history and are continuing to learn about the modern day implications around the religion. I think it is important to talk with these authorities, take their words and compare them against your own studies, which should include talking to people who are authorities of other religions. The bottom line is, question authority.
As a teenager I had a poster of Sid Vicious in my room and this quote (though I think it was written slightly differently) was on it:
“Undermine their pompous authority, reject their moral standards, make anarchy and disorder your trademarks. Cause as much chaos and disruption as possible but don’t let them take you ALIVE.”
Perhaps my viewing of those words day in and day out caused me to be brainwashed by them. Perhaps I blindly accept those words and oh, the philosophical ramifications are too much for me to ponder at this time, but I think the idea is to take the sentiment behind Sid's words and apply them to your life in a way that means you are living your life with your eyes wide open and your brain fully on.
I actually love attending church, I often find it soothing and comforting, but I abhor what I perceive as the blind following of a man/woman who is suppose to be the authority of the religion. This does not mean I abhor the man/woman (minister, priest, lama, bishop, etc.), especially if I feel they are able to admit that at the end of the day, they also just really don't know the answer to the big questions. I abhor what I see to be the turning off of one's brain and common sense and accepting another person's explanation of that which cannot be explained.
The pastor of the current church I attend knows my feelings about this: the regurgitation of certain prayers, the choral responses, the seemingly expressionless recitations of written words. I think I understand the part those things are suppose to play - they provide a meaningful ritual to followers. I applaud anyone who has truly listened to the words and can repeat them with full belief, but I often wonder how closely the words have been studied.
I also realize that I just like to question authority, even if I don't necessarily disagree with what is being said. I like to hear the reasons why people think or act the way they do. I like to know that they have thought about why they think and act the way they do. If I hear blanket responses, "Because I know it's true," then I turn off. I understand that what they may mean is they cannot define how they know, they just know, but that makes me think they have not truly investigated the reasons for their beliefs nor have they challenged their beliefs by exploring others.
I do think there are "authorities" of certain religions and those authorities are people who have studied the religion, know its history and are continuing to learn about the modern day implications around the religion. I think it is important to talk with these authorities, take their words and compare them against your own studies, which should include talking to people who are authorities of other religions. The bottom line is, question authority.
As a teenager I had a poster of Sid Vicious in my room and this quote (though I think it was written slightly differently) was on it:
“Undermine their pompous authority, reject their moral standards, make anarchy and disorder your trademarks. Cause as much chaos and disruption as possible but don’t let them take you ALIVE.”
Perhaps my viewing of those words day in and day out caused me to be brainwashed by them. Perhaps I blindly accept those words and oh, the philosophical ramifications are too much for me to ponder at this time, but I think the idea is to take the sentiment behind Sid's words and apply them to your life in a way that means you are living your life with your eyes wide open and your brain fully on.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Timmy
Living in Utah a second time meant I got to reconnect with people I knew from my first stint here in the 90's and one of those people was Timmy (yes, that was his name as stated on his birth certificate).
I actually first saw Tim back in 1991, I just moved to Utah from Pennsylvania and he was a cashier at Smith's. I had a bit of a crush on him, with his longer blond hair, blue eyes and completely engaging smile. We eventually met due to mutual friends and from 1995 - 1998 I got to hang out with Tim quite a bit.
When we returned to Logan Tim was one of the first people I sought out. We got together and it was like never missing a beat - started talking philosophy and religion and all other deep matters. Get-togethers at Starbucks and Einstein Brothers followed, including one time when I brought Soph so Tim could tell her tales of being a caretaker of The Nunnery - a former convent in Logan Canyon. Soph loved being around Tim.
I still do not know the specifics of what caused Tim's too early passing. I do know I ache. I tried to text him a couple months ago, didn't get a response and just shelved it, thinking I'd see him before we moved.
I cannot even say I know Tim is in a better place - I don't know what happens when we leave this life. Tim was practicing Zen when I last saw him and to me he embodied the attentiveness and mindfulness of a Zen Master. My hope for him is that he is in a place in which he can continue learning, continue smiling and continue being his fabulous self, without all the grief that a life on Earth entails.
I actually first saw Tim back in 1991, I just moved to Utah from Pennsylvania and he was a cashier at Smith's. I had a bit of a crush on him, with his longer blond hair, blue eyes and completely engaging smile. We eventually met due to mutual friends and from 1995 - 1998 I got to hang out with Tim quite a bit.
When we returned to Logan Tim was one of the first people I sought out. We got together and it was like never missing a beat - started talking philosophy and religion and all other deep matters. Get-togethers at Starbucks and Einstein Brothers followed, including one time when I brought Soph so Tim could tell her tales of being a caretaker of The Nunnery - a former convent in Logan Canyon. Soph loved being around Tim.
I still do not know the specifics of what caused Tim's too early passing. I do know I ache. I tried to text him a couple months ago, didn't get a response and just shelved it, thinking I'd see him before we moved.
I cannot even say I know Tim is in a better place - I don't know what happens when we leave this life. Tim was practicing Zen when I last saw him and to me he embodied the attentiveness and mindfulness of a Zen Master. My hope for him is that he is in a place in which he can continue learning, continue smiling and continue being his fabulous self, without all the grief that a life on Earth entails.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Guest Writer: Conversion to the LDS Church
This post was written by a woman who has taught me a lot about acceptance while maintaining strong beliefs. I know the author lives her religion and I also know she stood by me when I faced some mild discrimination. To me she exemplifies what a religion should be about: living your life the way you feel you should while accepting others even when their beliefs cause them to live in a different way. Thank you.
First off, I just want to say how much I appreciate what Heather is doing. It has opened my eyes SO MUCH to how others are thinking and feeling. It makes me examine what I’ve been doing and think on things I’ve said. I really hope I’ve not offended anyone in the past, or made them feel I look down on them – because it’s never been my intention to. It makes me a better person to know how my actions are affecting others. I also love it because it helps me to examine what I really believe. I have VERY strong feelings about my religion, but I think sometimes I get stuck in a rut and do what I’ve always done. This helps me to look at what I truly believe, question myself, and try to answer all the questions others have. It’s great!
Here’s my story… I’ll try not to be too long winded, but there is something about “coming out” (to be totally cliché) like this that makes it hard to be brief. So I apologize in advance if this is long and I thank you for reading it. Thank you also Heather for posting this anonymously.
I have lived in Utah all of my life. So I can’t say I know what it is like to live anywhere else, but I can imagine that it is unlike any other place. Growing up though I was not a member of the LDS church – it wasn’t until I was 15 that I was baptized and joined the LDS church. I wanted to add the perspective of someone who had grown up here not a member of the church but then later converted. Additionally we are also going to add a twist in here.
My father and mother were both raised in a fundamentalist polygamist group known as the AUB or “the Allreds.” They married young and divorced before my dad had a chance to take a second wife. My dad married an LDS lady and later converted to the LDS church. My mother on the other hand stuck with the AUB and “married” (in the loosest sense here since they weren’t married by law) my step father – a man who already had a wife and 6 children. She was married to him for 10 years. It was when I was 14 years old that my mother and step father “divorced” (no legal action was necessary) and my mother decided to take the missionary discussions – my brother, sister, mother, and I then joined the LDS church. I’ve now been a member of the LDS church for many years.
Sometimes I tend to forget about my past – it’s not something I generally talk about ever or think about often. I sometimes feel like I’ve always grown up in the LDS church, although that isn’t true.
So what was it like growing up in Utah as a member of a polygamist family? The group I was a member of was a bit different than some others. I can grantee that you would never have guessed I was a member of a polygamist group – we dressed like everyone else as children. Our particular sect didn’t wear long dresses and braids J (classic stereotypes, right?) so the kids blended in with normal society. You could only spot our parents in the summer when they wore long sleeves and long pants in 100 degree weather since their garments were long underwear. But in the winter you’d be hard pressed to point out a member of the AUB in public. But even within the AUB our family was a bit of an oddity. My mother worked full time as a nurse, and I can tell you that isn’t common in fundamentalist groups. In addition to that, my step father’s wives lived in different houses, and even in different cities (many of them lived in the same house or in houses that were next door). I also attended public school. All those things set us apart a little bit as members of the AUB. But it also added a few different elements to my life. I was always living a life of secrecy. Since polygamy is frankly illegal we were always forced to lie. My step father came to our house every other night and his first wife’s house on the other night. So we told our friends that our step father traveled a lot for work. When someone asked me what religion I was I always said “Mormon” although that wasn’t true. I felt I had to lie to protect my family. Since I knew about the Book of Mormon, it was easier to pretend that I was simply one of them.
So all growing up my friends assumed I was LDS – I pretended like I knew what they meant when they said “ward” or “mutual” and as a freshmen in High School I even joined seminary to keep up the charade. It was that same year though – as a freshman that I joined the LDS church and the lies finally stopped. Imagine my friend’s amazement at discovering that I was not LDS. I think they were partly shocked, but mostly excited to see one of their friends joining the church. We had three other kids in our “group” that were not LDS and we were very good friends with them. I don’t know if they ever felt like they weren’t accepted – I loved them the same as my other friends, but I feel certain that they must have felt apart at times. It was sad that I felt I couldn’t be honest with all my friends about my religion, but in truth I think that had more to do with keeping up appearances than me feeling like I needed to fit in. But there is still that element – I did want to fit in so I chose to pretend to be LDS instead of just claiming that I was “Christian”. I know what many of these ladies are saying when they talk about not feeling the same as everyone – I couldn’t have been more different than my friends in many ways.
My motivation for joining the LDS church had little to do with fitting in. In fact, I was quite resistant to the change at first. You see, in fundamentalist groups you are taught that ALL others are wrong. If you think that LDS people are hard noised about being right, then you’d be shocked at the doctrine fundamentalist groups teach. Even the LDS faith is “wrong” and only those of the AUB and other polygamist groups will be saved. It’s pretty sad actually. I know that for many people the LDS church seems to exclude others, but for me, it was a breath of fresh air. I feel that many more people are accepted by members of the LDS church then were in the AUB. Joining the LDS church also gave me a beautiful chance for truth. I never again have to lie about what I believe. I can shout it from the housetops if I so desire. I can also be open and honest with others about what they believe. You don’t have to agree with me and I don’t have to agree with you, but I can still be your friend and accept you. We can still talk about it. I love that.
I think I am generally accepting of other’s beliefs – but I don’t think we always understand each other. There are so many misconceptions out there on BOTH SIDES. Heather’s blog makes me want to try harder to be even more open – so thanks again Heather. Thank you for reminding me of my past and what it felt like to be apart.
So there you go – the perspective of a polygamist child living in Utah.
And this doesn’t even go into how much I LOVE the beauty and the feel of community in Utah, but I think everyone has touched on that sufficiently. I love living here and I think I will be sad to leave when my husband finishes his schooling. We will most likely be off to some other state and I am truly excited for the opportunity to live outside of Utah. But I will miss it here so much!
First off, I just want to say how much I appreciate what Heather is doing. It has opened my eyes SO MUCH to how others are thinking and feeling. It makes me examine what I’ve been doing and think on things I’ve said. I really hope I’ve not offended anyone in the past, or made them feel I look down on them – because it’s never been my intention to. It makes me a better person to know how my actions are affecting others. I also love it because it helps me to examine what I really believe. I have VERY strong feelings about my religion, but I think sometimes I get stuck in a rut and do what I’ve always done. This helps me to look at what I truly believe, question myself, and try to answer all the questions others have. It’s great!
Here’s my story… I’ll try not to be too long winded, but there is something about “coming out” (to be totally cliché) like this that makes it hard to be brief. So I apologize in advance if this is long and I thank you for reading it. Thank you also Heather for posting this anonymously.
I have lived in Utah all of my life. So I can’t say I know what it is like to live anywhere else, but I can imagine that it is unlike any other place. Growing up though I was not a member of the LDS church – it wasn’t until I was 15 that I was baptized and joined the LDS church. I wanted to add the perspective of someone who had grown up here not a member of the church but then later converted. Additionally we are also going to add a twist in here.
My father and mother were both raised in a fundamentalist polygamist group known as the AUB or “the Allreds.” They married young and divorced before my dad had a chance to take a second wife. My dad married an LDS lady and later converted to the LDS church. My mother on the other hand stuck with the AUB and “married” (in the loosest sense here since they weren’t married by law) my step father – a man who already had a wife and 6 children. She was married to him for 10 years. It was when I was 14 years old that my mother and step father “divorced” (no legal action was necessary) and my mother decided to take the missionary discussions – my brother, sister, mother, and I then joined the LDS church. I’ve now been a member of the LDS church for many years.
Sometimes I tend to forget about my past – it’s not something I generally talk about ever or think about often. I sometimes feel like I’ve always grown up in the LDS church, although that isn’t true.
So what was it like growing up in Utah as a member of a polygamist family? The group I was a member of was a bit different than some others. I can grantee that you would never have guessed I was a member of a polygamist group – we dressed like everyone else as children. Our particular sect didn’t wear long dresses and braids J (classic stereotypes, right?) so the kids blended in with normal society. You could only spot our parents in the summer when they wore long sleeves and long pants in 100 degree weather since their garments were long underwear. But in the winter you’d be hard pressed to point out a member of the AUB in public. But even within the AUB our family was a bit of an oddity. My mother worked full time as a nurse, and I can tell you that isn’t common in fundamentalist groups. In addition to that, my step father’s wives lived in different houses, and even in different cities (many of them lived in the same house or in houses that were next door). I also attended public school. All those things set us apart a little bit as members of the AUB. But it also added a few different elements to my life. I was always living a life of secrecy. Since polygamy is frankly illegal we were always forced to lie. My step father came to our house every other night and his first wife’s house on the other night. So we told our friends that our step father traveled a lot for work. When someone asked me what religion I was I always said “Mormon” although that wasn’t true. I felt I had to lie to protect my family. Since I knew about the Book of Mormon, it was easier to pretend that I was simply one of them.
So all growing up my friends assumed I was LDS – I pretended like I knew what they meant when they said “ward” or “mutual” and as a freshmen in High School I even joined seminary to keep up the charade. It was that same year though – as a freshman that I joined the LDS church and the lies finally stopped. Imagine my friend’s amazement at discovering that I was not LDS. I think they were partly shocked, but mostly excited to see one of their friends joining the church. We had three other kids in our “group” that were not LDS and we were very good friends with them. I don’t know if they ever felt like they weren’t accepted – I loved them the same as my other friends, but I feel certain that they must have felt apart at times. It was sad that I felt I couldn’t be honest with all my friends about my religion, but in truth I think that had more to do with keeping up appearances than me feeling like I needed to fit in. But there is still that element – I did want to fit in so I chose to pretend to be LDS instead of just claiming that I was “Christian”. I know what many of these ladies are saying when they talk about not feeling the same as everyone – I couldn’t have been more different than my friends in many ways.
My motivation for joining the LDS church had little to do with fitting in. In fact, I was quite resistant to the change at first. You see, in fundamentalist groups you are taught that ALL others are wrong. If you think that LDS people are hard noised about being right, then you’d be shocked at the doctrine fundamentalist groups teach. Even the LDS faith is “wrong” and only those of the AUB and other polygamist groups will be saved. It’s pretty sad actually. I know that for many people the LDS church seems to exclude others, but for me, it was a breath of fresh air. I feel that many more people are accepted by members of the LDS church then were in the AUB. Joining the LDS church also gave me a beautiful chance for truth. I never again have to lie about what I believe. I can shout it from the housetops if I so desire. I can also be open and honest with others about what they believe. You don’t have to agree with me and I don’t have to agree with you, but I can still be your friend and accept you. We can still talk about it. I love that.
I think I am generally accepting of other’s beliefs – but I don’t think we always understand each other. There are so many misconceptions out there on BOTH SIDES. Heather’s blog makes me want to try harder to be even more open – so thanks again Heather. Thank you for reminding me of my past and what it felt like to be apart.
So there you go – the perspective of a polygamist child living in Utah.
And this doesn’t even go into how much I LOVE the beauty and the feel of community in Utah, but I think everyone has touched on that sufficiently. I love living here and I think I will be sad to leave when my husband finishes his schooling. We will most likely be off to some other state and I am truly excited for the opportunity to live outside of Utah. But I will miss it here so much!
Monday, May 10, 2010
A New Religion
I had to tie in religion somehow, so perhaps I have found a religion that works for me: running.
I started an 8 week program of walking/running intervals and I am now on week 3. Yesterday I had to run for 4 minutes, walk for 3, 4 times and I loved it! I find myself feeling like I can continue running, but I make myself stop, remembering that this is suppose to be a lifestyle change, not a quick fix.
The same goes with the eating. I still sit down at the table at home when I eat and Saturday night that meant sitting there eating a Skor bar, 2 bowls (maybe 3) of Lucky Charms and some Skittles...not the healthiest of late night snacks, but the next morning I was down another 1/2 pound. I suppose a lifestyle change would include not having those foods in the house, but on a positive note at least the candy was the single serving kind, not the big ole bags I use to consume!
Back to running...I just glanced at the remaining weeks' intervals and felt my heart speed up. I cannot imagine running for 9 minutes straight and doing it 3 times, but I hope that when I get to that point, I'll be ready! I love being on the campus of USU early in the morning and having that time as total ME time. If I can just convince Lucy not to chase the ducks that sometimes hang out up there, my new religion would be perfect, but ya know, some people (Lucy) just can't take their religion in moderation!
I started an 8 week program of walking/running intervals and I am now on week 3. Yesterday I had to run for 4 minutes, walk for 3, 4 times and I loved it! I find myself feeling like I can continue running, but I make myself stop, remembering that this is suppose to be a lifestyle change, not a quick fix.
The same goes with the eating. I still sit down at the table at home when I eat and Saturday night that meant sitting there eating a Skor bar, 2 bowls (maybe 3) of Lucky Charms and some Skittles...not the healthiest of late night snacks, but the next morning I was down another 1/2 pound. I suppose a lifestyle change would include not having those foods in the house, but on a positive note at least the candy was the single serving kind, not the big ole bags I use to consume!
Back to running...I just glanced at the remaining weeks' intervals and felt my heart speed up. I cannot imagine running for 9 minutes straight and doing it 3 times, but I hope that when I get to that point, I'll be ready! I love being on the campus of USU early in the morning and having that time as total ME time. If I can just convince Lucy not to chase the ducks that sometimes hang out up there, my new religion would be perfect, but ya know, some people (Lucy) just can't take their religion in moderation!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Just Me
I love having guest writers, because it is so much easier to post their pieces than write my own and they offer perspectives I do not have of life in Utah.
A friend of mine posted a link to this blog on her FB page and someone commented that people are people wherever you go and that Utah is no different than any other place. I agree, people are people and you'll run into those with whom you agree and those with whom you don't.
I disagree that Utah is no different than any other place. I have lived in 5 other states: Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Texas, Michigan and New Jersey (though N.J. doesn't really count since I was only 2 when we moved away) and Utah is unique in a variety of ways. Of course the obvious is the beauty of Utah, none of the other states in which I've lived can compare, although sadly, now none of them can compare to the pollution experienced in the winter, too.
Utah is also unique because one religion is extremely dominant. I pulled up The Association of Religion Data and in 2000 it lists 73,571 out of 91,391 persons as being members of the LDS Church. This fact brings with is some unique aspects and I am not going to say they are all good or all bad, just unique.
Each person living in Utah has their own experience and perspective and the latter is formed by many different components, religion being only one of them. I do not think whether or not one is part of the dominant religion alone determines a person's perspective, but I do think it plays a part, as a person's religion affects their perspective everywhere. I can also say that in my experience a person's religious affiliation has not been such a topic of conversation as it has in Utah. Many times, within the first few minutes of meeting someone, it comes up - and yes, sometimes I am the one who brings it up.
If you disagree with this, if you think Utah is just like every other place, please let me know. That is what this blog is suppose to be about (most of the time, sometimes it's just postings of my dogs or weight loss or motherhood) - a format for differing views to be represented that hopefully allows people to see things from another's perspective.
I want to add that I actually love the fact that religion is the big elephant in the room in Utah, because I have been able to have conversations with people here that I don't have in other places, because in other places religion is just not something people talk about so casually. Of course on the flip side is the fact that I feel religious affiliation is too often used as a form of judgment too soon in Utah and in other places it is something that may come up much later in an already established relationship, so bears less weight.
A friend of mine posted a link to this blog on her FB page and someone commented that people are people wherever you go and that Utah is no different than any other place. I agree, people are people and you'll run into those with whom you agree and those with whom you don't.
I disagree that Utah is no different than any other place. I have lived in 5 other states: Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Texas, Michigan and New Jersey (though N.J. doesn't really count since I was only 2 when we moved away) and Utah is unique in a variety of ways. Of course the obvious is the beauty of Utah, none of the other states in which I've lived can compare, although sadly, now none of them can compare to the pollution experienced in the winter, too.
Utah is also unique because one religion is extremely dominant. I pulled up The Association of Religion Data and in 2000 it lists 73,571 out of 91,391 persons as being members of the LDS Church. This fact brings with is some unique aspects and I am not going to say they are all good or all bad, just unique.
Each person living in Utah has their own experience and perspective and the latter is formed by many different components, religion being only one of them. I do not think whether or not one is part of the dominant religion alone determines a person's perspective, but I do think it plays a part, as a person's religion affects their perspective everywhere. I can also say that in my experience a person's religious affiliation has not been such a topic of conversation as it has in Utah. Many times, within the first few minutes of meeting someone, it comes up - and yes, sometimes I am the one who brings it up.
If you disagree with this, if you think Utah is just like every other place, please let me know. That is what this blog is suppose to be about (most of the time, sometimes it's just postings of my dogs or weight loss or motherhood) - a format for differing views to be represented that hopefully allows people to see things from another's perspective.
I want to add that I actually love the fact that religion is the big elephant in the room in Utah, because I have been able to have conversations with people here that I don't have in other places, because in other places religion is just not something people talk about so casually. Of course on the flip side is the fact that I feel religious affiliation is too often used as a form of judgment too soon in Utah and in other places it is something that may come up much later in an already established relationship, so bears less weight.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Guest Writer: Kathy Parish Gilpin
Before I copy Kathy's post, I have to mention that she attended a prom with my hubby, and she's from Pennsylvania, like me, which I find amusing! Thank you Kathy!
I moved to Utah from Pennsylvania when i was in the fifth grade and lived there until I was 21 ish. As the predominant faith in Logan, Utah is the LDS Church I definitely did not blend in with the locals. At that time I didn’t even know what a Mormon was so when kids would ask me if I was a LDS I would respond with is that a good thing? On another note I had no clue what a stake house was, when I was asked about which stake house I went to in my mind I was thinking steak house and I wondered where they were hiding the Brown Derby restaurant. Stake houses and wards are the way the church divides up neighborhoods so that different congregations can go to the same church at their allotted time slot I guess, i can’t honestly remember now how all that works and I could be entirely wrong.
Aside from one girl telling me she could not play with me because I was not a Mormon all the others were just like kids anywhere except most did not know what double dutch jump roping was. There was not much talk of faith and affiliations in the fifth grade, we were all just trying to get through that “Growing up and Liking It” movie without giggling and the interest focused more on tetherball, riding bikes or sledding depending on the season.
My first few weeks were spent living in the Baugh Motel while my folks were waiting to close on the house they made an offer on. My first day of school at Wilson did not go as well as one would like. The well meaning principal introduced me as a straight A student and told the others to watch out for me...gee, um...thanks? When we finally did move in to our home on Cliffside my first two friends, Kim and Miesha were eager to meet the new girls and welcomed us with open arms. It was a pretty great neighborhood to live in and as probably the only non-Mormon kids on the block we were invited to a lot of church activities of which I went to a few, had a great time but never did convert.
Because of my history of living in Utah whenever people find out I’ve lived there I am often asked if I am a Mormon. I will constantly be answering that no, I am not LDS nor have I ever been LDS. I will forever be defending Utah when people make assumptions that if you live in Utah you must be a polygamist. I will gladly point out how beautiful it is there, how much the community really takes care of their own. Case in point, our non-LDS neighbor down the block broke his back and the neighborhood LDS church ward made sure his driveway was shoveled or the grass was cut and the family had casseroles brought to them to help them get through those tough days regardless of their family’s affiliation with the church. You don’t see that everywhere so i am grateful to grow up in such a community.
I am now living in and loving Oregon but I have my moments when I think to myself that I could easily move back to Utah. The biggest reason being my brother and sister who both live in Salt Lake City. I have moments here where I miss the big mountains and the beautiful, powdery snow. I miss all that snow shoveling. Really.
I moved to Utah from Pennsylvania when i was in the fifth grade and lived there until I was 21 ish. As the predominant faith in Logan, Utah is the LDS Church I definitely did not blend in with the locals. At that time I didn’t even know what a Mormon was so when kids would ask me if I was a LDS I would respond with is that a good thing? On another note I had no clue what a stake house was, when I was asked about which stake house I went to in my mind I was thinking steak house and I wondered where they were hiding the Brown Derby restaurant. Stake houses and wards are the way the church divides up neighborhoods so that different congregations can go to the same church at their allotted time slot I guess, i can’t honestly remember now how all that works and I could be entirely wrong.
Aside from one girl telling me she could not play with me because I was not a Mormon all the others were just like kids anywhere except most did not know what double dutch jump roping was. There was not much talk of faith and affiliations in the fifth grade, we were all just trying to get through that “Growing up and Liking It” movie without giggling and the interest focused more on tetherball, riding bikes or sledding depending on the season.
My first few weeks were spent living in the Baugh Motel while my folks were waiting to close on the house they made an offer on. My first day of school at Wilson did not go as well as one would like. The well meaning principal introduced me as a straight A student and told the others to watch out for me...gee, um...thanks? When we finally did move in to our home on Cliffside my first two friends, Kim and Miesha were eager to meet the new girls and welcomed us with open arms. It was a pretty great neighborhood to live in and as probably the only non-Mormon kids on the block we were invited to a lot of church activities of which I went to a few, had a great time but never did convert.
Because of my history of living in Utah whenever people find out I’ve lived there I am often asked if I am a Mormon. I will constantly be answering that no, I am not LDS nor have I ever been LDS. I will forever be defending Utah when people make assumptions that if you live in Utah you must be a polygamist. I will gladly point out how beautiful it is there, how much the community really takes care of their own. Case in point, our non-LDS neighbor down the block broke his back and the neighborhood LDS church ward made sure his driveway was shoveled or the grass was cut and the family had casseroles brought to them to help them get through those tough days regardless of their family’s affiliation with the church. You don’t see that everywhere so i am grateful to grow up in such a community.
I am now living in and loving Oregon but I have my moments when I think to myself that I could easily move back to Utah. The biggest reason being my brother and sister who both live in Salt Lake City. I have moments here where I miss the big mountains and the beautiful, powdery snow. I miss all that snow shoveling. Really.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Guest Writer: Stacey
To start off and just get it all out there, I’m a Democratic Mormon, Pro Gay marriage, I don’t think that religion or the government should be involved in a person’s choice to have an abortion, I see R rated movies and I drink tea. So what, some of you may say! It’s a big deal in the LDS church and there are few and few and far between of us that feel this same way and that are active in the church. I didn’t start out this way and my parents and I do not agree on everything I said above. One brother and I feel and believe the same things and my other brother and I couldn’t be more opposite than we are. I grew up in Logan, Utah and I lived there until I was 21 and then moved to Provo, Utah. I was married in the Logan Temple to a return missionary, which for a long time I didn’t think I would ever do. I think my parents and a lot of people that knew me wondered the same. I have friends that are not LDS and also friends who have left the church, who ask me every so often why I’m still part of the church or why I believe in it when I support gay marriage and abortion. I really don’t have a perfect answer for them and I’m sure it’s one that never makes sense to them either. I have issues at times with people in the church but I believe the gospel. That might be a lame reasoning (to some) but it’s who I am and how I feel. It works for me and for my family. I don’t feel that I’m hurting anyone by being a member of the LDS church, I’m accepting of everyone and hope they are the same of me. That’s all I ask. I have to separate the issues I have with the church from how I feel when I’m at church and with my church friends. I don’t put the two together. I can’t explain it any other way. I believe that if my LDS friends and my non- LDS friends were to get together, we would all get along. I choose friends that treat others with kindness and acceptance and that are just all around good people.
Like I said above, I grew up in Logan, Utah. My parents were never completely active. If there were something else to go do on Sunday, that’s what we went in did. That included movies, parties with family or going out to dinner. Things that some Mormon’s would say are big no-no’s on Sunday. I felt close to the church though and I felt something special about it. I didn’t feel like I fit in with the people in my “ward”. I never really got along with the other girls in my church and that lasted from elementary up to High School. When I was in 4th grade my parents decided to move me from the elementary school in my neighborhood up to the elementary school on USU campus. I am forever grateful for that decision. I made some of my best friends there and friends I’m still in contact with. I made friends with kids that were from Korea, Spain and India. They were all different religions as well, Buddhist, Muslim and Catholic. I loved it; my new world was exciting, bright and fun. I tried new foods, listened to new music and it was eye opening to me. I think it was going to school there that really shaped how I look at people now. I finally realized that there is this whole other world outside of the Mormon culture and life and that it’s good and that I could learn from it.
When I was in the end of Middle School I found drugs and alcohol and it was fun. It was another eye opener. Unfortunately because of it I looked at school as being only social and I didn’t pay as much attention to it as I should have. I do regret it now to a degree. There are things I wouldn’t change about that time but also I think I could have made more of myself if I had paid less attention to when the next party was and a little bit more on getting good grades and being more involved. I still went to church on Sunday even though I had been out partying the night before but then so did a lot of other kids in my ward. I have a good friend that I’ve known since we were Brownies. She is a great person and as far as I know has never had a drop of alcohol in her life. She is a friend that has been supportive of me from day one, even when I was being an idiot in High School.
I barely graduated but thanks to a nice vice principal and an amazing English teacher I made it. I went on a study abroad through Logan High School to Germany and after that the travel bug was born. It was another chance to see life outside of Utah and to meet some wonderful people. During this whole time I had stopped going to church and I felt some freedom for the first time. After coming home I went back east to Rhode Island to be a nanny for a family in Providence. It was supposed to be for a year and I quit after 5 months. Families back east love to have Mormon girls for Nannies. Almost every nanny I met was from Utah and a Mormon. I didn’t have a great experience with my family but I loved being on the east coast. To cut a long story short, the father of the family I worked for made a pass at me during their celebration of Rosh Hashanah at their home and in front of family. The next day I quit. Living on the east coast and traveling around was the only good thing about that experience.
After getting back from the East Coast I returned to USU and for the first time I was happy to be back in Utah. The same friend I mentioned above that I had known for a long time introduced me to some friends that were going to Taiwan to teach English. This was in April of 1988. I had no idea where Taiwan was at the time and I didn’t even have money to buy a ticket. When I mentioned it to my parents they thought it was a bad idea and I should just stay in school and stay at home and earn money. I can still remember a couple weeks after that they asked me one night if I was still interested in going to Taiwan and if so they would help me buy a one way ticket. I would have to earn my return ticket from teaching English. A few weeks after that I had my passport and ticket and a group of about 10 of us boarded a plane for Taiwan. None of us spoke Mandarin or even knew anyone to contact when we got there. It was exhilarating. I know I’m going off topic here, this is supposed to be about Utah. I’ll get back there, I promise. I thought going to Taiwan would be this great summer of being able to go into bars and order drinks and not have to feel pressured to go to church. The funny thing is that by the time I was ready to go back to Utah I had stopped drinking completely and I had started going to church again. I think being able to go to church on my own and not feel pushed to do so made a big difference. I also stated writing my friend (a guy friend who was on a mission) more seriously and our letters changed from being just casual day to day stuff, to wondering what the other would be doing long term.
One thing I’m sad about is that during this change in myself I didn’t know how to balance friends that were active, those that weren’t and those that weren’t LDS. Caring about the church, finding out how I felt about all of it and who I was a lot to figure out at a young age. I feel like I pushed some friends away. That’s a regret of mine luckily with time; we are now back in touch again. Yeah for FB. When I got back to Utah the letters to my friend kept getting more and more serious. He got home from his mission in December; we were engaged in February and married in June. Fast, I know. I like to remind people that we were good friend for 5 yrs before that. He was my best friend for a long time before getting married.
Now 21 yrs later a lot has changed. We had one biological daughter and adopted two kids, a boy and a girl. We lived in Provo for a few years, then to Northern California and now in Washington State. I’ve become stronger in my beliefs living outside of Utah. We’ve been lucky to live in areas where there are other LDS people that are open in their beliefs like we are. I’ve met some pretty amazing non-LDS people and amazing LDS people while living in California and in Washington. Not to say there aren’t amazing people in Utah, because there are. I have great friends in Utah and I miss them dearly. I’ve met people through FB, like Heather and I hope to meet her in person one day. I don’t know if this made any sense. I’m grateful for what my life has been like so far and all the people I’ve met through it and I look forward to whatever is coming my way. I miss Utah, the scenery and my family. I thought I would end this jumbled blog by listing some things I love about Utah by their seasons and the things I miss the most about Utah.
Fall-Driving back from Salt Lake and going through Sardine Canyon. Apple Cider from Zollingers in October. People burning leaves in their yards. Seeing some snow on the peaks of the Wellsville mountains but not ready for it yet.
Winter-Waking up to snow and hearing the heat kick on before getting out of bed. Even though it’s cold, the crunching sound when walking on frozen grass. Fires and having hot cocoa. Christmas Eve in Logan.
Spring-Snow on Easter. Rolling eggs down old Main when there isn’t snow on Easter. Tulips coming up at my parents house. The promise of summer in Logan and all over Utah.
Summer-Thunder storms. The smell of rain on hot cement. Cool summer nights. Camping all over Utah. Logan Canyon, need I say more? Bear Lake and Raspberry shakes.
Like I said above, I grew up in Logan, Utah. My parents were never completely active. If there were something else to go do on Sunday, that’s what we went in did. That included movies, parties with family or going out to dinner. Things that some Mormon’s would say are big no-no’s on Sunday. I felt close to the church though and I felt something special about it. I didn’t feel like I fit in with the people in my “ward”. I never really got along with the other girls in my church and that lasted from elementary up to High School. When I was in 4th grade my parents decided to move me from the elementary school in my neighborhood up to the elementary school on USU campus. I am forever grateful for that decision. I made some of my best friends there and friends I’m still in contact with. I made friends with kids that were from Korea, Spain and India. They were all different religions as well, Buddhist, Muslim and Catholic. I loved it; my new world was exciting, bright and fun. I tried new foods, listened to new music and it was eye opening to me. I think it was going to school there that really shaped how I look at people now. I finally realized that there is this whole other world outside of the Mormon culture and life and that it’s good and that I could learn from it.
When I was in the end of Middle School I found drugs and alcohol and it was fun. It was another eye opener. Unfortunately because of it I looked at school as being only social and I didn’t pay as much attention to it as I should have. I do regret it now to a degree. There are things I wouldn’t change about that time but also I think I could have made more of myself if I had paid less attention to when the next party was and a little bit more on getting good grades and being more involved. I still went to church on Sunday even though I had been out partying the night before but then so did a lot of other kids in my ward. I have a good friend that I’ve known since we were Brownies. She is a great person and as far as I know has never had a drop of alcohol in her life. She is a friend that has been supportive of me from day one, even when I was being an idiot in High School.
I barely graduated but thanks to a nice vice principal and an amazing English teacher I made it. I went on a study abroad through Logan High School to Germany and after that the travel bug was born. It was another chance to see life outside of Utah and to meet some wonderful people. During this whole time I had stopped going to church and I felt some freedom for the first time. After coming home I went back east to Rhode Island to be a nanny for a family in Providence. It was supposed to be for a year and I quit after 5 months. Families back east love to have Mormon girls for Nannies. Almost every nanny I met was from Utah and a Mormon. I didn’t have a great experience with my family but I loved being on the east coast. To cut a long story short, the father of the family I worked for made a pass at me during their celebration of Rosh Hashanah at their home and in front of family. The next day I quit. Living on the east coast and traveling around was the only good thing about that experience.
After getting back from the East Coast I returned to USU and for the first time I was happy to be back in Utah. The same friend I mentioned above that I had known for a long time introduced me to some friends that were going to Taiwan to teach English. This was in April of 1988. I had no idea where Taiwan was at the time and I didn’t even have money to buy a ticket. When I mentioned it to my parents they thought it was a bad idea and I should just stay in school and stay at home and earn money. I can still remember a couple weeks after that they asked me one night if I was still interested in going to Taiwan and if so they would help me buy a one way ticket. I would have to earn my return ticket from teaching English. A few weeks after that I had my passport and ticket and a group of about 10 of us boarded a plane for Taiwan. None of us spoke Mandarin or even knew anyone to contact when we got there. It was exhilarating. I know I’m going off topic here, this is supposed to be about Utah. I’ll get back there, I promise. I thought going to Taiwan would be this great summer of being able to go into bars and order drinks and not have to feel pressured to go to church. The funny thing is that by the time I was ready to go back to Utah I had stopped drinking completely and I had started going to church again. I think being able to go to church on my own and not feel pushed to do so made a big difference. I also stated writing my friend (a guy friend who was on a mission) more seriously and our letters changed from being just casual day to day stuff, to wondering what the other would be doing long term.
One thing I’m sad about is that during this change in myself I didn’t know how to balance friends that were active, those that weren’t and those that weren’t LDS. Caring about the church, finding out how I felt about all of it and who I was a lot to figure out at a young age. I feel like I pushed some friends away. That’s a regret of mine luckily with time; we are now back in touch again. Yeah for FB. When I got back to Utah the letters to my friend kept getting more and more serious. He got home from his mission in December; we were engaged in February and married in June. Fast, I know. I like to remind people that we were good friend for 5 yrs before that. He was my best friend for a long time before getting married.
Now 21 yrs later a lot has changed. We had one biological daughter and adopted two kids, a boy and a girl. We lived in Provo for a few years, then to Northern California and now in Washington State. I’ve become stronger in my beliefs living outside of Utah. We’ve been lucky to live in areas where there are other LDS people that are open in their beliefs like we are. I’ve met some pretty amazing non-LDS people and amazing LDS people while living in California and in Washington. Not to say there aren’t amazing people in Utah, because there are. I have great friends in Utah and I miss them dearly. I’ve met people through FB, like Heather and I hope to meet her in person one day. I don’t know if this made any sense. I’m grateful for what my life has been like so far and all the people I’ve met through it and I look forward to whatever is coming my way. I miss Utah, the scenery and my family. I thought I would end this jumbled blog by listing some things I love about Utah by their seasons and the things I miss the most about Utah.
Fall-Driving back from Salt Lake and going through Sardine Canyon. Apple Cider from Zollingers in October. People burning leaves in their yards. Seeing some snow on the peaks of the Wellsville mountains but not ready for it yet.
Winter-Waking up to snow and hearing the heat kick on before getting out of bed. Even though it’s cold, the crunching sound when walking on frozen grass. Fires and having hot cocoa. Christmas Eve in Logan.
Spring-Snow on Easter. Rolling eggs down old Main when there isn’t snow on Easter. Tulips coming up at my parents house. The promise of summer in Logan and all over Utah.
Summer-Thunder storms. The smell of rain on hot cement. Cool summer nights. Camping all over Utah. Logan Canyon, need I say more? Bear Lake and Raspberry shakes.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Guest Writer: Charlotte
I've lived in Utah for thirty-five of my thirty-nine years. Not surprisingly, I've found that summing up thirty-five years in a post that will be short enough to hold anyone's attention has been a daunting task. Daunting enough, in fact, that I've been mulling this post over for several weeks now.
However, this morning I decided the time had come to stop taking myself so seriously, and just sit down and write a few of my thoughts on living in Utah.
So, here I am. And here it is:
Three Things I Don't Particularly Like about Living in Utah:
I've traveled all over the world, and loved many other places, but when it comes to natural beauty, I find Utah really hard to beat.
2. The Temples: As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints residing in Utah, I have the unique opportunity to live within two and half hours of ten different Mormon temples, with yet another temple in my vicinity under construction. The subject of temple worship isn't something I really have the space to go into right now, so I will just say that this is a big deal to me. A really big deal to me.
3. The Arts, particularly the performing arts: There are more pianos per capita in Utah than in any other U.S. state. Utah, with it's relatively small population of 2.7 million people, is home to a world-class symphony, two world-class opera companies, and a world-class Shakespearean festival. In an added bonus, because of the economics of supply and demand, it is possible to attend performances at all of these venues for prices that are about as much as you'd pay for a movie and popcorn in many areas. I love that.
However, this morning I decided the time had come to stop taking myself so seriously, and just sit down and write a few of my thoughts on living in Utah.
So, here I am. And here it is:
Living in Utah: Six of the Pros and Cons
(in my opinion)
(in my opinion)
Three Things I Don't Particularly Like about Living in Utah:
1. Utah Drivers, especially on the freeway: Utah drivers don't know how to share the road. I have two theories about this, one having to do with the fact that there's a lot of open space in Utah and we're just not all that used to needing to share. The other has to do with the fact that Mormons tend toward self-sufficiency and planning ahead. You know the fable of the Grasshopper and the Ant? Well, your typical Mormon is the quintessential ant in most scenarios. So, applying that to this situation, let's pretend that you as a motorist didn't happen to have the foresight to get into the right lane ten minutes before your necessary exit. Sorry fella, you can forget about me making room for you now. Better luck next time, Grasshopper.
2. Politics: Utah is right, right, right, ultra-conservative right. Utah is so conservative that our Democrats are right of the Republicans in most other states. (true story--my brother-in-law, who was a registered Republican in Nebraska ended up being a delegate for the Democratic Party in Utah.) What this means is that Utah gets very little positive attention from the Federal Government. Why should we? The Republicans know they have us in the bag, and the Democrats know they don't have a chance of winning us over (another true story--In the 1992 Presidential Election, Bill Clinton took third place, behind George Bush and Ross Perot). So, it's in no one's political best interest to try to please Utah.
Sigh.
3. Polygamy Jokes: Actually, this one doesn't bother me all that much, but I needed a third thing to dislike. So, I'm going with polygamy jokes. They do get old after awhile, especially if you grew up in Southern Utah, as I did.
Three things that I absolutely Love about Living in Utah:2. Politics: Utah is right, right, right, ultra-conservative right. Utah is so conservative that our Democrats are right of the Republicans in most other states. (true story--my brother-in-law, who was a registered Republican in Nebraska ended up being a delegate for the Democratic Party in Utah.) What this means is that Utah gets very little positive attention from the Federal Government. Why should we? The Republicans know they have us in the bag, and the Democrats know they don't have a chance of winning us over (another true story--In the 1992 Presidential Election, Bill Clinton took third place, behind George Bush and Ross Perot). So, it's in no one's political best interest to try to please Utah.
Sigh.
3. Polygamy Jokes: Actually, this one doesn't bother me all that much, but I needed a third thing to dislike. So, I'm going with polygamy jokes. They do get old after awhile, especially if you grew up in Southern Utah, as I did.
1. The Beauty:
I grew up less than thirty miles away from this:
And this:
I spend time here nearly every year:
and now I'm within moments of this:
I grew up less than thirty miles away from this:
And this:
I spend time here nearly every year:
and now I'm within moments of this:
I've traveled all over the world, and loved many other places, but when it comes to natural beauty, I find Utah really hard to beat.
2. The Temples: As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints residing in Utah, I have the unique opportunity to live within two and half hours of ten different Mormon temples, with yet another temple in my vicinity under construction. The subject of temple worship isn't something I really have the space to go into right now, so I will just say that this is a big deal to me. A really big deal to me.
3. The Arts, particularly the performing arts: There are more pianos per capita in Utah than in any other U.S. state. Utah, with it's relatively small population of 2.7 million people, is home to a world-class symphony, two world-class opera companies, and a world-class Shakespearean festival. In an added bonus, because of the economics of supply and demand, it is possible to attend performances at all of these venues for prices that are about as much as you'd pay for a movie and popcorn in many areas. I love that.
Several years ago, Utah's primary tourism campaign focused around the phrase: "Utah: A Pretty, Great State". That particular ad campaign was somewhat controversial. (after all, who wants to be known as a resident of a state that's pretty great, but not absolutely marvelous?) These days Utah's main tourism campaign is the less controversial, less folksy, more generic "Utah: Life Elevated".
For me, I prefer the first phrase. Honestly, I think Utah is pretty great. It may not be the perfect place to live, and I certainly don't recommend it without reservation to everyone I meet. But Utah is my home, and I absolutely love it here. With all its quirks, I find that Utah works for me and my family quite well.
And I don't even like Jello.
For me, I prefer the first phrase. Honestly, I think Utah is pretty great. It may not be the perfect place to live, and I certainly don't recommend it without reservation to everyone I meet. But Utah is my home, and I absolutely love it here. With all its quirks, I find that Utah works for me and my family quite well.
And I don't even like Jello.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Mixed Post
Just like the mixed tapes I'd make as an adolescent, this is going to be a post on a variety of topics - and only one is controversial!
1. Today I'm down 27.5 pounds since January 1st and it makes me think I might reach that goal of losing 30 pounds by my birthday (May 20). If not, that's ok, I feel great and will just be happy to celebrate another birthday.
2. Took my final today for my Special Education class and it was good, not sure of the grade yet. I have been half-hearted in my studies and admit that I am going to use the move to Michigan to delay my goal of becoming a teacher. It was a very strong dream of mine 18 years ago, but now, not so much.
3. Speaking of Michigan - we are still working on house stuff and being generally lazy in getting the house on the market. We have not found a house in Michigan either and need to just get a move on it all!
4. I'm following a running program, am now on week 2 and LOVING it! Lucy goes with me, early in the a.m. and there is nothing like a morning in Logan (ok, now I'll get weepy, 'cause my Logan mornings are limited).
5. Slightly controversial topic: while visiting my sister who was in Salt Lake City for a genealogical conference, she's from Boston, we met a couple from Belgium. I thoroughly enjoyed talking with them and I just had to broach the health care issue. Claude said what I imagine, and hoped, he would: he cannot understand people in the United States not wanting to have universal health care and taking care of one another. I like to talk with people who have firsthand experience with universal coverage and so far, I've heard only positives.
Oh, the boys, Winston and Percy, will be a year old May 11 and they still drive me absolutely bonkers, today was a doozy and I just have tons more patience for people with multiple children, hats off to you!
1. Today I'm down 27.5 pounds since January 1st and it makes me think I might reach that goal of losing 30 pounds by my birthday (May 20). If not, that's ok, I feel great and will just be happy to celebrate another birthday.
2. Took my final today for my Special Education class and it was good, not sure of the grade yet. I have been half-hearted in my studies and admit that I am going to use the move to Michigan to delay my goal of becoming a teacher. It was a very strong dream of mine 18 years ago, but now, not so much.
3. Speaking of Michigan - we are still working on house stuff and being generally lazy in getting the house on the market. We have not found a house in Michigan either and need to just get a move on it all!
4. I'm following a running program, am now on week 2 and LOVING it! Lucy goes with me, early in the a.m. and there is nothing like a morning in Logan (ok, now I'll get weepy, 'cause my Logan mornings are limited).
5. Slightly controversial topic: while visiting my sister who was in Salt Lake City for a genealogical conference, she's from Boston, we met a couple from Belgium. I thoroughly enjoyed talking with them and I just had to broach the health care issue. Claude said what I imagine, and hoped, he would: he cannot understand people in the United States not wanting to have universal health care and taking care of one another. I like to talk with people who have firsthand experience with universal coverage and so far, I've heard only positives.
Oh, the boys, Winston and Percy, will be a year old May 11 and they still drive me absolutely bonkers, today was a doozy and I just have tons more patience for people with multiple children, hats off to you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
