Seriously??

It struck me last night that I never blogged about my experience going to Sunday School and Relief Society at an LDS Church in December. Seriously? Is that not what this blog is suppose to be about (emphasis on suppose): my experiences living in Utah that are unique to Utah? What is my problem?

Oh yeah, I actually thought about blogging for a whole year about visiting the church and someone brought up a good point: it might make people uneasy to openly share if they knew someone was blogging about the services.

So, I will tell of my experience and try to refrain from breaching any confidentialities.

About a month ago, my friend, Amelia, invited me to attend Sunday School and a Relief Society meeting at her LDS church. (She attended First Presbyterian with me a week or so later!) I was nervous, but excited. I have been to a couple sacrament meetings, but never SS or RS.

Sunday School was about the family and the format of the lesson was that a bit was read from a document on the family and then discussion followed. There were many parts with which I agreed: family is important, addictions can hurt the family and it is important to support families.

What I had a hard time with was the definition of a family. I know families can come in all shapes and sizes and to me, that includes families with same-sex parents. It is so hard to find love in our world and if two people are committed to one another, regardless of their sex, I applaud and support them. If those two people want to have children and can provide stability, love and the basic needs, then I also support them.

The other thing that came up was having a Temple marriage. As a non-Mormon, and I'm going to be frank here, I see the Temple as a place that keeps people out. We have been unable to go to friends' weddings because we are not Mormon and it is hurtful. I try to understand the perspective of Mormons in this area, but unfortunately, I can't get past that point: my friends have been married in a building which I cannot go to. This may also stem from the belief with which I was raised, which is that friends and family form the supportive community at a person's wedding. When Steve and I were married, the congregation was asked to support our union and they take a sort of vow as well, to help our marriage if needed. I cannot imagine being married without all my family and friends being welcomed into the building at which the ceremony is taking place.

Now on to the good stuff!! Everyone was very welcoming and kind to me at the services and I felt a sense of peace and comfort within the community of gatherers. I also was assured that not everyone felt some of the extremes (regarding Temple Marriage and family orientation) that were spoken of. Ah, so like the rest of us, Mormons may have their individual beliefs regarding various matters that differ from the teachings of the religion! Very good for me to learn, because yes, I have been guilty of lumping Mormons together.

I was touched by the openness of one member I spoke to after the service, and again, without breaching confidentiality, she explained to me why she practices Mormonism and it sounded like it gives her life a secure foundation and helps her make choices that are right for her life. I applaud that. If a religion, belief or group gives a person support to make a life that is better for themselves without hurting others, then I think that is fabulous!!

I'd like to attend these meetings again, because I learned a lot and felt such a sense of community. And if you know me, you'll be impressed (I hope!) to know that I was a quiet observer of both meetings, but was encouraged to provide feedback by some of the members. People wanted to learn from me as much as I did from them!!

As a side note, I worry about being frank on here, because I do not want to offend anyone, so if I have, I apologize. I also want to use this format to be honest, because too much is assumed when we are not honest. When I lived here before, I left very angry and blamed a lot of it on the culture. This time around, if I'm going to blame anyone, it's going to be me!!

Post II - Saturday

So I also have to talk about something and I desperately hope my Mormon friends will respond, if not on here, in person.

When I go out with my friends who are Mormon and we get dessert, I battle about ordering coffee, which I LOVE with my dessert. (Mormons are not suppose to drink coffee). The one part of me worries about offending my friends and not wanting to, just as I wouldn't want to offend anyone of any religion, so might not order pork if I were with an orthodox Jew. The other part of me is thinking, "Coffee is legal and good for you in a lot of ways, so who cares?" Nine times out of ten I order the coffee.

I'm not much of a drinker of alcohol, so that doesn't come up, but there are times I'd like to order a glass of wine with dinner, but feel like a complete heathen. I hate feeling that way!

Am I being respectful? Am I being overly cautious? Am I doing what I use to do when I lived in Utah before, which made me angry: trying to please others and not being myself (this I think is different from being respectful). I mean good grief, it's coffee!!

I do appreciate the openness and honesty of my friends when matters of religion come up and I try to reciprocate. In Utah, religion is the very, very large elephant in the room and I use to tiptoe around it, but now, I just try to learn and to educate!

Weighty Issue

When I moved to Utah way back in 1991, I lost 20 pounds pretty quickly. Some of that was due to all the hiking and walking I did, and some was due to leading a more active social life and not eating out of boredom (though I still did from time to time). When I moved to Michigan in 1999 I was 4 months pregnant and gained about 40 pounds. I took some of it off a year later, but put most of it back on and on it stayed. I can blame it on the long winters, the lack of mountains to hike and my busy life as a mom, but those are not the only reasons why I kept 20 - 30 extra pounds on my body. I won't go into my theories about carrying extra weight, the bottom line is simple: too much taken in, not enough exerted out!

So when we moved back to Utah in 2006 I thought for sure all the hiking and walking I would once again do would mean I would take off the extra weight very easily. Not so! We've been back over 3 years and it's still there!

We started a new decade 2 weeks ago and once again, I am vowing to lose this stinking weight! The biggest change I'm making is not eating in front of the computer or on the go. When I want to eat something, unless it is fruit (I can eat that on the go, I've decided), I have to sit down and take the time to eat. I often find that I don't want to sit down to consume chocolate or whatever else is unnecessary, but so desired. I do still eat chocolate and all that other yummy stuff, but I think I'm eating less.

I've also increased my activity level. From another blog I got the idea of using the stairs in our home as a workout and I have been putting our Wii Fit to great use. Today Lucy and I walked about 4 - 5 miles and it's not always strenuous (Lucy likes to stop and sniff and I like stopping too!), it is better than sitting around.

I've lost 5 pounds and feel really good. I'm hoping, HOPING, to be back to my comfortable weight by the end of March. I'm also hoping that I don't beat myself up or become obsessed about it. Blech.

Anyway, I thought living in Utah would bring healthier habits and it should, this area is absolutely beautiful and the outdoors are constantly calling...I just need to answer!

Religion and Coffee and Beliefs vs Faith

Steve and I have been attending First Presbyterian for awhile, about 2-3 months. I do not claim to be a Christian and have very strong feelings against believing anyone is my savior, but I love the sermons given by the Pastor, Paul Heins, and the sense of community I feel when I attend.

I was raised Methodist and Presbyterian and find comfort in the prayers I know by heart, the songs with their familiar tunes and the surprises of the children as they are led in their own mini-sermon. These things also can bring frustration. Are the words of the prayers just recited without any thought behind their meaning? Are the songs sung half-heartedly instead of being belted out as I think they were intended? (Ok, maybe not belted, but certainly sung with expression!). Are the children going to grow to question the very words they are told, so they can come to their own conclusions?

Today's sermon touched on a few of those things and one of my favorite things: coffee. The pastor said something to the effect that only in Utah is coffee a theological statement and I felt a moment of connectedness with the people with whom I was worshipping (ok, I don't really worship a deity, but that's what the gathering is about I've heard).

In Utah there is the kind of joke that you're either Mormon or other. People from all different religions come together as a kind of us versus them. I don't think it is always right, but it can bring a sense of belonging any time there is one dominant group. You'll find people from all walks of life and all forms of religious backgrounds in any church in Utah that is part of the "other". A lot of the specifics are tossed aside as a gathering of like mindedness and spiritedness occur.

This return to Utah has led me to become more understanding of the Mormons and to learn to separate people from their labels. I battle with that nearly every day. Part of the battle is also not feeling I have a religious identity. I'm not Christian, not Buddhist, not Hindu nor any label from a religious tradition. Would it be easier to face the majority if I had certainty in my own religious beliefs? I don't know. I think maybe my ambivalence allows for understanding, because for all I know, any of the above could be right...I don't believe that, but my belief is out of convenience. I do not want to think Mormons are right, because I don't agree with some of their tenets and the same is true for all the religions of which I'm somewhat familiar, but by not having a belief in any, I guess I'm open to any being true.

So I don't have beliefs (I do, but they don't follow a religious tradition), but what about faith? That is something I'm still trying to figure out. I picked up a book at Borders, "Faith" by Sharon Salzberg who is a Buddhist and in the book she states, "While beliefs come to us from outside - from another person or a tradition or heritage - faith comes from within, from our alive participation in the process of discovery." I love that. A process of discovery. That is where I am and where I feel I will be for quite awhile...along with my cup of joe.