Living in Utah

8

2010-08-09T17:36:00.000-07:00

My absolute favorite place in Logan is my very own home and one reason I love it so much is because of our neighborhood.

When we decided to buy a house nearly 4 years ago we really didn't look very much. We were limited in how much we could spend and that made for slim pickings. I think our house was only the second we looked at and I'm not sure we loved it at first, but it was solid, had hardwood floors and fit within our price range.

I didn't know much about the neighborhood at first, though I loved that our house was on a named street, rather than most streets in Logan which are numbered. Within the first few days of moving in we had so many neighbors come to our house, introduce themselves and bring bread or other goodies. I felt so welcomed!

As time went on I just fell in love with our little spot in Logan. The neighborhood is very diverse - probably half of the people are LDS and half are not (in Logan, this is a big deal!). We have older couples, single parents, young families, couples without children and lots of dog lovers - and Subaru drivers, which makes us stand out with our Volvos. We have a few parks within walking distance, the university is 5 minutes away and the mountains are just a mile down the road. We really lucked out.

As I looked for houses in Michigan I wanted to duplicate what we've got going right here. I have a good feeling about the neighborhood in which we're moving into, but we'll just have to see. It'll be tough to compete with what we found in Logan.

9

2010-08-08T07:54:00.001-07:00

Ooops, missed yesterday.

Friday night we were guests of a lovely dinner hosted by the Multicultural Center of Cache Valley. I was fortunate to be asked to be on the board of this great non-profit within 2 months of our return to Logan in 2006. It was one of the things that gave me hope for a successful return for our family, that I would be able to be involved with something I felt passionate about - helping people!

The Multicultural Center has not always been an easy organization to support, there have been bumps in the road, but I am so excited with the direction it is currently headed and the expansion of programs offered to the community. I am proud to have been part of its journey.

While here I was also involved with Somebody's Attic - first as a returning employee (I volunteered and later was employed by S.A. when I lived in Logan before) and later as a board member. It was actually really tough to work at S.A. when we came back to Logan, because I felt like I'd pressed the rewind button on my life, but it ended up bringing a lot of good: meeting some wonderful people, bringing Sophie to work with me and showing her the importance of community organizations and making connections for other organizations.

There were other ways I was able to be involved in Logan and I loved it! Logan is the kind of town in which you feel you can bring people together and do something to give back. There are so many wonderful non-profit groups in the area and so many ways in which people can volunteer. It's a great place for getting involved in the community.

11

2010-08-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

"For one moment our lives met, our souls touched." Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde is one of my favorite authors - The Picture of Dorian Gray, my favorite book and The Selfish Giant, my favorite story.

This quote came up on something I saw today and it is perfect for today's post about something so important to me in Logan, the part making it so hard to leave: friends.

Moving back to Logan was so hard for me, because I didn't want to go back, I wanted to go forward! I was very fortunate to find a job at Sophie's school right away and during the training another employee came in with a cup from Starbucks, which was a sign (I LOVE Starbucks and in Utah, it's not as common to find fellow coffee drinkers as it is elsewhere). Long story less long, Lisa and I became good friends fast. I say she saved me that first year when I was adjusting to living in Utah once again. The crazy thing was, Lisa's husband got a job at another university and they moved away nearly a year after I met her. I was heartbroken, but fortunately, I'd gotten involved in Logan and things were going well, so I shed a lot of tears, but was able to move on!

Since Lisa's departure I've been fortunate to have really good friends, some I see more frequently than others, but all who've touched my life. I am fearful of listing them lest I leave anyone out and as the quote states, they have all touched my soul.

The really cool thing for me is the friendships I've formed with some wonderful women who just happen to be LDS. I had quite a chip on my shoulder before about the LDS Church and although I still don't agree with some of the teachings of the religion, I love my friends who are LDS so much that I know there is much good coming out of that religion, because my friends live their beliefs. I think there is a uniqueness when a religion is dominant and you get to be the outsider, but you are embraced and exchanges about your beliefs can be done with respect and nurtured curiosity. I have enjoyed learning more about what it is that drives my friends in their daily lives and in the decisions they make for themselves and their families. I also respect my friends who branched out and hung out with someone who at times wanted to challenge those very things with which they use as a compass in their lives.

I'm very sad about leaving the people I love in Logan. I have to believe there are friendships just waiting to be formed in Jackson and I am fortunate to have friends with whom I get to see again outside of Jackson, but good-byes are so tough - and now, as the tears start to shed I will take a deep breath, just one of many, and be so thankful for all those lives who touched my soul.

13

2010-08-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

This morning my friend, Natalie, and I hiked the Crimson Trail and the beauty surrounding us was breathtaking and almost too real to fathom. Of course, I didn't have a camera, not even my phone, which is a bummer, because if you have not witnessed the beauty of Utah, you really should.

I have only hiked a few trails in the area, I tend to do the same ones over and over, but each time I do them there is something new at which to marvel. Today it was seeing 2 owls in flight, incredible. Their wingspan and beauty was such a sight, very powerful.

It is one of my favorite things about living in Logan, to escape to the beauty of the mountains with just a 5-minute drive. One feels so small, so at peace and realizes that if our world can contain something so incredible, it is a good place to be.

14

2010-08-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

As I was driving along 600 East today, going to Sophie's piano teacher's house, I realized how much I'm going to miss the routines we have in Logan. Every Tuesday afternoon, Soph goes to piano. I drop her off, go for a walk or run an errand during her 30 minute lesson, chat with her teacher and Soph and I chat on the way home. It's predictable.

I love going to the same grocery stores, walking our dogs along the same routes, visiting the USU campus, all the things we take comfort in because they are familiar.

I worry about the unpredictability of another move, although we are going back to a state in which we've all lived. I ache for Sophie having to be the new kid and not seeing the faces of classmates she's known for 4 years. I feel sad because we won't recognize the cashiers at the local markets and even though we may never exchange more than a few words, seeing them brings that feeling of all is right in the world. I love walking around town and having someone honk because they recognize me and as I see their car going by I can place a person with the vehicle.

Having moved a few times, I know when we first get to Michigan I'll see a familiar car and think, "Oh, there's so and so," only to sadly realize, it's not. Viewing a person from the back, I might think it's a friend, only to remember my friends are many miles away. It's a feeling that causes a deep ache and no matter how many times I move, it creeps up on me.

So today I appreciate our routines in Logan, the familiar, the predictable and the ordinary way we spend each of our days. I know it's good to shake things up once in awhile and pretty soon all will settle and we'll find ourselves chatting with the cashier at the grocery store, whose line we chose because we know he or she is the friendliest.

A bit of a deviation

2010-08-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

I'm going to take a break from my Best of Logan Countdown to address something I've been thinking about for awhile.

In my discussions about religion I often hear people say they just knew, they felt it was right or they heard a voice telling them the religion they follow is true. As a skeptic, I've often felt (heard a voice, just knew, hahaha) that it was a self-fulfilling prophecy situation. A person wants to believe in something, so they set the conditions for it to be so. The problem was/is, I have felt a comfort when praying or in a religious setting and I like that comfort! Then this happened...

When I was preparing to fly to Michigan a few weeks ago, I kept getting signals that I shouldn't go. Nearly every time I looked at the clock, it was 9:11 (to me that was a sign because of 9/11) and a few days before I was to leave, I stopped behind a car and the license plate read 911. I prayed about it and heard a clear voice telling me not to go. Not good. The reality was, I hate flying, I am certain each flight I take is "the one", but I usually get a feeling that it's all going to be ok. Not so this time.

When I got to the SLC airport, I tried to give up my seat for a later flight, feeling like it was that first leg that was doomed. They didn't need people to give up their seats, so I found a person more afraid of flying than I was and we chatted in the gate, sat next to each other on the plane and I ended up having one of the most enjoyable flights ever.

So what does this all mean? Who knows, but, for me it showed me that when we want to believe something, we can find all the proof we need (not that I wanted to believe I was going to die in an airplane crash, but my fear of flying is very real). I still believe in listening to that little voice inside all of us - and giving it the credit it deserves, while realizing we are the ones in control of that voice. I just don't think that praying for an answer to whether or not a certain religion is true is the most trustworthy path to take, because through the act of praying you are already giving validity to the religion you believe.

I write this also believing that if a person finds comfort within a religion, within a belief system, within a faith in a higher power, they have found a truth FOR THEM. The truth is that the religion, the belief, the faith brings meaning to their life, gives them joy, etc. It still does not mean the religion or the higher power is true, but maybe that's not important - but I would feel better if people acknowledged it.

16

2010-08-01T14:57:00.001-07:00

The newspaper here, The Herald Journal, is sort of one of my favorite things for these reasons: I like checking what movies arrived at the "cheap" theater on Fridays, I like reading the opinions of local readers (sometimes), and right now I'm using it to wrap the stuff that's breakable for our move.

Logan is a small town, so one can usually find a couple names they recognize in the newspaper. It does a good job of covering events in the area and even putting in uplifting news instead of just really depressing, horrible stuff.

On Sundays I like to scan the wedding announcements and count how many people are getting married in the LDS Temple. It's rare to find an announcement of a couple marrying who is not getting married in the Temple - which means that wow, there are a lot of people of the LDS religion here or people getting married at other venues are not advertising their event. Interesting.

I just hope I don't forget to cancel our subscription before we leave...maybe I should do it now, just in case.

17

2010-07-31T17:24:00.000-07:00

Perhaps I should save this for #1, but I just can't wait since it came up today...one of my favorite things about living in Utah is the ability to talk about religion because it is often the big, ole elephant in the room!

I definitely think religion is a personal matter - but also one that should be discussed. I am still learning the art of discussing it without offending anyone and learning without judgment.

Utah has a very dominant religious presence and to those not from here, it can be baffling. I did not understand the enormity of it when I moved to Utah in 1999 and when we returned in 2006, I came with a HUGE chip on my shoulder. Fortunately, I learned to question and listen and invite others to learn about various religions along with me. I feel much better about my most recent Utah experience and hope to continue learning about people's beliefs wherever I go.

Today I posted something on Facebook about my friend's status that referenced her receiving eternal consequences for having her name taken off the LDS Church records. I was worried about Mormon bashing occurring, because I really did want to hear what the consequences were - though truth be told, I also wanted to open up a dialogue about religious beliefs. It sort of did.

I have heard that it's hard to be Mormon living in Utah, a lot of pressure to live a certain way, keep up with the neighbors, etc. and I can see that. It's been fun being a minority here and also learning a bit more about the Mormon culture. I'm still an agnostic, still want to learn about as many religions as I can and still baffled how often the LDS Church ends up in the local newspaper - what will I talk about in Michigan!!?

18

2010-07-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

The parks in Logan, those in the city, are wonderful! (We of course have the mountains, but that's another post...)

Today I took Sophie and her friend to the Willow Park Zoo and for $2 we were able to walk around, see the animals and feed the ducks. We then headed to two different play areas and I thought about how amazing parks are compared to when I was a kid. In those days we had to play at the school playgrounds, with all the equipment over cement. It was absolutely fun, but the equipment nowadays is so much nicer and the surfaces so much softer!

We have a great variety of parks in Logan and we enjoy visiting those in our own neighborhood, but we also like to go to those outside of our neck of the woods. Sometimes we'll head out to North Logan or the play structure in River Heights for a change of pace.

One of my favorite play structures is at The Whittier Center, Logan's community center. The play structure was built by volunteers and Steve and I even got to be a part of the building process. It's a great place for kids to play and adults to sit back and read, chat or just enjoy watching. It's amazing to see what a community can put together with their own hands! It was done after Ryan's Place, in River Heights, which uses the same format of volunteers - Ryan's Place was dedicated to a young boy who lost his life. That park is great and again, realizing what a community can do is astounding.

I'm excited to find great parks in Jackson - we had plenty of them in Ann Arbor, but I get the feeling that Jackson is quite different from Ann Arbor, which makes me very, very excited!

19

2010-07-29T18:10:00.000-07:00

It is completely ironic that my favorite bookstore in Logan is Borders, because the headquarters is in Ann Arbor, but I do, I love Borders. I love the cafe, the browsing of books, the comfy chairs where I can sit and make an impressive dent in a book without actually purchasing it, the amount of time Sophie can spend looking around as I carry a book with me and read snippets.

The Ann Arbor Borders gets amazing authors (we got a book signed by Tom Robbins) fabulous performers (They Might Be Giants took a pic with Sophie) and even some discoing celebrity (yes, John Travolta was signing Battlefield Earth, which we purchased and still have, but only because he signed it). In Ann Arbor I actually preferred going to Barnes & Noble, it just seemed cleaner, but would visit Borders when a big name was there.

The Logan Borders has had some authors, we visited one who signed a book about dragons for Sophie and there was the interesting Harry Potter Party when the 7th book came out, but it's not because of its events that we frequent the store - it's familiarity and ease. Yes, at the "big, bad chain store" (You've Got Mail!) we save money on discounted books and take proceeds away from independent stores...but, here's the thing...

Logan does not have a decent independent book store! They did - A Book Store - which was here in the 90s, but now, nothing. Used bookstores, yes, but I find them to be overpriced. Ok, I'm wracking my brain and the reality is, I think, that Borders is THE only bookstore in Logan (except for the religious bookstores).

So, one of my favorite places in Logan is a place we had in Ann Arbor and San Antonio and they have the exact same carpet in the children's section here as they had there. Borders is not unique to Logan - HOWEVER! - I do think the LDS section may be unique to Utah.

20

2010-07-28T08:07:00.000-07:00

The libraries of Logan and North Logan are fabulous!! When we first moved back to UT, we were renting in North Logan and frequented their library. Yesterday I visited again, while waiting for Soph to have her piano lesson, and oh, that library lets you check out magazines, which I love! Plus it's so new and clean, so bright and friendly!

The Logan Library has a greater selection than the N. Logan Library, but it's always seemed just a bit too dark to me. They did recently expand the children's area, which is excellent and their staff is super helpful!

One of the first things I do when I move to a new place is get my library card - and it looks like Jackson has a bunch of branches, just like San Antonio - yay!

21

2010-07-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

Utah State University is what brought me out to Logan, UT in 1991 and I started as an education student, but ended up with a degree in philosophy. I enjoyed the variety of classes I took at USU as well as the experience of being a student at a somewhat non-traditional university. It was odd to me that so many students were married at USU, until I learned about the LDS culture - and later I became grateful for the experience of attending a college with so many non-traditional students. I think it helped Steve and I realize the importance of education at all and any stage of life!

The campus of USU is absolutely stunning! The mountains are nearby, there are a lot of open spaces and the older buildings have a lot of character. I love walking around the campus and today I headed up to the amphitheater to get some exercise walking up and down the stairs.

I love living near a university and being a part of a culture that draws many international students, programs in the arts and events for families. I will miss being able to just walk up the hill to a university.

Soph has talked about going to USU some day and maybe that vision will be blurred once we are away from Logan, but if not, I will be all too happy to visit her in Logan!

22 Days

2010-07-26T11:42:00.000-07:00

So begins the countdown until we leave - August 17. Of course we are not absolutely certain about the house in Michigan, but assuming all goes well, August 17 is the pull out date.

I decided to spend each of these last few days writing about a place, person or something in Logan that has been part of my journey. Today - the Logan Cemetery.

I love cemeteries. I grew up playing in the one by my parents' house in Wisconsin, yes, even dancing on the headstones (sorry..not good form, but being a kid). My friend and I loved the water pump and made a whole world out of the graves in our vicinity. I know different cultures have different beliefs about cemeteries, but I've always felt they were comparable to a city park. In a folklore class in college we were told that to find out about an area's history and culture, visit a cemetery. So true.

When I came to USU for college in 1991, one of the first spots friends took me to was the Weeping Widow statue in the Logan Cemetery. We snuck over the fence at night, with our flashlights, located the statue of the widow, shined our light on her eyes and when we turned off the light, sure enough, it looked like tears had formed. My introduction into the folklore of Logan, UT.

Now I visit the cemetery when I go running. Today I ran for 40 minutes in the shade of the trees where it was relatively quiet, except for those attending a service, some other people exercising and the crew of Logan City tending to the grounds. I ended my routine with a trip to see my friend's grave - Timmy passed away May 10 and as he was a runner, I feel it's appropriate to run near his grave. A pinwheel was spinning by his grave, but it paused as I took a moment to greet my friend.

I love the size of the Logan cemetery - large, but not overbearing. I love to see the headstones that depict the local LDS culture - with images of the LDS Temple, sayings about families being eternal or yes, I believe there are some in which a man is buried with his multiple wives, to whom he was married at the same time. I like seeing the graves that represent other cultures - some in different languages, some with crosses (the cross is a symbol not used in the LDS religion) and some with images of the surrounding mountains.

I like that the cemetery is located on the Utah State University campus, near my first place of employment, The Children's House. I remember taking preschool students to the cemetery to do crayon rubbings of the grave and the little student who told me her uncle died in the cemetery. I have walked my dogs in the cemetery, strolled with my family in the cemetery and walked through the cemetery as I mended my broken heart (years and years and years ago!).

It will be interesting to visit a cemetery in Michigan and see how different the headstones are - what aspects of the local culture are represented. I hope to find one nearby where I can continue running in the shade of beautiful, large trees.

I Did It!

2010-07-25T14:42:00.000-07:00

I made it a goal awhile ago to run the 3-mile Fun Run on Pioneer Day, and as the title of this post states, I did it!

For those who don't know, I started a running program about 3 months ago, a great program that really eases you into running from walking. The program is 8 weeks and at the end I was able to run for 30 minutes without stopping - a huge feat for me. I've been keeping up with running, well, 3 or 4 days a week, and yet as Pioneer Day approached, I felt myself wanting to slack off.

I ran the day before for 26 minutes and felt ok about it, not great, but I did run later than I normally do, meaning it was hotter than it normally is and me and heat just don't mesh.

I set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and even though our dogs woke me at 4:00 (I let them out, fed them and went back to bed for an hour) I got up when the alarm went off, had my cereal, coffee and water and headed out the door. I was very nervous! At one point I couldn't find a way to enter the area holding the events for Pioneer Day and thought about just bagging it and running on my own, but I persisted. I was the first one there to sign-up...yep, 10 minutes before registration even began and then wandered around. As the crowd grew so did my nerves, as well as my excitement.

I lined up in the small crowd and when it was time to take off, I felt relieved that we were so crowded together, because I would could only run at a slow pace, a good way for me to start. During the run I followed a family of kids and found them quite inspiring, one was even pushing a stroller! I passed a few people, but later found those people ahead of me. I really had to learn that it was about my own rhythm, not beating someone else's.

At one point when I was struggling I reminded myself that the goal was to run the whole distance, no matter what that running looked like - even a very slow pace. That helped a lot. Toward the end of the race I focused on another runner's dark ponytail, yep, whatever focus one needs and as her ponytail got closer to the finish line, so did I!

I ended with a time of 30:07 which for me felt huge! I figured I ran about a 12 min. mile, so to run about a 10 min. mile was a great thing.

It really does feel good to set a goal for oneself, to work at it and to achieve it. As an adult, we often have to create these opportunities - especially if one does not work outside their home, as I'm not doing at the moment. Nobody else did it for me, though plenty were encouraging along the way, so thank you.

It feels really, really great to be able to say and know, I did it!

Not Good or Bad, Just Is

2010-07-15T05:34:00.001-07:00

The pic was taken at Porcupine Dam last night, it was the first time I saw this amazing place! We went to Paradise, UT to check out the gardeners' market, but ended up visiting the dam instead. Such incredible beauty.

I read a story recently that really resonated with me:

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.

"I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know my horse ran away," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.

"I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know I have 4 horses," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know my son broke his leg," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "I don't know if it is good or bad, I just know the military officials did not take my son," said the farmer.

As my family prepares to move to Michigan, there are many circumstances that initially appear good or bad, but I am learning that what may first appear one way may later appear another. My hope is that this move is a good one for our family and yet, I realize so much of that is up to us. The fact is, we are moving, there is much to be done and how it will all turn out is not within my grasp of knowledge, but what I do know is that I play a huge part in determining how this move is perceived.

Right now I still have a few weeks to enjoy the beauty and splendor of Utah!

Onward

2010-07-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I leave for Michigan - to hopefully find our new house! I decided that now is the time to start a new blog, but I still cannot think of a name!! Maybe something will come to me while I'm visiting the town in which we use to live, Ann Arbor, and checking out our possible new locations: Chelsea and Jackson.

I do like my friend's suggestion of Different States of Mind - and am leaning toward that. Having lived in Wisconsin (10 years), Pennsylvania (6 years), Michigan (6 years), Utah (12 years total) and Texas (1 year), I feel like each has offered something unique and valuable. I'd still like to try living in the northwest and the southeast, but not for awhile.

So I'm wrapping up my time in Utah, which has been fabulous and thank goodness for a second chance - I was spreading some not nice rumors about Utah after my last stint here and now I can tell people that Utah is full of wonderful people, incredible beauty and unique experiences - most of them good :)

Parental Influence

2010-07-01T08:20:00.001-07:00

The other night my very lovely friends and I went out to dinner and then followed up our yummy meal with thought-provoking (at least for me) conversation. At one point we were talking about wanting our children to make the choice to follow the religion in which they were being raised - ok, my friends want that, I have not raised Sophie in one religious community and it's been something I've thought a lot about.

My own upbringing consisted of being baptized as an infant (so I do not remember it), Sunday School, learning specific prayers and songs, Vacation Bible School every summer, receiving my own Holy Bible at the age of 8 and eventually teaching Sunday School and Vacation Bible School - all before I left home at 18. Also, every Christmas season my family would read the story of the birth of Jesus as we celebrated advent. These are experiences I recall fondly, though as a child I was more excited about the food at Vacation Bible School than the actual lessons and my hope to be the one to light the candle during advent may have kept me from listening as the story from the Bible was being read.

At the age of 18 I came out to Utah and chose to foster my rebellious nature by claiming to be an atheist, or at least agnostic. This satisfied me for a few years, until I decided I wanted to go back to the church in which I was raised. When I returned physically to the church, I realized that mentally I did not believe what was being preached.

As strong as my parents are in their religious convictions, I feel my siblings and I were always taught to question, to think for ourselves and fortunately we knew people with varying beliefs. I'm putting words in my parents' mouths, but I feel they never wanted children who blindly followed along and although I think they hoped we'd all choose Christianity's path, they also knew that at 18 we'd be going out into a world much larger than the cocoon in which they'd raised us and I always got the message that this was expected of us - to experience new things, explore new horizons and learn from new people.

Now I'm the parent and Soph's religious upbringing has been more of the buffet variety than the 4 course meal. When I was pregnant we attended services at a couple protestant churches in Michigan, but decided not to have Sophie baptized into any specific denomination. We celebrate Christmas, we talk about biblical stories and may have mentioned that Easter is more than just chocolate bunnies and colorful eggs. In Texas we took Sophie to a children's class in Buddhism and I loved the focus on meditation and stories of great persons of all religions. Sophie seemed to embrace the idea of reincarnation and think about the idea of teachers coming in all forms and not needing to be worshipped. One of my favorite Sophie questions is: "Mom, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus were all important people, right?" My response: "Right." Sophie: "Then why do people only worship Jesus?"

I realize that just as my parents influenced me and raised me under their belief umbrella, Steve and I are doing the same with Sophie. Often times this means we tell Sophie that we just don't know. I loved thinking as a child that death meant going to a place that is peaceful and happy and seeing my loved ones. We tell Sophie that we hope it is that way, but we just don't know. Am I depriving my child of a hopeful eternal existence? Possibly.

Since returning to Utah we have attended Prince of Peace Lutheran Church and First Presbyterian Church. The pastors at each church have been important to Sophie, and I feel she is listening to the sermons even as she reads through the Garfield books she brings along. We do not take Sophie to Sunday School - we have asked her if she wants to go, and she says no. Steve and I are very open with Sophie that we do not believe Jesus Christ is the savior, but we find peace at church and we appreciate thinking about the words that are being spoken.

Sophie knows I lean a lot toward Buddhist beliefs, that I enjoy reading books by Buddhist authors and that for awhile I attended a sangha in Logan. I also love talking about religion with a variety of people and feel it is important to explore and learn about various religions, including attending their services.

I am curious where Sophie's religious compass will point when she is 18 and then 25 and then 40 - as mine has changed as I've grown older. Will she choose to become a Christian? Will she study religions to which we have not exposed her? Will she feel sad that we were not more permanent members of one religious community?

To Sophie I say this, at this point in my life - Believe in yourself. Believe that if there is a god, that god loves you more than humans can comprehend, that that god is someone you may speak to openly, without inhibitions and without fear of judgment. Know that most religions teach of compassion, understanding and love for all of humanity and those are really, really good things. Know that your father and I believe we have been blessed by your presence in our lives and because of our love for you, we can understand the idea of a god who loves all god's children without conditions. Never stop questioning, never stop learning and although passing judgment is normal, be the open-minded, open-hearted person you are right at this moment.

Buddhism vs. Mormonism

2010-06-28T07:49:00.000-07:00

The book on the right, The Simeon Solution, was given to me by a friend in response to my questions about sexism within the Mormon Church. The author is a convert to the LDS religion, having been raised Methodist, but searching for something else and finding Mormonism after being impressed with the examples set by two men who are LDS.

I enjoyed the book, reading about others' experiences with religion usually fascinates me, and I was struck by Anne Osborn Poelman's thoroughness in research and studies of the Mormon Church. Regarding the issue with only men being allowed to hold the priesthood and give blessings, she puts it on her back burner and does not find it a significant problem. She points out the flaws of the people within the Mormon Church, the members, and I appreciate her candidness in relaying her experiences.

The thing that irked me throughout the book was the statement, "I know the Church is true." To me a church is an establishment created by humans. I understand the idea that the Church (meaning the LDS Church) was established by a man people believe was a prophet who received direct revelations from God, but it does not make sense that certain things have changed through the years in the Mormon religion and yet the Church has remained true. The big one, that is quite popular, is the issue regarding persons who are not caucasian being members of the Mormon Church. I don't want to harp on this issue, because it is widely discussed in many circles, but I will copy from the blacklds.org web site which states that in "1978: Revelation on Priesthood gives the priesthood to all worthy men regardless of color." This would mean that what was previously practiced was deemed, well, wrong and therefore, not true.

After The Simeon Solution I started reading the book on the left in the photo, Joyful Wisdom. In it, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche writes, "Unlike many of his contemporaries, however, the Buddha didn't try to convince people that the method through which he found release from suffering was the only true method." This quote has been attributed to the Buddha, "Don't believe anything I say because I say so. Try it out for yourselves." I had a "Yes!" moment when reading that.

I am very skeptical of any person or group who states to know the answers for all persons. In the religion which I was raised I heard, "The only way to salvation is through Jesus Christ" and yet I had friends whose families were not Christian and they were wonderful people, doing amazing things for others. It didn't make sense to me, and still doesn't that those people would not be saved, because they had not accepted Jesus as their savior, especially when I saw Christians doing horrific things.

I spent some time while living in San Antonio studying Buddhism and one of the things that really struck me was the Bodhisattva Vow, which is stated on the intrex.net web site as "The Bodhisattva vows, out of compassion, not to enter nirvana until all beings have entered nirvana. This means the Bodhisattva practices not for her or his enlightenment alone, but for the enlightenment of all beings. The Bodhisattva vows to remain in this world of ignorance and confusion, vows to be willing to experience whatever living beings experience, until all beings are liberated." There was a man at a workshop I attended who had taken this vow and I was in complete awe and what I remember is that for lunch he ate a ham and cheese sandwich. Wait, I thought, he's eating meat! I thought Buddhists weren't allowed to eat meat! Nobody said anything and I then decided this person was living his life the way he felt it was important at that time. My god, he was willing to come back to life as we know it over and over again, under any circumstances, until all people reached enlightenment. I've never heard before or since of anything so selfless.

I believe the members of the Mormon Church have their own version of this vow, through missionary work and their testimonies, they are trying to help others reach enlightenment. What I see as the major difference is that in Buddhism we are taught guidelines: meditation, mindfulness, compassion - these are ways to reach enlightment, but they are very broad and are not specified in how they are carried out. In Mormonism I see humans judging other humans on very specific acts: tithing, abstaining from sexual relations and alcohol, and not using illegal drugs (which I completely agree with, though I do not think a person who does use illegal drugs is not worthy in the eyes of an omnibenevolent god).

Perhaps the Buddha would say that those following the Mormon Church are just following their own path toward enlightenment, assuming they are compassionate toward others. If that is the case, then I need to just stop worrying about what the Mormons are doing and try to follow my own path (this path of mine seems full of detours, obstacles and misguided directions!). The thing is, conversion within the Mormon Church is such a major component, that I feel offended, because I see it as a statement that it is only through following the teachings of the Mormon Church that one can reach enlightenment. This would mean that all those other religions are wrong, all those other people living seemingly good lives are not going to reach enlightenment because they are not following a certain church. I just don't get it (and I don't limit these remarks to Mormonism, it has been my experience with Christianity and my very, very brief exploration into the Islamic religion).

I am certainly not a Buddhist - I do not know enough about Buddhism to be a Buddhist, but when I read that being kind and mindful are the tenets, I want to get onboard. When I read that it is up to each individual to find their own truth, I feel a strength within myself, a need to trust my own endeavors. Another thing I remember from a class Sophie took in Buddhism was when a child stated something about Jesus being an important man and the teacher said, "Yes, he was." He never implied that only Buddha held the key to the door of salvation. I feel with Buddhism there are many teachers and many paths - all are to be embraced and valued. I just don't see this with Mormonism (and again, other religions), which may value the teachings of others, but state there is only one path toward salvation with only one leader.

***As always, these are my interpretations of philosophies/religions. I hope if someone reads this and thinks I am WAY off (or even just a little off) they will write of their experience and understanding and I thank you for doing so!

Week 8

2010-06-13T07:40:00.000-07:00

I started week 8 of the running program I've been following: http://running.about.com/od/getstartedwithrunning/ht/getstarted.htm

Last week was tough, 11 minutes of running with 1 minute intervals of walking, 3 times. I actually did it yesterday in high winds, sometimes felt like I was standing in place, but I did it. Today's run, 22 minutes non-stop, was wonderful!! It was raining, not hard, and that did not deter me. I ran along Canyon Road to Center Street (even up that little hill from the island to town), past the Presbyterian Church and back toward Main Street. I stopped at 22 minutes so I can ease into 30 minutes, hopefully, by the end of the week.

I'm feeling really good about making it through this program, as I am not one to stick with things. I'm feeling really, really good about finding something that pushes me and gives me something to focus on, away from all the hassles of moving and pressures of life in general. I don't listen to music when I run, just focus on my breathing and how I'm feeling, something I'm learning about in a great book, ChiRunning, by Danny Dreyer: http://www.amazon.com/ChiRunning-Revolutionary-Approach-Effortless-Injury-Free/dp/1416549447/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276440366&sr=8-1

Childhood Rite of Passage

2010-06-12T07:50:00.000-07:00

We survived another sleepover at our house - whew! I had no idea how tiring they were for the parents, and to think my parents had 5 children, though I don't think we ever had sleepovers at the same time.

Soph had her first sleepover when she was 5 years old, in Family Housing at the University of Michigan. Her friend spent the night at our home, then Soph went over there. We lived in townhouses and the home was literally one townhouse away, so yep, at 10:00 p.m. I did a little walk by! Right at that moment, my phone rang, it was the mom and I thought I was busted, but no, she just wanted to know if I could bring Soph's favorite cereal over. It seems the sleeping part was about the same at the friend's house as at ours, because when Soph came home the next day she said, "Eun's mom said we can't have sleepovers anymore." I admit, I wasn't too disappointed.

Since then Soph's had quite a few sleepovers and we've not yet had to pick her up in the middle of the night nor drive a friend home in the middle of the night (as happened with me!).

In Utah sleepovers are not the thing and I think I know why, but if someone can respond to this and tell me for sure, I'd appreciate it! Late nights are big out here, which I kind of like, because we all get some sleep. A late night entails a friend coming over, sometimes in their pajamas, and staying until about 10:00 p.m. They then return home and we all head to bed, versus the up until 1:00 a.m. bit that happens at sleepovers.

The only thing is, I so fondly remember sleepovers I had as a kid, at my house and at my friends' homes. I was never molested or did anything that I shouldn't have (or that I wouldn't have done at another time of day) - and yes, I know these things can happen at sleepovers and it would break my heart. I also know the parents of the children with whom Soph plays and I feel very confident that the only thing we need fear is their sleep-deprived frustration the next day as our child can stay up LATE!!!

Now, having written this, I think I did a post once touting the great things about late nights, and they are great, but as always, my mind changes on topics...sometimes from minute to minute. Utah is the only place that I've heard of such a ban on sleepovers, or am I just not aware of this occurrence elsewhere?

What do you all think?

Looking Ahead

2010-06-10T20:34:00.000-07:00

I finished my 3rd day of week 7 of the running program I am following - just 1 more day of this week. Next week I get to start out running for 20 minutes nonstop and work up to 30 minutes. For the following weeks I want to attempt this schedule to build up to a 5K:

Week	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
1	Rest	1.5 mi run	CT or Rest	1.5 mi run	Rest	1.5 mi run	20-30 min EZ
2	Rest	1.75 mi run	CT or Rest	1.5 mi run	Rest	1.75 mi run	20-30 min EZ
3	Rest	2 mi run	CT or Rest	1.5 mi run	Rest	2 mi run	20-30 min EZ
4	Rest	2.25 mi run	CT or Rest	1.5 mi run	Rest	2.25 mi run	25-35 min EZ
5	Rest	2.5 mi run	CT or Rest	2 mi run	Rest	2.5 mi run	25-35 min EZ
6	Rest	2.75 mi run	CT	2 mi run	Rest	2.75 mi run	35-40 min EZ
7	Rest	3 mi run	CT	2 mi run	Rest	3 mi run	40 min EZ
8	Rest	3 mi run	CT or Rest	2 mi run	Rest	Rest	5K Race!

The 5K I want to do is July 24, so I might have to push this a bit, but I think I can do it! Anyone who runs, please tell me what exactly "rest" means...complete rest? May I take my dogs for walks up the big hills: Old Main, the Temple, etc.?

Brotherly Love

2010-06-09T07:44:00.001-07:00

It took 3 separate vet appointments to get all of our animals their check-ups, but we're done, whew! Lucy was first, she did great, except the persistent barking in the waiting room. Jada was next and since she was confined to a kennel, it was quite easy on my part, though not so much for the techs who had to hold her while the shots were administered.

We saved the best (ha) for last - the boys. Winston was his usually happy, go-lucky self, wagging his tail, licking everyone and not making a peep. Percy was his usual nervous self, whining and trying to hide. They were both weighed, checked out and then for the finale, the shots. Percy was first and when he was put on the table and started to really squirm and cry, that's when Winston's nervous behavior kicked in. It struck me as very endearing that Winston did not worry so much about what was done to him, as much as he was worried about his brother. He was trying to get to Percy and was whining, something we do not normally hear from him. He is truly a protector of his brother.

It was a good life lesson for me, seeing Winston's concern for his brother, realizing that the pain of others' is all of our concern and whatever we can do to ease it helps not just the recipient, but the giver as well. Maybe that is why Winston is so happy, because he is needed. In my reading of self-help books last week, I came across a story that relayed the same message. I also know that when faced with my own turmoil, my best remedy for happiness is to focus on another person's turmoil. As I feel sad about our upcoming move, that is what I should be doing. Thanks Winston, for reminding me what relationships and life are all about!

Running Away From My Problems

2010-06-07T07:47:00.000-07:00

I am at the stage of our big transition in which I am second guessing our choice to move to Michigan. What was I thinking? We're leaving the mountains, Sophie's great school, Steve's fabulous work schedule, our wonderful neighborhood...for the relatively unknown. We know Michigan, some of it, but we don't know if we'll be happy!

I'm glad I started exercising and eating better before the idea of moving was even conceived. I am now on week 7 of the 8 week running program I started and it's getting intense, which is what I need. When I'm running I'm just thinking about how I'm moving, keeping correct form and wondering if I can tackle the slight incline ahead. I'm not at that stage in which I think through problems, daydream of meditate. I hope to get there, but this phase is good for right now.

Running is something I can do anywhere and that gives me a lot of comfort right now. I can't wait to explore the terrain in Michigan with my two feet and the extra oxygen is going to be a bonus!

My mind is going about a million miles a minute these days, sometimes I'm extremely excited, sometimes I feel really horrible. Change is not easy, but necessary and whether or not one faces a situation, it's going to arrive. I'm just glad that I have something consistent right now, something that is good for me and something that challenges me. It's exciting to know I can keep on running and will never reach my destination, but I can enjoy the pit stops along the way.

School's Almost Out for Summer

2010-06-04T04:46:00.000-07:00

Today is Sophie's last day of 4th grade and her last day at Adams Elementary. We are very, very sad. Sophie has been at Adams since starting 1st grade and I feel like Adams is the elementary school of my youth - it literally is the elementary school of Steve's youth, as he attended Adams for a few years way back when.

Adams has the socioeconomic diversity we love, programs for students of all abilities, activities after school, a dynamic and caring staff and the principal is willing to listen to parents' suggestions and I believe he is there to really make sure each student and their family succeeds.

I have been fortunate to work at Adams during Sophie's time there and I highly recommend working at your child's school. I loved seeing her throughout the day, knowing what was going on and working with other children, which put my ideas for what to expect from Sophie in perspective.

I'm not planning on going into the school today, I am not at all good with good-byes and right now I'm tearing up and since this is about Sophie today, I just want to be her mom and to comfort her as needed. Whatever school we choose in Michigan will have high standards to live up to, and I don't doubt it will, but Sophie will always be an Adams Owl!

You Are What You Read!

2010-06-02T05:27:00.000-07:00

On Monday Sophie, her grandma and I strolled along Main Street and stopped in The Book Table for some browsing. Sophie wanted to show her grandma some things in the children's area upstairs, so I curled up in the self-help section, which I feel is a great place to spend a few moments, soaking up the warm fuzzy words which are suppose to improve your life.

I instantly grabbed The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and after perusing each section, determined my love language is physical touch - with some words of affirmation. I could not find Steve's love language, nothing mentioned fungi, but I realized that all those times I'm hugging him and invading his personal space is because of my needs, not his.

After Chapman I turned to one of my favorites, Leo Buscaglia. I was introduced to Leo's book, Living, Loving and Learning when it was required reading for an education class in college. Leo is to me what Jesus is to millions. I take his words as divined by God. He speaks of living life fully, grasping the moment and as a bonus, he promotes the hugging of all - the man speaks my love language! Leo passed away is 1998 and yep, sometimes I send my prayers his way.

There was also a book divulging the secrets of happy persons. I don't remember what I read, probably something about finding one's passion in life - great advice!

I would love to buy all these books and more in the self-help section, but I am pretty discriminating when it comes to purchasing books. I recently bought, The Tibetan Book of the Dead because I felt it is something I would be proud to display in my personal library and it's a book that requires great thought when reading. Now, after buying this book, I found Howie Mandel's autobiography at the library and I inhaled it while still on the first page of The Tibetan Book of the Dead. I laughed out loud at the antics described by Mandel and empathized as he relayed his struggles of dealing with OCD. Loved the book. When I finished the book, I found myself rather half-heartedly returning to my more intellectual read.

I do believe you are what you read and I do believe that as in all things, one should sample from the great menus offered. Read books that feed your mind, expand your horizons and make your emotions surge. Sample from menus of which you would not normally imbibe. Visit the dessert section, taste from the appetizers and go ahead, sip the wine. It's all good and the lasting effect - instead of a wider girth, a broader view of the world.

My Interpretation

2010-05-29T08:01:00.000-07:00

I have been asked to refer to the LDS writing, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" and I can definitely see where my interpretation is going to lead me to make very different assumptions than those who were raised in the LDS religion.

First, I definitely agree that making families strong is an important component in making strong individuals, which will in turn make strong communities. I quote, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." I agree that forgiveness, respect, love, work and mutual recreational activities breed healthy relationships between persons in a family. I think having similar ideas about spirituality may make it easier for a couple to relate to one another, but I also know couples with very different religious beliefs who have strong families.

This line, "We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God," makes sense to me, although I'm sure my understanding of family responsibilities may differ slightly from those intended by the authors of this proclamation, because of what is written elsewhere:

"marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." My definition of marriage entails love and respect by two consenting adults (preferably over the age of 25)who decide, bravely, to embark on a journey together that involves accepting the changes that will inevitably occur between the individuals, but if understood will strengthen the commitment. I do not think the adults need to be of the opposite sex, nor do I think bearing children needs to occur, in fact, given the overpopulation of our society, I would think God was smart enough to realize that non-child bearing adults marrying is part of a divine plan.

This is the portion that I presume makes my previous observations of sexism within the LDS religion difficult to understand by those who practice the religion: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." I would say that one of the necessities of life includes nurturing the children and that both parents are responsible for providing the necessities of life, regardless of sex. On a personal note, I tend to think it's great when in a 2-parent household one parent prefers to provide the financial resources necessary for meeting a family's tangible needs and one parent prefers to attend to the daily caregiving of children, but again, I don't think choosing those roles should be based on the person's sex - and if in a homosexual marriage, obviously sex doesn't matter.

This proclamation actually makes me sad, because I see it as limiting persons within confines that negates the commitment and love so many people want to share with the world and with children. I ache when I think of my friends who have partners of the same sex, but are told by society their commitment to one another is somehow wrong. I think of God as embracing all persons, wanting there to be love expressed in our communities that is not limited by a person's sex and the allowance for people to be who they are, without the shame that comes from the judgment of cultural norms created by humans.

Last night I had another wonderful conversation with neighbors of ours, who I adore, and we imagined a world in which all persons had civil unions that were recognized by society and those who wanted a religious ceremony could have that, but one must have a civil union to be recognized as married in our world (I hope I got that right and am not twisting their words!).

I definitely appreciate the commitment to families in Utah - nowhere else has the presence of children been so accepted at community functions, parents are expected and encouraged to be involved in their child's educational endeavors, and many families work together to insure their household is run smoothly with each person responsible for certain tasks. I love those things! I also see many women working outside the home, achieving multiple degrees in education and involved with community organizations, so I really wonder if this proclamation reflects current practices or if it has been adjusted to allow women to feel they can be better nurturers of the children in their care by nurturing themselves, which I think is so important.

I'm excited to read the responses to this, because as always, I know my interpretation comes from my own experiences, my biases and my hopes for myself and my family. When I read the responses of others that may differ from mine, I hope I will remember that they come from the same place in others: a place of wanting what is best for oneself and those one loves.

Observations in Wyoming

2010-05-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

I did not have my camera readily available, but if I had, these are the pics I would've taken while stopping in Rock Springs, Wyoming:

1) The store Hide and Fur. The great thing about this siting was that I kept wondering why the words hide (thinking it meant like hide-and-seek) and fur were together and my 10-year old daughter had to explain it to me: hide, as in animal hide. Ohhhh! I am definitely not a typical westerner (yep, I am stereotyping here, but it's my blog, so I can do that).

2) The Loaf 'n Jug, which can also be found in Colorado, and maybe other states, I don't know. Can you imagine saying to your significant other, "Hey hon, will you pick up a loaf...oh, and a jug?" Nice.

3) The shirt worn by the woman at the Wal-Mart (we stopped there to get Subway sandwiches): You don't hunt - so I don't see you (or something, I didn't have my camera to capture the exact words). Wow, she really likes hunting!

I know it is not right to make fun of a state for my biased observations and really, I spent the first two years of my life in New Jersey for pete's sake, but it is such a different world to me and what do we do when faced with something out of the ordinary? We make fun of it. Not nice, not at all politically correct, but we do it.

Here's the religious bit: I believe in reincarnation as taught by the Buddhism philosophy - that if you don't get it right you have to keep coming back, so when I make fun of Wyoming I totally imagine that I will come back living in Wyoming. Yep. I will frequent the Hide and Fur, the Loaf 'n Jug and I will sport t-shirts such as that worn by the woman at Wal-mart. I think belief in this type of karma keeps us on the straight and narrow, most of the time.

I also realize that Wyoming is an amazingly beautiful state - so breathtaking that it made me wonder why we are leaving this part of the country! The people in Wyoming are like people everywhere, and I am a complete jerk for judging them based on my idiotic preconceived ideas of what culture entails. I know this. It's just that the above observations seem so, ya know...Wyoming!

On another note: I had to call the city of Chelsea (where we're hoping to move in Michigan) and ask, "How many dogs may we have?" I realized later I should have added, "We're moving out there from Utah, how many wives can my husband have?" Yep, stereotyping again, 'cause that's what I do. (By the way, you can only have 2 dogs in the city of Chelsea, so it appears we will not be living in the "city" - population is about 5000 - does that qualify as a city?)

Guest Writer: Melanie Hockmuth DeJoode

2010-05-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

Heather, I love that you question religion so much! I still do so, also, although I’m pretty comfortable with my beliefs, as undefined as they may be. I was raised as a Christian, but didn’t attend church regularly, as my parents were divorced and I lived with my mom, who didn’t attend church. My dad took me regularly until I was in high school and I decided I didn’t like where we attended (he belongs to a pretty fundamentalist church). At that time, I switched to a Methodist church that one of my friends attended, mainly so that my dad didn’t insist that I go with him. After high school, I quit going altogether.

My mom may be the main source of my skepticism about religion (thank you, Mom!), even though she never really criticized the church too much. She had also been raised a Christian, but left the church when I was in elementary school, under circumstances that I won’t go into here. Having been raised the way I was, I felt a lot of guilt over not going to church, but it just didn’t feel right. I liked the sense of community, but I didn’t agree with some of the teachings of the church or of the feeling that I was being watched by others to see if I was living up to their (the church’s) standards. What I do should be between me and god alone.

While in college in my early 20s, I found the Baha’i Faith. It seemed to fit better with my thoughts in many ways. Baha’is believe in progressive revelation – that we all worship the same god, but that god sent different manifestations at different times to bring his message to the people of the world. Baha’is believe the most recent of those manifestations is a man named Baha’u’llah, who was born in Persia in 1817. In 1863, he announced himself as a divine messenger of god (as were Krishna, Moses, Buddha, Jesus, and Mohammad) and brought new teachings for our time. He sent letters to the kings and rulers of the world proclaiming the coming unification of humanity and urged them to work toward the establishment of a world community and universal peace. Baha’u’llah was exiled throughout most of his life, and lived out his final days in what is now Israel, where the world headquarters of the Baha’i Faith can be found.

The Baha’i Faith espouses the equality of men and women, harmony of science and religion, elimination of prejudice, unity of humankind, and the importance of striving for world peace. In addition, each person is encouraged to undergo an independent investigation of truth, instead of blindly believing and following a minister or other religious head. I became a Baha’i and practiced those beliefs for quite a few years. For the most part, I loved the feelings within the Baha’i community. For a variety of reasons, I stopped attending Baha’i activities.

My credo (which admittedly comes somewhat from the Baha’i Faith) was that “heaven” is nearness to god, while “hell” is distance from god. Meaning that, regardless of whether or not there is a real heaven or hell (I’m still not sure about this, but I’m ok with not knowing), what we do here on earth is what’s important. It means knowing that what we’re doing is right or wrong, and striving to do right for ourselves and all those around us. When I saw the quote you have on your blog, it completely summed up my beliefs and went along with my concept of heaven and hell. "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion."

I don’t see myself as a religious person, but I definitely see myself as spiritual. I believe that we are all connected. I don’t know how to explain it, but I believe it’s there, that there is some “spirit” in the universe that ties us all together and is bigger than we can possibly imagine. I also believe that by calling on that spirit or connection we can make things happen. It’s similar to prayer, but I’m not really praying to a specific person or to god, as much as to the spirit that surrounds and connects us all. And I don’t see that spirit granting my prayer, so much as that by put it out there I am bringing it into reality, whether I’m seeking assistance, guidance, or clarity.

Here’s the part that goes along with your thoughts about god being sexless. I feel this spirit to be female. I see it as a feminine, loving, compassionate, mother-like entity. This is most likely due to my upbringing and cultural experiences of the mother being the loving, caring one. But the funny thing is, when I “pray” I often picture my prayer being addressed to a male figure. This, I suppose, goes along with my religious upbringing in a male-dominated church, where I always prayed to a male god. I have tried over time, with some small amount of success, to picture that prayer going to a female or gender-neutral figure instead of a male figure. At some point, I decided it didn’t really matter who I pictured when I pray, since I know in my heart what that spirit means to me and know that it’s going to the right place, no matter what image I hold in my head.

As for various religions believing that men should hold certain types of positions that women can’t hold, well, I don’t understand that, other than to say the I think it probably came about due to a belief that men are superior to women. It has held on over time for some reason, maybe tradition or a need for men to feel superior, but should be abolished. I must say that was one thing I really liked about the Baha’i Faith. Men and women are, generally, seen as equal and can all hold any position within the Faith. The one exception (that I’ve seen) to that rule in the Baha’i Faith involves education. Because women have traditionally been the ones to raise and educate the children in a family, it is believed that if a choice needs to be made on who receives a better education then it should be the female, as she will be responsible for training future generations. While I don’t totally agree (I think that ideally men and women should both take part in educating the kids), I am thrilled that for once women are given an advantage over men!

I also want to vent my frustration on one other aspect of many religions: that god is to be feared and retribution will follow for wrongdoings (either from god himself, or in the form of the devil). I have never seen god in this way. I see god (if he/she indeed exists) as a loving being. I don’t believe that god guides our actions on a daily basis, so I don’t give credit to god for the good things in my life. Likewise, I don’t blame the devil for tempting me to do bad. I take responsibility for my own actions, good or bad, and believe that god or spirit or whatever is watching from somewhere out there, cheering us on, hoping that we’ll make good choices, and laughing until his/her sides ache at some of the things we humans get into.

So, all that said, I don’t personally believe that any formal religious beliefs are necessary. I agree with much of what I see, but there are things I don't agree with and can't go along with based solely on the fact that the religion/church/etc. tells me I should. I know a lot of people say that that is what faith is about, but I just don't see it that way. I can believe in something that I can't see or prove, but I can't go along with something that seems wrong to me. It took me a long time and I went through a lot of guilt before arriving at the place I am now, but for the first time, I truly feel comfortable with my beliefs. I know that what I am doing and what I believe are right for me.

While I may not agree with the doctrines of all religious beliefs, if others choose to believe in a specific religion, that is up to them and I’m in no position to judge them for doing so. Different things work for different people, and no one way is inherently superior to another. I know that religion serves many purposes, both spiritual and social, and that people choose to believe what they believe for a variety of reasons. I’m cool with that, since, hopefully, whatever path we choose will bring each of us closer to being who we truly should be.

Before

2010-05-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write before I start week 5 of my running program, because I'm nervous! I'm suppose to do 8 minutes running with 2 minutes walking 3 times. It's an excited kind of nervous though, knowing I've been working to get to this point, still got more to do, but it's a journey.

We're also in Colorado, so at a higher elevation, but a beautiful setting, which I'm hoping will aid in my motivation.

Here I go...

A Word I'll Never Forget

2010-05-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

I don't blog about parenting a lot, because I worry about stepping over the boundaries of Soph's privacy and do not want Sophie to feel exposed, but I think and hope it's ok to blog about her fabulous go at the Adams Spelling Bee yesterday.

She did great - made it to the final 5 and then got the word aggressively. It was one she struggled with during our practices, so I worried. She missed it and oh, I could tell she was going to be very, very sad. She came right to me, sat on my lap and wept (she was not the only one crying at the spelling bee...so hard on these kiddos, but it's a hard that is ok I think).

I felt just awful, wondering how I could have helped her more, wondering why I didn't focus on that word more, etc. The reality is, she did great and she lost. Losing stinks, but it's ok. I did tell her to congratulate the winner, because even though I was aching too, I want my child, above all, to be a gracious player.

Competition is tough and it doesn't get much easier as we get older. I'm not involved in many formal competitions anymore, but there is the daily competition as we constantly measure ourselves against others. I told a friend of mine yesterday that there are times I'm jealous of her - she's so beautiful and put together and has many, many friends! It's been hard for me to find those things as strengths in our relationship rather than abandoning it because I'll never measure up to her. Jealousy is perhaps the worst feeling in the world, because it encompasses so many other yucky feelings: hurt, anger, sadness, unfulfilled desire...and yet I want to be a gracious player by not letting my jealousy keep me from knowing wonderful people!

I am proud of my daughter for getting involved in a competition, putting herself out there and congratulating the one who did better than she did - having done those things definitely makes her a winner.

Seeking

2010-05-21T05:45:00.000-07:00

I've decided that when we move to Michigan - when we actually get there - I want to start this blog over, so I really, really want other people to write about their experiences living in Utah - or living outside of Utah in comparison to living in Utah.

Please write something, even if it is only a paragraph, offering your perspective. It can be done anonymously or even under a fake name and how fun is it to create a new name for yourself?!

I'm excited to read other people's offerings, because it broadens my spectrum of understanding...and lord knows (there's my religious reference for today's post), I need my understanding broadened!

Me at 37

2010-05-20T11:28:00.001-07:00

I love my birthday! I love having a day to be excited about myself - yep, I'm egotistical and most of the time I love myself and sometimes I even like myself! Crazy, but if you don't like or love yourself, well, I see that as a complete disservice to your mother who went to all that trouble to bring you into this world, as mine did 37 years ago today!

I often think that reincarnation makes so much sense, that if you don't get it right this time, then you have to come back - let your punishment serve your crime! I am always worried I'll come back as something other than I am, because even though I am perfectly aware of all of my flaws, I like having those flaws and not other flaws. I like that I was taught to question, to rebel and to be vocal. I also know I should be a better listener, not question every single thing in the whole world and rebelling silently is often more effective than being obvious - but I really love that I have the chance to work on those things!

I like myself. I like myself at 37. I like that I've learned from some mistakes and others I just keep making over and over. I like that there are people I admire and wish I could be more like (including my own child) and that I am realizing not every single person will like me, some accurately think I'm a, um, rhymes with witch, and through my interactions with them, they are right! I like that I have brown eyes and can wiggle my ears and have coarse hair with some strands of gray.

I like that we have a day to celebrate ourselves and to share that celebration with others! So happy birthday to me!

Yay for Logan

2010-05-19T05:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday an ordinance passed in Logan that bans discrimination based on sexual orientation. This ordinance is suppose to address employment and housing specifically, but I hope it will further its reaches by educating all persons about differences and our need for acceptance and understanding.

I wrote an email to the city council after the ordinance was initially voted against. I relayed my experience of being discriminated against right here in Logan, UT. Back in the 90s, I went to a job interview and was asked point blank if I was LDS. When I said I was not, I was told I would not fit into the work environment. I remember and can still feel the shame I felt when I left that interview, as if I were a dirty person, and it stung like nothing else had. Nobody should feel that way because of personal choices that do not impact their ability to do a job or pay the rent.

We all - myself included - need to surround ourselves with persons of differing backgrounds, educational levels, cultures, religious preferences and lifestyle choices. I believe when we broaden our own community we stop seeing so many differences and start realizing how similar all persons are: we all want to love and be loved, we all want to succeed and we all want to feel safe and valued. If people in our community are not feeling those things, change is needed and I applaud Logan for taking a step toward that change.

Signs

2010-05-18T04:46:00.000-07:00

When we left church Sunday I saw this amazing rainbow in the clouds and it took me a moment to grasp that it was not my brain playing tricks on me. Crazy. I have never seen anything like it and although I was told that this has been happening quite a bit in Utah, I still take it as a sign from my friend Timmy - that all is good and he's in a more beautiful place than one can imagine.

My logical thinking realizes that the rainbow was made by an explainable occurrence, but my needful heart insists it is something beyond that. I needed something, was feeling so sad about Timmy, and I grasped onto this rainbow.

It could be that my rainbow has nothing at all to do with Tim, but because of my relationship with him the rainbow resonated with me, it had meaning. This is how I see religion and Jesus and any other entity one chooses to embrace with faith. It could all be malarkey, but maybe it's not the entity that matters as much as what we do with our faith. If believing in something beyond our experiences adds a quality to our lives that makes it more beautiful, then it would seem that we would be happier people and happier people do nice things. I am all for people doing nice things! Of course religion also has components of punishment, destruction and obedience, which I believe create fear and fear makes people do horrible things. So let's get rid of those components!

This is why the rainbow meant a lot to me. Tim did not follow the rules as people say we are suppose to in order to get to heaven - he was a good person, he genuinely cared about others and he made mistakes. When he died, I believe he was embraced for all aspects of who he is, and what others may have judged as sinful were part of Timmy and were not bad, just part of him. That rainbow symbolized to me that a lot of what we judge others for on earth is ridiculous and means nothing to an entity worth looking up to...because to me, any entity worth embracing would in turn embrace all of us...ALL of us.

Words I just read by Walt Whitman: Not till the sun excludes you, do I exclude you; Not till the waters refuse to glisten for you, and the leaves to rustle for you, do my words refuse to glisten and rustle for you.

31.5 by my 37th

2010-05-17T05:54:00.000-07:00

My birthday is looming - ok, looming makes it sound scary and I absolutely LOVE my birthday! My birthday is 3 days away, how's that? I sort of set a goal to lose 30 pounds by my 37th birthday (this has been a recurring goal each year) and I did it - as of today I've lost 31.5 pounds!

I kicked up the running, started the 4th week of the 8 week program yesterday, which entails running for 5 minutes, walking for 2, 4 times. I love it! I definitely think the running has increased the rate at which I lost weight - and I still eat what I want, just sittin' down at the table when I eat it.

One of my new favorite snacks is apple slices with Laughing Cow Creamy Swiss - oh my, just typing about it makes me weak in the knees. Mind you, I also get a bit weak when I think of the big ole slice of rocky road pie I had last night, with whipped cream!

My new goal is to run a 5K, hopefully one that raises money and awareness for a great cause. There is a 5K in June for the Pride Center in Salt Lake, but I'm not sure I'll be ready by then. I'm keepin' my eye out though and hope I can run a 5K in Utah before we move.

So here's a toast to being a bit healthier as I prepare to enter my 37th year and to being a lot more mindful. Life is good!

Good-bye

2010-05-16T04:34:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was Timmy's funeral and what a testament to the person he was: there was such an eclectic group of people there, demonstrating Tim's love for all persons and his genuine interest in getting to know them.

I attended the viewing before the funeral and saw Tim, but of course, it wasn't Tim. There lay his beautiful physical form, but he had gone on. It is amazing how striking it can be to see what is left of a person when they die, just their shell. Their spirit cannot be captured in a body any longer.

The funeral had a very strong LDS tone to it, which I understand, because Tim's family is LDS. The last time I spoke with Tim he was practicing Zen and although the service was beautiful, I wanted to stand up and say, "This doesn't represent Tim!" Then again, I don't know what truly would have represented him as much as the beautiful words spoken by those who loved him, the tears flowing because we will all miss him so, so much and the laughter as stories of Tim's antics were relayed time and again.

Saying good-bye to the ability to see a person again on earth, to hug them, to laugh with them, is heart-wrenching and at this point, still somewhat surreal. I also felt strongly that I will see Tim again, hear his laugh, witness his smile and feel his arms wrapped around me when it is my turn to leave this earth.

I quote Kahlil Gibran from The Prophet (a book I gave to Timmy years ago and there's a story behind it, but I don't need to tell it, just know it made us both laugh):

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

Authority

2010-05-14T04:46:00.000-07:00

I am not exactly sure when it started, but I have been leery of authority figures, or the suggestion that one is suppose to be an authority figure, for a very long time. I know this plays a huge part in my skepticism regarding religion.

I actually love attending church, I often find it soothing and comforting, but I abhor what I perceive as the blind following of a man/woman who is suppose to be the authority of the religion. This does not mean I abhor the man/woman (minister, priest, lama, bishop, etc.), especially if I feel they are able to admit that at the end of the day, they also just really don't know the answer to the big questions. I abhor what I see to be the turning off of one's brain and common sense and accepting another person's explanation of that which cannot be explained.

The pastor of the current church I attend knows my feelings about this: the regurgitation of certain prayers, the choral responses, the seemingly expressionless recitations of written words. I think I understand the part those things are suppose to play - they provide a meaningful ritual to followers. I applaud anyone who has truly listened to the words and can repeat them with full belief, but I often wonder how closely the words have been studied.

I also realize that I just like to question authority, even if I don't necessarily disagree with what is being said. I like to hear the reasons why people think or act the way they do. I like to know that they have thought about why they think and act the way they do. If I hear blanket responses, "Because I know it's true," then I turn off. I understand that what they may mean is they cannot define how they know, they just know, but that makes me think they have not truly investigated the reasons for their beliefs nor have they challenged their beliefs by exploring others.

I do think there are "authorities" of certain religions and those authorities are people who have studied the religion, know its history and are continuing to learn about the modern day implications around the religion. I think it is important to talk with these authorities, take their words and compare them against your own studies, which should include talking to people who are authorities of other religions. The bottom line is, question authority.

As a teenager I had a poster of Sid Vicious in my room and this quote (though I think it was written slightly differently) was on it:

“Undermine their pompous authority, reject their moral standards, make anarchy and disorder your trademarks. Cause as much chaos and disruption as possible but don’t let them take you ALIVE.”

Perhaps my viewing of those words day in and day out caused me to be brainwashed by them. Perhaps I blindly accept those words and oh, the philosophical ramifications are too much for me to ponder at this time, but I think the idea is to take the sentiment behind Sid's words and apply them to your life in a way that means you are living your life with your eyes wide open and your brain fully on.

Timmy

2010-05-12T04:44:00.000-07:00

Living in Utah a second time meant I got to reconnect with people I knew from my first stint here in the 90's and one of those people was Timmy (yes, that was his name as stated on his birth certificate).

I actually first saw Tim back in 1991, I just moved to Utah from Pennsylvania and he was a cashier at Smith's. I had a bit of a crush on him, with his longer blond hair, blue eyes and completely engaging smile. We eventually met due to mutual friends and from 1995 - 1998 I got to hang out with Tim quite a bit.

When we returned to Logan Tim was one of the first people I sought out. We got together and it was like never missing a beat - started talking philosophy and religion and all other deep matters. Get-togethers at Starbucks and Einstein Brothers followed, including one time when I brought Soph so Tim could tell her tales of being a caretaker of The Nunnery - a former convent in Logan Canyon. Soph loved being around Tim.

I still do not know the specifics of what caused Tim's too early passing. I do know I ache. I tried to text him a couple months ago, didn't get a response and just shelved it, thinking I'd see him before we moved.

I cannot even say I know Tim is in a better place - I don't know what happens when we leave this life. Tim was practicing Zen when I last saw him and to me he embodied the attentiveness and mindfulness of a Zen Master. My hope for him is that he is in a place in which he can continue learning, continue smiling and continue being his fabulous self, without all the grief that a life on Earth entails.

Guest Writer: Conversion to the LDS Church

2010-05-11T04:41:00.000-07:00

This post was written by a woman who has taught me a lot about acceptance while maintaining strong beliefs. I know the author lives her religion and I also know she stood by me when I faced some mild discrimination. To me she exemplifies what a religion should be about: living your life the way you feel you should while accepting others even when their beliefs cause them to live in a different way. Thank you.

First off, I just want to say how much I appreciate what Heather is doing. It has opened my eyes SO MUCH to how others are thinking and feeling. It makes me examine what I’ve been doing and think on things I’ve said. I really hope I’ve not offended anyone in the past, or made them feel I look down on them – because it’s never been my intention to. It makes me a better person to know how my actions are affecting others. I also love it because it helps me to examine what I really believe. I have VERY strong feelings about my religion, but I think sometimes I get stuck in a rut and do what I’ve always done. This helps me to look at what I truly believe, question myself, and try to answer all the questions others have. It’s great!

Here’s my story… I’ll try not to be too long winded, but there is something about “coming out” (to be totally cliché) like this that makes it hard to be brief. So I apologize in advance if this is long and I thank you for reading it. Thank you also Heather for posting this anonymously.

I have lived in Utah all of my life. So I can’t say I know what it is like to live anywhere else, but I can imagine that it is unlike any other place. Growing up though I was not a member of the LDS church – it wasn’t until I was 15 that I was baptized and joined the LDS church. I wanted to add the perspective of someone who had grown up here not a member of the church but then later converted. Additionally we are also going to add a twist in here.

My father and mother were both raised in a fundamentalist polygamist group known as the AUB or “the Allreds.” They married young and divorced before my dad had a chance to take a second wife. My dad married an LDS lady and later converted to the LDS church. My mother on the other hand stuck with the AUB and “married” (in the loosest sense here since they weren’t married by law) my step father – a man who already had a wife and 6 children. She was married to him for 10 years. It was when I was 14 years old that my mother and step father “divorced” (no legal action was necessary) and my mother decided to take the missionary discussions – my brother, sister, mother, and I then joined the LDS church. I’ve now been a member of the LDS church for many years.

Sometimes I tend to forget about my past – it’s not something I generally talk about ever or think about often. I sometimes feel like I’ve always grown up in the LDS church, although that isn’t true.

So what was it like growing up in Utah as a member of a polygamist family? The group I was a member of was a bit different than some others. I can grantee that you would never have guessed I was a member of a polygamist group – we dressed like everyone else as children. Our particular sect didn’t wear long dresses and braids J (classic stereotypes, right?) so the kids blended in with normal society. You could only spot our parents in the summer when they wore long sleeves and long pants in 100 degree weather since their garments were long underwear. But in the winter you’d be hard pressed to point out a member of the AUB in public. But even within the AUB our family was a bit of an oddity. My mother worked full time as a nurse, and I can tell you that isn’t common in fundamentalist groups. In addition to that, my step father’s wives lived in different houses, and even in different cities (many of them lived in the same house or in houses that were next door). I also attended public school. All those things set us apart a little bit as members of the AUB. But it also added a few different elements to my life. I was always living a life of secrecy. Since polygamy is frankly illegal we were always forced to lie. My step father came to our house every other night and his first wife’s house on the other night. So we told our friends that our step father traveled a lot for work. When someone asked me what religion I was I always said “Mormon” although that wasn’t true. I felt I had to lie to protect my family. Since I knew about the Book of Mormon, it was easier to pretend that I was simply one of them.

So all growing up my friends assumed I was LDS – I pretended like I knew what they meant when they said “ward” or “mutual” and as a freshmen in High School I even joined seminary to keep up the charade. It was that same year though – as a freshman that I joined the LDS church and the lies finally stopped. Imagine my friend’s amazement at discovering that I was not LDS. I think they were partly shocked, but mostly excited to see one of their friends joining the church. We had three other kids in our “group” that were not LDS and we were very good friends with them. I don’t know if they ever felt like they weren’t accepted – I loved them the same as my other friends, but I feel certain that they must have felt apart at times. It was sad that I felt I couldn’t be honest with all my friends about my religion, but in truth I think that had more to do with keeping up appearances than me feeling like I needed to fit in. But there is still that element – I did want to fit in so I chose to pretend to be LDS instead of just claiming that I was “Christian”. I know what many of these ladies are saying when they talk about not feeling the same as everyone – I couldn’t have been more different than my friends in many ways.

My motivation for joining the LDS church had little to do with fitting in. In fact, I was quite resistant to the change at first. You see, in fundamentalist groups you are taught that ALL others are wrong. If you think that LDS people are hard noised about being right, then you’d be shocked at the doctrine fundamentalist groups teach. Even the LDS faith is “wrong” and only those of the AUB and other polygamist groups will be saved. It’s pretty sad actually. I know that for many people the LDS church seems to exclude others, but for me, it was a breath of fresh air. I feel that many more people are accepted by members of the LDS church then were in the AUB. Joining the LDS church also gave me a beautiful chance for truth. I never again have to lie about what I believe. I can shout it from the housetops if I so desire. I can also be open and honest with others about what they believe. You don’t have to agree with me and I don’t have to agree with you, but I can still be your friend and accept you. We can still talk about it. I love that.

I think I am generally accepting of other’s beliefs – but I don’t think we always understand each other. There are so many misconceptions out there on BOTH SIDES. Heather’s blog makes me want to try harder to be even more open – so thanks again Heather. Thank you for reminding me of my past and what it felt like to be apart.

So there you go – the perspective of a polygamist child living in Utah.

And this doesn’t even go into how much I LOVE the beauty and the feel of community in Utah, but I think everyone has touched on that sufficiently. I love living here and I think I will be sad to leave when my husband finishes his schooling. We will most likely be off to some other state and I am truly excited for the opportunity to live outside of Utah. But I will miss it here so much!

A New Religion

2010-05-10T05:18:00.000-07:00

I had to tie in religion somehow, so perhaps I have found a religion that works for me: running.

I started an 8 week program of walking/running intervals and I am now on week 3. Yesterday I had to run for 4 minutes, walk for 3, 4 times and I loved it! I find myself feeling like I can continue running, but I make myself stop, remembering that this is suppose to be a lifestyle change, not a quick fix.

The same goes with the eating. I still sit down at the table at home when I eat and Saturday night that meant sitting there eating a Skor bar, 2 bowls (maybe 3) of Lucky Charms and some Skittles...not the healthiest of late night snacks, but the next morning I was down another 1/2 pound. I suppose a lifestyle change would include not having those foods in the house, but on a positive note at least the candy was the single serving kind, not the big ole bags I use to consume!

Back to running...I just glanced at the remaining weeks' intervals and felt my heart speed up. I cannot imagine running for 9 minutes straight and doing it 3 times, but I hope that when I get to that point, I'll be ready! I love being on the campus of USU early in the morning and having that time as total ME time. If I can just convince Lucy not to chase the ducks that sometimes hang out up there, my new religion would be perfect, but ya know, some people (Lucy) just can't take their religion in moderation!

Just Me

2010-05-09T05:13:00.000-07:00

I love having guest writers, because it is so much easier to post their pieces than write my own and they offer perspectives I do not have of life in Utah.

A friend of mine posted a link to this blog on her FB page and someone commented that people are people wherever you go and that Utah is no different than any other place. I agree, people are people and you'll run into those with whom you agree and those with whom you don't.

I disagree that Utah is no different than any other place. I have lived in 5 other states: Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Texas, Michigan and New Jersey (though N.J. doesn't really count since I was only 2 when we moved away) and Utah is unique in a variety of ways. Of course the obvious is the beauty of Utah, none of the other states in which I've lived can compare, although sadly, now none of them can compare to the pollution experienced in the winter, too.

Utah is also unique because one religion is extremely dominant. I pulled up The Association of Religion Data and in 2000 it lists 73,571 out of 91,391 persons as being members of the LDS Church. This fact brings with is some unique aspects and I am not going to say they are all good or all bad, just unique.

Each person living in Utah has their own experience and perspective and the latter is formed by many different components, religion being only one of them. I do not think whether or not one is part of the dominant religion alone determines a person's perspective, but I do think it plays a part, as a person's religion affects their perspective everywhere. I can also say that in my experience a person's religious affiliation has not been such a topic of conversation as it has in Utah. Many times, within the first few minutes of meeting someone, it comes up - and yes, sometimes I am the one who brings it up.

If you disagree with this, if you think Utah is just like every other place, please let me know. That is what this blog is suppose to be about (most of the time, sometimes it's just postings of my dogs or weight loss or motherhood) - a format for differing views to be represented that hopefully allows people to see things from another's perspective.

I want to add that I actually love the fact that religion is the big elephant in the room in Utah, because I have been able to have conversations with people here that I don't have in other places, because in other places religion is just not something people talk about so casually. Of course on the flip side is the fact that I feel religious affiliation is too often used as a form of judgment too soon in Utah and in other places it is something that may come up much later in an already established relationship, so bears less weight.

Guest writer: Linda Ewing Redd

2010-05-08T05:47:00.000-07:00

Thank you Linda! I appreciate the honest and openness with which this is written.

It is funny how hard it is to be open and honest on this subject of living in Utah and the Mormon church. I could easily offend friends and family by telling how I really feel. That in and of itself makes me sad. That said, here goes....

I was born in Utah, 1968 in Logan. My parents were not particularly religious and we went to church with my Mom because she played the piano in Sunday school and she wanted us to have a religious Christian background. I feel that a stronger reason was to help us fit in. This is something I struggle with now as a Mom with 2 boys, living in Utah.

Things I remember about growing up in Utah are..
-Going to Primary every Wednesday after school.
-Pretending the Coke in my cup was Rootbeer.
-I remember never quit fitting in. I was always the ward “project”. They would give me jobs that weren't necessarily useful but gave me a title and a feeling of obligation to show up to church.
-Bishop interviews that made me feel small and sad, nervous and scared. Mainly those things because I knew my parents were not married in the temple so we wouldn't be together when we died. That is a really hard thing for a kid to grow up “knowing” or being told. I always felt judged and not quite worthy because of it.
-I remember being friends with kids and then the ward boundaries would change and then you weren't as good of friends anymore because you weren't going to all the same functions anymore.
-Daddy Daughter party. Oh, that was great. I was so proud of my fun Dad. That was a wonderful activity.

Those things are all from Elementary school. In Jr. High and High school things were a bit easier. I had friends outside the ward that didn't necessarily have to know that I didn't go to church every Sunday. They didn't know my parents were not married in the temple. I could pretend. I got along a lot better in those years.
Then the Summer after I graduated...lets just say I had a lot of self loathing and ended up being very self destructive. I made some very good friends in those years that I am still friends with today, thanks to Facebook. I don't regret those years they have made me who I am today and honestly I think they make me a better parent. BUT.. I knew I was on a self destructive course. So, I turned to the church. I had one on one Bishop meetings and attended church regularly. Then Doug came home from his mission and to be honest we wanted to have sex... so, we got married. We definitely loved each other and we are meant to be together, but I don't think we would have gotten married at 21 if it wasn't for the church. At the time Doug was a returned missionary and I was trying to be a good girl. Doug's family is religious and I felt the only way to marry into his family was to get married in the temple. This came with an awful consequence, which is actually the biggest regret of my life. My parents and sister were not allowed to see me get married. In fact the officiator of our wedding kept referring to my parents as deceased. I had to stop him and tell him that they were outside waiting. So, now I'm married and trying to do the going to church attending the temple thing and it is slowly sending me into a depression. So, one Sunday after church Doug and I looked at each other and said … lets quit .. and we did. I wore my garments for another 2 years after that. Can't explain why but I guess my promises in the temple had a hold on me even though I wasn't attending or believing in the church.

Moving away from Utah was really interesting. It was interesting to meet people and the first question they asked you was not what religion you were. That is until I said I was from Utah. Ha
I lived away from Utah for 12 years. It was truly freeing. Then we decided to move back. It has taken me 4 years but I finally am feeling at home here again. I love Utah it will forever be home here and even when we lived in other states I always told Doug if I died in another state I wanted to buried in Utah.

Ugh... that was hard. But before you ask me why I don't believe in the church... .tell me why you believe it.

Guest Writer: Kathy Parish Gilpin

2010-05-07T04:52:00.000-07:00

Before I copy Kathy's post, I have to mention that she attended a prom with my hubby, and she's from Pennsylvania, like me, which I find amusing! Thank you Kathy!

I moved to Utah from Pennsylvania when i was in the fifth grade and lived there until I was 21 ish. As the predominant faith in Logan, Utah is the LDS Church I definitely did not blend in with the locals. At that time I didn’t even know what a Mormon was so when kids would ask me if I was a LDS I would respond with is that a good thing? On another note I had no clue what a stake house was, when I was asked about which stake house I went to in my mind I was thinking steak house and I wondered where they were hiding the Brown Derby restaurant. Stake houses and wards are the way the church divides up neighborhoods so that different congregations can go to the same church at their allotted time slot I guess, i can’t honestly remember now how all that works and I could be entirely wrong.

Aside from one girl telling me she could not play with me because I was not a Mormon all the others were just like kids anywhere except most did not know what double dutch jump roping was. There was not much talk of faith and affiliations in the fifth grade, we were all just trying to get through that “Growing up and Liking It” movie without giggling and the interest focused more on tetherball, riding bikes or sledding depending on the season.

My first few weeks were spent living in the Baugh Motel while my folks were waiting to close on the house they made an offer on. My first day of school at Wilson did not go as well as one would like. The well meaning principal introduced me as a straight A student and told the others to watch out for me...gee, um...thanks? When we finally did move in to our home on Cliffside my first two friends, Kim and Miesha were eager to meet the new girls and welcomed us with open arms. It was a pretty great neighborhood to live in and as probably the only non-Mormon kids on the block we were invited to a lot of church activities of which I went to a few, had a great time but never did convert.

Because of my history of living in Utah whenever people find out I’ve lived there I am often asked if I am a Mormon. I will constantly be answering that no, I am not LDS nor have I ever been LDS. I will forever be defending Utah when people make assumptions that if you live in Utah you must be a polygamist. I will gladly point out how beautiful it is there, how much the community really takes care of their own. Case in point, our non-LDS neighbor down the block broke his back and the neighborhood LDS church ward made sure his driveway was shoveled or the grass was cut and the family had casseroles brought to them to help them get through those tough days regardless of their family’s affiliation with the church. You don’t see that everywhere so i am grateful to grow up in such a community.

I am now living in and loving Oregon but I have my moments when I think to myself that I could easily move back to Utah. The biggest reason being my brother and sister who both live in Salt Lake City. I have moments here where I miss the big mountains and the beautiful, powdery snow. I miss all that snow shoveling. Really.

Guest Writer: Stacey

2010-05-06T05:38:00.000-07:00

To start off and just get it all out there, I’m a Democratic Mormon, Pro Gay marriage, I don’t think that religion or the government should be involved in a person’s choice to have an abortion, I see R rated movies and I drink tea. So what, some of you may say! It’s a big deal in the LDS church and there are few and few and far between of us that feel this same way and that are active in the church. I didn’t start out this way and my parents and I do not agree on everything I said above. One brother and I feel and believe the same things and my other brother and I couldn’t be more opposite than we are. I grew up in Logan, Utah and I lived there until I was 21 and then moved to Provo, Utah. I was married in the Logan Temple to a return missionary, which for a long time I didn’t think I would ever do. I think my parents and a lot of people that knew me wondered the same. I have friends that are not LDS and also friends who have left the church, who ask me every so often why I’m still part of the church or why I believe in it when I support gay marriage and abortion. I really don’t have a perfect answer for them and I’m sure it’s one that never makes sense to them either. I have issues at times with people in the church but I believe the gospel. That might be a lame reasoning (to some) but it’s who I am and how I feel. It works for me and for my family. I don’t feel that I’m hurting anyone by being a member of the LDS church, I’m accepting of everyone and hope they are the same of me. That’s all I ask. I have to separate the issues I have with the church from how I feel when I’m at church and with my church friends. I don’t put the two together. I can’t explain it any other way. I believe that if my LDS friends and my non- LDS friends were to get together, we would all get along. I choose friends that treat others with kindness and acceptance and that are just all around good people.

Like I said above, I grew up in Logan, Utah. My parents were never completely active. If there were something else to go do on Sunday, that’s what we went in did. That included movies, parties with family or going out to dinner. Things that some Mormon’s would say are big no-no’s on Sunday. I felt close to the church though and I felt something special about it. I didn’t feel like I fit in with the people in my “ward”. I never really got along with the other girls in my church and that lasted from elementary up to High School. When I was in 4th grade my parents decided to move me from the elementary school in my neighborhood up to the elementary school on USU campus. I am forever grateful for that decision. I made some of my best friends there and friends I’m still in contact with. I made friends with kids that were from Korea, Spain and India. They were all different religions as well, Buddhist, Muslim and Catholic. I loved it; my new world was exciting, bright and fun. I tried new foods, listened to new music and it was eye opening to me. I think it was going to school there that really shaped how I look at people now. I finally realized that there is this whole other world outside of the Mormon culture and life and that it’s good and that I could learn from it.

When I was in the end of Middle School I found drugs and alcohol and it was fun. It was another eye opener. Unfortunately because of it I looked at school as being only social and I didn’t pay as much attention to it as I should have. I do regret it now to a degree. There are things I wouldn’t change about that time but also I think I could have made more of myself if I had paid less attention to when the next party was and a little bit more on getting good grades and being more involved. I still went to church on Sunday even though I had been out partying the night before but then so did a lot of other kids in my ward. I have a good friend that I’ve known since we were Brownies. She is a great person and as far as I know has never had a drop of alcohol in her life. She is a friend that has been supportive of me from day one, even when I was being an idiot in High School.

I barely graduated but thanks to a nice vice principal and an amazing English teacher I made it. I went on a study abroad through Logan High School to Germany and after that the travel bug was born. It was another chance to see life outside of Utah and to meet some wonderful people. During this whole time I had stopped going to church and I felt some freedom for the first time. After coming home I went back east to Rhode Island to be a nanny for a family in Providence. It was supposed to be for a year and I quit after 5 months. Families back east love to have Mormon girls for Nannies. Almost every nanny I met was from Utah and a Mormon. I didn’t have a great experience with my family but I loved being on the east coast. To cut a long story short, the father of the family I worked for made a pass at me during their celebration of Rosh Hashanah at their home and in front of family. The next day I quit. Living on the east coast and traveling around was the only good thing about that experience.

After getting back from the East Coast I returned to USU and for the first time I was happy to be back in Utah. The same friend I mentioned above that I had known for a long time introduced me to some friends that were going to Taiwan to teach English. This was in April of 1988. I had no idea where Taiwan was at the time and I didn’t even have money to buy a ticket. When I mentioned it to my parents they thought it was a bad idea and I should just stay in school and stay at home and earn money. I can still remember a couple weeks after that they asked me one night if I was still interested in going to Taiwan and if so they would help me buy a one way ticket. I would have to earn my return ticket from teaching English. A few weeks after that I had my passport and ticket and a group of about 10 of us boarded a plane for Taiwan. None of us spoke Mandarin or even knew anyone to contact when we got there. It was exhilarating. I know I’m going off topic here, this is supposed to be about Utah. I’ll get back there, I promise. I thought going to Taiwan would be this great summer of being able to go into bars and order drinks and not have to feel pressured to go to church. The funny thing is that by the time I was ready to go back to Utah I had stopped drinking completely and I had started going to church again. I think being able to go to church on my own and not feel pushed to do so made a big difference. I also stated writing my friend (a guy friend who was on a mission) more seriously and our letters changed from being just casual day to day stuff, to wondering what the other would be doing long term.

One thing I’m sad about is that during this change in myself I didn’t know how to balance friends that were active, those that weren’t and those that weren’t LDS. Caring about the church, finding out how I felt about all of it and who I was a lot to figure out at a young age. I feel like I pushed some friends away. That’s a regret of mine luckily with time; we are now back in touch again. Yeah for FB. When I got back to Utah the letters to my friend kept getting more and more serious. He got home from his mission in December; we were engaged in February and married in June. Fast, I know. I like to remind people that we were good friend for 5 yrs before that. He was my best friend for a long time before getting married.

Now 21 yrs later a lot has changed. We had one biological daughter and adopted two kids, a boy and a girl. We lived in Provo for a few years, then to Northern California and now in Washington State. I’ve become stronger in my beliefs living outside of Utah. We’ve been lucky to live in areas where there are other LDS people that are open in their beliefs like we are. I’ve met some pretty amazing non-LDS people and amazing LDS people while living in California and in Washington. Not to say there aren’t amazing people in Utah, because there are. I have great friends in Utah and I miss them dearly. I’ve met people through FB, like Heather and I hope to meet her in person one day. I don’t know if this made any sense. I’m grateful for what my life has been like so far and all the people I’ve met through it and I look forward to whatever is coming my way. I miss Utah, the scenery and my family. I thought I would end this jumbled blog by listing some things I love about Utah by their seasons and the things I miss the most about Utah.

Fall-Driving back from Salt Lake and going through Sardine Canyon. Apple Cider from Zollingers in October. People burning leaves in their yards. Seeing some snow on the peaks of the Wellsville mountains but not ready for it yet.

Winter-Waking up to snow and hearing the heat kick on before getting out of bed. Even though it’s cold, the crunching sound when walking on frozen grass. Fires and having hot cocoa. Christmas Eve in Logan.

Spring-Snow on Easter. Rolling eggs down old Main when there isn’t snow on Easter. Tulips coming up at my parents house. The promise of summer in Logan and all over Utah.

Summer-Thunder storms. The smell of rain on hot cement. Cool summer nights. Camping all over Utah. Logan Canyon, need I say more? Bear Lake and Raspberry shakes.

Guest Writer: Charlotte

2010-05-05T04:53:00.000-07:00

I've lived in Utah for thirty-five of my thirty-nine years. Not surprisingly, I've found that summing up thirty-five years in a post that will be short enough to hold anyone's attention has been a daunting task. Daunting enough, in fact, that I've been mulling this post over for several weeks now.

However, this morning I decided the time had come to stop taking myself so seriously, and just sit down and write a few of my thoughts on living in Utah.

So, here I am. And here it is:

Living in Utah: Six of the Pros and Cons
(in my opinion)

Three Things I Don't Particularly Like about Living in Utah:

1. Utah Drivers, especially on the freeway: Utah drivers don't know how to share the road. I have two theories about this, one having to do with the fact that there's a lot of open space in Utah and we're just not all that used to needing to share. The other has to do with the fact that Mormons tend toward self-sufficiency and planning ahead. You know the fable of the Grasshopper and the Ant? Well, your typical Mormon is the quintessential ant in most scenarios. So, applying that to this situation, let's pretend that you as a motorist didn't happen to have the foresight to get into the right lane ten minutes before your necessary exit. Sorry fella, you can forget about me making room for you now. Better luck next time, Grasshopper.

2. Politics: Utah is right, right, right, ultra-conservative right. Utah is so conservative that our Democrats are right of the Republicans in most other states. (true story--my brother-in-law, who was a registered Republican in Nebraska ended up being a delegate for the Democratic Party in Utah.) What this means is that Utah gets very little positive attention from the Federal Government. Why should we? The Republicans know they have us in the bag, and the Democrats know they don't have a chance of winning us over (another true story--In the 1992 Presidential Election, Bill Clinton took third place, behind George Bush and Ross Perot). So, it's in no one's political best interest to try to please Utah.
Sigh.

3. Polygamy Jokes: Actually, this one doesn't bother me all that much, but I needed a third thing to dislike. So, I'm going with polygamy jokes. They do get old after awhile, especially if you grew up in Southern Utah, as I did.

Three things that I absolutely Love about Living in Utah:

1. The Beauty:

I grew up less than thirty miles away from this:

And this:

I spend time here nearly every year:

and now I'm within moments of this:

I've traveled all over the world, and loved many other places, but when it comes to natural beauty, I find Utah really hard to beat.

2. The Temples: As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints residing in Utah, I have the unique opportunity to live within two and half hours of ten different Mormon temples, with yet another temple in my vicinity under construction. The subject of temple worship isn't something I really have the space to go into right now, so I will just say that this is a big deal to me. A really big deal to me.

3. The Arts, particularly the performing arts: There are more pianos per capita in Utah than in any other U.S. state. Utah, with it's relatively small population of 2.7 million people, is home to a world-class symphony, two world-class opera companies, and a world-class Shakespearean festival. In an added bonus, because of the economics of supply and demand, it is possible to attend performances at all of these venues for prices that are about as much as you'd pay for a movie and popcorn in many areas. I love that.

Several years ago, Utah's primary tourism campaign focused around the phrase: "Utah: A Pretty, Great State". That particular ad campaign was somewhat controversial. (after all, who wants to be known as a resident of a state that's pretty great, but not absolutely marvelous?) These days Utah's main tourism campaign is the less controversial, less folksy, more generic "Utah: Life Elevated".

For me, I prefer the first phrase. Honestly, I think Utah is pretty great. It may not be the perfect place to live, and I certainly don't recommend it without reservation to everyone I meet. But Utah is my home, and I absolutely love it here. With all its quirks, I find that Utah works for me and my family quite well.

And I don't even like Jello.

Mixed Post

2010-05-03T15:44:00.000-07:00

Just like the mixed tapes I'd make as an adolescent, this is going to be a post on a variety of topics - and only one is controversial!

1. Today I'm down 27.5 pounds since January 1st and it makes me think I might reach that goal of losing 30 pounds by my birthday (May 20). If not, that's ok, I feel great and will just be happy to celebrate another birthday.

2. Took my final today for my Special Education class and it was good, not sure of the grade yet. I have been half-hearted in my studies and admit that I am going to use the move to Michigan to delay my goal of becoming a teacher. It was a very strong dream of mine 18 years ago, but now, not so much.

3. Speaking of Michigan - we are still working on house stuff and being generally lazy in getting the house on the market. We have not found a house in Michigan either and need to just get a move on it all!

4. I'm following a running program, am now on week 2 and LOVING it! Lucy goes with me, early in the a.m. and there is nothing like a morning in Logan (ok, now I'll get weepy, 'cause my Logan mornings are limited).

5. Slightly controversial topic: while visiting my sister who was in Salt Lake City for a genealogical conference, she's from Boston, we met a couple from Belgium. I thoroughly enjoyed talking with them and I just had to broach the health care issue. Claude said what I imagine, and hoped, he would: he cannot understand people in the United States not wanting to have universal health care and taking care of one another. I like to talk with people who have firsthand experience with universal coverage and so far, I've heard only positives.

Oh, the boys, Winston and Percy, will be a year old May 11 and they still drive me absolutely bonkers, today was a doozy and I just have tons more patience for people with multiple children, hats off to you!

Must've Been the Brownie

2010-04-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

I have no qualms about writing posts that deal with sensitive subjects, like religion, but I've been hesitant to post anything about my weight loss. In January I posted about my weight loss of 8.5 pounds and was totally worried I was going to jinx it. I've now lost 24.5 pounds and if I jinx it, oh well.

I started seriously trying to change my eating and exercise habits January 1. I decided that when I am home, I have to sit down at the table when I want to eat. I don't restrict myself on what I eat, just how I eat. I also exercise quite a bit. I do a lot of walking - with bursts of running - the Wii Fit and the stairs.

The funny thing is, when I really watch what I eat I often don't lose any weight or I even gain a couple pounds. Then, when I have a day like yesterday, I end up losing a pound and a half! I wanted a brownie from Great Harvest, the kind with the white chocolate chips. Their brownies are gigantic anyway, but yesterday they were like brownies on steroids! I did sit down at the table and it took me two separate sittings, but I ate nearly the whole thing, minus some crumbs. Got on the scale this morning, prepared for an increase, and, well, I had to step on the scale twice, just to make sure.

Like a lot of women, unfortunately, I worry about my weight, my appearance and then I get mad at myself for worrying about those things. I know a person's value is not measurable by a scale! I also know that I was eating out of boredom, stress, depression and a lot of other reasons that have nothing to do with hunger. I still get panicked when I think about food, worried that I'm going to buy a cake at the bakery and eat the whole thing, but the thing that helps is knowing I can have a piece of cake, I just have to sit myself down when I eat it.

I hope this is a lifestyle change and that I continue to love my long walks with my dog, my fabulous fruit and yogurt blends and the feeling of being in control. We've got a big move coming up and oh, am I stressed...and oh, do I want to eat that stress right outta here, but I'm going to keep on trying to deal with it more healthily...until I don't...and then I'll try again.

Hangin' with the gals in the neighborhood

2010-04-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

Last week my neighbor and friend, Tera, called and invited me to the local LDS church's enrichment night. Enrichment seems to be a time for the women to get together and learn about something of interest. Last week was a focus on the culture of the people of the Marshall Islands, including food, dancing, crafts and information. We didn't have other plans, so I headed on over to the neighborhood church building with Tera.

The food was fantastic! I wish I knew the names of the different dishes, I don't, but I can say they were absolutely delicious. Coconut seems to be a big ingredient and as a huge fan of coconut, I was immensely pleased.

After eating and visiting with women who live in my neighborhood (in the LDS church they call neighborhoods wards, which determines what time you go to church. I think 3 different wards go to church in the building in our neighborhood and each ward has a number. It takes getting use to being called a ward versus a neighborhood when one moves to Utah!), there was a presentation about the culture. A woman, Chelsea, who served an LDS mission in the Marshall Islands, spoke and translated for those from the Marshall Islands. Chelsea spoke of serving her mission in the Marshall Islands and it was fascinating - from the voting structure, the food, the living arrangements to the weather! I was very impressed that she so obviously embraced the culture and the people.

One thing that struck me was when Chelsea was speaking about people who live in very small quarters with many family members and the happiness that exudes from these people. We all know that a big house does not equate to happiness, that things do not bring sustaining pleasure and yet, we (me included) keep trying to get more, buy a bigger house, actually surround ourselves with physical objects instead of the people we love.

I felt very welcome at enrichment night and I definitely took many great things away from the experience. So glad I went and so glad Tera invited me! Sometimes that's what it takes, someone from the "inside" inviting someone from the "outside" to break down these silly, self-constructed walls.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2010-04-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, I heard the song "Changes" by David Bowie while at the Albee's (love their oldies music stations on their tv!). It's a song that has been playing in my head for a few weeks now, given the big change we're about to make in moving back to Michigan.

In about 4 months this blog will probably become defunct, or will change topics, so what I'd like before I go is to include other writers' perspectives on life in Utah.

If you are reading this, please think about submitting a post. I only give the viewpoint of life in Utah as someone who is not part of the dominant culture and I have never been part of the dominant culture. I know the perspective of someone who is LDS or who was LDS and lives in Utah has to be very different from mine.

The photo with this post is just a great pic of Soph and Lucy...has nothing to do with the content.

Taboo Topics

2010-04-07T17:17:00.001-07:00

One reason I love living in Utah is because religion is the big ole elephant in the room and in my advanced age, I love facing that elephant. In many places, talking about religion and politics is taboo, and maybe it is here too, but if you're not Mormon it's your right as a minority to discuss your views.

Here's what I'm wondering: if religion and politics are taboo topics, how do we learn and expand our views on very important subjects if we don't talk to people who have differing points of view? I understand that discussions can become attacks, and that's unfortunate, because then nothing is gained. My observation is that we too often surround ourselves with people who have the same religious and political views we have and we may have some great conversations, but have our eyes really been opened?

Need a New Title :(

2010-04-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Though nothing official has yet been signed, it appears we will no longer be living in Utah in about 4 months. My emotions and brain are so rapidly moving, I really don't know what to write, but will try to put into words some of the feelings I'm having.

Fear: after finally thinking this is the place we're going to be for awhile and setting up our lives as such, I'm afraid of picking up once again. I'm afraid of selling our house, finding a new house, picking a school for Sophie, locating new doctors and dentists, and all the other things one has to do when moving across the country.

Sadness: although I was very resistant to moving to Logan 4 years ago, it quickly grew on me in a way I did not experience during my first stint in this town. I have been able to open up about the things that drive me crazy about this state and that in turn has helped me meet some amazing people. I am so sad to have to say good-bye to people who have truly made my life richer.

Excitement: whenever faced with a new journey I cannot help but feel excited at the prospects that lie ahead. Although we will be returning to a place we once lived (Michigan) it will be viewed so differently, I am sure...just as Logan came to mean something else to me than it did 10 years ago. I can't wait to discover new places, meet new people and visit familiar places and embrace old friends.

Hope: I am hopeful for many things, but most of all that this move will be one of great success for our family. Steve has worked so incredibly hard and has enjoyed teaching high school, but so much of what he gained from graduate school wasn't being utilized...not that he didn't try! I've been fortunate in Logan to learn some valuable skills in working with community non-profits and I hope to take those skills to help at least 1 person in Michigan! Soph has had a great experience at her school in Logan and we now value very different things about education than we previously did. We are also leaving with a larger family and hope for a home with some land for our canine children to roam!

So many emotions, thoughts, ideas running through my head and the desire to appreciate all the moments leading up to our move and to be open to the changes as they occur.

To end, I'll borrow a quote, which has been credited to Heraclitus: "Nothing endures but change."

Intent

2010-03-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was walking Lucy around the LDS Temple (it is a great hill) and I felt really sad. The temple is surrounded by huge gates and the message I get from it is that those gates are there to keep people out.

I understand that people see the temple and what goes on inside as sacred. Perhaps they do not want throes of people invading their territory, because they appreciate the quiet and want to be around others who are understanding of the rituals taking place. However, what the temple symbolizes to me is a place of great judgment by one human of another. Judgment is natural, I judge all day long, but I thought a religion that touted the teachings of Jesus Christ was suppose to embrace his love for all persons, to open their doors to all of God's children and to never place one person above another.

Higher Power versus Representative

2010-03-19T13:32:00.000-07:00

Right now is the season of Lent, Easter is just around the corner and there is some talk about that guy who died on a cross then rose from the dead. This guy, Jesus, and his rise to fame (because of his supposed rise from the dead...) baffle me. Why do religions have to have an interloper between God and humanity?

I do not think we do God justice when we try to define its (I use "it" as a pronoun for God, to get rid of the whole gender bias issue) existence. If God is God then by definition we will never understand God. Never. This idea of not understanding God is not good enough for most people, therefore we have Jesus and other prophets who speak for God. We have the Bible, which is supposedly the word of God. We have rituals that are suppose to bring us closer to God.

I will admit openly right now that I do not know the contents of the Bible very well (read it front to back as a kid, did not retain much) nor do I have knowledge of Jesus beyond what I was taught in Sunday School and through some scattered attendance at various churches. I think the gist though, is that Jesus is the son of God on a level much higher than the rest of us are children of God. Jesus also performed some wickedly cool miracles that defy the laws of science, most impressively, coming back from the dead. These things have earned Jesus the following of millions. I was taught to end my prayers by saying, "In Jesus' name, amen." That is huge, because Jesus, in my view, surpassed God!

So my question is, why? Why do we have to have Jesus, or any other prophet? What need do we have as humans to define God and to believe that we, based on our religious affiliation, have an inside scoop to what it is God is after?

I do not want to offend anyone by trivializing religion and yet, the absurdity of it smacks me in the face when I think about it. God is something we will never, ever comprehend, because if we did, God would not be God. Yet, we assign God a messenger so we can comprehend God. This messenger has only reached certain people. This messenger can come in different forms. This messenger says in one religion that drinking alcohol is bad and in another that drinking wine is part of the sacrament representing the sacrifice of God's son. We are to worship these messengers for revealing to us certain knowable qualities about God. Some messengers have bigger followings, therefore, it is more accepted socially to put faith in their message about God. David Koresh is viewed as a crazy person who thought he was a messenger, but Jesus, although deemed crazy in his day, is considered by many a valid messenger.

I think God should be enough. God, our community, ourselves...that should be sufficient. I do not think we should put more faith in another human being's message than we are willing to put in our own knowledge. We know acts of kindness are better than acts of violence. We know that every single person has worth. We know that when we die we want to feel cognizant of our surroundings and secure in the relationships we have built on earth and we live as if this is truth. We don't need Jesus or anyone else to tell us those things which we know are true and we should never say the belief in a given messenger gives us greater favor in God's eyes. God is beyond definition, beyond explanation and beyond comprehension. Defining God through messengers gives us comfort, but being comfortable does not mean we know God.

Oh Dear...

2010-03-10T18:41:00.000-08:00

First, is this a Utah thing, to have a sticker of your family members on your vehicle? I don't remember seeing this in such abundance in Michigan and Texas, but maybe there just weren't as many stickers per vehicle.

Second, this is the second time I've seen one with the Dad, um, scratched off, or maybe accidentally removed, but it does make one wonder.

Big Love - Almost

2010-03-08T18:20:00.000-08:00

I haven't had any good "only in Utah" stories lately, so when my friend mentioned her recent dating experience, I had to ask her if I could post it. She said yes, so here it is:

In July 2009, I decided to try an online dating service. I met a man living in Logan, in his 40s, seemed nice, seemed intelligent, had kids, gainfully employed, blah, blah, blah. We chatted several times a week for a couple of weeks. I agreed to meet for drinks. Because he had posted a picture of himself with several kids, one of the first questions I asked when we met face to face was how many kids did he actually have. He responded, "Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that right off. I was hoping we'd get to know each other better first." (See red flashing light here.) I said, "Well, with that response now you have to answer." He told me that he had been married 20+ years, Mormon, 6 or 7 children, and that he had come to realize that this planet would never amount to anything until all people returned to fundamentalist Mormonism (read polygamy here.). His wife disagreed. So, he divorced her, found a 22 yr. old who did agree, married her, and had an 18 month old baby. He went on to complain that child support for 6-7 children was soooo expensive he and his new wife lived with her mother. So, he said that she and he were looking for a partner and would that be something I'd be interested in. I immediately said NO! He said, "Would you like to think about it?" I said, "No, I know myself pretty well and that I know that I am a monogamous, jealous person and I think Lorena Bobbit was right on." Date over.

Thank you Rebecca Garrido, for sharing your story!

Sophie "Picasso" Albee-Scott

2010-03-06T15:06:00.000-08:00

We are so proud of our favorite child (you can say this when you have only 1 child) and her artistic efforts! Sophie has entered the AVA's Art-O-Rama 3 years in a row and it has been a rewarding experience every time. It is so cool to see children's art work hanging in a real gallery!

This year Sophie received Honorable Mention for her batik piece, "Desert Rain," which was done in her fabulous art class, taught by our dear friend, Brooke Lambert. Brooke was an art teacher for years and now volunteers her time to teach art at Adams Elementary and she holds a class once a week for Soph and a couple other students.

I still have the painting Sophie did when she was only a few months old, which consisted of me putting a paint brush in her little hand and a piece of paper in front of her. During the years she has used different mediums to express herself and we are fortunate to have our walls adorned with her work.

As Steve and I told Sophie, we are proud of her for receiving an award, but most of all, we are proud of her for entering the art show in the first place.

I love that the master of ceremonies quoted Picasso, "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist." Sophie - I hope you always believe in your abilities, that you continue to try new things and that you remain wondrous of this world.

Day 17

2010-03-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

I gave anonymously, but one of those mass giving type of things: a program called SEED was raising money through various restaurants who gave 10% of their proceeds to the organization and the Albee-Scotts LOVE eating out (or ordering take-out as it was).

I also had the chance to help someone yesterday via my friend in Kansas. Lisa (who I've written about before) and I became friends when we moved here in 2006 and I was heartbroken when she moved in 2007. She contacted me yesterday about a family who might need some help. I couldn't reach the family, but was able to find someone who went out of his way (really out of his way) to get the family in touch with me. I was then able to get the family in touch with an organization in Logan that helps in these kinds of situations.

One of the interactions we had was with a landlord and as Sophie noted after our brief meeting, "He was really nice!" I hope she realized that people really do want to help others, and people are willing to give each other a break if they feel an effort is being made. Sometimes in the midst of a crisis we need a spokesperson, someone to stand up for us. I've had many spokespeople in my life and am lucky to have learned by example.

When I thanked my friend for giving me the opportunity to help, she laughed. But I love being able to help, I just don't always know how. There are also so many times we resist asking for help, fearing what others will think of us, and yet I have found that people genuinely love being able to do something for someone else. I am very bad at asking for help. I worry that people will think I am inadequate and lazy and that they'll get a glimpse into a life that is sometimes chaotic and messy. On the other hand, I greatly admire those people who admit that they cannot do everything on their own and who give me a chance to be a part of their lives.

Maybe my next journey should be "40 Days of Asking for Help."

Day 16 - Again, thank you Stephanie!

2010-03-04T17:47:00.000-08:00

Stephanie sent The Toy Society link to me awhile ago and it fit perfectly with the 40 Days of Good Deeds! I am not a crafty person, I have made Soph some Pokemon dolls, but they took quite awhile. When our family made these crayons, I thought (and Stephanie suggested) using them for this project.

If you go to the web site, you'll see that other people's projects are so adorably cute, but hey, it's the thought that counts, right? Also, everyone else uses Ziploc bags, but we didn't have any big enough.

We dropped our item in the laundry facility of family housing on the USU campus. It reminded me so much of family housing at the University of Michigan. I hope a child finds it, or a parent doing their laundry sees it and takes it home. It's not much, just some crayons and paper, but hopefully to a child, it'll be something spectacular!

Day 15 - Thank you Stephanie!

2010-03-03T19:34:00.000-08:00

Today Sophie and I bought a board book to deliver to the local hospital. While we were checking out, we had the opportunity to buy another children's book to be donated to a local agency, so the giving was twice as nice!

We bought "On the Night You Were Born," a seemingly perfect book for a brand new baby. I debated whether or not to take it to the hospital or the Child and Family Support Center and after some deliberation, decided on the former. Soph and I had to hunt a bit to find the baby wing, but once we did, we saw happy families gathered in the waiting room. I thought I would drop the book off at a desk with some instructions, but there didn't seem to be any personnel. So I quickly spotted a family, explained what we were doing and handed it to the woman I thought was going to be delivering her baby soon (it seems she is due in 2 weeks, but was there for her sister!). We did hear the family exclaim something using the word, "Awesome" and I felt happy, though slightly embarrassed about our giving.

I thought maybe I could have added a note, especially to a first time mother, how exciting it is to bring this baby home, but also how scary and sometimes hard it can be. Maybe next time.

On the way out of the hospital, we ran into my friend, Amy! Amy is someone I knew from living in Logan before and she is a wonderful person. We keep saying we're going to get together for coffee and ya know, I think this time I'm going to see that we stick to it!

Day 14 - Thanks Kelly!

2010-03-02T18:55:00.000-08:00

Kelly suggested this deed, inspired by http://operationbeautiful.com/send-in-your-notes/, so Steve, Sophie and I headed up to Utah State University and left these notes in the women's bathrooms in the art department. Steve stood guard outside while Soph and I posted the notes and took pics (you really do not want people seeing you leave a bathroom with a camera...).

What I love about this is the simplicity, minor cost and that I could bring Sophie with me to do something that might just cause one person to smile at themselves in the mirror. I also love that 18 years ago I frequented the very bathroom I visited. I was a college freshman, very unsure of myself and very down on my appearance most of the time. I spent many hours comparing myself to other female students, usually wishing I were thinner, but sometimes wishing for longer hair, darker skin, freckles, whatever. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.

Kelly, thank you for this suggestion. I still have a stack of post-it notes that I'm just going to carry around to leave a note whenever and wherever and maybe on my own bathroom mirror!

Day 13

2010-03-01T19:24:00.001-08:00

I feel like today's deed is kind of lame, but it was at no cost to me and was totally anonymous (though I blog about it) and hopefully it helped someone in some way.

I walked into the reading coach's room at school to sign my time sheet and noticed some scraps of paper on the floor, by the garbage can (kind of like how my hubby puts his clothes by the hamper). I picked them up and threw them out. There. That's it. Now, if I'd been really good, I would've recycled the scraps of paper, but that would've meant walking all the way down to a recycling bin and perhaps giving away my anonymity (ok, no to the second part, I was just lazy).

The person who cleans that room will never know they were saved the laborious task of bending over and picking up scraps of paper, or sucking them up with a vacuum, but maybe, just maybe, I spared them some bit of annoyance, just a tiny bit. I wonder how many things we do all day long that would be more difficult if someone else hadn't made it easier in a way that we never even know.

Walking Tour of Logan

2010-03-01T05:57:00.001-08:00

Steve and I walked around downtown while Soph was at a friend's house and took some pics of our favorite places:

1) First Presbyterian Church - we were married here in 1999 by John and Bobbie McGarey. We started attending the church a few months ago and really love it.

2) The Utah Theater - it's been closed for renovations for about 2 years, but before that we loved going there to see older movies and Steve and Soph went to the Harry Potter marathon during the summer of '07.

3) The Bluebird - our favorite place to get a piece of chocolate while roaming downtown. Also, Steve and I had our rehearsal dinner here.

4) Global Village - sells items from other countries, non-profit, favorite store in town.

5) Former Logan Library - Steve LOVES this building and has great memories of many, many hours spent reading books. It reminds me of the library in the town in which I grew up in Wisconsin. Great building...would be perfect for a children's museum!

Day 12

2010-02-28T14:11:00.001-08:00

I bought a cross made in El Salvador from Global Village about a month ago and meant to send it to my mom. Today I put it in an envelope with a little note for our pastor at First Presbyterian, since the focus of this season is the cross. Two good deeds done: the gift and purchasing it at Global Village, which helps other countries.

I love sitting at church and listening to the sermon, looking around at the beautiful windows and structure of the building and listening to the choir sing. There is one thing I don't like, I never have, and that is the prayer of confession. To me it's like telling ourselves and a god how much we, excuse my language, suck. I find it horribly depressing and what I find baffling is, doesn't a god that created us want to hear about the good things we're doing? I mean ok, let's not brag and get all self-righteous (but wait, it is church...), but let's talk about some of the ways we're using the gifts we've been given!

So I have chosen not to say the prayer of confession. I listen to others say it, and I feel sad. From now on, during that point of the service, I'm going to think in my head of all the good things people are doing and thank God (again, not sure there is one) for giving us the ability to appreciate the wonderful attributes of others. Sure, I can add to that, "Let me do better..." but that's it, one line, not a whole prayer.

Day 11

2010-02-27T19:17:00.001-08:00

I gave 50 cents to the Lymphoma and Leukemia Society today, using one of those quarter holders you see at stores, restaurants, etc. It's one of those things I see all the time, but don't pay attention to, until I realize it is 7:00 p.m. and I haven't done my anonymous good deed.

Waiting...

2010-02-26T15:55:00.000-08:00

Since we have 3 dogs, Jada's food is kept in the bathroom. Yes, the bathroom. It is the only place safe from the dogs. Here is Jada waiting to get in, but as I told Steve, with only 1 bathroom in this house, everyone has to wait their turn.

Day 10

2010-02-26T14:42:00.000-08:00

I've been carrying around about $1.60 in credit on a gift card to Cafe Ibis since October. I decided to take it to the Ibis and let the cashier use it toward someone else's purchase. At first the cashier tried to get me to buy some candy, and I gave it a moment's thought, because I wondered if I seemed silly, but after a few seconds, he relented and said he'd use it toward another customer's purchase. As I was leaving he thanked me profusely, which was very nice.

I'm trying to do the good deeds on a shoestring budget and as I hit the 10th day, it's getting harder! I need to be more creative, or perhaps someone else has a blog about things like this and I can steal, er, borrow, their ideas!

Day 9

2010-02-26T06:17:00.001-08:00

Well, I didn't set out to do any intentional acts of kindness, but I racked my brain and I think I came up with one I did anonymously:

I handle the school newsletter every month, people send the items to me and I compile them. I tend to get frustrated when there are typos in people's submissions and will often leave them, then send them back to be edited by the writer. This month I fixed a typo...seems small right, and maybe even my job, but one can get really frustrated with other people's lack of thoroughness. I find myself getting frustrated quite a bit when I do volunteer activities, especially when people point out ways I could have done it better. This frustration seems to defeat the purpose of volunteering, except that I get the task done, it might just be with resentment.

So, a seemingly small good deed, but a deed nonetheless.

Day 8

2010-02-24T19:43:00.000-08:00

While we were out over the weekend, I saw a book for a buck that I thought some friends of ours might like. Tonight, Soph perfected her ding and ditch strategy as we left it for our friends. Ding and ditch, if you don't know, is when you ring someone's doorbell and then run like mad before they catch you!

I jokingly told Steve, with all this giving, we have taught Sophie such an important skill.

Day 7

2010-02-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

Today I left a note to someone who has been working really hard on a project. I almost signed my name, but didn't!

On another note, I was asked today if I was the one who did one of the things I did last week (does that make sense?) and I lied! I said no, even said it was someone else!! Now, I'm not really up on my religious doctrine, but since this is for a religious holiday, I feel I should make the correlation that maybe lying isn't really helping my cause!

Day 6

2010-02-22T06:36:00.000-08:00

The opportunity to give anonymously came to me this morning! I received an email from my niece in Pennsylvania, who is participating in a jump rope fundraiser for healthy hearts. When I went to the web site to donate, there was an option to donate anonymously, so that's what I selected. Then I started thinking, 'I hope she doesn't think her aunt in Utah didn't donate!'

Day 5

2010-02-21T14:51:00.000-08:00

Today started with, oh, coffee..and then I went to an LDS (Mormon) sacrament meeting as per requested by my friends, Connie and Cameron. Connie and Cameron have come with us to First Presbyterian and although I've been to some other Mormon services, I had not been to their church.

The service was good, speakers talked about self-reliance and food storage. Food storage seems to be a big thing out here, our house even has a canning room and I think a lot of people stock their canning rooms with non-perishable food, up to a year's worth. I'm not sure if it's in preparation for a major disaster or personal struggle, such as the loss of income, but it's not something we've ever gotten into. Our canning room has remained empty and in fact, our realtor told us it was a wine cellar, after she asked if we were from Utah.

So anyway, the service was good, though very somber, but I especially appreciated talking with my friends and another acquaintance in attendance, about Mormonism and other religions after the meeting. I think it's so good to have conversations about perceptions and beliefs and to question why a person believes what they do. I don't see it as offensive, though at first it appears that way, but as an avenue to learn more about people and how they came to have the belief system they have.

I then hurried over to First Presbyterian and had the whole Mormon message of tithing in my brain, so when the offering plate was passed around at First Pres, I dug into my purse and came up with 2 pennies. Literally. I thought of writing a check, but then decided against it, as that giving is not anonymous (my name being on the check and all). I felt kind of silly putting just 2 cents in the plate, I even kind of snuck it in under another person's check, but it's what I had to give at that time.

After the offering I thought about anonymous giving of monetary means. When Soph was in kindergarten in Texas, we received a donation request from her school and it actually listed other families who had given with the amount given. We received this note numerous times. I was so offended that they listed how much people gave that I wanted to contact the organization and request they list our name with a big 0 by it.

I suppose peer pressure does spur some people on to give more than they normally would, but what about those people turned away from giving because they feel their gift is not equal to that of others? Should we be held accountable for our giving, as in the Mormon religion? Is giving of one's time more valuable than giving of one's money? How do we measure the worth of what we give in comparison to all that we are given?

Day 4

2010-02-20T20:00:00.000-08:00

My first attempt was foiled when Soph and I pulled up to the hospital and their gift shop was closed...we were going to buy a baby item and ask them to deliver it to a newborn. I suppose I could have gone elsewhere and purchased something, but I was lazy. The second attempt was to take the remainder on my Ibis gift card and tell them to take the left over amount off someone's tab, but they were also closed!

So, I was still without my good deed and it was getting late. The family decided to go to Village Inn for dessert - I was craving pie - and our server was so fabulous, very upbeat, quick to help us and personable - so when we got home I called the restaurant to pass along our compliments! Hopefully her manager will be told and she'll be told and she'll realize how much a friendly personality is appreciated!

Day 3

2010-02-19T15:02:00.001-08:00

Today I dropped off some cookies (again, thank you Einstein Brothers) and a note to some wonderful people who interact with my child on a daily basis. These people take care of Soph's and many other children's emotional, academic and social needs, as well as getting them interested in new things.

So many people contribute to making my child who she is and to all of those who positively affect Sophie, a gigantic thank you!

On another note - I appreciated that the Ash Wednesday Service we attended (with friends Cameron and Emma!) was focused on using this as a time of reflection in a spirit of love. Giving up something for Lent often brings angst (hence my reason for not giving up coffee or chocolate!) and angst can keep us from bringing good to the world! Down with deprivation and up with inspiration!!

Day 2

2010-02-18T19:21:00.001-08:00

I got today's idea while reading the local paper. One of the elementary schools in the valley (Sophie's school is in Logan City) is holding a food/cash drive for the local food pantry. I remembered I had $5 in my purse, which probably would've been spent on a coffee drink not needed, so I took a little ride out to North Logan and arrived just as school was dismissed. I saw a group of women standing by the front doors, they appeared teacheresque and indeed, upon inquiry, I found out one was a teacher. I quickly explained what the money was for and left...no fanfare, no explanations, just a quick drop.

I love the opportunities to give at Sophie's school, so this was a bit out of my comfort zone...I have no attachments to the school holding the drive. Lesson learned: look beyond my own activities to find opportunities to give!

Another lesson learned: if a child is lying on the sidewalk and you think, "Aha, this is why I'm here...this child is hurt and needs my immediate attention!" be forewarned...the child is probably intentionally on the sidewalk waiting for their ride. Sheesh.

Day 1

2010-02-17T15:26:00.000-08:00

Lent started today and traditionally, people give things up, something about sacrifice..but as I don't really like giving things up, I decided to take something on during Lent. Everyday I will try to do 1 act of kindness anonymously. I will blog about it, which may take away from the anonymity factor, but only if those people read my blog, right?

So today I took the suggestion of my friend, Laura, and I tweaked it a bit. She recommended I pay for the food of someone behind me at a drive thru and I was all set, until Soph said she wanted a bagel and we were at Einstein Brothers and I realized I could pay for someone's food there (this might be hard at some places, but at Einstein's, you order at one station, pay at another, so it was perfect!). I was all set, told the woman who works there what I needed to do and in came a customer. He ordered a muffin. That's it. I wanted to tell him, "No, order more, it's on me!" but of course that would've taken away from the anonymity. So I paid the $2.10 and wondered if I should pay for the next person to make up for the paltry tab of guy #1.

I ended up leaving it as is and realized that it really isn't about the amount we give, it really, really is the gesture. One of my favorite memories is when a student of mine brought me pussy willows months after I casually told my class I liked them. She picked them from her yard that morning and gave them to me. That gesture, 19 years later, still touches me greatly.

If you're reading this, please give me a suggestion...I've got 39 more days to go and I'm looking for creativity!

Home Sick

2010-02-16T12:58:00.000-08:00

Thank you to Natalie, for this yummy bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup! She brought it over right at lunch time, with some delicious bread and both the warmth of the soup and the kindness of her gesture made me feel so much better.

I've been sick with a cold for over a week and it is really annoying. On top of that, Steve and I got some news today that...ha, I can't share right now...but makes feeling sick even worse! Oh well.

The news has made me ponder what it is to be home: comfort, family, friends, stability...all those things and more. As a person who has lived in 6 states (Utah twice), it is hard to define where I am from or where my home is, but right now, this is it and I feel incredibly lucky.

Brought Together by a Common Cause

2010-02-15T08:06:00.000-08:00

I received very, very sad news over the weekend. A person who was very important during a brief time in my life, passed away, far too young, from pancreatic cancer. He leaves a wife and 2 sons behind and although I hadn't talked to him in 5 years, I smile at the memories of our brief connection.

Dave Johnson was part of our small team that tried to save Family Housing at the University of Michigan. For about a month he, another neighbor and myself stayed up all hours of the night putting together information, emailing residents and basically doing whatever we could to promote and continue the uniqueness of our community. Along with my husband and another great neighbor, John Norton, Dave even spoke in front of the Board of Regents to demonstrate the importance of maintaining our neighborhood.

I only knew Dave for a brief time, but I can say, without a doubt, that he was one of the kindest, most positive people I've ever known. When I checked his Facebook information after hearing of his death, I read that he was agnostic. He and I shared that also - the not knowing. I don't know whether or not Dave knows more about religion now, but I believe that because of the life he lived on earth, he is at peace. Dave brought peace, promoted peace and stood for peace, so he is now comforted by the peace of his actions.

Miss ya Dave. Glad I knew you, glad I was inspired by you and so glad that you, Lisa and I got to share a lot of laughs together.

Certainty

2010-02-07T18:52:00.000-08:00

First, this is the view we had on our walk today. Pretty amazing and one of the reasons we returned to Utah. Unfortunately, Cache Valley often has the worst air quality in the country during the winter, due to trapped pollution, but days like this: sunny and crisp, reinvigorate my spirit!

I was asked to write something for a pamphlet First Presbyterian is putting together for Lent. It can be of a spiritual practice, an account of one's relationship with Jesus or when one felt a prayer was answered.

I wrote what I feel, which doesn't fit the mold of Christianity, but it is of what I am certain:

I believe, if there is a god, that god is so far beyond our comprehension that we can only understand the very beginnings of its existence. It is not our job on earth to figure out what happens after we die. We do not know who is given grace. We are not to judge who is right or wrong in their practices of worship. We are here to love one another and to show that love through acts of kindness. Whether there is a god or not will not take away from the kindness we can bestow upon others. If there is a god, surely our kindness makes god happy. If there is not a god, we are still better people for giving of ourselves to others.

The religious services I have visited often contain language that speaks to a certainty in an afterlife, a specific savior or even a believe that the organization is true. I cannot imagine speaking those words with conviction. Just the idea of a higher being baffles me and if there is one, I do not think I can speculate as to a plan or agenda that this higher being has without lessening the magnitude of their abilities.

For instance, I often hear people say that we will know the truth when we die. Really? What if we thought that before and this is what happened after we died? What if that is just something we say to make death less fearful? Why do we need to assume there is something after this? Why would God decide that that is the point in which we will reach enlightenment? I'm just not convinced it's that simple.

So for now my certainty lies in something that is hard enough for me to follow: being kind to everyone. EVERYONE! Just a second ago I was short with Sophie and I'm writing about kindness, so obviously it is an ongoing struggle, but I would assume that persons from all religions would agree that a god worth worshipping is a god who promotes kindness to all.

Converted?

2010-02-01T06:51:00.000-08:00

The family has now been attending First Presbyterian consistently for about 3 months and a turning point was when Sophie was asked to light the candles last week and she did it, like a pro! I've been feeling like it gives Sophie something to hold on to, something to expect and something for which she can always use as a base when and if she wants.

I was raised Methodist and Presbyterian - not very different from one another, and was baptized, but never confirmed. I have no idea if I'll ever officially join a church, but I can see us attending First Pres for quite awhile.

My problem is, I'm not a Christian and I just cannot envision myself ever fully believing that Jesus Christ is the savior. As I've written (I think) before, I find it egotistical to think one religion has it right and all others are missing this very huge component. There are so many people doing wonderful things from all belief structures and what I can say I do believe is that each person is deserving of eternal happiness, not that I am even sure there is a place such as heaven that offers eternal happiness. I do not think there is a hell nor satan and I do not like the prayer in which we all are suppose to speak of what sinful creatures we are. I'd rather focus on the positive!

So we'll keep going to First Pres and enjoy the community and message and see what develops. Oh, and it gives Soph some time to catch up on her reading or yes...her DS playing, as she did yesterday.

8.5

2010-01-22T18:22:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know I'm totally going to jinx it and gain 10 pounds by writing about it, but I've lost 8.5 pounds since the start of the year. Most of this has to be due to the working out I've done and I am now highly addicted to the Wii Fit. I've also cut back on the eating, but I still have sweets everyday...I cannot and will not give them up. I never want to be the person that lists my daily intake as fish, veggies, and water. Those are great things, I eat them, but there are some M&Ms in there too, and cookies and the dark chocolate Doves...

Seriously??

2010-01-17T07:23:00.000-08:00

It struck me last night that I never blogged about my experience going to Sunday School and Relief Society at an LDS Church in December. Seriously? Is that not what this blog is suppose to be about (emphasis on suppose): my experiences living in Utah that are unique to Utah? What is my problem?

Oh yeah, I actually thought about blogging for a whole year about visiting the church and someone brought up a good point: it might make people uneasy to openly share if they knew someone was blogging about the services.

So, I will tell of my experience and try to refrain from breaching any confidentialities.

About a month ago, my friend, Amelia, invited me to attend Sunday School and a Relief Society meeting at her LDS church. (She attended First Presbyterian with me a week or so later!) I was nervous, but excited. I have been to a couple sacrament meetings, but never SS or RS.

Sunday School was about the family and the format of the lesson was that a bit was read from a document on the family and then discussion followed. There were many parts with which I agreed: family is important, addictions can hurt the family and it is important to support families.

What I had a hard time with was the definition of a family. I know families can come in all shapes and sizes and to me, that includes families with same-sex parents. It is so hard to find love in our world and if two people are committed to one another, regardless of their sex, I applaud and support them. If those two people want to have children and can provide stability, love and the basic needs, then I also support them.

The other thing that came up was having a Temple marriage. As a non-Mormon, and I'm going to be frank here, I see the Temple as a place that keeps people out. We have been unable to go to friends' weddings because we are not Mormon and it is hurtful. I try to understand the perspective of Mormons in this area, but unfortunately, I can't get past that point: my friends have been married in a building which I cannot go to. This may also stem from the belief with which I was raised, which is that friends and family form the supportive community at a person's wedding. When Steve and I were married, the congregation was asked to support our union and they take a sort of vow as well, to help our marriage if needed. I cannot imagine being married without all my family and friends being welcomed into the building at which the ceremony is taking place.

Now on to the good stuff!! Everyone was very welcoming and kind to me at the services and I felt a sense of peace and comfort within the community of gatherers. I also was assured that not everyone felt some of the extremes (regarding Temple Marriage and family orientation) that were spoken of. Ah, so like the rest of us, Mormons may have their individual beliefs regarding various matters that differ from the teachings of the religion! Very good for me to learn, because yes, I have been guilty of lumping Mormons together.

I was touched by the openness of one member I spoke to after the service, and again, without breaching confidentiality, she explained to me why she practices Mormonism and it sounded like it gives her life a secure foundation and helps her make choices that are right for her life. I applaud that. If a religion, belief or group gives a person support to make a life that is better for themselves without hurting others, then I think that is fabulous!!

I'd like to attend these meetings again, because I learned a lot and felt such a sense of community. And if you know me, you'll be impressed (I hope!) to know that I was a quiet observer of both meetings, but was encouraged to provide feedback by some of the members. People wanted to learn from me as much as I did from them!!

As a side note, I worry about being frank on here, because I do not want to offend anyone, so if I have, I apologize. I also want to use this format to be honest, because too much is assumed when we are not honest. When I lived here before, I left very angry and blamed a lot of it on the culture. This time around, if I'm going to blame anyone, it's going to be me!!

Post II - Saturday

2010-01-16T15:15:00.000-08:00

So I also have to talk about something and I desperately hope my Mormon friends will respond, if not on here, in person.

When I go out with my friends who are Mormon and we get dessert, I battle about ordering coffee, which I LOVE with my dessert. (Mormons are not suppose to drink coffee). The one part of me worries about offending my friends and not wanting to, just as I wouldn't want to offend anyone of any religion, so might not order pork if I were with an orthodox Jew. The other part of me is thinking, "Coffee is legal and good for you in a lot of ways, so who cares?" Nine times out of ten I order the coffee.

I'm not much of a drinker of alcohol, so that doesn't come up, but there are times I'd like to order a glass of wine with dinner, but feel like a complete heathen. I hate feeling that way!

Am I being respectful? Am I being overly cautious? Am I doing what I use to do when I lived in Utah before, which made me angry: trying to please others and not being myself (this I think is different from being respectful). I mean good grief, it's coffee!!

I do appreciate the openness and honesty of my friends when matters of religion come up and I try to reciprocate. In Utah, religion is the very, very large elephant in the room and I use to tiptoe around it, but now, I just try to learn and to educate!

Weighty Issue

2010-01-16T15:03:00.000-08:00

When I moved to Utah way back in 1991, I lost 20 pounds pretty quickly. Some of that was due to all the hiking and walking I did, and some was due to leading a more active social life and not eating out of boredom (though I still did from time to time). When I moved to Michigan in 1999 I was 4 months pregnant and gained about 40 pounds. I took some of it off a year later, but put most of it back on and on it stayed. I can blame it on the long winters, the lack of mountains to hike and my busy life as a mom, but those are not the only reasons why I kept 20 - 30 extra pounds on my body. I won't go into my theories about carrying extra weight, the bottom line is simple: too much taken in, not enough exerted out!

So when we moved back to Utah in 2006 I thought for sure all the hiking and walking I would once again do would mean I would take off the extra weight very easily. Not so! We've been back over 3 years and it's still there!

We started a new decade 2 weeks ago and once again, I am vowing to lose this stinking weight! The biggest change I'm making is not eating in front of the computer or on the go. When I want to eat something, unless it is fruit (I can eat that on the go, I've decided), I have to sit down and take the time to eat. I often find that I don't want to sit down to consume chocolate or whatever else is unnecessary, but so desired. I do still eat chocolate and all that other yummy stuff, but I think I'm eating less.

I've also increased my activity level. From another blog I got the idea of using the stairs in our home as a workout and I have been putting our Wii Fit to great use. Today Lucy and I walked about 4 - 5 miles and it's not always strenuous (Lucy likes to stop and sniff and I like stopping too!), it is better than sitting around.

I've lost 5 pounds and feel really good. I'm hoping, HOPING, to be back to my comfortable weight by the end of March. I'm also hoping that I don't beat myself up or become obsessed about it. Blech.

Anyway, I thought living in Utah would bring healthier habits and it should, this area is absolutely beautiful and the outdoors are constantly calling...I just need to answer!

Religion and Coffee and Beliefs vs Faith

2010-01-10T15:42:00.000-08:00

Steve and I have been attending First Presbyterian for awhile, about 2-3 months. I do not claim to be a Christian and have very strong feelings against believing anyone is my savior, but I love the sermons given by the Pastor, Paul Heins, and the sense of community I feel when I attend.

I was raised Methodist and Presbyterian and find comfort in the prayers I know by heart, the songs with their familiar tunes and the surprises of the children as they are led in their own mini-sermon. These things also can bring frustration. Are the words of the prayers just recited without any thought behind their meaning? Are the songs sung half-heartedly instead of being belted out as I think they were intended? (Ok, maybe not belted, but certainly sung with expression!). Are the children going to grow to question the very words they are told, so they can come to their own conclusions?

Today's sermon touched on a few of those things and one of my favorite things: coffee. The pastor said something to the effect that only in Utah is coffee a theological statement and I felt a moment of connectedness with the people with whom I was worshipping (ok, I don't really worship a deity, but that's what the gathering is about I've heard).

In Utah there is the kind of joke that you're either Mormon or other. People from all different religions come together as a kind of us versus them. I don't think it is always right, but it can bring a sense of belonging any time there is one dominant group. You'll find people from all walks of life and all forms of religious backgrounds in any church in Utah that is part of the "other". A lot of the specifics are tossed aside as a gathering of like mindedness and spiritedness occur.

This return to Utah has led me to become more understanding of the Mormons and to learn to separate people from their labels. I battle with that nearly every day. Part of the battle is also not feeling I have a religious identity. I'm not Christian, not Buddhist, not Hindu nor any label from a religious tradition. Would it be easier to face the majority if I had certainty in my own religious beliefs? I don't know. I think maybe my ambivalence allows for understanding, because for all I know, any of the above could be right...I don't believe that, but my belief is out of convenience. I do not want to think Mormons are right, because I don't agree with some of their tenets and the same is true for all the religions of which I'm somewhat familiar, but by not having a belief in any, I guess I'm open to any being true.

So I don't have beliefs (I do, but they don't follow a religious tradition), but what about faith? That is something I'm still trying to figure out. I picked up a book at Borders, "Faith" by Sharon Salzberg who is a Buddhist and in the book she states, "While beliefs come to us from outside - from another person or a tradition or heritage - faith comes from within, from our alive participation in the process of discovery." I love that. A process of discovery. That is where I am and where I feel I will be for quite awhile...along with my cup of joe.

Three Years

2010-01-02T14:47:00.000-08:00

I was trying to order checks (they no longer carry the University of Michigan checks, so I'll have to find a new design, sigh) and realized I didn't have to change my address, we've been here for 3 years! I have only lived in one other house/apartment for 3 years in the last 18 years!

When I lived in Utah from 1991 - 1999, I moved to a new apartment every few months. In Ann Arbor we were in our first apartment for 2.5 years and then our townhouse for about 3.5 years. After that we lived in Texas for only 11 months. We rented when we first came back to Utah and then moved in to our current home in January, 2007.

I have yet to feel like I'm somewhere permanently, it's that restless feeling that grows in me that won't allow me to think I'm here forever and it's the "I can't believe we came back to Utah" part of me that feels the need to run, quickly, away from this crazy state!

And yet, we love so much about our home...the physical house and the town. Our house is 1800 square feet, built in the 1950s and still has red shag carpet in the basement. We have a breezeway that I can't wait to get closed in, a kitchen that I did not finish painting so it still has some blue trim, some white, and my favorite feature: a laundry chute. The best part of the house is the neighborhood. The homes are all older and there's a great mix of young families, older people and some singletons. We live within walking distance of a handful of parks and we're literally 5 minutes away from the mountains.

As for Logan, Sophie goes to a great public school, Steve loves his job and I have a great mix of work, volunteering and now furthering my education. We love the small town feel, but know we have all the amenities we need. We've taken advantage of some concerts and productions that are far less expensive to see here than most other places. We're very lucky and with the frustrations that arise with one religious group being dominant, well, it definitely keeps things interesting and there is always something to talk about!

So, this might be the place I live the longest...actually, with my previous stint in Utah combined with my current 3 years, it is the longest. Wisconsin was 10 years, Pennsylvania and Michigan 6, Texas just 1 and New Jersey 2, but I was only 2 when we moved away, so I don't count that. Does this make me a Utahn? Could definitely be a lot worse!

Jada

2010-01-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

Jada often gets left out of the equation, whether it's talking about the animals or being left home when we go on vacation. We just got back from a 5 day stay in Colorado and Jada was desperate for attention when we returned.

I never considered myself a cat person and still do not completely understand cats, but Jada has been through a lot with us and has earned her keep. She was uprooted from Texas and then had her home invaded by one dog, which turned around and had 8 puppies! I swear Jada was wondering what was going to come next.

We keep the dogs away from Jada for the most part, but occasionally Lucy and she will end up in the same room and it's fine. There is definite curiosity from Lucy, but we can't tell if it's that she wants to play with the kitty or eat her. There have been a few times in which Jada has hissed and brought out the claws, letting Lucy know who was here first.

Sophie took this photo of Jada looking out the playroom window. The dogs were outside at the time and Percy and Winston came up to the window, sniffing. I love that Soph took this photo, because Jada is often looking out windows and someday I hope to find out if she's sad that she didn't get to explore the big, old world.

I hope to find out all kinds of things about what our animals have thought and can only believe in a god that brings humans and animals together. For now I will just take comfort in the fact that I get to share my home with 4 crazy and always entertaining creatures who walk on 4 legs.

“Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." George Eliot

Ringing Out the Old

2009-12-31T21:35:00.000-08:00

Wow, December 31, 2009. I keep thinking back to where we were 10 years ago: Ann Arbor, Michigan and awaiting the arrival of Sophie. We had moved to Ann Arbor only 4 months before and there was so much that was still so new. I never, never, never (can I stress that enough!) thought I would be bringing in the new decade in Logan, Utah!

The past 10 years have included: the birth of Sophie (January 25, 2000), living in Family Housing at the University of Michigan (1999-2005) and working at the preschool in the community; saying hello and good-bye to many friends who studied at the U of M or were married to someone studying there; moving to San Antonio, TX in 2005 and working at Trinity University; moving back to Logan, Utah after realizing we wanted a home, not to keep moving around and grasped for something...anything that we could cling to for awhile; practicing many religions; adopting a cat; adopting a dog (pregnant, didn't know...now we have 3 dogs); some traveling with lots of museum visits; joining 2 non-profit boards; getting my first bachelor's degree and working on another; making many batches of playdough for Sophie; celebrating many birthdays and anniversaries; taking a yoga class; studying Japanese; protesting at the University of Michigan; reading Jane Austen, finally; taking piano lessons after a 27-year hiatus; blogging...

I thought today about my goals for this decade: getting my teaching certificate; losing 30 pounds (or more!); traveling outside of North America; fixing our home; reading more Jane Austen; and all of these are worthy and hopeful endeavors, but most of all, I want to live mindfully and with purpose! If I do those 2 things, the rest will follow.

Servings of Religion

2009-09-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

I often tell people that I look at religion as a big buffet, and I take a little bit from each of which I learn. This past week has been about dipping my ladle into 2 religions whose services I had not previously attended.

Last week I went to my first Mormon service. I've been to blessings before and even a baptism, but had never gone to a regular Sunday service. I purposely went to a Fast and Testimony Service because I heard that people spoke spontaneously and that is what I like! Prepared talks are good too, but I wanted to see what really moved people.

I felt at peace at the church, it's physically very similar to the churches I attended as a youth (Methodist and Presbyterian) minus the crosses. I was surprised how noisy it was during the service, and as I glanced around, I often felt people were not really paying attention to the speakers. Maybe they'd heard a lot of the same type of talks before, maybe they were distracted by their children, or because it's a service during fasting, maybe they were all just hungry! Anyway, the speakers got up without much pause between them, and most spoke of their belief in the Mormon Church being the true church, their gratefulness for the temples and their families. All good things and all similar to what members of other religions would say, I believe.

I appreciated the bishop, my friend's husband, speaking to me both before and after the service and I felt his welcome was genuine and without an agenda. Most people know I've lived in Utah long enough that if I wanted to convert to the dominant religion, I probably would have done so by now. I appreciate those friends I have who will answer questions, discuss their viewpoints and listen to mine without feeling they need to show me the way.

I was surprised by how content I felt at the service. I realized that all religions have the same intent, to lead their members to a better life and existence. The differences are in the details and really, those details are so insignificant when one looks at the source of each religion.

The second service I visited this week was at the Islamic Center in Logan. A friend invited me and I went to Friday's prayer at 1:45 p.m. I met another friend there and she helped me with the formalities of the service. I didn't learn a lot about the religion, but was invited back for the potluck the next night.

So, yesterday I went to the potluck at the Islamic Center and what a good time I had! The women (men and women are in separate rooms) were so willing to share their beliefs and practices and did so without any pressure to conform. I was able to watch the women pray and I admired their diligence and dedication...they pray 5 times a day! The food was not just shared, but rapidly passed to me and put before me and the genuine warmth I felt was so uplifting, I didn't want to leave.

I am so glad I visited both services, as I feel it gives me an opportunity to learn more about the religions by seeing how it really affects the members. I know I have not even scraped the surface of either religion, but I feel I have opened doors that I felt were closed and locked to me, an outsider.

I encourage all people to take the opportunity to visit a place of worship other than the one they normally visit, or if you are like me and don't have one you normally visit, then even better, because you really have no excuse!!

Dog Days of Summer

2009-08-27T16:08:00.000-07:00

Today I feel great about having 3 dogs, but a lot of times I feel completely overwhelmed. I went back to work this week, Soph is back in school and Steve has been back for over a week. I was nervous about how the dogs would handle it, but they're only home for about 3 hours on their own and they seem just fine.

Just like when Sophie was little, I'm learning I don't have to entertain the dogs every moment, they will be just fine, probably do even better, if I'm not constantly trying to stimulate their doggie brains.

A Bit of Fall in August

2009-08-08T14:29:00.000-07:00

It feels like fall today and it makes me excited for Halloween, cooler days and walking through the leaves. It does not make me excited about the fact that in 2.5 weeks we'll all have to get up earlier and figure out how to get 3 dogs worn out before we head out the door.

This morning I took Lucy for a 3-mile walk, up to USU and through the cemetery a few times, in the rain and when we got home, she had more energy than when we left! Alyssa, the dog trainer, did say the other day that for dogs, walking isn't a great way to get out their energy. She recommended playing tug-of-war, which I'd resisted because I'd read it encouraged aggressiveness. Alas, it appears that raising dogs is like raising children, you hear many different ways of doing it right and sometimes they are completely contradictory! Also, as with raising Sophie, Steve and I have different opinions about things and sometimes that can cause a bit of strife. So, the stress of the dogs got to us today and I ended up in tears, and Lucy put her head on my lap and the puppies cuddled with me. As I pointed out to Soph, how can a person be sad with this much joy...but again, it's like with our children. We love them to no end, and yet it is in raising them that we often become so stressed, so frustrated and so blinded that we miss the mark.

I often ask Sophie, "What did Emily say?" which is her cue to quote Emily from Our Town, "People just don't look at each other anymore," and I don't think those are the exact words Thornton Wilder used, but it's how I remember it. Life is so crazy and full of extraneous stuff and it is that stuff that usually makes us miss out on what is most important. And having said that, now I can plug my latest cause...Don't Text and Drive!! Live in the moment. Be the Buddha!

P.S. As Sophie tries to find humor in my sentimental moments, as in the Emily quoting above, she usually responds with something like, "People just don't yell at their moms anymore..." or "People just don't wear green diapers anymore..." which makes me laugh.

12.5 Weeks

2009-08-07T06:34:00.000-07:00

Percy and Winston are now 12.5 weeks old and they are such great puppies. We've had a dog trainer, Alyssa Walker, come to the house twice, and she's commented on how mellow they are. This could be because they try to emulate Lucy, or because they play with each other so much they're worn out, or just their personalities. They are really great dogs and can already sit on command.

As the parent of only one human child, I now realize, a little bit, how difficult it must be to parent more than one child. Trying to spend time with each one, interfering between them when needed and giving attention to more than one at the same time, wow. I also see how different each can be even when raised somewhat the same and born of the same parents. And yes, I'm comparing humans to dogs. Winston is a people pleaser, loves to get cuddles, wags his tail enthusiastically and chases toys. Percy is so laid back, loves to greet people or just sit under a tree and watch others do their thing. Their mom, Lucy, is a great mix of the two.

I still feel overwhelmed from time to time, but try to enjoy all this love we got going on. I'm reading "The Loved Dog" by Tamar Geller and it helps me appreciate our canine family members a bit more.

Puppies

2009-07-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

Long story a little less long: We adopted a dog from the Cache Humane Society on April 13. Her name at the shelter was Precious, but we quickly renamed her Lucy. Lucy seemed like the ideal dog, quiet, mellow, and very sweet. We kept wondering why her owners would have surrendered her (which is what we were told they did). It could be because of what we found out 3 weeks after adopting Lucy, she was pregnant!

Yes, Lucy was not spayed at the time of adoption and when we took her to the vet on April 15, we were told we had to wait to have her spayed due to the kennel cough she had. We noticed her gaining weight and sure enough, on May 4 when I took her back to the vet, they saw 7 little puppy bodies and gave us an estimate of 5 days until they were born.

On Monday, May 11, Lucy showed signs of being in labor, digging and not eating, so I waited and waited and waited... Finally, I just had to run an errand and when I returned an hour later, there was a squealing puppy and sorry, but also a placenta, on our living room floor. Lucy was in her kennel looking like, "What are you going to do about THAT?!" By 8:00 p.m. Monday we had 8 puppies, 7 black and 1 brown. Crazy!

I wish I had chronicled the next 47 days, which consisted of a lot of trips outside, introducing the puppies to mush, later feeding them every 4 hours and the countless visits from neighbors and passers-by who wanted to play with the puppies.

The puppies are now 11 weeks and 1 day old and we kept 2, Percy (the brown one) and Winston and of course we have Lucy! I started out saying we would not keep ANY puppies, gave in with Percy pretty quickly, but Winston was the one Steve really wanted and when his family had to change their minds about adopting him, he became ours.

So we went from no dogs to 3 in less than 3 months. And of course, we still have Jada, the cat, who has quickly learned to show them all that she is the queen!

Time's Been Flyin'!

2009-01-18T12:28:00.001-08:00

I have no photos to post, because I cannot find our camera! Yesterday we took Sophie ice skating, only her second time ever, and I wish I had some pics. She did great and even let go of the wall a few times to skate all on her own. We're finally comfortable enough in our parenting to let Sophie fall and realize she'll be fine, so she fell quite a few times, got right back up and even laughed at herself. The first time Sophie went ice skating I believe she was only 2 or 3 and I ended up nearly carrying her halfway around the rink. They now have these great walker things that kids can hold on to and scoot around the rink.

We're almost to Sophie's birthday, 9 years, and it's hitting me hard, because she'll be halfway to 18. I remember bringing her home and as most people know, I had pretty severe postpartum depression. I had no idea how I was going to take care of a child and wondered what I'd gotten into. Now I wonder where the time has gone!

Sophie and I went to Salt Lake City Friday for an MLK luncheon and it was good. My favorite part was the energy and excitement regarding Tuesday's inauguration. I am so grateful to be a witness to such a historical event and to feel like my daughter is growing up in a world that is getting better in some ways.

Accentuate the Positive

2009-01-02T20:32:00.001-08:00

Happy 2009! One really great thing about living in Utah is the lack of humidity and the result if a bag of chips is left open.

Often, Logan also reminds me so much of the small town in which I grew up, Oconto Falls, Wisconsin. Today was gray, much like many of the winter days in Oconto Falls and the sights and scents send me back to that time of comfort and youthful innocence.

We had a fabulous time in Colorado with Steve's parents. We played a lot of Wii with Grandpa and I got in a few walks in their area, which is beautiful.

Only two more days until we're back into the routine: school, work, school.... I'm going back to USU to work toward a degree in education. I haven't signed up for classes yet, but I have been officially accepted. I'm not enthusiastic about it yet, but I feel it's a step in the right direction. Sophie's almost 9, we're settled, it's time to put some focus on my goals and even though they shift from day to day, heading in one direction is a good idea.

Here's to a great year!

From Sophie

2008-12-26T09:24:00.000-08:00

Sophie sewed these beautiful hearts herself, and she did it weeks ago, and gave them to us for Christmas, with the wonderful note. I don't even have words to express how much I love them!

Christmas Day

2008-12-25T14:55:00.000-08:00

We've been having a wonderful Christmas! Sophie seemed to love everything Santa (and Mom and Dad) brought her and Jada, our cat, also liked her toys. Steve made french toast and bacon for breakfast, with his new apron on and had to open the windows because of all the grease...yum!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-19T20:16:00.000-08:00

We've been having fun getting ready for the holidays! Sophie is a whiz at decorating cookies, no shortage of icing and sprinkles.

We went to a reading of The Polar Express and loved it! We helped with it last year and helped again this year and it is such an easy and nice way to gather with other families and listen to a wonderful story. The kids love coming in their pajamas, sitting on the floor and hearing the story. After the book there is hot chocolate and cookies for everyone and the kids get their own bell to take home. It's done at The Whittier Center, which is a really cool Logan spot!

Abe Summed It Up

2008-12-07T20:06:00.000-08:00

I am without a religion, have been for some time. I saw this quote by Abraham Lincoln and felt it summed up where I am right now:

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion. ~Abraham Lincoln

Different Online Addiction

2008-12-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

I wish I could say that I haven't blogged because I've been so busy with life, but the reality is, I'm on Facebook and catch-up with people that way and I spend way too much time on it!

I'm usually writing on here about the weird things about Utah, and I do have a story to follow that line...will write at the end...but there is one thing about the dominant culture that I admire and am trying to emulate: healthy living.

I don't mean no smoking (I don't do that anyway), no drinking alcohol (I believe a glass of wine now and then is a good thing), or no coffee (shown to prevent breast cancer), but I believe a big trend of the LDS Church has been to reduce the amount of sugar one eats.

I am about 30-40 pounds above my ideal weight and have been so for far too long. I don't like the way I look, the way I feel and I am doing myself a disservice by continuing some bad habits: eating junk food mindlessly and not exercising consistently.

Monday I took the plunge and I have not binged since then, which for me is HUGE. I have to be careful, because sometimes I'll go overboard, meaning, I won't eat enough, then I'll get grumpy and figure it's not worth it. I'm trying to follow some friends' habits: eating less carbohydrates and sugar.

I feel really good, have lost 3 pounds and find myself realizing my triggers. When I feel stressed, bored or tired, I want to eat...a lot.

Ok, now for the Utah story. We went to Salt Lake today and stopped by Build-a-Bear. They had this missionary outfit for a Missionary Bear and I said to one of the salespeople, "That's kind of weird." He asked, "What do you mean, weird?" I guess he could be right, but if you go to a Build-a-Bear in Rome, do they have a Pope Bear? In Pennsylvania, do they have Amish Bear? In Russia do they have Atheist Bear? That's why I thought it was weird.