17

Perhaps I should save this for #1, but I just can't wait since it came up today...one of my favorite things about living in Utah is the ability to talk about religion because it is often the big, ole elephant in the room!

I definitely think religion is a personal matter - but also one that should be discussed. I am still learning the art of discussing it without offending anyone and learning without judgment.

Utah has a very dominant religious presence and to those not from here, it can be baffling. I did not understand the enormity of it when I moved to Utah in 1999 and when we returned in 2006, I came with a HUGE chip on my shoulder. Fortunately, I learned to question and listen and invite others to learn about various religions along with me. I feel much better about my most recent Utah experience and hope to continue learning about people's beliefs wherever I go.

Today I posted something on Facebook about my friend's status that referenced her receiving eternal consequences for having her name taken off the LDS Church records. I was worried about Mormon bashing occurring, because I really did want to hear what the consequences were - though truth be told, I also wanted to open up a dialogue about religious beliefs. It sort of did.

I have heard that it's hard to be Mormon living in Utah, a lot of pressure to live a certain way, keep up with the neighbors, etc. and I can see that. It's been fun being a minority here and also learning a bit more about the Mormon culture. I'm still an agnostic, still want to learn about as many religions as I can and still baffled how often the LDS Church ends up in the local newspaper - what will I talk about in Michigan!!?

18

The parks in Logan, those in the city, are wonderful! (We of course have the mountains, but that's another post...)

Today I took Sophie and her friend to the Willow Park Zoo and for $2 we were able to walk around, see the animals and feed the ducks. We then headed to two different play areas and I thought about how amazing parks are compared to when I was a kid. In those days we had to play at the school playgrounds, with all the equipment over cement. It was absolutely fun, but the equipment nowadays is so much nicer and the surfaces so much softer!

We have a great variety of parks in Logan and we enjoy visiting those in our own neighborhood, but we also like to go to those outside of our neck of the woods. Sometimes we'll head out to North Logan or the play structure in River Heights for a change of pace.

One of my favorite play structures is at The Whittier Center, Logan's community center. The play structure was built by volunteers and Steve and I even got to be a part of the building process. It's a great place for kids to play and adults to sit back and read, chat or just enjoy watching. It's amazing to see what a community can put together with their own hands! It was done after Ryan's Place, in River Heights, which uses the same format of volunteers - Ryan's Place was dedicated to a young boy who lost his life. That park is great and again, realizing what a community can do is astounding.

I'm excited to find great parks in Jackson - we had plenty of them in Ann Arbor, but I get the feeling that Jackson is quite different from Ann Arbor, which makes me very, very excited!

19

It is completely ironic that my favorite bookstore in Logan is Borders, because the headquarters is in Ann Arbor, but I do, I love Borders. I love the cafe, the browsing of books, the comfy chairs where I can sit and make an impressive dent in a book without actually purchasing it, the amount of time Sophie can spend looking around as I carry a book with me and read snippets.

The Ann Arbor Borders gets amazing authors (we got a book signed by Tom Robbins) fabulous performers (They Might Be Giants took a pic with Sophie) and even some discoing celebrity (yes, John Travolta was signing Battlefield Earth, which we purchased and still have, but only because he signed it). In Ann Arbor I actually preferred going to Barnes & Noble, it just seemed cleaner, but would visit Borders when a big name was there.

The Logan Borders has had some authors, we visited one who signed a book about dragons for Sophie and there was the interesting Harry Potter Party when the 7th book came out, but it's not because of its events that we frequent the store - it's familiarity and ease. Yes, at the "big, bad chain store" (You've Got Mail!) we save money on discounted books and take proceeds away from independent stores...but, here's the thing...

Logan does not have a decent independent book store! They did - A Book Store - which was here in the 90s, but now, nothing. Used bookstores, yes, but I find them to be overpriced. Ok, I'm wracking my brain and the reality is, I think, that Borders is THE only bookstore in Logan (except for the religious bookstores).

So, one of my favorite places in Logan is a place we had in Ann Arbor and San Antonio and they have the exact same carpet in the children's section here as they had there. Borders is not unique to Logan - HOWEVER! - I do think the LDS section may be unique to Utah.

20

The libraries of Logan and North Logan are fabulous!! When we first moved back to UT, we were renting in North Logan and frequented their library. Yesterday I visited again, while waiting for Soph to have her piano lesson, and oh, that library lets you check out magazines, which I love! Plus it's so new and clean, so bright and friendly!

The Logan Library has a greater selection than the N. Logan Library, but it's always seemed just a bit too dark to me. They did recently expand the children's area, which is excellent and their staff is super helpful!

One of the first things I do when I move to a new place is get my library card - and it looks like Jackson has a bunch of branches, just like San Antonio - yay!

21

Utah State University is what brought me out to Logan, UT in 1991 and I started as an education student, but ended up with a degree in philosophy. I enjoyed the variety of classes I took at USU as well as the experience of being a student at a somewhat non-traditional university. It was odd to me that so many students were married at USU, until I learned about the LDS culture - and later I became grateful for the experience of attending a college with so many non-traditional students. I think it helped Steve and I realize the importance of education at all and any stage of life!

The campus of USU is absolutely stunning! The mountains are nearby, there are a lot of open spaces and the older buildings have a lot of character. I love walking around the campus and today I headed up to the amphitheater to get some exercise walking up and down the stairs.

I love living near a university and being a part of a culture that draws many international students, programs in the arts and events for families. I will miss being able to just walk up the hill to a university.

Soph has talked about going to USU some day and maybe that vision will be blurred once we are away from Logan, but if not, I will be all too happy to visit her in Logan!

22 Days

So begins the countdown until we leave - August 17. Of course we are not absolutely certain about the house in Michigan, but assuming all goes well, August 17 is the pull out date.

I decided to spend each of these last few days writing about a place, person or something in Logan that has been part of my journey. Today - the Logan Cemetery.

I love cemeteries. I grew up playing in the one by my parents' house in Wisconsin, yes, even dancing on the headstones (sorry..not good form, but being a kid). My friend and I loved the water pump and made a whole world out of the graves in our vicinity. I know different cultures have different beliefs about cemeteries, but I've always felt they were comparable to a city park. In a folklore class in college we were told that to find out about an area's history and culture, visit a cemetery. So true.

When I came to USU for college in 1991, one of the first spots friends took me to was the Weeping Widow statue in the Logan Cemetery. We snuck over the fence at night, with our flashlights, located the statue of the widow, shined our light on her eyes and when we turned off the light, sure enough, it looked like tears had formed. My introduction into the folklore of Logan, UT.

Now I visit the cemetery when I go running. Today I ran for 40 minutes in the shade of the trees where it was relatively quiet, except for those attending a service, some other people exercising and the crew of Logan City tending to the grounds. I ended my routine with a trip to see my friend's grave - Timmy passed away May 10 and as he was a runner, I feel it's appropriate to run near his grave. A pinwheel was spinning by his grave, but it paused as I took a moment to greet my friend.

I love the size of the Logan cemetery - large, but not overbearing. I love to see the headstones that depict the local LDS culture - with images of the LDS Temple, sayings about families being eternal or yes, I believe there are some in which a man is buried with his multiple wives, to whom he was married at the same time. I like seeing the graves that represent other cultures - some in different languages, some with crosses (the cross is a symbol not used in the LDS religion) and some with images of the surrounding mountains.

I like that the cemetery is located on the Utah State University campus, near my first place of employment, The Children's House. I remember taking preschool students to the cemetery to do crayon rubbings of the grave and the little student who told me her uncle died in the cemetery. I have walked my dogs in the cemetery, strolled with my family in the cemetery and walked through the cemetery as I mended my broken heart (years and years and years ago!).

It will be interesting to visit a cemetery in Michigan and see how different the headstones are - what aspects of the local culture are represented. I hope to find one nearby where I can continue running in the shade of beautiful, large trees.

I Did It!

I made it a goal awhile ago to run the 3-mile Fun Run on Pioneer Day, and as the title of this post states, I did it!

For those who don't know, I started a running program about 3 months ago, a great program that really eases you into running from walking. The program is 8 weeks and at the end I was able to run for 30 minutes without stopping - a huge feat for me. I've been keeping up with running, well, 3 or 4 days a week, and yet as Pioneer Day approached, I felt myself wanting to slack off.

I ran the day before for 26 minutes and felt ok about it, not great, but I did run later than I normally do, meaning it was hotter than it normally is and me and heat just don't mesh.

I set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and even though our dogs woke me at 4:00 (I let them out, fed them and went back to bed for an hour) I got up when the alarm went off, had my cereal, coffee and water and headed out the door. I was very nervous! At one point I couldn't find a way to enter the area holding the events for Pioneer Day and thought about just bagging it and running on my own, but I persisted. I was the first one there to sign-up...yep, 10 minutes before registration even began and then wandered around. As the crowd grew so did my nerves, as well as my excitement.

I lined up in the small crowd and when it was time to take off, I felt relieved that we were so crowded together, because I would could only run at a slow pace, a good way for me to start. During the run I followed a family of kids and found them quite inspiring, one was even pushing a stroller! I passed a few people, but later found those people ahead of me. I really had to learn that it was about my own rhythm, not beating someone else's.

At one point when I was struggling I reminded myself that the goal was to run the whole distance, no matter what that running looked like - even a very slow pace. That helped a lot. Toward the end of the race I focused on another runner's dark ponytail, yep, whatever focus one needs and as her ponytail got closer to the finish line, so did I!

I ended with a time of 30:07 which for me felt huge! I figured I ran about a 12 min. mile, so to run about a 10 min. mile was a great thing.

It really does feel good to set a goal for oneself, to work at it and to achieve it. As an adult, we often have to create these opportunities - especially if one does not work outside their home, as I'm not doing at the moment. Nobody else did it for me, though plenty were encouraging along the way, so thank you.

It feels really, really great to be able to say and know, I did it!

Not Good or Bad, Just Is

The pic was taken at Porcupine Dam last night, it was the first time I saw this amazing place! We went to Paradise, UT to check out the gardeners' market, but ended up visiting the dam instead. Such incredible beauty.

I read a story recently that really resonated with me:

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.

"I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know my horse ran away," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.

"I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know I have 4 horses," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know my son broke his leg," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know the military officials did not take my son," said the farmer.

As my family prepares to move to Michigan, there are many circumstances that initially appear good or bad, but I am learning that what may first appear one way may later appear another. My hope is that this move is a good one for our family and yet, I realize so much of that is up to us. The fact is, we are moving, there is much to be done and how it will all turn out is not within my grasp of knowledge, but what I do know is that I play a huge part in determining how this move is perceived.

Right now I still have a few weeks to enjoy the beauty and splendor of Utah!

Onward

Tomorrow I leave for Michigan - to hopefully find our new house! I decided that now is the time to start a new blog, but I still cannot think of a name!! Maybe something will come to me while I'm visiting the town in which we use to live, Ann Arbor, and checking out our possible new locations: Chelsea and Jackson.

I do like my friend's suggestion of Different States of Mind - and am leaning toward that. Having lived in Wisconsin (10 years), Pennsylvania (6 years), Michigan (6 years), Utah (12 years total) and Texas (1 year), I feel like each has offered something unique and valuable. I'd still like to try living in the northwest and the southeast, but not for awhile.

So I'm wrapping up my time in Utah, which has been fabulous and thank goodness for a second chance - I was spreading some not nice rumors about Utah after my last stint here and now I can tell people that Utah is full of wonderful people, incredible beauty and unique experiences - most of them good :)

Parental Influence

The other night my very lovely friends and I went out to dinner and then followed up our yummy meal with thought-provoking (at least for me) conversation. At one point we were talking about wanting our children to make the choice to follow the religion in which they were being raised - ok, my friends want that, I have not raised Sophie in one religious community and it's been something I've thought a lot about.

My own upbringing consisted of being baptized as an infant (so I do not remember it), Sunday School, learning specific prayers and songs, Vacation Bible School every summer, receiving my own Holy Bible at the age of 8 and eventually teaching Sunday School and Vacation Bible School - all before I left home at 18. Also, every Christmas season my family would read the story of the birth of Jesus as we celebrated advent. These are experiences I recall fondly, though as a child I was more excited about the food at Vacation Bible School than the actual lessons and my hope to be the one to light the candle during advent may have kept me from listening as the story from the Bible was being read.

At the age of 18 I came out to Utah and chose to foster my rebellious nature by claiming to be an atheist, or at least agnostic. This satisfied me for a few years, until I decided I wanted to go back to the church in which I was raised. When I returned physically to the church, I realized that mentally I did not believe what was being preached.

As strong as my parents are in their religious convictions, I feel my siblings and I were always taught to question, to think for ourselves and fortunately we knew people with varying beliefs. I'm putting words in my parents' mouths, but I feel they never wanted children who blindly followed along and although I think they hoped we'd all choose Christianity's path, they also knew that at 18 we'd be going out into a world much larger than the cocoon in which they'd raised us and I always got the message that this was expected of us - to experience new things, explore new horizons and learn from new people.

Now I'm the parent and Soph's religious upbringing has been more of the buffet variety than the 4 course meal. When I was pregnant we attended services at a couple protestant churches in Michigan, but decided not to have Sophie baptized into any specific denomination. We celebrate Christmas, we talk about biblical stories and may have mentioned that Easter is more than just chocolate bunnies and colorful eggs. In Texas we took Sophie to a children's class in Buddhism and I loved the focus on meditation and stories of great persons of all religions. Sophie seemed to embrace the idea of reincarnation and think about the idea of teachers coming in all forms and not needing to be worshipped. One of my favorite Sophie questions is: "Mom, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus were all important people, right?" My response: "Right." Sophie: "Then why do people only worship Jesus?"

I realize that just as my parents influenced me and raised me under their belief umbrella, Steve and I are doing the same with Sophie. Often times this means we tell Sophie that we just don't know. I loved thinking as a child that death meant going to a place that is peaceful and happy and seeing my loved ones. We tell Sophie that we hope it is that way, but we just don't know. Am I depriving my child of a hopeful eternal existence? Possibly.

Since returning to Utah we have attended Prince of Peace Lutheran Church and First Presbyterian Church. The pastors at each church have been important to Sophie, and I feel she is listening to the sermons even as she reads through the Garfield books she brings along. We do not take Sophie to Sunday School - we have asked her if she wants to go, and she says no. Steve and I are very open with Sophie that we do not believe Jesus Christ is the savior, but we find peace at church and we appreciate thinking about the words that are being spoken.

Sophie knows I lean a lot toward Buddhist beliefs, that I enjoy reading books by Buddhist authors and that for awhile I attended a sangha in Logan. I also love talking about religion with a variety of people and feel it is important to explore and learn about various religions, including attending their services.

I am curious where Sophie's religious compass will point when she is 18 and then 25 and then 40 - as mine has changed as I've grown older. Will she choose to become a Christian? Will she study religions to which we have not exposed her? Will she feel sad that we were not more permanent members of one religious community?

To Sophie I say this, at this point in my life - Believe in yourself. Believe that if there is a god, that god loves you more than humans can comprehend, that that god is someone you may speak to openly, without inhibitions and without fear of judgment. Know that most religions teach of compassion, understanding and love for all of humanity and those are really, really good things. Know that your father and I believe we have been blessed by your presence in our lives and because of our love for you, we can understand the idea of a god who loves all god's children without conditions. Never stop questioning, never stop learning and although passing judgment is normal, be the open-minded, open-hearted person you are right at this moment.