Religion and Coffee and Beliefs vs Faith

Steve and I have been attending First Presbyterian for awhile, about 2-3 months. I do not claim to be a Christian and have very strong feelings against believing anyone is my savior, but I love the sermons given by the Pastor, Paul Heins, and the sense of community I feel when I attend.

I was raised Methodist and Presbyterian and find comfort in the prayers I know by heart, the songs with their familiar tunes and the surprises of the children as they are led in their own mini-sermon. These things also can bring frustration. Are the words of the prayers just recited without any thought behind their meaning? Are the songs sung half-heartedly instead of being belted out as I think they were intended? (Ok, maybe not belted, but certainly sung with expression!). Are the children going to grow to question the very words they are told, so they can come to their own conclusions?

Today's sermon touched on a few of those things and one of my favorite things: coffee. The pastor said something to the effect that only in Utah is coffee a theological statement and I felt a moment of connectedness with the people with whom I was worshipping (ok, I don't really worship a deity, but that's what the gathering is about I've heard).

In Utah there is the kind of joke that you're either Mormon or other. People from all different religions come together as a kind of us versus them. I don't think it is always right, but it can bring a sense of belonging any time there is one dominant group. You'll find people from all walks of life and all forms of religious backgrounds in any church in Utah that is part of the "other". A lot of the specifics are tossed aside as a gathering of like mindedness and spiritedness occur.

This return to Utah has led me to become more understanding of the Mormons and to learn to separate people from their labels. I battle with that nearly every day. Part of the battle is also not feeling I have a religious identity. I'm not Christian, not Buddhist, not Hindu nor any label from a religious tradition. Would it be easier to face the majority if I had certainty in my own religious beliefs? I don't know. I think maybe my ambivalence allows for understanding, because for all I know, any of the above could be right...I don't believe that, but my belief is out of convenience. I do not want to think Mormons are right, because I don't agree with some of their tenets and the same is true for all the religions of which I'm somewhat familiar, but by not having a belief in any, I guess I'm open to any being true.

So I don't have beliefs (I do, but they don't follow a religious tradition), but what about faith? That is something I'm still trying to figure out. I picked up a book at Borders, "Faith" by Sharon Salzberg who is a Buddhist and in the book she states, "While beliefs come to us from outside - from another person or a tradition or heritage - faith comes from within, from our alive participation in the process of discovery." I love that. A process of discovery. That is where I am and where I feel I will be for quite awhile...along with my cup of joe.